How often do you have sex

[ctarrantella]

I’m in a bit of a rut with my wife in the bedroom department.
When we have sex, it’s amazing. But I feel like we go stretches of sometime a week, week and a half, and almost two weeks without having sex.
If I had to average it, I’d estimate we probably have sex in total once a week but the long stretches depress me a little. We are married more than twenty years and between kids, work, and life we don’t find the time as we are running on different schedules.
For me, sex is a stress relief. For my wife no so much. I probably stress her out more by chasing her.

Has this happened to anyone else?
What have you done to get it back on track if so?
Any suggestions would be appreciate.

Thank you.

 

[klippert]

… you mean with myself. I wouldn’t be here if I was having sex.

 

[Bbl87]

Ours has varied, as little as once a month and has peaked for a short time at once a week. That's over 10 years of marriage so far. Right now I'm going on 3 weeks. I have a high drive and hers has become almost non-existent (wasn't insanely high to begin with, but dropped right after we got married so kind of feels like a bait and switch). If we have sex more than once in a week, I'm over the moon.

I've brought up that I would like to have more, but since it doesn't cause her problems she doesn't seem too keen to try to address anything about it. So, here I am on Lit...

 

[ctarrantella]

Ours has varied, as little as once a month and has peaked for a short time at once a week. That's over 10 years of marriage so far. Right now I'm going on 3 weeks. I have a high drive and hers has become almost non-existent (wasn't insanely high to begin with, but dropped right after we got married so kind of feels like a bait and switch). If we have sex more than once in a week, I'm over the moon.

I've brought up that I would like to have more, but since it doesn't cause her problems she doesn't seem too keen to try to address anything about it. So, here I am on Lit...

I’m in the same boat. The long stretches kill me. We’ve talked about it but nothing seems to rectify the situation long term. For us it’s gets better for a week. Maybe two and then back to the same.

 

[IARainman]

Excluding my own self activities and those with only online partners, that would be zero. It’s been over 4 years and the sad part is not having sex is better than the sex we were having…. So at least you’re getting rare but quality sex…

 

[Bbl87]

I’m in the same boat. The long stretches kill me. We’ve talked about it but nothing seems to rectify the situation long term. For us it’s gets better for a week. Maybe two and then back to the same.

Ya, pretty much the same. It got better for a little while the last time I brought it up but faded pretty quick.

She tells me to initiate more if I want it more, but when I do I get an eye roll, a sigh, etc.. Doesn't exactly make me feel good to know it's inconveniencing her to make love.

 

[ctarrantella]

Ya, pretty much the same. It got better for a little while the last time I brought it up but faded pretty quick.

She tells me to initiate more if I want it more, but when I do I get an eye roll, a sigh, etc.. Doesn't exactly make me feel good to know it's inconveniencing her to make love.

I get… you’re pressuring me too much. You ask every night. I told her I wouldn’t ask every night if we did it more than once every couple of weeks.

 

[Bbl87]

I get… you’re pressuring me too much. You ask every night. I told her I wouldn’t ask every night if we did it more than once every couple of weeks.

Ya, I've mostly given up on initiating at this point, part of the reason I'm at 3 weeks. I'd rather get off to erotica or porn than have uninterested duty sex.

 

[Mtnmike]

Sex, What's that???? 14 year's & counting if you're asking about between the wife & I. Lol

 

[Goldenfinger]

3 time a week. Sometimes more sometimes less.

 

[Shark9000]

8 or so years for me with my wife. I've honestly lost track.

 

[EarlyDawn1973]

Not often enough....

 

[JenniferSimms]

I need a fuck buddy now that my bf and I split. I had a one night stand two weeks ago with a real jerk and that's been it for the past month.

 

[Bbl87]

I need a fuck buddy now that my bf and I split. I had a one night stand two weeks ago with a real jerk and that's been it for the past month.

I have a feeling you'd find plenty of takers here. Now, whether you'd want them may be another story.

 

[Bbl87]

Not often enough....

Succinct, and I identify with it...

 

[sarod]

I’m in a bit of a rut with my wife in the bedroom department.
When we have sex, it’s amazing. But I feel like we go stretches of sometime a week, week and a half, and almost two weeks without having sex.
If I had to average it, I’d estimate we probably have sex in total once a week but the long stretches depress me a little. We are married more than twenty years and between kids, work, and life we don’t find the time as we are running on different schedules.
For me, sex is a stress relief. For my wife no so much. I probably stress her out more by chasing her.

Has this happened to anyone else?
What have you done to get it back on track if so?
Any suggestions would be appreciate.

Thank you.

Same boat. It has been 2 years now. We barely have a relationship. I don't cheat nor desire to in reality,I fantasize about it, but don't act on it. I don't really feel anything sexual towards her anymore, she obviously feels the same, she's not complaining. Honestly wouldn't care if she cheated or left, I have huge fantasies, involving wives, just not my wife. Don't wind up like me.

 

[Wageslave]

8 or so years for me with my wife. I've honestly lost track.

Pretty much the same here

 

[30bandits]

I need a fuck buddy now that my bf and I split. I had a one night stand two weeks ago with a real jerk and that's been it for the past month.

i prefer brunettes.

 

[womaneater58]

Daily with myself. Monthly with the former girlfriend. Thats why she is former and I'm looking for someone else.

 

[Mtnmike]

8 or so years for me with my wife. I've honestly lost track.

O the pain I understand. 14 year's for us

 

[trevorness]

Once, early this year.

