help...

[learning_wife]

My husband is currently in Iraq...and to keep things fresh right now we have been telling each other fantasies and things we would like to do and experiment with. He told me he'd like for me to take complete control; but I am not exactly sure how to do this....Especially considering I am the type of person who would really like the same thing; so it is a big step switching places with him in my fantasies.. I would like to learn as much about it as possible because he comes home in a few months and I want to surprise him because this is his biggest fantasy. Any one with tips or websites that could help would be greatley appreciated.

 

[Sailorman1976]

Wife if you PM me I have a great idea that may help

 

[MBgirl]

It's a lot about confidence. About putting something really sexy on, and initiating the session. Tell him what you want him to do, and tell him what you want to do to him. Depending on what his fantasy is, maybe blind fold him. Get on top of him and be really rough, and yet passionate.

Things like that. I'm sure someone else can give a more detailed reply though

 

[learning_wife]

It's a lot about confidence. About putting something really sexy on, and initiating the session. Tell him what you want him to do, and tell him what you want to do to him. Depending on what his fantasy is, maybe blind fold him. Get on top of him and be really rough, and yet passionate.

Things like that. I'm sure someone else can give a more detailed reply though

Thanks
I like the blind fold thing; but I think I am going to have to question him a little more and find out how far into this he wants to get, because from what I have read it can get extremely intense and I don't know if we would be comfortable with that..

 

[subwannabe]

Buy "The Mistriss Manual" and take if from there. Excellent easy read book.

 

[bailadora]

Thanks
I like the blind fold thing; but I think I am going to have to question him a little more and find out how far into this he wants to get, because from what I have read it can get extremely intense and I don't know if we would be comfortable with that..

Exactly this. The definition of "take control" varies from person to person. Get him to be a bit more specific aboout what he wants and go from there. Even if some of his fantasies don't quite do it for you, give some thought to as to what you would be comfortable with and see if you can modify it somewhat.

Best of luck to you both on your adventure!

 

[learning_wife]

Buy "The Mistriss Manual" and take if from there. Excellent easy read book.

i most definetly will!
anything to help, thank you.

 

[learning_wife]

Exactly this. The definition of "take control" varies from person to person. Get him to be a bit more specific aboout what he wants and go from there. Even if some of his fantasies don't quite do it for you, give some thought to as to what you would be comfortable with and see if you can modify it somewhat.

Best of luck to you both on your adventure!

Glad to see i'm more or less on the right track, thanks!

 

[Vixandra]

My husband is currently in Iraq..

I bolded what I feel is a pretty important part of this statement. I'm not sure what your husband is doing in Iraq, but if he's in any kind of combat situation, you should be VERY careful about taking complete control sexually or involving any kind of bondage.

Initially, I'd recommend against blindfolds, restraints, or anything that cuts off his mobility, vision or hearing. Situations that take away those things can trigger a PTSD break down (not the scientific term but it works). Having a lover hit his "fight or flight" instinct in the middle of sex can be at best, mood-ruining and at worst very dangerous.

Instead, I'd suggest going more sultry seductress or try a roll play scenario. "Buying" him at an auction, bringing him home and training him to be your perfect pleasure pet can be a lot of fun. Direct him in what you want him to do, how you want him to do it. Be firm and clear.

I do not mean to be a buzz kill, but I've worked with people that are fresh back from combat zones. Dealt with people going through audio-visual hallucinations brought on by something that restrained them in one way or another. Its not fun and its not easy to deal with.

If he does okay with the perfect pet scenario, then next time, with warning that its going to happen, amp it up a level. Bring in one form of binding, be it a blindfold or a pair of quick-release velco cuffs. Be VERY aware of his reactions and react accordingly. What's okay one night may not be the next.

You might try cross-posting this over to the BDSM board for ideas too.

 

[learning_wife]

I bolded what I feel is a pretty important part of this statement. I'm not sure what your husband is doing in Iraq, but if he's in any kind of combat situation, you should be VERY careful about taking complete control sexually or involving any kind of bondage.

