Help I suck at sex

[Metamorphose]

Not in real life, of course. In real life I give my one and only triple and quadruple orgasms twice every night and once in the morning with my 32 inch erection … yep.
But I feel I can spin a decent tale, create believable characters enticing drama, hot conflict, build a crescendo and then fzzzzzp.
People have been telling me that my sex scenes are lame, or worse, tedious. That really hurts. I mean, what’s the point writing in Literotica if you don’t get ton of bored dudes spanking the monkey while scrolling with their left over your prose?
So I need to know what makes a good sex scene.
Is the buildup enough?
Maybe I’m making them too long?
Lots of detail, only specific details?
Technically and terms are important?
Should I stick with words like cock or should I vary with – love pole, shmulik, Johnson, rod etc..
Maybe I don’t use enough visual and other sensual props?
Anyone with a clue is invited.

 

[Metamorphose]

Sample sex scene

I’ll add here a scene of mine – I aimed for hardcore fast sex and got burned down by someone who said it was tedious. I’d like to hear where it goes wrong.


"We're not getting a divorce, Dan."

"You're afraid, me too, but I think … I know it's for the best."

"How can you be so calm about this?"

"I'm not, Ana, we haven't slept in the same room for two months, this is-"

"I didn't ask you to go sleep upstairs."

"You never told me to come down, either."

"But I want you to, I wanted for so long. I miss you so much, I miss what we had." She touched his cheek with the tip of her finger. "Come down with me, please. We can make everything right again, I know you miss me just as hard."

"Ana I … "

She leaned over and kissed his cheek then her lips went up to his forehead. Feather light touching, like an artist applying his final touch to the painting. She took his hand and kissed it too, then placed it on her breast.

"Ana, I … " He gently pulled back. "There is nothing more I want in this world but I can't turn the clock around. What you did … no that’s not fair, what we both did to each other."

She felt her rage flaring. "So this is it, instead of fighting you'll just fold again, run away as usual."
"I'm not going to fight you, Ana, I'll let you and the kids have everything you need."

"Of course you won't fight me, you never do, me or anyone. Pretty fucking amazing for a guy who won the heavyweight championship, but you never pick a fight that isn't a walk in the park, you’re a wuss."

"Stop it."

"You are, I've seen you so many years, in work, everywhere, jokers with half your brain and talent, pass you by, no, leave you behind them in a cloud of dust. People who contribute nothing to the company get a raise while you work seven days a week and get the boot. You’re apathetic."

"That’s not fair."

She rose up. "Oh, that’s not fair? How do you think I feel about it? To be married to someone who doesn't care enough to fight for her? That sure makes me feel desirable." She wiped her eyes with her arm. "You're always so damn passive about everything. Instead of manning it up once in your life, you choose to run away from your problems like a real fucking coward."

"Ok, I heard enough -."

The slap resounded around the little room like an insult.

Dan massaged his cheek slowly. "That felt good, Ana?"

Slap, this time on the right.

"Stop it!"

Her hand came down again but he deflected it. She tried to land another one with her left but he intercepted that one too.

"You're a wuss, Dan, a real pussy."

He rose, "Stop it, you'll wake the kids, you know how long it took me to put Liana to sleep?"

"You're an idiot." She tried to slap him again but he deflected her. She kicked his crotch and he

lost his concentration long enough for her to land another slap. This time she used her nails and it left three bloody trails on his cheek.

"Stop!"

"You're so damn passive, so thick, there's simply no way getting through. An idiot."

"I'm not an idiot."

"The biggest ever – " She tried to slap him again but he grabbed her hand, she tried with her left but he grabbed that one too.

He pushed her backwards until her back and hands pressed against the cold wall. "I'm fucking tired of you and Alice and anyone else calling me an idiot all the time."

"But you are."

"Sure I am. You were so smart you didn’t have the grades to get into Jerusalem Law faculty. Daddy had to butter them up with a nice donation so they would accept you. And Alice, she went to some idiotic arts school, but I'm the idiot. I won excel scholarship in mathematics. I fought like hell to get that degree and no one ever gave me a dime. My psychometric grade is 730, what was yours, honey?"

"An idiot."

His face was millimeters from hers, "I hate you."