 

[tnhardon]

I’m in a bit of a rut with my wife in the bedroom department.
When we have sex, it’s amazing. But I feel like we go stretches of sometime a week, week and a half, and almost two weeks without having sex.
If I had to average it, I’d estimate we probably have sex in total once a week but the long stretches depress me a little. We are married more than twenty years and between kids, work, and life we don’t find the time as we are running on different schedules.
For me, sex is a stress relief. For my wife no so much. I probably stress her out more by chasing her.

Has this happened to anyone else?
What have you done to get it back on track if so?
Any suggestions would be appreciate.

Thank you.

My wife and I are on a similar schedule. We will have sex once a week (normally weekends) but if for some reason she isn’t in the mood or we don’t find time, it runs into the next weekend. Once a week is fine for me, although I’d love more, but past that I start to get “backed up” and that stresses me out.

I think if you know things that get your wife in the mood, do those things to try and get her going. My wife gets turned on by massages. Doesn’t always lead to sex, but is definitely a way to get her started.

Sometimes it is finding ways to help her destress or have more energy. Take some housework off her plate or find some way to help her relax at the end of the day.

Outside of that, I don’t think there is a magic recipe. She will be in the mood whenever she is in it. Masturbate some to ease the tension a little and hope you find your way out of the rut.

 

[BrentJW]

I’m in a bit of a rut with my wife in the bedroom department.
When we have sex, it’s amazing. But I feel like we go stretches of sometime a week, week and a half, and almost two weeks without having sex.
If I had to average it, I’d estimate we probably have sex in total once a week but the long stretches depress me a little. We are married more than twenty years and between kids, work, and life we don’t find the time as we are running on different schedules.
For me, sex is a stress relief. For my wife no so much. I probably stress her out more by chasing her.

Has this happened to anyone else?
What have you done to get it back on track if so?
Any suggestions would be appreciate.

Thank you.

Miss matched libidos can be very difficult. The fact that when you do have sex, it is very good, probably means that she is engaged with you emotionally. So there is hope and at twenty years in with kids means that energy level could a big factor. To get back on track I would advise you to have a good talk about how you feel without being accusatory, her sexual needs could truly be different than yours. Also, being open with her all other times than sex makes a big difference to women. Otherwise she may feel you just pay attention to her when you you are horny. The other thing that can make her feel resentful is if she feels she is carrying an unequal burden of housework and child rearing. I read a recent study which said that women view men who ‘help out‘ rates for them as highly as foreplay. Tell her how much you appreciate her and how sexy she looks even when your not trying to have sex with her in that moment. Chasing her for sex is good some times but can put her in a defensive mood if it is too frequent. Sex for women is more mental, for men it’s more physical release. Do everything you can when you have sex to make it good for her, let her know that her pleasure and orgasms are important to you. Let her know that you look forward to growing old with her and want your life together to be a fulfilling as possible in all areas. When I had this discussion with my wife years ago it required it required more changes in behavior on my part than hers. She will become more invested in your happiness if she senses that you are giving it your all. Ideally, each partner should initiate equally, in reality that doesn’t happen but my wife and I have fun teasing about who initiated. I read back over this and realize that I’m lecturing, which I didn’t intend, but your original post seemed serious and I want to help. I did this and yes, I’m getting more sex, but also we are more connected in other areas of marriage. So worth it.

 

[Tribe77]

Once a month. The frustrating part is when we have sex its amazing. Our chemistry is better than ever. But her sex drive is at zero most of the time. I'd be happy with once a week and I love sex.

 

[Bbl87]

Miss matched libidos can be very difficult. The fact that when you do have sex, it is very good, probably means that she is engaged with you emotionally. So there is hope and at twenty years in with kids means that energy level could a big factor. To get back on track I would advise you to have a good talk about how you feel without being accusatory, her sexual needs could truly be different than yours. Also, being open with her all other times than sex makes a big difference to women. Otherwise she may feel you just pay attention to her when you you are horny. The other thing that can make her feel resentful is if she feels she is carrying an unequal burden of housework and child rearing. I read a recent study which said that women view men who ‘help out‘ rates for them as highly as foreplay. Tell her how much you appreciate her and how sexy she looks even when your not trying to have sex with her in that moment. Chasing her for sex is good some times but can put her in a defensive mood if it is too frequent. Sex for women is more mental, for men it’s more physical release. Do everything you can when you have sex to make it good for her, let her know that her pleasure and orgasms are important to you. Let her know that you look forward to growing old with her and want your life together to be a fulfilling as possible in all areas. When I had this discussion with my wife years ago it required it required more changes in behavior on my part than hers. She will become more invested in your happiness if she senses that you are giving it your all. Ideally, each partner should initiate equally, in reality that doesn’t happen but my wife and I have fun teasing about who initiated. I read back over this and realize that I’m lecturing, which I didn’t intend, but your original post seemed serious and I want to help. I did this and yes, I’m getting more sex, but also we are more connected in other areas of marriage. So worth it.

I'm glad that this worked for you. In my case, no matter how much extra housework I take on, no matter how much I express myself emotionally and tell her how much I appreciate and love her, it doesn't make a lasting difference. Not to mention I am incredibly her-centered when we do have sex, to the point where I don't orgasm a decent amount of the time because if I make her cum first she's too tired to continue.

I'm not saying that to be a Debbie Downer, but just to keep realistic expectations for this kind of thing. It may work in some cases, but it's definitely not a catch all solution.

In my case, I think she may just have no desire for me any more. Since I stopped trying to initiate she seems alot happier, so maybe that's just what life is now. I think she loves me but is no longer in love with me.