fleshncolor
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2003
- Posts
- 406
I am Jack's Raging Hardon
Get Your Attention?
How long can you stay awake before your body implodes?
If I can make it to tomorrow I will be ok, back on schedule and hunky dory. I am very luck to have had good company to get me through my nights up here. *smiles*
Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
So I was thinking eariler about a couple things:
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? Or another Anamal? I mean, damnit...well?
If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while your ahead"?!
ok a joke for you:
One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister's room. She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend"Your such an ass!" and she hung up.Suzie asked what ass had meant and her sister sayin"Uh... it means... uhh.. boyfriend!". Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word.
Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving. Her dad had cut himself and yelled "SHIT!" Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shit means. Dad, being quite shocked answered"It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream."
Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey. Suzie's dad's boss was coming to dinner tonight.
When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled"FUCK!". Suzie asked what fuck meant and mom replied" it..it..it uummm...it means cut... yeah, cut." Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it.
When Suzie opened the door, her dad's boss was standing there. Boss asked" Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is?" Then Suzie said" Well, my sister's upstairs talking to her ass on the phone, my dad's in the bathroom wiping the shit off his face and my mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
If you ever turn the corner in your work place and come up on a fellow employee laughing to him self on the floor, simply realize that my fuckin chair rolled out from under me and I just busted my ass. Laughing is the only way I can keep from crying.
*rubs his butt, that fuckin hurt*
My new quote for the day, not mine and can't remember where I saw it but I didn't say it.
"Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway."
Next time you get on a plane confide to the captain that you’re a former air force pilot and it’s been years since you sat in a cockpit. If he lets you take the chair, make extremely loud, childish vroom-vroom noises until he throws you out.
I think my legs are going to rot off from sitting in this chair as much as I do. My ass has already taken root to the seat so I am sure my legs are next to go.
You think the cashier at the McDonalds counter would think I was strange if I asked him/her for the directions to a McDonalds, after he/she has told me once that I am already at a McDonalds.
I want to walk around all day tomorrow answering questions like a russion who only knows one phrase in english. When someone asks me how I am doing, ill do my Best "Boris" with a huge smile and say "How Much For An Hour?"
Your new homework assignments are as follows
1) Do something kind. Go and help and old woman put her groceries in her car. When she thanks you, smack her on the ass, say "Anything for You, Amazon Woman, Queen of my loins" then dance off doing the funky chicken.
2) Go Superglue your neighbors mailbox shut in the middle of the night and put a sign up on it, "We have restricted all incoming mail to this residence for fear of an Anthrax attack. Please put the mail Back in your bag and move along, you are being watched."
3) Set up a table on the side walk and challange passerbys to a relaxing game of Pick Up Stix. Pretend to cry uncontrollably when rejected.
4) Call an escort service and ask for two hours with the best girl, make it clear that if there’s time left over, you want her to spend it cleaning your bathroom. If they say their girls don’t do that, start a philosophical argument about why a girl who’d have sex for money would feel that scrubbing a toilet is beneath her.
5) Next time your on a bus before sitting down, place a newspaper on the seat. At least once a minute, stand up and turn a page. Sit down again. Just smile and nod at those who are paying you any attention.
I promise I am not THAT screwed up. I mean those who know me know better. Can I PLEASE GET SOME SCHLITZ MALT LIQUOR IN HERE?
sorry...emm...
You may not laugh but you will smile.
I sat and day dreamed for about an hour a little while ago. I don’t know why but I did, About things I want to do, that I used to do, or I have never done.
I want to be waste deep in mud again searching for the last G.I. Joe that is M.I.A. I want to try to walk through some sloshy mud looking for the fallen soldier losing my shoes in the quick sand with each step.
I want to throw rocks into the mud and watch the crater it creates and the rock impacts the surface. You know you did that.
I want to spin around in the yard till I can’t stand up anymore and fall over in the grass.
I may call up Chris and Jen and have them come over so we can play war.
Been a while since I made a booby trap out of my moms sewing thread and some empty coke cans. "I SHOT YOU FIRST" "NO YOU DIDN’T"
I want to sit in the floor and play with some legos and create ships that were made to be destroyed and create ships that were made to last. Those were the ones you would throw across the room to see what part fell off just so you could re-enforce it for the second test flight.
I want to ride my bike with no hands for the first time again. Leaving whether I made it down the hill up to the Gods that are watching.
I want to bust my eye again trying to see what it was like to fly like super man. Always try to take off from the back of the Buick because there are no mirrors to hit you on the way down.
