How to be Wild

[WretchRoad]

She was no authority, but she might as well let him think that. In truth, most of her practice came from the passenger seat, trading her services for rides. Drugs were a now and then treat, when she could afford them. Or, in most cases, they were gifted by people who simply wanted to share.

Regardless, she admired the vintage lighter for a moment before placing the smoke between her lips and flicking up a flame. Her cheeks sucked in, inhaling until a bright red cherry burned into the end, and she flipped the lighter closed, handing it back.

Ash puffed a few times quick, filling her lungs with the earthy smoke. Exhaling smoothly, she passed the joint to Daniel.

"It's like, citrus. Or something. Really nice, Daniel. Or should I call you Mr. Escobar?"

 

[Knightofsloth707]

Daniel inhaled, held it, then blew the smoke out through the side of his mouth. "Ah, I've already broken rule number one of running a criminal enterprise: don't get high on your own supply. It's all downhill from here."

They passed the joint back and forth a few times, the air filling with the pungent odor.

Daniel could feel the familiar redness creeping into his eyes and the tingling of nerve endings throughout his body - as if someone had cranked up their sensitivity.

The record player in the great room had stopped. Daniel took the last hit and extinguished the joint in an ashtray on the desk.

"Let's find a new record to put on," he said.

Earlier, her hand had felt right in his - like it belonged. Now, without thinking, he held his hand out again for Ash to take.

 

[WretchRoad]

Her hand slid right into his without thinking. It was obvious to her that was how they came into the room, and that was how they should leave it.

The internal debate on caution and need that took up the majority of her thoughts throughout the day didn't feel so significant anymore.

It was more important to get the music going again, to pet Roland along the way, and not to let go until he needed both hands to select another record.

But there was something else, something big she had to tell him because this whole thing was becoming something.

It could wait.

A new melody played through the speakers and she began to dance.

 

[Knightofsloth707]

Daniel released her hand, begrudgingly, so that he could flip through his records. He knew exactly the one he was looking for.

There it is. He slipped the record eagerly out of its sleeve and placed it on the player. Carefully, he set the needle onto the record. A moment later the silky voice of Sam Cooke filled the room, crooning "Nothing Can Change This Love".

He turned to find Ash swaying, her eyes closed as the music flowed around her. She looked more beautiful than he'd ever seen her before. He heart swelled. All he wanted in the world at this moment was to dance with her.

Normally his brain would give him a million reasons to hold back, but the whiskey in his blood and smoke in his lungs held sway.

He stepped towards her, his right hand sliding easily behind the small of her back. Their hips pressed together gently, swaying to the music.

Their hands reached for each other, instinctually, as if drawn together by a magnet. Her right hand slid into his left.

 

[WretchRoad]

A few hours ago, the message would have come through loud and clear.

Now? They were simply two bodies moving to the music, stepping in time as they rocked from side to side across the floor.

His hand was so warm.

She should have stopped him when his hips pressed against hers, but the responsible part of her mind had long been drowned out, leaving behind only feeling. She lived with the rhythm now —until she opened her eyes to find him looking right at her, at all of her, and a cool shiver ran through her chest right down between her legs.

Fuck, she thought.

Or maybe: Fuck it.

In a perfect world, they could simply dance like this all night without any further thought or expectations, but there were always caveats. Needs. Desires that couldn't just let two people move together like they were without it leading to something more.

Her thoughts spun back to those expectations. She lost the rhythm. One step out of time, her foot moved where his was, she tried to correct. To catch herself her leg swung out, hitting the coffee table before losing her balance entirely.

 

[Knightofsloth707]

Normally Daniel would have been able to catch Ash easily and set her back on her feet, but his head was spinning with the whiskey, the pot, and the electrifying sensation of her body against his. When she lost her balance, Daniel didn't notice until too late. He overcorrected and fell onto his back, with Ash landing directly on top of him.

He blinked a couple times, then laughed.

She was breathing hard, their mouths so close that her warm breath caressed his face. He reached out, pushing a strand of loose hair behind her ear, while his eyes searched her face, settling on her lips, softly opening and closing as she breathed.

He cupped her face with his hand, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb, then brought his lips up to hers.

 

[WretchRoad]

Having him, a body, solid, beneath her — it made their desire real. His breath, rising and falling under her chest, tinged with whiskey, it made him undeniable.

She wanted to live in that moment when he caressed her cheek, and closed her eyes, leaning into his touch.

Their lips touched, barely.

Everything dull became bright. All the significance the pot and the drink absconded with came racing back into her thoughts.

Ash pulled away, scrambling back up to her feet. "I'm sorry," she said, pacing backwards. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't... sorry."

 

[Knightofsloth707]

Daniel's eyes closed as their lips met. For a brief instant her soft lips were against his, then she was on her feet, recoiling away from him.

The change in circumstances were so abrupt his hazy mind couldn't keep up. He looked at her in confusion. What did I do wrong? Did I completely misread the moment?

He wanted to say I'm sorry. Or are you ok?

Instead, all he could mutter were meaningless sounds as she backed away from him.

