How do you help someone get over being abused

[Gil_T2]

To all those that responded to me.

I am not used to reaching out for help and I am not one to believe that people are even there for me and care because I have had and seen the absolute opposite.

I am shy for the most part around new people and I am not used to being on a board like this. Can't say that I am sure what to say or how to respond to all of you. I just know that right now things are not so great and right now I am at the point where I am not sure whether to trust anyone or even open up or anything.

As for jounalling, I am not very good at that but I do write poems but not sure if I would share any on this board.

I feel like I am wasting everyone's time right now and I don't want to do that.

PLEASE try to trust us here as we do care it is also why I started this thread to help one lady but as it grew the ppl wanting help or to just get it out there to ease the burdon of the time holding it all in(keeping it in only builds misstrust & anger for the suffering you have been through).

Now I'm back on a borrowed puta I hope to be here often so feel free to post.PM or email me or any of the others here.

In the first few pages read KIKMOSA's story of her abuse & see the bright lady who posts now,KIKI has a strength that most would desire.

 

[Don K Dyck]

Welcome back, Gil . . . great to have you back on the threads!!

 

[Gil_T2]

Welcome back, Gil . . . great to have you back on the threads!!

It's great to be back on LIT as one big stress I did have was someone needing kind words to help them through a rough patch even though I knew that there are several who could handle things better than me....like you & KIKI.

 

[Blackbich]

[size=large]GIL!!!!![/size]

Welcome back, honey. Hope all's well with you and come see us often.

lillostone, please, please take Gil's words to heart. Of course you will have to do as you see fit but, if you take the time to read this thread, you will see many people who have suffered horrible, horrible abuses and have come through it wonderfully strong people. Please take advantage of the PM function to contact people and whatever you do, please try to keep in mind that nothing that happened to you was your fault!

 

[kikmosa]

[size=large]GIL!!!!![/size]

Welcome back, honey. Hope all's well with you and come see us often.

lillostone, please, please take Gil's words to heart. Of course you will have to do as you see fit but, if you take the time to read this thread, you will see many people who have suffered horrible, horrible abuses and have come through it wonderfully strong people. Please take advantage of the PM function to contact people and whatever you do, please try to keep in mind that nothing that happened to you was your fault!

Ditto

 

[Gil_T2]

[size=large]GIL!!!!![/size]

Welcome back, honey. Hope all's well with you and come see us often.

lillostone, please, please take Gil's words to heart. Of course you will have to do as you see fit but, if you take the time to read this thread, you will see many people who have suffered horrible, horrible abuses and have come through it wonderfully strong people. Please take advantage of the PM function to contact people and whatever you do, please try to keep in mind that nothing that happened to you was your fault!

It's great to know wecan help ppl who need us & thankyou for the welcome back BB & KIKI.

 

[kikmosa]

Well folks, I've done it. I've taken the first steps to taking back my life. Two weeks ago I accepted an invitation to go have a cup of coffee, with a guy. It was short but I did it. Then I had a panic attack when I got home. Less then a week later he asked me out agoin. I had a major panic attack on the way there and turned around and wemt home. Spent a few hours under the bed. Thought hard for a few days and decided that I wasn't going to let fear rule my life anymore. I accepted another and went for coffee again. I made it through this one. Then friday we went out again only this time things happened and we ended up back at his place. He put no preasure on me and when I had a little panic attack there he talked to me and held me til it was over. I ended up staying for the night. I know I haven't conquered all my fears and that this isn't over yet but I feel so good that I did it that I could just burst. I know now that I'm going to survive this. For the first time in years I have hope.... Life is beautiful again.

 

[Bandit58]

GOOD FOR YOU KIKI!

That's wonderful, I'm so glad you've found someone nice Good luck!

 

[Don K Dyck]

Well folks, I've done it. I've taken the first steps to taking back my life. Two weeks ago I accepted an invitation to go have a cup of coffee, with a guy. It was short but I did it. Then I had a panic attack when I got home. Less then a week later he asked me out agoin. I had a major panic attack on the way there and turned around and wemt home. Spent a few hours under the bed. Thought hard for a few days and decided that I wasn't going to let fear rule my life anymore. I accepted another and went for coffee again. I made it through this one. Then friday we went out again only this time things happened and we ended up back at his place. He put no preasure on me and when I had a little panic attack there he talked to me and held me til it was over. I ended up staying for the night. I know I haven't conquered all my fears and that this isn't over yet but I feel so good that I did it that I could just burst. I know now that I'm going to survive this. For the first time in years I have hope.... Life is beautiful again.

heheheheheh . . . Congratulations!!! Funny how things turn out for you when you just have the couirage to try . . . I'm real proud of you Kiki . . . don't you just LOURVE breaking the drought!!!

