How do you help someone get over being abused

[shadow_dreamer]

Joining in the bump (gently of course)

Joining in on the bump during my brief visit...got to see the doc who placed me under very strict restrictions which I'm trying to re-program my brain and lifestyle to...I need a spanking when I'm bad and disobedient.

I had an enounter with my ex which brought on a bad bout of bad memories. I thought those times were fading? What made things worse was that he asked and said a few things that I did not respond to (didn't want to or felt it didn't deserve any response). He kept on until he realized I was not alone (he didn't take notice at first that IsleMaster was there). Luckily nothing happened and he left. But its left me asking myself or trying to figure out what I did to deserve this. On top of it all my self-esteem has dissipated and feeling like I'm back at square one...the matter of trusting someone. Sounds strange but it's like I'm at the bottom and have to climb up out of the hole again.

 

[Gil_T2]

Joining in on the bump during my brief visit...got to see the doc who placed me under very strict restrictions which I'm trying to re-program my brain and lifestyle to...I need a spanking when I'm bad and disobedient.

I had an enounter with my ex which brought on a bad bout of bad memories. I thought those times were fading? What made things worse was that he asked and said a few things that I did not respond to (didn't want to or felt it didn't deserve any response). He kept on until he realized I was not alone (he didn't take notice at first that IsleMaster was there). Luckily nothing happened and he left. But its left me asking myself or trying to figure out what I did to deserve this. On top of it all my self-esteem has dissipated and feeling like I'm back at square one...the matter of trusting someone. Sounds strange but it's like I'm at the bottom and have to climb up out of the hole again.

SD it is interesting to note that as soon as he knew IsleMaster was there the coward left....tkae this point in hand that the coward would only make comment while he thought you were on your own.....try in the future when you see him only see a looser & not a person.
As for you doing anything to deserve it well that is crap he saw a chance to abuse you & did, be strong trust in the Isle Master.

Look at how he does things to you & note that he takes the cowards way to get to you.

Now you must listen & do as your told by your doctor, he has your recovery only in mind so do as your told you life has many years yet to run & having the best possible quality in life is important.

A gentle hug for SD & a pat on the back for IM.

 

[Gil_T2]

bump,

Bump,


Bump,


Bump,

 

[kikmosa]

Bump....

 

[Gil_T2]

Bump....

Hi KIKI & don't think you can bump & run,
so where have you been?
what have you been upto?
how are you?

I do worry you know.

 

[kikmosa]

Hi KIKI & don't think you can bump & run,
so where have you been?
what have you been upto?
how are you?

I do worry you know.

I've been here and there.
I'm up to about 5' 3''. lol.
I'm ok, depending (on who you ask).

I'll admit, I'm having a few problems right now. I seem to have developed an allergy to something but we don't know what yet. I've ended up in the emergancy room twice now and I have to carry an Epipen with me everywhere I go. I'm going to a new doctor on the 23rd to start the testing to find out what causing it. Not having a lot of fun right now.

 

[Gil_T2]

I've been here and there.
I'm up to about 5' 3''. lol.
I'm ok, depending (on who you ask).

I'll admit, I'm having a few problems right now. I seem to have developed an allergy to something but we don't know what yet. I've ended up in the emergancy room twice now and I have to carry an Epipen with me everywhere I go. I'm going to a new doctor on the 23rd to start the testing to find out what causing it. Not having a lot of fun right now.

{{{{{{{{{{{{KIKI}}}}}}}}}}}}

I hope that you find out soon so the trips to emergeny stop.

 

[Quoll]

I've been here and there.
I'm up to about 5' 3''. lol.
I'm ok, depending (on who you ask).

I'll admit, I'm having a few problems right now. I seem to have developed an allergy to something but we don't know what yet. I've ended up in the emergancy room twice now and I have to carry an Epipen with me everywhere I go. I'm going to a new doctor on the 23rd to start the testing to find out what causing it. Not having a lot of fun right now.

Damn I `ve had a bunch of flowers sitting here for weeks with your name on them, but you can`t have them now, until you know what you are allergic to.
Hope they find out as soon as they can.

5' 3'' be still my heart.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

I know what you're going through

I've been here and there.
I'm up to about 5' 3''. lol.
I'm ok, depending (on who you ask).