"That’s the spirit," Ana closed the tiny gap between them and closed her mouth on his. It wasn't a kiss, it was a lioness leaping on her pray.

Dan felt his lower lip go numb from the pain.

Ana licked the blood off her own lips and smiled her triumph.

"Jesus."

She lunged again this time he answered with passion and attacked right back. Their lips and tongues met. Nothing was tender about it. Like two snakes trying to strangle each other they fought for domination. First Ana's tongue pushed into his mouth and then he pushed her right back. Their heads separated for a second, Ana gave a vicious laugh and lunged again. She didn’t let go this time and so did Dan, the kiss lasted forever like a competition to see who would run first out of air. Dan did.

"Wuss," she raised her legs and wrapped them around his waist.

"Bitch."

"Do it!" Her voice came out raw and throaty.

Dan let go of her arms, pulled his boxers down and tried frantically to pull her babydoll up. There was a sharp ripping sound followed by Ana's throaty laugh.

"Shut up, you'll wake the kids."

"Idiot."

"Shut up!"

"Do it!"

He lunged between her legs. There was a slight resistance but she was already wet. His cock's head slipped for a second on her slit and then she opened up like the castle gate hit by the enemy ram. Her wet folds wrapped him in a loving grip he missed so much he almost came then and there. It was a powerful lunge, full of anger and revenge and shame but passion too. Ana hit the wall behind her hard and felt her butt being squashed and still he kept pushing.

Something between a moan and a growl came out of her lips.

Dan pulled back.

"Do it!"

He lunged again, harder, it hurt. She laughed.

"Do it!" She sunk her nails in his back.

Wham.

"Do it!" She sunk her teeth in his shoulder.

Dan bit on his bloody lip and lunged harder.

Ana pulled her head back and moaned, loud, so he covered her mouth with his to keep her down. It earned him another bite.

Her butterflies went amok. They flew all over the place on iron wings, scratching and biting with sharp teeth.

Boom, she slammed against the wall. "Harder!"

His cock skewered her like a sword, trying to slice her bowels open.

"Harder!"

Dan started pistoning in and out in abandon. He never knew sex could be so rough, never imagined trying to hurt someone would feel this way.

Wham. In and out. Faster.

"Idiot."

"I hate you."

"Show me!"

He did.

He poured it all. His misery, his blame, her infidelity, his powerlessness, his shame, her wickedness. So much wickedness.

"Feels good?"

"Shut up."

"Say it!"

"Bitch!"

"Show me!"

He did.

He grabbed her legs from around his waist and pulled them up, up on his broad shoulders, folding her like a paper doll. When he lunged this time she thought she'll rip apart.

"Oh god!"

"Had enough?"

"Harder!"

Wham. With a grunt, he thrust himself hard into her. She screamed as he impaled her. The pounding continued; without respite. He offered her no chance to adjust to the shock of his erection within her. He fucked her fast, hard, his hips slamming against her at every stroke. His fingers etched in her thighs her fingers biting into his hard muscles. His eyes were burning, looking at Ana and through her. He was punishing her, making love to her, pouring wrath and passion. Using her body for his own needs.

"Harder!"

She growled and struggled, then sunk her nails in his arm until his cock swelled inside her. She was dripping hard and every nerve in her body sang fire. His cock was plowing her deeper than ever. Nothing like their dignified missionary sex.

"Harder!"

Ben has given her pleasure, Nadav has given her pleasure, David has given her pleasure and now her husband was burning inside her, burning her.

"Harder!"

She thought the wall might break or she would break or both. "Harder!"

Something broke. Inside her like a dam hit by a flood. The first stone flew and then another and another until the whole structure collapsed. She lowered her legs and wrapped them around him in a vise like grip then bit on his shoulder so hard he screamed. She didn't let go. Her mouth tasted blood and she twitched on the waves of her orgasm.

With a grunt, he came, erupting within her. She felt the wet slap of his semen, and her face burned with ecstasy. Dan gave a last powerful lunge inside her, then she felt him pulsing on a last tidal wave.

They kept standing like that forever or maybe a few seconds.

They were both covered with sweat, blood and not a small amount of Ana's love juices. They were both breathing hard. She pulled his head onto her shoulder in a motherly tender gesture and Dan's big body shuddered.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I know."

