How do you help someone get over being abused

[Gil_T2]

Uhmmm . . . women are usually the party to leave a relationship . . . and they often plan it for years . . . 2-3 years seems to be common . . .



And here is the nub . . . You don't want to move on . . . so you won't

Bin there, dun that . . . there is a much better way . . .

Start out by following Lyrical Fool's sensible advice . . .



Rarely . . . very rarely . . . are we pinned in a corner with no alternatives whatsoever . . . we may perceive that as the situation . . . but is is rarely the real case . . .

I can't think of anything to ad to Don's & Lyrical Fool's posts.

It does get better but it's up to you to seek out the way.

 

[wicked woman]

oh God Gil!!! Look at your AV ((((Gil))))

 

[tbon45]

ok im already at the court hose fileling a complaint because she broke the agreement that she faught so hard to get. 2 days in and she refuses to give me the kids. so now we will play a new game but it will be my ballpark. for some reason i though i would be emotional but when i got up this morning i had this new found rage in me and im ready to fight.

 

[Gil_T2]

ok im already at the court hose fileling a complaint because she broke the agreement that she faught so hard to get. 2 days in and she refuses to give me the kids. so now we will play a new game but it will be my ballpark. for some reason i though i would be emotional but when i got up this morning i had this new found rage in me and im ready to fight.

Fight but fight smart, loosing your cool will only play into her hands.

 

[jazey_43]

Fight but fight smart, loosing your cool will only play into her hands.

Just poppin in to leave a snugglehug for Gil!! Share it with your lovely Bandit will ya honey??


Hi tbon...saw your post and just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going thru this...sounds like a mess. Good Luck Hon..and Gils right...fight smart!! Hope all goes well, I'll keep ya in my good thoughts iffen you don't mind.

 

[Gil_T2]

Just poppin in to leave a snugglehug for Gil!! Share it with your lovely Bandit will ya honey??


Hi tbon...saw your post and just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going thru this...sounds like a mess. Good Luck Hon..and Gils right...fight smart!! Hope all goes well, I'll keep ya in my good thoughts iffen you don't mind.

jumping up & down in waiting to collect my snugglehug yumm.

 

[tbon45]

thanks guys. im waiting to hear from my lawyer right now.

 

[jazey_43]

jumping up & down in waiting to collect my snugglehug yumm.

Well c'mere and grab em up, Handsome!!!

 

[Don K Dyck]

oh God Gil!!! Look at your AV ((((Gil))))

Oh God Wicked Woman!! Look at your cleavage . . . <don't mind if I do, actually . . . yum!! >

heheheh . . . now ask yourself . . . what is happening outside the av that is giving Gil that satisfied smile . . .

 

[Don K Dyck]

Well c'mere and grab em up, Handsome!!!

Hey Jazey!! . . . Hope things are moving along OK for you

 

[Don K Dyck]

ok im already at the court hose fileling a complaint because she broke the agreement that she fought so hard to get. 2 days in and she refuses to give me the kids. so now we will play a new game but it will be my ballpark. for some reason i though i would be emotional but when i got up this morning i had this new found rage in me and im ready to fight.

OK tbon . . . now that you have stopped feeling sorry for yourself you are moving towards the light . . . the often difficult Stage 1 of grieving is over. You have accepted that the event has occurred and are ready to move on . . . well done! . . .

Jazey is correct (nothing unusual in that) . . . 'fight smart' . . . or better still . . . 'why waste time and emotional energy fighting?'

Look at Jazey's sig . . . 'time is of the essence...live today to it's fullest!! Life's too short not too!!'

Now ask "Why is such a sensible person as Jazey so focussed in the 'present -NOW!' You might even PM her and ask . . . some events change how you think about life . . .

So, you are off to vent your spleen in 'The Kiddie Wars' . . . two adults fighting in the nursery over teddy bears.

Kids as possessions, not people in their own right.

Emotional warfare where 'being right' is often preferred over 'what is best for the kids'.

In Oz the only people who get anything for going to court are the lawyers. Will you be representing yourself or selling your house to have some top notch silk make his fortune attempting to enforce 'your rights'?

Go back to your first post on this thread and ask yourself, 'What have I described in the posts on this thread that would be beneficial for my kids?'

Then ask yourself, "What changes to my way of doing life will I be prepared to make to give my kids the best possible future and preparation for their own lives ahead?'

Finally, "How will I know if I have made these changes and not recanted on my original undertaking?"

These are not easy questions at any time, especially immediately after a relationship breaks up . . .

Heading towards the light is not always a simple one step after the other.

 

[tbon45]

your right i am on my way to the top. i know its early but when do you say enough. i made a promise to my girls yesterday and i will not brake it.

 

[Don K Dyck]

your right i am on my way to the top. i know its early but when do you say enough. i made a promise to my girls yesterday and i will not brake it.

Uhmm . . . tbon . . . I don't think that you read my post . . .