I'll admit, I'm having a few problems right now. I seem to have developed an allergy to something but we don't know what yet. I've ended up in the emergancy room twice now and I have to carry an Epipen with me everywhere I go. I'm going to a new doctor on the 23rd to start the testing to find out what causing it. Not having a lot of fun right now.

Sorry to hear about your allergy and not knowing what is causing it. I know the trips to the ER isn't fun as well as carrying an Epipen and Bendadryl...I have to carry one at all times due to my allergy to insect stings (bees, wasps, centipedes, etc.) and certain foods (surprisingly not peanuts); it gives me a 10 minute window to get to the nearest hospital. Finding out what you're allergic to isn't fun either unless you can recall what you ate or came in contact with. I remember doing the skin tests on my arms and I looked like a junkie with multiple track marks on both forearms and upper back but the outcome was truly a surprise and then some; I didn't realize I was allergic to more than just penicillin.

Take it easy and I hope the trips to the ER are over with and that your doctor visit on the 23rd will shed light on your allergy. I'll be thinking of ya!

 

[Bandit58]

My daughter is allergic to bee stings, not to the point of life-threatening (yet) but she swells up for miles around the sting and it's extremely painful. She also has a penicillin allergy (it upsets her stomach). We dealt with asthma from ages 7 to 14, unexplained outbreaks of hives and any insect bites cause large red lumps

As she's gotten older these things have reduced somewhat but she always carries antihistamine pills and the allergies are noted on her medical records. She's the only one in the family to have this tendency, though her father does get hayfever.

Gil suddenly developed an allergy to peanuts after eating them for years with no problems We avoid any type of nuts now just to be safe. Means I get to have the Snickers bars all to myself!

 

[Guest]

I see from various posts through LIT that so many people have been abused in their relationships HOW as someone who cares do you help them to realise life can and will be better ?

It makes me ashamed to be a male at times.

Don't be ashamed to be a male (at times). Not all men are like this, and this is something I'm trying to understand myself being a survivor of mental and physical abuse. Also, it's not only men, it's women as well. I've met a number of men in my life that have been mind fucked by a woman or punched in the face. And it doesn't make them less a man for crying or calling for help because they don't understand how to get out of the situation (control)

I'm risking a lot here sharing this, and oh well if someone says I'm even crazier than I admit.

For me, as a woman, and survivor of abuse, I can't seem to accept love or kind words. I get angry at times because of it, and hate that in myself. Everyone needs love, but there are certain kinds of love.

Being with a man, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time. I don't like feeling this way, but I do, and it's been 6 years since the abuse. I've gotten help, talked to people, other survivors, but it's like I don't how to act in a relationship, and have so many fears of screwing up. The fear is destroying my life, I know it, and hate it. What do I do? Push people away that love me, and try again, push away again then have regrets with tears. It's a vicious cycle. A damn rollercoaster-it ain't no fun ride, this one never stops. I feel like throwing in the towel, and just giving up.

Here's my thoughts, and I apologize for babbling:

Don't give up on this person even if they say to. Help them. Show them you care, and never stop. But don't go overboard because this scares the person. Past abused people can get very angry- help them and ask them why they are? And is it really worth getting THIS angry over? They want chaos, they're used to chaos, and you've GOT to give them some because it's all their used to. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true.

Being too gentle, can freak them out. It's almost like waiting for a punch because it usually happens after the tender touch. Be silly with them, laugh with them. They have hardened their hearts some, and it may show on the outside as well- in their eyes and body language. Treat em' like one of the guys on occasions. Go out and roll around in mud- throw it back and forth, LOL! They need to let off steam that could be hidden or not: go outdoors, walks, throw ball, parks, amusement parks, some wild activity, and I'm not talking sex. Fresh air and keeping this person from thinking too hard is the best thing for them.

Patience---

I may have babbled, but still don't think I'm done or think someone can get me out of my darn rut.

 

[Gil_T2]

Don't be ashamed to be a male (at times). Not all men are like this, and this is something I'm trying to understand myself being a survivor of mental and physical abuse. Also, it's not only men, it's women as well. I've met a number of men in my life that have been mind fucked by a woman or punched in the face. And it doesn't make them less a man for crying or calling for help because they don't understand how to get out of the situation (control)

I'm risking a lot here sharing this, and oh well if someone says I'm even crazier than I admit.

For me, as a woman, and survivor of abuse, I can't seem to accept love or kind words. I get angry at times because of it, and hate that in myself. Everyone needs love, but there are certain kinds of love.