"I love you more than anything, so much …. I never wanted anything or anyone but you. I need you, Ana."

She pushed his head back and kissed him tenderly.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

On the one hand some people just love to throws criticisms and often the critics haven't got a clue about how hard it really is to write these things - on the other hand not only do you HAVE to have a thick skin around some of the categories, but if you use the critiques as part of your own objective work on your craft, there are some great lessons that can be learned here.

I actually believe that at least in some instances you are getting some very very experienced and talented people reading and writing hereabouts and that means that the standard expected 'can' in certain instances be very very high.

There is nothing 'wrong' with what you wrote but I can see where the picky people are going to focus on particular things... You see, by 'high standard' I guess I mean that some people have seen a lot of stuff before and are sharply aware of the difference between streamlined and skilled transitions compared with more casual attempts at these kinds of narrative.

Three things in particular stood out to me - if you are interested in what people could be reacting less positively to:

1. people don't generally believe that couples who draw apart are going to spontaneously get back together. That is, the hardened cynical reader, let me say, more or less believes there are REASONS people drift apart - whether due to the pressures of attention to kids, or work, or financial stresses, or insufficient time, or EVEN just plain growing bored with each other. Consequently, readers want to know WHY they drifted apart - and you have to give a good reason that underscores why there is 'a story' in it (you don't necessarily expect people to be interested in boring people's boring lives!). Tell us something about why the characters are important (to you) or why they should be important to a reader. And, then, they want to have A GOOD REASON OR CAUSE for why the fires were rekindled - and there, you can't necessarily assume people automatically believe in 'just plain because of sex,' either!

2. nowadays many people react negatively to pure aggression as a cause of sex, or in the event that you want to show spirit in someone, you are going to have to go by a more complex route that plain anger or reactive irritation, I think...

3. I don't particularly think you are jocular within your story, but I'm getting this feeling that you are prepared to use humour as a means of dealing with sex - don't do it. That is, either make your story intentionally outright funny and focussing on the humour rather than the sex, or, if you want to write something erotic, treat the sex part with as much gravity and seriousness as you can possibly give to it. I have found that, unless you are one of those extremely rare and extraordinary talents who can give a uniquely erotic spin to humour, readers just plain detest anything that drops the sincerity or seriousness of the sex act even just a tiny little bit.

Don't hide in a story. Don't hide BEHIND an invented tale. Give something of yourself into what your are writing. And aboveall - KEEP ON WRITING, KEEP AT IT NO MATTER WHAT CRITICS OR OTHERS SAY. NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you really want to do it, you will get there if you try. And by 'there' I mean to a place where you don't really care or mind what critics say because their criticism will have taken on a different tone, a tone you don't give credit to as far as its 'being right' but because it is starting to reveal more about the critic than about you the writer.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

And then again I have to say, as once upon a time a younger writer myself(!) I recall when people appeared to think I was making stuff up when I had been writing EXACTLY the facts as they happened. My mistake back then was assuming people could read characters' motivations into their actions. I know a lot of writing coaches say 'show action,' but I don't completely agree with that.

I think you have to warn readers BEFORE a character is going to play out an inner motivation, then describe the expression of their motives in the actions, and then remind them AFTERWARDS TOO, what the motivations were.

I actually get the point/points you were writing into your story, but not as a reader, more as a writer who kind of gets what you're trying to do. And here's something weird about streamlining a narrative: cut stuff OUT. Cut everything out that you possibly can. Readers make the intellectual jumps from very economical clues, but drift off when things are too heavily drawn out, as long as those clues and signposts were obvious enough. And the more economical they were, you might well find, the less clunky the story will be in the telling.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You hit the nail on the head with TONS OF BORED DUDES SPANKING THE MONKEY.

Regardless of what anyone says Lit readers are jaded and seen it all before and have no attachments to characters. They want a better high is what they want.

I just started reading books by Lawrence Block. He published porn for a long time before he wrote noir. The sex he includes in the noir is effective but hardly there. The power of the sex is in the characters the sex affects. They react to it before and afterwards. Example: A hitman see's a headshrinker, along the way the shrink discovers the hitman is fucking his ex, so he murders her; when the hitman learns of the murder and who did it he kills the shrink. So the sex doesn't need to be detailed. The affect and effects need to be clear.

