How do kids change your relationship?

[Chicklet]

I'm curious

Those of you involved with long term serious relationships but also in serious D/s relationships (whether both are the same partner or not) how does having kids effect your life? I know that there are probably numerous things, but what are the first three or four that pop into your head?

-Chicklet

 

[Arden]

The hardest part is finding time to be alone together.

Some sort of sound system in your room is a necessity, so you can crank up the volume and not be overheard.

 

[FungiUg]

The hardest part is finding time to be alone together.

Some sort of sound system in your room is a necessity, so you can crank up the volume and not be overheard.

Agreed. And in our case, no live-in submissives until the boys have finished growing up and moved out. (Impatient? Me?)

They're cool kids, and I do have to remind myself not to resent or take out frustrations on them. Getting easier now I've had more practice.

An old joke is a couple are asked what sex aid they find best. The answer is "Vaseline."

The person asking looks at them in horror, and says "you know it's not water soluble!"

They look back at her and say "oh no, we use it on the door knobs. That way the kids can't get in!"

 

[Arden]

And a good lockset on the bedroom door is a must!

 

[da grunt]

posted by Chicklet ... but what are the first three or four that pop into your head?

I've 3. A boy, and his twin brother and sister. I suppose it was okay until they started hitting puberty, then the shit really hit the fan from the wife's point of view. Caveat everything I say with the obvious, everybody is different, as is every situation, but in my situation my wonderfully submissive wife fuckin' submitted to those little motherfuckers! Really worked some screws loose in her brain group. With each kid, the responsibility, the financial burden, the desire to provide more than we had, the sibling rivalry, ado-phuckin'lessence, getting into trouble, learning life's lessons, just plan old getting by, et-al, its friggin exuasting. After 10 or 12 years it becomes like a bad tv show, doooh.

Caveat emptor, all folks are different, but please, I beg all submissives, who know what they are and know perfect freedon, to forgo children. Please. If your Master insists, don't let those fuckheads rule you! Just my nickel ...

 

[catalina_francisco]

As Arden says a sound system in the bedroom is a must though we use it more as a denial tool for us as we know the noise of a good whipping, caning etc., carries through the dynamics of a Dutch house like it was designed to orchestrate a symphony....spankng is reserved for other locations, or sheer desperation with a loud TV going in the living room, and again a liberal dose of denial in 'oh, he can't hear us maybe'. LOL.

Is a bit of a style cramper as we much prefer being free to do whatever wherever, but my son did not ask to be included so we are considerate and try not to shove it in his face too often, and remember the beauty of that freedom we had for a few months last year in preparation. We are finding some good forest locations to let loose in whichhelps, and the occasional weekend away, though I then begin to feel guilty from leaving a bored teenager at home in an alien environment.

Fortunately, I raised both my children in an open atmosphere including my being totally open and receptive to any discussions they wished to have, even those including sexuality issues. They are aware of their mother's kinks and bisexuality, and were aware I was searching for a Master 24/7, and knew Master was it. They realise the dynamics of such relationships, so basically our carefulness is more cosmetic and out of respect for their rights than trying to keep a secret.

Catalina

 

[da grunt]

posted by catalina_francisco ... They realise the dynamics of such relationships, so basically our carefulness is more cosmetic and out of respect for their rights than trying to keep a secret.

Catalina

I completely agree. Kids can sniff lies and secrets from a mile away. You lie to your kids, regardless how white, they'll know and they'll loose respect. I salute you for making this leap and wish you every joy.

 

[Arden]

~Smiles~ I don't think that my 12 year old daughter is ready for the sounds of D/s yet. In fact, she gets jealous of the time that I spend with him on our visits. She's not happy that we sleep in the same bed, either. So, one concession I make is that if he's here at my house, she is welcome to have friends overnight to keep her occupied. Or she can spend the night at a friends house. Last month, we timed his visit to coincide with her visit to her grandmother's home, out of state. That worked out well.

My 21 year old son is fine with the fact that we sleep in the same room. He's off at college most of the year, and doesn't have that posessivness of me and my time as my daughter does.

I had these children long before I became involved in BDSM. We're a package deal, lol. If a man can't handle the fact that they need me, I'll gladly show him the door. There's nothing worse that an adult that gets jealous of the time required to parent. I have never seen them as a burden. The most important things you can give your children is your love and your time.

Soron has a teenage daughter, and they have a wonderful relationship. Part of what I love about him is the fact that he is such a good father to her. He understands when one of my children needs attention, and makes sure that I have that time when needed.

I think I'll keep him!

 

[catalina_francisco]

ooops...computer gliche

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL..yes mine came before my involvement in BDSM so can relate, and though I do not see myself as the exemplary parent I would like to be, I had a vision of things I did not want my children to endure even before they were a twinkle in my eye, one of them being the myths children are fed from adults who believe it is the only way. Like you Arden, I think children are important and a responsibility, and also a blessing, sometimes in the most obscure ways you sometimes miss when you allow the values of others to cloud you vision of the characters they have become as human beings. Sounds as though byou are managing things well though I don't envy you the jealous daughter....been there, done that, and it was hell at times!

I remember a conversation I had once with a cousin I was close to. I was relating over coffee how I had discovered my toddler son masturbating (hard to avoid when he was doing it in front of TV watching Bugs Bunny...oh, maybe there is more of a problem than I first thought!!...ROTFLMAO) and decided to talk to him about the acceptability of it as a natural act, but the sometimes necessary thought as to where and when, which my son understood and from there on adhered to in a sense of privacy issues. My coz on the other hand was horrified and thought me sick because I had discussed it with my child and not told him the 'right' thing as coz put it, that it would make him go blind and grow hairs on his palms. I challenged him by asking if he himself didn;t masturbate, to which he responded he did, but itcertainly was not something he would encourage a child of his to see as natural. Go figure..no wonder so many of us develop confused states and sexual hang ups throughout life with adults who can't deal in the truth. As da grunt (and thanks for the compliment) says, kids do sense lies, but sometimes it not only destroys trust but creates unnecessary confusion.


C