 

[Gil_T2]

Well folks, I've done it. I've taken the first steps to taking back my life. Two weeks ago I accepted an invitation to go have a cup of coffee, with a guy. It was short but I did it. Then I had a panic attack when I got home. Less then a week later he asked me out agoin. I had a major panic attack on the way there and turned around and wemt home. Spent a few hours under the bed. Thought hard for a few days and decided that I wasn't going to let fear rule my life anymore. I accepted another and went for coffee again. I made it through this one. Then friday we went out again only this time things happened and we ended up back at his place. He put no preasure on me and when I had a little panic attack there he talked to me and held me til it was over. I ended up staying for the night. I know I haven't conquered all my fears and that this isn't over yet but I feel so good that I did it that I could just burst. I know now that I'm going to survive this. For the first time in years I have hope.... Life is beautiful again.

KIKI I'm so pleased for you & hope this is just the start of a whole new life for you, I knowhow hard this has been for you because of our BOND but it really does excite me to know you are finding that there are good guys out there who do treat a lady right & you my friend do deserve the very best of threatment.

Big warm hugs & lots of kisses.

 

[kikmosa]

GOOD FOR YOU KIKI!

That's wonderful, I'm so glad you've found someone nice Good luck!

Thank you Bandit. And I pray for you and your sweetheart everyday.

 

[kikmosa]

heheheheheh . . . Congratulations!!! Funny how things turn out for you when you just have the couirage to try . . . I'm real proud of you Kiki . . . don't you just LOURVE breaking the drought!!!

Thanks Don. If it hadn't been for you and Gil and all my other friends on here, I never would have gotten this far. Big HUGS and KISSES for all of you.

 

[Richard49]

Well folks, I've done it. I've taken the first steps to taking back my life. Two weeks ago I accepted an invitation to go have a cup of coffee, with a guy. It was short but I did it. Then I had a panic attack when I got home. Less then a week later he asked me out agoin. I had a major panic attack on the way there and turned around and wemt home. Spent a few hours under the bed. Thought hard for a few days and decided that I wasn't going to let fear rule my life anymore. I accepted another and went for coffee again. I made it through this one. Then friday we went out again only this time things happened and we ended up back at his place. He put no preasure on me and when I had a little panic attack there he talked to me and held me til it was over. I ended up staying for the night. I know I haven't conquered all my fears and that this isn't over yet but I feel so good that I did it that I could just burst. I know now that I'm going to survive this. For the first time in years I have hope.... Life is beautiful again.

Congratulations

Kava Kava
good for preventing
or dealing with anxiety attacks

 

[kikmosa]

KIKI I'm so pleased for you & hope this is just the start of a whole new life for you, I knowhow hard this has been for you because of our BOND but it really does excite me to know you are finding that there are good guys out there who do treat a lady right & you my friend do deserve the very best of threatment.

Big warm hugs & lots of kisses.

Gil, my special friend, how can I ever express what you mean to me. You never gave up on me even when I had. You've stood by me through so much. You always have a place in my heart.

Yes I've taken the first steps but I know that there is a long way to go before I have a life again. I felt so good being able to get close to someone again. And yes it felt good to be touched by someone that wasn't trying to hurt me. I know it will feel even better when I can relax enough that I can "fully" enjoy it. He tried so hard but I guess I was just too tense. I talked with him for a long time and we came to an understanding about it. He knows that what he was doing was making me feel good, I just couldn't let go of my fears enough to reach a place where I could cum. But it will happen one day. I know that. I'm not worried about it right now. I'm just going to take what I can get and enjoy being alive again.

 

[kikmosa]

Congratulations

Kava Kava
good for preventing
or dealing with anxiety attacks

Thank you Richard. I'll look for it this afternoon.

 

[Bandit58]

Gil, my special friend, how can I ever express what you mean to me. You never gave up on me even when I had. You've stood by me through so much. You always have a place in my heart.

Yes I've taken the first steps but I know that there is a long way to go before I have a life again. I felt so good being able to get close to someone again. And yes it felt good to be touched by someone that wasn't trying to hurt me. I know it will feel even better when I can relax enough that I can "fully" enjoy it. He tried so hard but I guess I was just too tense. I talked with him for a long time and we came to an understanding about it. He knows that what he was doing was making me feel good, I just couldn't let go of my fears enough to reach a place where I could cum. But it will happen one day. I know that. I'm not worried about it right now. I'm just going to take what I can get and enjoy being alive again.

Thanks so much for your prayers hon that means a lot It looks like being a long haul for us......it's been 3 months since we've seen each other and a month since we had any decent contact. Hope we can talk again next week, I need to hear his voice again....

I was the same way when I was with my lover, that first visit I didn't manage to cum with him, even though I enjoyed what we did so much. I still don't have an orgasm every time, but I am learning to relax and enjoy what we do together, the making love and sharing of feelings is just as important to us.