 

[tbon45]

i understand your reply. i am prepared to do what is necessary i also know it will be a long road a head of me but with the help im getting from here and from noor i know ill get there i see that now. yes there will be set backs but i will get pass them ive never had to do do a lot of things on my own. but im learning

 

[Bandit58]

i understand your reply. i am prepared to do what is necessary i also know it will be a long road a head of me but with the help im getting from here and from noor i know ill get there i see that now. yes there will be set backs but i will get pass them ive never had to do do a lot of things on my own. but im learning

I was 43 before I lived on my own. I virtually went straight from living with my parents to living with a husband. I stayed with him for way too long because I didn't think I'd be able to cope with being alone, it seemed that the devil you know was better than the devil you don't. But when I finally did make the break I found that I could and did survive being on my own and in fact came to enjoy the freedom to do whatever I liked whenever I liked. Things aren't so scary any more.

Just a little note to add to Don's post - don't get caught up in trying to "get revenge" for what your wife did in leaving you. I sacrificed a lot of money when I got things settled with property etc but it was worth it so that my kids could have a place to call home. In the end it's not worth all the pain it causes your children when they see their parents fighting over them as if they were property and not people (albeit little ones) with feelings of their own.

 

[Don K Dyck]

i understand your reply. i am prepared to do what is necessary i also know it will be a long road a head of me but with the help im getting from here and from noor i know ill get there i see that now. yes there will be set backs but i will get pass them ive never had to do do a lot of things on my own. but im learning

Uhmmm . . . tbon . . . read bandit's post . . . then read the three questions in my post above . . . and answer them for yourself.

You seem to be facing away from the light again . . .

 

[Don K Dyck]

Just poppin in to leave a snugglehug for Gil!! Share it with your lovely Bandit will ya honey??

Hey Jazey . . . how cum Gil is the only one to get a notorious snugglehug??

<sulks away in corner >

 

[wicked woman]

Oh God Wicked Woman!! Look at your cleavage . . . <don't mind if I do, actually . . . yum!! >

heheheh . . . now ask yourself . . . what is happening outside the av that is giving Gil that satisfied smile . . .

Thinking I need to take a pic of my latest acquisition...blue lacy and sheer...ah but then it wasn't the bra you were complimenting now was it? hmmm amazing what a good bra and do ...don't mind at all Don...fell free to enjoy...come a little closer even


cute...but I think Gil changed his AV before you posted...I was commenting on a pic of a him as a child...a real cutie too....as for your comment...being a perponent of hear no evil, see no evil, say no evil

 

[tbon45]

i want to be with my kids and they want to be with me thats what im fighting for. i do not want to put them in the middle of anything. but when she made an agreement and then turned around and broke it what am i suppose to do? i do not want to hurt my kids but i will not go 4mths or longer or at all without being there for them. my oldest one is messed up and will not talk about her feelings. im not trying to be bull headed just getting prepared and building my strength up.

 

[jazey_43]

Hey Jazey . . . how cum Gil is the only one to get a notorious snugglehug??

<sulks away in corner >

*grabs up D and snuggles the bejuses outta him...for a loooong time..(winks)*

 

[Gil_T2]

i want to be with my kids and they want to be with me thats what im fighting for. i do not want to put them in the middle of anything. but when she made an agreement and then turned around and broke it what am i suppose to do? i do not want to hurt my kids but i will not go 4mths or longer or at all without being there for them. my oldest one is messed up and will not talk about her feelings. im not trying to be bull headed just getting prepared and building my strength up.

sadly in most cases it is the kids who suffer most, the mother of my daughter used to dump daughter on me when ever she was in shit or just couldn't be bothered, she also moved often taking away any contact i had because she wouldn't let me know where they were till again my daughter got to much for her (daughter was a good kid & didn't deserve the crap her mum put her through, she now at 29 suffers depression which her mother refuses to accept any blame for).
You must do all you can to ensure the kids don't suffer like mine did, they are the victims of all this, is there any plans for counciling for your daughter?

 

[Gil_T2]

*Gil waits open arms for jazey_43 & wicked woman to get their snuggle hugs*

 

[wicked woman]

*Gil waits open arms for jazey_43 & wicked woman to get their snuggle hugs*

jumping at the opportunity snuggling Gil right back.

 

[Don K Dyck]

*grabs up D and snuggles the bejuses outta him...for a loooong time..(winks)*

Ahhhhhhh . . .

 

[Don K Dyck]

i want to be with my kids and they want to be with me thats what im fighting for. i do not want to put them in the middle of anything. but when she made an agreement and then turned around and broke it what am i suppose to do? i do not want to hurt my kids but i will not go 4mths or longer or at all without being there for them. my oldest one is messed up and will not talk about her feelings. im not trying to be bull headed just getting prepared and building my strength up.

Uhmmm . . . tbon . . . have you gone back and read your posts on this thread?

All the information that we have is in those posts . . . we have no other information.

I do not trace back on posts to make a point . . . that is too much hard work and people should be willing to help themselves.

As I remember the evidence . . . you began by bemoaning the loss of your only friend who was moving away.

Then there was depression . . . deep depression.

Then there was mention of family law matters.

Now we have progressed to child custody battles with former spouse allegedly failing to honour her separation agreement.

<At this stage the probable appropriate course of action is to seek professional legal advice based on a detailed disclosure of all the matter.>

I do not want to be difficult, but there is an awful lot of things that have not been disclosed. And most of them will be irrelevant to this thread.

Only on the basis of the evidence disclosed, have you gone back and read your previous posts to this thread?

Until you make the effort to read back over your posts, and answer the questions that have been asked, and consider how the evidence would appear to an independent third party, there is probably little further assistance that I can offer.