 

[WretchRoad]

"It's not you," she blurted, then wished she hadn't when she realized how cliché that sounded.

She gripped her head in both hands and a nervous laugh erupted from her lips. "I just should have... told you."

Probably when they held hands, and maybe even before that, when she started hoping for more than just friendship.

"And not that it's what you want, I don't want to assume, but one thing always leads to the other so I just... didn't want to start when... Fuck," she let out an exasperated sigh, long and shaky.

"I've never had... sex."

 

[Knightofsloth707]

Daniel sat up, regarding her sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, Ash, I didn't mean to push too far. We were having a nice time, and I thought..."

He sighed and put his head in his hands. "I've never been good at reading signals."

Roland, sensing that something was amiss, trotted into the room at his best pace and nuzzled up against Ash's hand.

Daniel looked up and smiled at the sight of Roland tenderly rubbing his grey snout against her hand. At least one of us knows how to interact with women.

He mulled his next words over carefully. "Do you want to talk about? If not, I understand."

 

[WretchRoad]

"No, no, there were signals..." she admitted, her voice pinching high. "And it's not like I haven't been with anyone, just not like that."

She looked at the old lab because it was easier than looking at Daniel, than watching that sympathy play out on his features. She idly scratched him behind the ears as she thought.

She hated the word 'virgin' for it's fickleness, when virginity was first meant to be something held strongly, then given up. And, as she grew out of her teens among dreadlocked youth and aged hippies, she learned it was something one must get rid of.

"My upbringing was really... religious," she began, then hastily interjected, "I'm not. I'm not saving myself for marriage or something, but that kind of shit does a number on your... Fuck. What I'm trying to say is — I like you, but I don't know what to do with that and I don't want to lead you on. Not when I won't take things that far. Not when I can't stay."

 

[Knightofsloth707]

"I might understand better than you think."

Daniel paused, idly picking at his cuticles. His eyes stared off into the distance. "I moved to New Orleans when I was 24," he said finally.

"Until then I'd lived here my entire life," he said, gesturing at the house.

"I went because I was lonely," Daniel's eyes met hers for a moment, before turning them to the floor. "But I had no idea what I was doing. I hadn't so much as even kissed a girl, let alone anything else. Even just talking to them made me nervous."

"Then one night I met someone. I was in a bar, drinking away my sorrows and she came and sat next to me."

He paused again. "That night I was with a woman for the first time. I guess I didn't really understand the kind of connection that is built between two people when they're together like that. For me, it was too much, too fast."

"The feelings it brought out in me were so strong - I didn't know what to do with them. She became my whole world after that night. We were never meant to be more than a chance encounter, but I fell for her anyway. And when it ended, it hurt both of us deeply."

He smiled wanly. "I know you're leaving, deep down, and if I get invested I'll just hurt myself again. The last thing I want to do is hurt you too."

 

[WretchRoad]

From the gray around his ears and how stricken she was by his features, she would never have guessed his love life could be summarized in a short tale.

Ash came down to his eye level, sitting on the floor just across from him. "Sorry for assuming that's what you wanted. I get anxious about it." The pot had something to do with the rising tide of emotions, but she had a history of failing all on her own when it came to intimacy.

"And thanks for telling me that, it does, actually, make me feel a bit better. That it can be so... emotional. Sometimes I think that's what I'm afraid of. Not the thing itself, but everything around it."

She reached out again, timid, just sliding her hand across the carpet to see if he would meet her halfway.

"I don't want anyone to get hurt."

Because she couldn't stay anywhere for long. She still had nightmares about the last time she tried.

 

[Knightofsloth707]

Daniel took her hand and squeezed it.

"I don't want anyone to get hurt either."

Left unsaid was the fate of the last character in his story - a skinny, self-important pimp named Jimmy Lefavre. A vile joke of a man who had the temerity to lay hands on her, and then ship her away.

On the next full moon Daniel tracked him to a deserted alley and tore his throat out.

"Let's get some sleep," Daniel said. "It's been a long day."

 

[WretchRoad]

It already hurt, knowing she was leaving. She felt it in the way he held her hand, the way he had looked at her when he walked down the stairs, and the way she watched him when he wasn't looking.

"Sleep, right." She nodded bruskly.

"I made your bed, I don't want to take it from you again." Especially not after seeing where he'd slept instead.

 

[Knightofsloth707]

Ash made to turn away, and Daniel put his hand lightly on her shoulder.

"Look, the truck will probably be fixed tomorrow...but for whatever time you're here, I want you to know that you don't need to worry about me doing anything you're not comfortable with, ok?"

 

[WretchRoad]

The contact stilled her, but his promise brought relief. Rather than feeling exposed, she now felt understood. She turned to face him, taking his hand in both of hers. "Thank you."

She was surprised by how much she trusted him right then. He made it seem like her comfort mattered more than the possibility of having her. She just hadn't expected gratitude to feel like loss.

It was inconvenient, she thought as she curled into a blanket, staring at the ceiling of his study, how much she had liked being wanted by him.