Because we can't be together yet, we have an open relationship. He told me it was okay if I found another partner (female OR male) to be with. I have met a nice older man and we have been together a couple of times. I enjoyed sex with him, but I am yet to have an orgasm. I just need to feel someone's arms around me again, I wish so much they were HIS arms, but it's not possible at the moment.... It makes absolutely no difference to the way I feel about him (and he knows this). I have an ache in me that can only be eased when he's with me.....

I have to keep telling myself that it's okay to feel good when someone touches me, and to enjoy the moments and let things happen. When my ex touched me I used to flinch away and tense up. I know there is nothing wrong with me physically (even though he did a good job of blaming ME for my lack of response - good old emotional abuse again ) I know things will be better when my lover and I can finally be in the same place for longer than a few days at a time......

 

[babydoll_73]

I just wanted to stop by and say hi to everyone.

Kiki I am really happy for you. Small steps are still steps.

But I wanted to tell everyone that I finally got my family to go to couseling. We have been going for about a month now and in that time my parents have started to realize what an impact my brother beating me up had on my life. The esteem issues and such. but it is a step in the right direction. My dad has much further to go on this then my mom.But we are going to work at it. I don't know if me and my brother will ever be able to have a relationship that a brother and sister should have but I have been working on alot of things in all of my therapy. He has much farther to go. He is in anger management and seeing a therapist. I hope it helps cuz I really want a brother I can look up to.

Plus I am engaged to a wonderful man. He knows about that stuff and knows my bounderies.

Gil good to see ya back. Missed ya there for a while.

 

[Gil_T2]

Gil, my special friend, how can I ever express what you mean to me. You never gave up on me even when I had. You've stood by me through so much. You always have a place in my heart.

Yes I've taken the first steps but I know that there is a long way to go before I have a life again. I felt so good being able to get close to someone again. And yes it felt good to be touched by someone that wasn't trying to hurt me. I know it will feel even better when I can relax enough that I can "fully" enjoy it. He tried so hard but I guess I was just too tense. I talked with him for a long time and we came to an understanding about it. He knows that what he was doing was making me feel good, I just couldn't let go of my fears enough to reach a place where I could cum. But it will happen one day. I know that. I'm not worried about it right now. I'm just going to take what I can get and enjoy being alive again.

]Gil, my special friend, how can I ever express what you mean to me. You never gave up on me even when I had. You've stood by me through so much. You always have a place in my heart.


MY DEAR KIKI....Your happiness is all the reward I need, YOU have shown me that you have so much strength simply by just keeping going & NOT letting your DEMONS win.All will come in time as you grow to know that being hurt & beaten have nothing to do with real life & that caring & kindness are what you do deserve.

 

[Gil_T2]

I just wanted to stop by and say hi to everyone.

Kiki I am really happy for you. Small steps are still steps.

But I wanted to tell everyone that I finally got my family to go to couseling. We have been going for about a month now and in that time my parents have started to realize what an impact my brother beating me up had on my life. The esteem issues and such. but it is a step in the right direction. My dad has much further to go on this then my mom.But we are going to work at it. I don't know if me and my brother will ever be able to have a relationship that a brother and sister should have but I have been working on alot of things in all of my therapy. He has much farther to go. He is in anger management and seeing a therapist. I hope it helps cuz I really want a brother I can look up to.

Plus I am engaged to a wonderful man. He knows about that stuff and knows my bounderies.

Gil good to see ya back. Missed ya there for a while. [/QUOTE



You know sometimes I dread comming in here thinking it will be another person who has been abused by someone meant to love them.... BUT then I see 2 ladies who are taking positive steps towards a return to the world of LOVE.

BABYDOLL...I wish you every happiness with your engagement to your "WONDERFUL MAN" plus your future is only minor worries & lots of joy for you both.

MAY LOVE RULE YOUR LIVES

 

[Sort_Of_My_Art]

Why is it that the ones we miss the most are the ones who hurt us the most?

Just a simple thought...cause damn it, i am missing her again.

S|O|M|A

 

[Don K Dyck]

Why is it that the ones we miss the most are the ones who hurt us the most?

Just a simple thought...cause damn it, i am missing her again.

S|O|M|A

HI SOMA . . . heheheh . . . that sounds like a bad case of co-dependency to me . . . painful from personal experience, but curable . . .

Did you REALLY want the pain, or do YOU deserve something better?

If you deserve something better, then sit down and write out what YOU want from a relationship. Stick it on the fridge door and look at it every time you are in the kitchen. Anything less than your description is unacceptable. Good people derserve good things, especially good treatment from partners.

How we think as adults is very much conditioned by our experiences in childhood. If we received loving care and attention while growing up we respond in kind. Similarly, if we were ignored, or our parents were emotionally unavailable for any reason, then we respond in kind.