 

[RoyceConnors]

It not only has to be realistic, it has to hit on an emotional level with the readers. It's the reaction to things being done, more than the action itself. People know sex, what they don't know is what happens to your characters during sex. It doesn't have to be 2-3 pages of sex action, just long enough to get the point if it across.
Cock, prick, dick are fine to use. The others just make it cheap sounding. There's a section in Writer's resources on writing realistic sex and terminology for body parts that you should check out, among other things there.

 

[Metamorphose]

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1. people don't generally believe that couples who draw apart are going to spontaneously get back together. That is, the hardened cynical reader, let me say, more or less believes there are REASONS people drift apart - whether due to the pressures of attention to kids, or work, or financial stresses, or insufficient time, or EVEN just plain growing bored with each other. Consequently, readers want to know WHY they drifted apart - and you have to give a good reason that underscores why there is 'a story' in it (you don't necessarily expect people to be interested in boring people's boring lives!). Tell us something about why the characters are important (to you) or why they should be important to a reader. And, then, they want to have A GOOD REASON OR CAUSE for why the fires were rekindled - and there, you can't necessarily assume people automatically believe in 'just plain because of sex,' either!
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I think I'm good there, the scene out the context of the story may look contrived, I think its handled well in context.

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2. nowadays many people react negatively to pure aggression as a cause of sex, or in the event that you want to show spirit in someone, you are going to have to go by a more complex route that plain anger or reactive irritation, I think...
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I have no idea how to do that - complex route that ends in aggression - can you throw an example?
I went for aggression cause I thought it got me both hot sex and conflict (even if it is pretty banal)


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3. I don't particularly think you are jocular within your story, but I'm getting this feeling that you are prepared to use humour as a means of dealing with sex - don't do it.
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You were on the spot here - Point taken.


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Don't hide in a story. Don't hide BEHIND an invented tale. Give something of yourself into what your are writing.
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Dude thats just plain crazy - I'd die of shame if I would even under a pseudo name. I salute those who can, I'm not there.

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If you really want to do it, you will get there if you try. And by 'there' I mean to a place where you don't really care or mind what critics say because their criticism will have taken on a different tone, a tone you don't give credit to as far as its 'being right' but because it is starting to reveal more about the critic than about you the writer.
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No, I like critics - someone who is brutally telling the truth is the only way for me to grow as a writer. I'm mature enough not to take anything personally.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

I know there are a lot of people much more skilled at working the concept of 'conflict' in a story, but I suppose the basic way I understand it, is that conflict occurs where someone is prevented from getting to somewhere or to some-'thing' they desire to get to.

I mean a lot of what writers have to do is trial-and-error most of the time in their drafts, to get really skilled at developing 'conflict' and its eventual resolution within a story.

Maybe... you can describe or somehow underscore what each person desires, and then what is preventing them from achieving their goals, and then, possibly, anger energizes one or other of them to forcefully 'break through.'

If you are brave enough, I would just plain accept that you 'might' get some uncalled for wild criticisms over it, but - I would by no means go light on any cultural or religious undertones/overtones. I would really go over the top and outline whatever specialized knowledge that you have, and THEN, in that way, maybe you will be far less 'unrevealed' in terms of personal feelings if you know what I mean. I think people appreciate and realise the validity of insights into cultures or beliefs and it IS the fate of all good writers to 'publish and be damned.'

One thing that struck me reading your story is that I really wanted to hear much more and with no fear at all about the religious or cultural or whatever is policitally correct to call it, aspects. Writing liberates the voices of everyone who writes. I want to hear from that personalised voice. As you say, it is the greatest challenge to disable the 'shame' component that is always a potential factor dealing with sex - but my god, what an interesting task to try and do that. Even if you fail, it is an experiment worth the doing. Maybe it can't be done. I don't know.

These are the jobs of all writers - exploring the unresolved in human beings and in human nature.

And don't forget, as far as the seriously HOTTEST sex writing goes, it is more often than not what remains unsaid but hinted at, that allows the reader's mind to go to those intimate places, without ever having actually read the explicit words describing in exhaustive technical detail what is meant to have been going on in the story.

 

[carlieplum]

Personally, I didn't find that tedious at all.