Being with a man, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time. I don't like feeling this way, but I do, and it's been 6 years since the abuse. I've gotten help, talked to people, other survivors, but it's like I don't how to act in a relationship, and have so many fears of screwing up. The fear is destroying my life, I know it, and hate it. What do I do? Push people away that love me, and try again, push away again then have regrets with tears. It's a vicious cycle. A damn rollercoaster-it ain't no fun ride, this one never stops. I feel like throwing in the towel, and just giving up.

Here's my thoughts, and I apologize for babbling:

Don't give up on this person even if they say to. Help them. Show them you care, and never stop. But don't go overboard because this scares the person. Past abused people can get very angry- help them and ask them why they are? And is it really worth getting THIS angry over? They want chaos, they're used to chaos, and you've GOT to give them some because it's all their used to. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true.

Being too gentle, can freak them out. It's almost like waiting for a punch because it usually happens after the tender touch. Be silly with them, laugh with them. They have hardened their hearts some, and it may show on the outside as well- in their eyes and body language. Treat em' like one of the guys on occasions. Go out and roll around in mud- throw it back and forth, LOL! They need to let off steam that could be hidden or not: go outdoors, walks, throw ball, parks, amusement parks, some wild activity, and I'm not talking sex. Fresh air and keeping this person from thinking too hard is the best thing for them.

Patience---

I may have babbled, but still don't think I'm done or think someone can get me out of my darn rut.

SALDNE don't worry about babbling on here & feel free to return if you wish to do more of it.

If you read this thread through you will note that there are also guys who have suffered abuse who have posted & one of the ladies posted that a US survey don't on male/female abuse said it was about 50/50 so the males being abuse isn't that unknown & wonder about all the unreported cases of both sexes.

As we are all different individuals so is treating each person abuse recovery, all we attempt here is offer someone who does care.

 

[Guest]

SALDNE don't worry about babbling on here & feel free to return if you wish to do more of it.

If you read this thread through you will note that there are also guys who have suffered abuse who have posted & one of the ladies posted that a US survey don't on male/female abuse said it was about 50/50 so the males being abuse isn't that unknown & wonder about all the unreported cases of both sexes.

As we are all different individuals so is treating each person abuse recovery, all we attempt here is offer someone who does care.

I apologize, Gil. I only skimmed through the thread, and wanted to vent a little as well as letting people know how to understand. Okay, well, as you can tell, I'm kind of confused myself because obviously, I'm still having problems. But there are some things that have been helpful such as being outdoors and being active keeping the person's mind from dwelling...showing he or she that there is a better life out there, it's not all about abuse. To accept it and believe it...something I'm trying my best to do, but keeping failing myself and others.

blah, blah. I think I need a stiff drink!

 

[Don K Dyck]

I apologize, Gil. I only skimmed through the thread, and wanted to vent a little as well as letting people know how to understand. Okay, well, as you can tell, I'm kind of confused myself because obviously, I'm still having problems. But there are some things that have been helpful such as being outdoors and being active keeping the person's mind from dwelling...showing he or she that there is a better life out there, it's not all about abuse. To accept it and believe it...something I'm trying my best to do, but keeping failing myself and others.

blah, blah. I think I need a stiff drink!

Hi Saldne . . . don't apologise for surviving abuse, celebrate it!!

One of the ways that people come to accept that their personal circumstances is by babbling on and getting their thinking in some sort of order. It is a step in the healing process.

Congratulations on taking another step towards recovery!!

 

[Gil_T2]

I apologize, Gil. I only skimmed through the thread, and wanted to vent a little as well as letting people know how to understand. Okay, well, as you can tell, I'm kind of confused myself because obviously, I'm still having problems. But there are some things that have been helpful such as being outdoors and being active keeping the person's mind from dwelling...showing he or she that there is a better life out there, it's not all about abuse. To accept it and believe it...something I'm trying my best to do, but keeping failing myself and others.

blah, blah. I think I need a stiff drink!

Never apoligize for anything you have posted here as no offence has been taken & I add my ditto to what DON has posted, feel free to use this thread or PM or email us & by us I mean any of the caring ppl that post here as we do care.

 

[Quoll]

BUMP

 

[Gil_T2]

BUMP

Thanks for the bump QUOLL & hope you'll return to let us know how you are here or the Aussie thread we do miss you posting.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Hula Bump

Sending a lilltle hula wiggle and a bump to everyone!