But in the latter case we may mistakenly believe that such emotional neglect is all we deserve and that we should be grateful for small mercies, so must accept the garbage to get the wanted emotional nourishment. Sadly, sometimes we go too far and start believing that emotional nourishment is always accompanied by garbage. THIS IS WRONG . . . THE GARBAGE IS UNNECESSARY in a healthy relationship.

But what if both partners have only experienced emotional deprivation? Well, there is not one outcome here, there are many possibilities. Some overachieve to feel better about themselves. Others have serial monogamous relationships with similar unsatisfying endings. These relationships are frequently co-dependent, that is, both parties fell that they need the pain to make the relationship work. THIS IS A WRONG IDEA!!

So the "cure" is straight-forward but will take some work unlearning your belief system. Perhaps you could start with

I am a good person.

I deserve to have a loving relationship without pain and suffering.

I am prepared to give love without pain.

I will stop any behaviours that I recognise are destructive to my relationship, as soon as I recognise them.

I am a good person.

 

[Gil_T2]

Why is it that the ones we miss the most are the ones who hurt us the most?

Just a simple thought...cause damn it, i am missing her again.

S|O|M|A

From personal experience I think it's just a case of THE DEVIL YOU KNOW as opposed to THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.

I hope you can sort the difference as it seems that returning NEVER works.

Get out there & find a new lady.

 

[Gil_T2]

hi

 

[Blackbich]

Well folks, I've done it. I've taken the first steps to taking back my life. Two weeks ago I accepted an invitation to go have a cup of coffee, with a guy. It was short but I did it. Then I had a panic attack when I got home. Less then a week later he asked me out agoin. I had a major panic attack on the way there and turned around and wemt home. Spent a few hours under the bed. Thought hard for a few days and decided that I wasn't going to let fear rule my life anymore. I accepted another and went for coffee again. I made it through this one. Then friday we went out again only this time things happened and we ended up back at his place. He put no preasure on me and when I had a little panic attack there he talked to me and held me til it was over. I ended up staying for the night. I know I haven't conquered all my fears and that this isn't over yet but I feel so good that I did it that I could just burst. I know now that I'm going to survive this. For the first time in years I have hope.... Life is beautiful again.

See, you go away for a few days and see what happens?? Kiki's going on dates!!!

[size=large]Go Kiki, Go Kiki[/size]

I am SO happy for you. I'm glad things are looking up for you. You may have a ways to go yet but you've come a long way, baby!

Don't worry about the fact that you haven't orgasmed with him yet...it will happen. I have recently had my first orgasm with a very caring friend. Apparently my subconscious had decided I trusted him even if I wasn't admitting it to myself. I don't know if it's in the cards for us to be a 'couple' but his patience and love have meant the world to me and has, like Kiki and Bandit, allowed me to see that all men aren't abusive and hurtful. I have to admit, that is a GREAT feeling and gives me warm, fuzzy feelings (sometimes) about my future.

babydoll, glad the family's going to counseling. I hope it heals the open wounds and helps you bond as a family.

SOMA, I have to agree with both Don and Gil...you deserve better and it's a matter of fear of the unknown. People do it all the time...they stay with someone they know is bad for them because they don't want to be alone. Some don't want to go through the dating fiasco...and believe me, it can be a fiasco!!! But you know what? You are going to meet that woman that treats you SO well, you won't know what to do. You'll have to let us know when that happens so we can be happy for you.

 

[Gil_T2]

See, you go away for a few days and see what happens?? Kiki's going on dates!!!

[size=large]Go Kiki, Go Kiki[/size]

I am SO happy for you. I'm glad things are looking up for you. You may have a ways to go yet but you've come a long way, baby!

Don't worry about the fact that you haven't orgasmed with him yet...it will happen. I have recently had my first orgasm with a very caring friend. Apparently my subconscious had decided I trusted him even if I wasn't admitting it to myself. I don't know if it's in the cards for us to be a 'couple' but his patience and love have meant the world to me and has, like Kiki and Bandit, allowed me to see that all men aren't abusive and hurtful. I have to admit, that is a GREAT feeling and gives me warm, fuzzy feelings (sometimes) about my future.

babydoll, glad the family's going to counseling. I hope it heals the open wounds and helps you bond as a family.

SOMA, I have to agree with both Don and Gil...you deserve better and it's a matter of fear of the unknown. People do it all the time...they stay with someone they know is bad for them because they don't want to be alone. Some don't want to go through the dating fiasco...and believe me, it can be a fiasco!!! But you know what? You are going to meet that woman that treats you SO well, you won't know what to do. You'll have to let us know when that happens so we can be happy for you.

THINGS GET EVEN BETTER.....BB I'm glad that you have found that you can trust again as learning to trust is a major hurdle to overcome for anyone who has been abused.

I'm now going back through the ppl who have posted here to see if others have or haven't found some happiness in defeating the demons of their past.