I ran my hand across my elbows a few minutes ago. I can almost remember clearly what each rough spot stood for. I also stared at my hands for a while. Each scare, so old, a map of my child hood and foolishness reminded me of things I sometimes forget. I am probably the only one alive who can vividly remember bouncing some gravel off his thumb while doing "quick draw" with the slingshot. A nice scar and a "dent" reminds me of that regularly.
I want to go fishing again just to beg someone to bait my hook for me.
I want to fly on a plane. I never have. And it’s a shame.
I want my eyes to burn from the soap in the bubble bath. The bath where when the water drained all the sunken ships and lost divers remained.
I want to sneak up on the roof to find toys I had long forgotten about.
When was the last time you sat down and doodled and battle on a piece of notebook paper. The right side vs. the left was how the battle was played. I did that today. I smiled.
I want to be the cool dad one-day. You know, the one that all the kids want to hang out with because he has the coolest toys and never misses a chance to be "the blue guy this time"
I want to play Laser Tag with a grown woman whom I can never seem to hide from.
I want to be the racecar and the banker. You had to hide the racecar didn’t ya? Or someone would take it.
I want to color out side the lines again.
I want to stare out the window of the school bus pretending I was a jet flying along side impressing all my friends.
I want to go to the prom.
I want to fly to Paris with someone special. I want to go to the top of the Ifel Tower and have a brief romantic moment before we both toss our G.I. Joes off with home made parachutes attached to them and watch them float down. If you ever find someone who can appreciate that. You have it all.
I want to wake up on Christmas morning when I am 30 with a brand new racetrack assembled for me in the floor. Santa has me pegged if he ever does that.
I want to walk through the fields of another country only to stop, lay down in the grass and blow bubbles and watch them drift off to another place. Then go get shit faced drunk and "prove that I am a man"
Tomorrow, I am going to release a helium balloon with my address on it. If you get it, dont dissapoint me ok?
I wanna feel rich again when I had a whole 5-dollar bill that I earned.
I want to sit down with a group of friends and write dirty words in a mad-libs book. We never even knew what half of it meant, but it was good time.
I want to have a pint of chocolate milk at 10 am., then go play kick ball.
Remember 4 corners? You have enough people?
I am going to be the kid I will never forgot, and maybe the Father I once had.
After I pay the bills tonight, I am going to catch fireflies.
Want to come?
Yall Take it easy...
D
Get Your Attention?
How long can you stay awake before your body implodes?
If I can make it to tomorrow I will be ok, back on schedule and hunky dory. I am very luck to have had good company to get me through my nights up here. *smiles*
Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
So I was thinking eariler about a couple things:
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? Or another Anamal? I mean, damnit...well?
If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while your ahead"?!
ok a joke for you:
One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister's room. She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend"Your such an ass!" and she hung up.Suzie asked what ass had meant and her sister sayin"Uh... it means... uhh.. boyfriend!". Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word.
Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving. Her dad had cut himself and yelled "SHIT!" Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shit means. Dad, being quite shocked answered"It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream."
Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey. Suzie's dad's boss was coming to dinner tonight.
When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled"FUCK!". Suzie asked what fuck meant and mom replied" it..it..it uummm...it means cut... yeah, cut." Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it.
When Suzie opened the door, her dad's boss was standing there. Boss asked" Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is?" Then Suzie said" Well, my sister's upstairs talking to her ass on the phone, my dad's in the bathroom wiping the shit off his face and my mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
If you ever turn the corner in your work place and come up on a fellow employee laughing to him self on the floor, simply realize that my fuckin chair rolled out from under me and I just busted my ass. Laughing is the only way I can keep from crying.
*rubs his butt, that fuckin hurt*
My new quote for the day, not mine and can't remember where I saw it but I didn't say it.
"Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway."
Next time you get on a plane confide to the captain that you’re a former air force pilot and it’s been years since you sat in a cockpit. If he lets you take the chair, make extremely loud, childish vroom-vroom noises until he throws you out.
I think my legs are going to rot off from sitting in this chair as much as I do. My ass has already taken root to the seat so I am sure my legs are next to go.
You think the cashier at the McDonalds counter would think I was strange if I asked him/her for the directions to a McDonalds, after he/she has told me once that I am already at a McDonalds.
I want to walk around all day tomorrow answering questions like a russion who only knows one phrase in english. When someone asks me how I am doing, ill do my Best "Boris" with a huge smile and say "How Much For An Hour?"
Your new homework assignments are as follows
1) Do something kind. Go and help and old woman put her groceries in her car. When she thanks you, smack her on the ass, say "Anything for You, Amazon Woman, Queen of my loins" then dance off doing the funky chicken.