Initially, I'd recommend against blindfolds, restraints, or anything that cuts off his mobility, vision or hearing. Situations that take away those things can trigger a PTSD break down (not the scientific term but it works). Having a lover hit his "fight or flight" instinct in the middle of sex can be at best, mood-ruining and at worst very dangerous.

Instead, I'd suggest going more sultry seductress or try a roll play scenario. "Buying" him at an auction, bringing him home and training him to be your perfect pleasure pet can be a lot of fun. Direct him in what you want him to do, how you want him to do it. Be firm and clear.

I do not mean to be a buzz kill, but I've worked with people that are fresh back from combat zones. Dealt with people going through audio-visual hallucinations brought on by something that restrained them in one way or another. Its not fun and its not easy to deal with.

If he does okay with the perfect pet scenario, then next time, with warning that its going to happen, amp it up a level. Bring in one form of binding, be it a blindfold or a pair of quick-release velco cuffs. Be VERY aware of his reactions and react accordingly. What's okay one night may not be the next.

You might try cross-posting this over to the BDSM board for ideas too.

Wow; I never would've thought about that. But those are some extremely good points. And I think I will post this there just to get some more ideas. Thank you everyone so much; I can't believe how supportive and nice most people are here

 

[Somehowyou]

So this is a relationship of seductive emails and love letter? Maybe a DVD? Am I correct? All guys deep down would love to be dominated. Maybe not 24/7 but for a fantasy night. I also think that playing the cuckold hubby is fun. There is something about the way men are wired. Most of us are turned on by the fact our wives/gf may have sex with another man. I can remember being turned on and hurt at the same time. But if you are playing it can be very erotic. Can you send him email's "hurry back I need someone to please me." and "I cant wait much longer." Hint about it and see if he wants to play and then take it form there. His dick will be so hard. I love to be made jealous it is so erotic.

 

[bailadora]

All guys deep down would love to be dominated. Maybe not 24/7 but for a fantasy night. .

Oh really? My husband never got that memo....

To assert that all men want to be secretly dominated is just downright false.

 

[Somehowyou]

Oh really? My husband never got that memo....

To assert that all men want to be secretly dominated is just downright false.

If its a secret how the hell would you know?

 

[Somehowyou]

Take a look at these threads. Yes there are different strokes for different folks. Most men will never admit this. I wouldn't to my male friends. I have never really admitted it to my S.O.. I just hinted that this kind of stuff makes me excited. Sometimes we discuss it during sex and it makes things so much better.


http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=697637

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=696969

 

[bailadora]

If its a secret how the hell would you know?

Because I've tried sharing my dominant side with him and he patently has no interest in that aspect of my personality. One time, he gave it the old college try because I asked him to, but I could tell it did zilch for him. It is what it is....*shrugs*. So again, I assert that the generalization that ALL men desire to be secretly dominated is false.

 

[Somehowyou]

Because I've tried sharing my dominant side with him and he patently has no interest in that aspect of my personality. One time, he gave it the old college try because I asked him to, but I could tell it did zilch for him. It is what it is....*shrugs*. So again, I assert that the generalization that ALL men desire to be secretly dominated is false.

Point taken....give me a call and we can play

But back to the thread, learning wife's man sounds like he may like this type of teasing. If this is so she/he needs a gentle way to slowly ease this into their love making (or teasing if it is over the net). If it doesn't work for both parties than they should consider going in another direction.

 

[learning_wife]

thanks everyone

 

[malstroem]

My advice is just to take it slow at first. Don't jump right into bondage or anything extreme. I'm in a LDR where we often play with control and I didn't have a lot of experience with it when we started out. I just took it slow, never crossing any limits but pushing them a little every time.
Start with the simple things like teasing him without letting him touch you or riding him where you control the speed. Remember to communicate though. Talk before, during and afterwards. Knowing what he thinks and enjoy should also help you staying confident and not worry that you pushed him too far (or not far enough). It will also help you figure out what to do the next time.
Good luck with it and remember to have fun too.

 

[NaomiWiz]

I must say you are one lucky woman. My bf never likes the Idea even the simplest position of going on his top. Well since your hubby asked for it, you go gurl! Enjoy!

~Naomi~