 

[Gil_T2]

Sending a lilltle hula wiggle and a bump to everyone!

Wow now don't go over doing thing with your back but thanks for the welcome bump to the thread & hope the back continues to improve.

 

[cymbline]

.....

 

[Quoll]

This is very hard for me. I have been wanting to post here for awhile. Trying to find the courage. I am ashamed and yes I know that I have no reason to be, but I still am. It is hard to change the way you think after so many, so many years of believing a certain way. I was told that this would be very good therapy for me to post on this thread. I hope they are right, as I trust them to be. I was sexually abused by my father and mental abused and physically abused by my step-father. Only a few people know of this. I have felt very alone in the world until a couple of days ago. I feel very vulnerable right now. Very exposed. But i think I will be okay.

Cym, You wil be ok, you are already changing the way you think, I know how hard it has been for you to get the courage to post, but as always it is the first step that is the hardest.

Posting here is not just good therapy, it is opening yourself up to help, from a very special group of people.
I`m so happy to hear that you do not feel so alone, I am sure the people here, myself included, will do everything in their power to make sure that you continue to feel this way.
I am very proud of you, this has been another huge step.
You Take Care Of You, ok.

 

[Gil_T2]

This is very hard for me. I have been wanting to post here for awhile. Trying to find the courage. I am ashamed and yes I know that I have no reason to be, but I still am. It is hard to change the way you think after so many, so many years of believing a certain way. I was told that this would be very good therapy for me to post on this thread. I hope they are right, as I trust them to be. I was sexually abused by my father and mental abused and physically abused by my step-father. Only a few people know of this. I have felt very alone in the world until a couple of days ago. I feel very vulnerable right now. Very exposed. But i think I will be okay.

CYMBLINE you are welcome here & you vulnerability isn't to be unexpected & the fact that both your father & step father abused you is something that I could only imagine as these are the ppl who are meant to be our support as we grow not the one to take advantage with either physical or mental abuse.

We are not experts on the subject but just ppl who care & who have had some abuse of their own to deal with so please feel free to post here on anything that comes to mind no matter how silly you might think as getting it out there does help,BANDIT my loverly lady has told me it is like lifting a bit of the gloom by just sharing it here & if you read the whole thread you will see that the ppl her do care about you & anyone else who needs us to lean on,vent to or just sound out.

Professional help is a must in most places there is a free call abuse line that offers nothing but assistance in finding help.

I hope you will come back & use us any time you feel the desire & know you are NOT to blame & have no reason to feel ashamed.Your strength is growing just by taking the step of posting here.

 

[cymbline]

.......

 

[kikmosa]

Damn I `ve had a bunch of flowers sitting here for weeks with your name on them, but you can`t have them now, until you know what you are allergic to.
Hope they find out as soon as they can.

5' 3'' be still my heart.

That 5' 3" is with shoes on, lol. It's 5' 2.5" without. You can send the flowers anytime you want to. I had the tests and had no reactions to anything. Doc said I was fine. The next morning I was welts from one end to the other. It's happening every two weeks and 24 hours like clockwork. They say that they may never find what I'm reacting to and that it might even be something my own body is producing. Oh joy, even my own body is betraying me now. Kind of makes me wonder if it's worth the effort anymore. I'm ready to just give up.

 

[Gil_T2]

That 5' 3" is with shoes on, lol. It's 5' 2.5" without. You can send the flowers anytime you want to. I had the tests and had no reactions to anything. Doc said I was fine. The next morning I was welts from one end to the other. It's happening every two weeks and 24 hours like clockwork. They say that they may never find what I'm reacting to and that it might even be something my own body is producing. Oh joy, even my own body is betraying me now. Kind of makes me wonder if it's worth the effort anymore. I'm ready to just give up.

Dear KIKI please do not even talk about giving up YES I know things keep getting you down & the thought of being happy seems distant & you health is giving you lots of trouble BUT the alternative is something that dosen't hold any good either, you know how bad my health is & I don't even tell all but as your seen there is hope & it often comes when least expected, I am happier than I've ever been even though I'm sicker than ever as well, there are lots of reason to fight on & that is what every day is a fight, I now have a wonderful lady who makes it all worth it who understands & accepts me just as i am.

PM or email me if you want to talk please, you are a wonderful lady who I care deeply about.



wondering if your work place has a regular bug spray program ??????????