How long do you wait before giving up?

[mpeters]

Ok, I just want some honest answers here and not a bunch of people jumping on me for even asking a question (which has happened way too many times).

Let’s say you’ve been messaging or emailing with someone for some time (like several weeks to a few months) and there haven’t been any indications that the other person has lost interest or is upset with you, how long do you feel you should wait before deciding that the other person is just not going to ever respond back again? I don’t want to keep hoping that I will hear from them again, but at the same time if there is some unwritten rule about a minimum waiting time before giving up that I’m not aware of that’s never been revealed to me, I’d like to know.

 

[Escierto]

The minimum waiting time is three days. After that, forget it!

 

[revinivon]

A message, two days, a follow-up message, then it's up to them.

 

[OrdinaryPerson]

Ok, I just want some honest answers here and not a bunch of people jumping on me for even asking a question (which has happened way too many times).

Let’s say you’ve been messaging or emailing with someone for some time (like several weeks to a few months) and there haven’t been any indications that the other person has lost interest or is upset with you, how long do you feel you should wait before deciding that the other person is just not going to ever respond back again? I don’t want to keep hoping that I will hear from them again, but at the same time if there is some unwritten rule about a minimum waiting time before giving up that I’m not aware of that’s never been revealed to me, I’d like to know.

Just say hi again if you want to talk to the person. Sometimes people don't respond because the conversation seemed like it was ending. Sometimes life happened. Sometimes people lost interest. Who knows. If you really want to talk to someone, check in and see what they say.

 

[mpeters]

Just say hi again if you want to talk to the person. Sometimes people don't respond because the conversation seemed like it was ending. Sometimes life happened. Sometimes people lost interest. Who knows. If you really want to talk to someone, check in and see what they say.

Already done that… guess those conversations are just over

 

[KyleR215]

Ok, I just want some honest answers here and not a bunch of people jumping on me for even asking a question (which has happened way too many times).

Let’s say you’ve been messaging or emailing with someone for some time (like several weeks to a few months) and there haven’t been any indications that the other person has lost interest or is upset with you, how long do you feel you should wait before deciding that the other person is just not going to ever respond back again? I don’t want to keep hoping that I will hear from them again, but at the same time if there is some unwritten rule about a minimum waiting time before giving up that I’m not aware of that’s never been revealed to me, I’d like to know.

I think it depends on how long you have been messaging back and forth.

It it is fresh and new and it has just been a few days and they have not responded back in 2-4 days I figure it's no loss/no foul and easy to just cut off.

If it has been a few weeks I might give more grace and give it a few days and then follow up with a message. If nothing after that in a few days then I give up

If it is someone that I spent time messaging or emailing for months and they suddenly go silent I will try a few times. Maybe after a few days, after a week.

If it is months and years and then hear nothing, suddenly cuts off I will probably never reach back out. Especially if I was the last one to message. If after all that time, all that sharing, you don't have the decency to say that you can't/won't keep going for whatever reason then I just assume it is over.

 

[mpeters]

If it is someone that I spent time messaging or emailing for months and they suddenly go silent I will try a few times. Maybe after a few days, after a week.

I’m at that point with two people, one here and one not here, I figure one of them just got tired of me and the other one just abruptly decided to go silent for reasons I can only suspect. Maybe I’ll wait a few more days before clearing out their messages.

 

[KyleR215]

I’m at that point with two people, one here and one not here, I figure one of them just got tired of me and the other one just abruptly decided to go silent for reasons I can only suspect. Maybe I’ll wait a few more days before clearing out their messages.

Don't over think it. It can drive you mad if you start going down a what if

 

[mpeters]

Don't over think it. It can drive you mad if you start going down a what if

I’m not trying to overthink it, I’d just like to get some closure. It’s kind of like going to a favorite restaurant and it’s suddenly closed.

But I suppose I should just be used to that happening by now.

 

[AnnyMouse28]

Unfortunately it happens all the time. You can be chatting for hours every day for weeks/months and then for whatever reason things just end.

I give one follow-up a few days after the first ignored message and then call it.

 

[Saint_Ann]

I’m not trying to overthink it, I’d just like to get some closure. It’s kind of like going to a favorite restaurant and it’s suddenly closed.

But I suppose I should just be used to that happening by now.

Or you could just go full blown stalker.

 

[mpeters]

Or you could just go full blown stalker.

No, there are enough people who think I’m a danger to others here as it is.

 

[Saint_Ann]

No, there are enough people who think I’m a danger to others here as it is.

Fuck 'em.