2) Go Superglue your neighbors mailbox shut in the middle of the night and put a sign up on it, "We have restricted all incoming mail to this residence for fear of an Anthrax attack. Please put the mail Back in your bag and move along, you are being watched."
3) Set up a table on the side walk and challange passerbys to a relaxing game of Pick Up Stix. Pretend to cry uncontrollably when rejected.
4) Call an escort service and ask for two hours with the best girl, make it clear that if there’s time left over, you want her to spend it cleaning your bathroom. If they say their girls don’t do that, start a philosophical argument about why a girl who’d have sex for money would feel that scrubbing a toilet is beneath her.
5) Next time your on a bus before sitting down, place a newspaper on the seat. At least once a minute, stand up and turn a page. Sit down again. Just smile and nod at those who are paying you any attention.
I promise I am not THAT screwed up. I mean those who know me know better. Can I PLEASE GET SOME SCHLITZ MALT LIQUOR IN HERE?
sorry...emm...
You may not laugh but you will smile.
I sat and day dreamed for about an hour a little while ago. I don’t know why but I did, About things I want to do, that I used to do, or I have never done.
I want to be waste deep in mud again searching for the last G.I. Joe that is M.I.A. I want to try to walk through some sloshy mud looking for the fallen soldier losing my shoes in the quick sand with each step.
I want to throw rocks into the mud and watch the crater it creates and the rock impacts the surface. You know you did that.
I want to spin around in the yard till I can’t stand up anymore and fall over in the grass.
I may call up Chris and Jen and have them come over so we can play war.
Been a while since I made a booby trap out of my moms sewing thread and some empty coke cans. "I SHOT YOU FIRST" "NO YOU DIDN’T"
I want to sit in the floor and play with some legos and create ships that were made to be destroyed and create ships that were made to last. Those were the ones you would throw across the room to see what part fell off just so you could re-enforce it for the second test flight.
I want to ride my bike with no hands for the first time again. Leaving whether I made it down the hill up to the Gods that are watching.
I want to bust my eye again trying to see what it was like to fly like super man. Always try to take off from the back of the Buick because there are no mirrors to hit you on the way down.
I ran my hand across my elbows a few minutes ago. I can almost remember clearly what each rough spot stood for. I also stared at my hands for a while. Each scare, so old, a map of my child hood and foolishness reminded me of things I sometimes forget. I am probably the only one alive who can vividly remember bouncing some gravel off his thumb while doing "quick draw" with the slingshot. A nice scar and a "dent" reminds me of that regularly.
I want to go fishing again just to beg someone to bait my hook for me.
I want to fly on a plane. I never have. And it’s a shame.
I want my eyes to burn from the soap in the bubble bath. The bath where when the water drained all the sunken ships and lost divers remained.
I want to sneak up on the roof to find toys I had long forgotten about.
When was the last time you sat down and doodled and battle on a piece of notebook paper. The right side vs. the left was how the battle was played. I did that today. I smiled.
I want to be the cool dad one-day. You know, the one that all the kids want to hang out with because he has the coolest toys and never misses a chance to be "the blue guy this time"
I want to play Laser Tag with a grown woman whom I can never seem to hide from.
I want to be the racecar and the banker. You had to hide the racecar didn’t ya? Or someone would take it.
I want to color out side the lines again.
I want to stare out the window of the school bus pretending I was a jet flying along side impressing all my friends.
I want to go to the prom.
I want to fly to Paris with someone special. I want to go to the top of the Ifel Tower and have a brief romantic moment before we both toss our G.I. Joes off with home made parachutes attached to them and watch them float down. If you ever find someone who can appreciate that. You have it all.
I want to wake up on Christmas morning when I am 30 with a brand new racetrack assembled for me in the floor. Santa has me pegged if he ever does that.
I want to walk through the fields of another country only to stop, lay down in the grass and blow bubbles and watch them drift off to another place. Then go get shit faced drunk and "prove that I am a man"
Tomorrow, I am going to release a helium balloon with my address on it. If you get it, dont dissapoint me ok?
I wanna feel rich again when I had a whole 5-dollar bill that I earned.
I want to sit down with a group of friends and write dirty words in a mad-libs book. We never even knew what half of it meant, but it was good time.
I want to have a pint of chocolate milk at 10 am., then go play kick ball.
Remember 4 corners? You have enough people?
I am going to be the kid I will never forgot, and maybe the Father I once had.
After I pay the bills tonight, I am going to catch fireflies.
Want to come?
Yall Take it easy...
D
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