 

[ronde]

On-line relationships are only different from real life relationships in that it's easier to stop an on-line relationship. In a real life relationship you have some awkward moments where one person has to explain why the relationship has to end. In a on-line relationship, one party just stops communicating. Either relationship could end for a variety of reasons. The thing to avoid is the paradigm that just because someone exchanges emails or texts with another person for a while means they genuinely feel something for that other person. It could be just a fear of hurting another's feeling that keeps the communication going until it finally becomes too much effort to continue. Enjoy it while it's happening, feel a little bad when it stops, and then get on with life, just like you would with a real life relationship.

 

[mpeters]

So I just sent what are basically goodbye messages to the two, just so I feel some kind of closure there. I’ll just try to not get attached at all in the future in any way, as friends or otherwise.

 

[AnnyMouse28]

So I just sent what are basically goodbye messages to the two, just so I feel some kind of closure there. I’ll just try to not get attached at all in the future in any way, as friends or otherwise.

Unfortunately when it comes to online it is best to keep as a fantasy and not let it become reality.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Don't chase people.

That's your answer.

 

[bigwoody8]

So I just sent what are basically goodbye messages to the two, just so I feel some kind of closure there. I’ll just try to not get attached at all in the future in any way, as friends or otherwise.

Nah man, you gotta keep on keepin’ on. Not with those two of course. But in general. Don’t let other people change the way you do you.

 

[mpeters]

There are also people who I ended up carrying the conversation with. I don’t need a brick to hit me in the head to tell me they aren’t interested. In these instances, I distance myself from them and move on.

Many of the people today on social medial are incredibly rude with their ghosting, talking negatively about others behind their back, or just to shitty to say “Hey, I’m not into you and I having any sort of relationship.”

Careful, when I commented about that on a different thread I had all kinds of people on my case about how I shouldn’t be expecting a response… for some reason I attract those who want to gang up on someone.

 

[mpeters]

Nah man, you gotta keep on keepin’ on. Not with those two of course. But in general. Don’t let other people change the way you do you.

I’m too tired of dealing with it… I may engage but I’m not going to invest that much of me into that kind of stuff any more. It’s not worth it.

 

[AnnyMouse28]

Many of the people today on social medial are incredibly rude with their ghosting, talking negatively about others behind their back, or just to shitty to say “Hey, I’m not into you and I having any sort of relationship.”

It's not just on social media & message boards. A good 50% of the guys I have dated in the past 3 years pulled a Casper on me. All but one of the rest just kind of faded away. The only guy who had enough balls to say he thought we should end things was a FB. He was right too, it wasn't fair to me because he always left it open that it might become more, when he know there was never a chance it would be.

 

[live4thebj]

Ok, I just want some honest answers here and not a bunch of people jumping on me for even asking a question (which has happened way too many times).

Let’s say you’ve been messaging or emailing with someone for some time (like several weeks to a few months) and there haven’t been any indications that the other person has lost interest or is upset with you, how long do you feel you should wait before deciding that the other person is just not going to ever respond back again? I don’t want to keep hoping that I will hear from them again, but at the same time if there is some unwritten rule about a minimum waiting time before giving up that I’m not aware of that’s never been revealed to me, I’d like to know.

Three tops but I say usually one attempt.

 

[BackwoodsMama]

Speaking as someone who often ghosts off of Lit for several weeks to months at a time, it may not have been anything other than life. Sometimes I pick back up with someone, other times I just strike up new chats. It isn’t that I’m not okay with something others have done, but maybe that moment has passed and it works better to just find something new.

 

[Cernunnos69]

In the past, I used to chase after people and I hated myself for doing that. Now if I don't hear from them after a few days, I usually end up moving on. I don't like to stress out about it anymore. I deserve someone who enjoys talking to me and makes an effort.

You do deserve someone who truly enjoys talking with you and makes the time to do so!! We all do, but it's been soooo difficult to find that lately on Lit! I've been ghosted by almost 100% of women who I've talked with even those I've talked with for weeks or months. Or soemtiems ther lives are so busy they can't make time for me, or so they say. I took a look at your profile and I woud love to get a PM from you so we can talk and see if there's any connection, if not we can tell each other honestly and move on, but knowing we aren't just simply being ignored or unvalued!!

 

[Wonderer67]

Maybe pessimistic (I truly am an optimistic nihilist), but it’s lit. People cum and then they go.

Unfortunately people ghost you. Sometimes there are good reasons like life gets in the way, or who the fuck knows why they disappear.

First time it happened to me, I was sorta hurt, but it didn’t take too long for me to figure out how this works. Goes w the territory I think.

There’s some people I really miss and others that I still talk to. I try to have fun in the moment.

I’ll betcha dollars to donuts, you’ll find some other fun people to talk w and share.