[HELP!] I can't write sex scenes in a sex story

[Senor_Smut]

I'm writing a chapter in an ongoing story that has already featured explicit sex. I have the whole thing finished except for the sex scenes, which I have been forced to skip over. Everything else flows well, or well enough, but when it comes to the nasty I just lock up. This has never been a problem before with any stories I've written. I think I know why it's happening -- chronic major depression puts you in mind of anything but sex -- but it's halted my progress for almost three months on this story and I need to get it done for my own mental health. It's all the worse because when I write sex scenes, they usually go in directions I didn't expect and they change the intended plot of what comes after, so I know these scenes will provoke significant rewrites in everything else I've done.

I've thought of just setting this aside and moving on to another story, but I'm reasonably sure the problem would follow me there too so I'd just be trading one frustration for another.

Does anyone have any ideas for how to break this mental block?

 

[AlinaX]

Have the characters sit down and tell each other about their sexual fantasies.

 

[StillStunned]

I've been struggling with this recently as well. The story parts seem to flow from my fingers onto the screen, but I've had difficulty becoming interested in the sex scenes.

What I've found has helped is to go for regular walks and just let my mind drift. Perhaps listen to music. Then think of the scene, imagine a descriptive sentence or a line of dialogue. Then start picturing the rest around it.

Essentially the trick is to write sex scenes away from the keyboard. Just try out some lines and phrases in your head first and see where that takes you.

 

[AlinaX]

The problem with leaving them until the end is that they can feel like an unpleasant chore, and a lot of the fun in writing sex is all the tangents.

 

[Thanatos_X13]

As someone who struggles with depression too, I feel you on this. Here's what I do.

Write it badly first. Save it in the edit. Just do the most perfunctory, functional writing you can muster. Disregard and disrespect grammar. Jot malformed ideas down as they come to you. Write a little bit at a time. Just write whatever you can manage. Don't sweat it. Just wrote 1 sentence? Fuck yeah, that's still one more sentence than you had before. Then just take it in parts to slowly fix it up, and layer up more evocative language. Treat your writing like a painting. It starts off as raw shapes and then gets slowly refined with each pass.

Read more erotica. New erotica by new writers. Maybe get inspired that way. Even badly written erotica can help. Get inspired spitefully. =P

Watch porn. Describe what you're seeing as an exercise.

 

[TheLobster]

It does feel uncanny to be writing an allegedly sexy story and, when the time comes to get hoy and steamy, all you wanna do is type [ insert sex scene here ] and go on what the "actual plot." I can't say I haven't done it myself.

However, if you find yourself trying to fill those gaps but you realize they mandate plot changes later on, then I'd posit they weren't "just" sex scenes but real pieces of said plot. As clinical as it might feel, I think such important scenes should be plotted just like any others (unless you are just an avowed pantser but it doesn't look like you are). Break them down into bits: stages, positions, rooms, etc. then plan and write those bits one by one. Then make several editing passes to "stitch them back together," sprinkling in the sparks and emotions and clever wordplay and whatever it is that's your secret sauce for writing great sex scenes.

At worst, if the patchwork cannot be smoothed over, you will have a rough first draft that you can then use to try and write the whole scene in one go.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Try the KISS principle. Write the scene very simply. Though we as writers often try to add the most mind-blowingly acrobatic sex of all time, there's nothing wrong with two people doing a little oral and then missionary style, and getting off. Heaven knows it's what usually happens in the real world anyway. Having said that ...

Write it badly first. Save it in the edit. Just do the most perfunctory, functional writing you can muster. Disregard and disrespect grammar. Jot malformed ideas down as they come to you. Write a little bit at a time. Just write whatever you can manage. Don't sweat it. Just wrote 1 sentence? Fuck yeah, that's still one more sentence than you had before. Then just take it in parts to slowly fix it up, and layer up more evocative language. Treat your writing like a painting. It starts off as raw shapes and then gets slowly refined with each pass.

There is definitely something to be said for Thanatos_X13s idea. I often use this method when I'm stuck on something.

 

[intim8]

If you're finding that you try writing a sex scene and your brain just can't get into it after mulitple attemps, try writing a "sex" scene where the characters try to start, but just aren't into it and give it up. Have them work out why either through internal monologe or a conversation.

Might be therapy for you, and might make the story a lot more compelling.

 

[Senor_Smut]

Lots of excellent advice here! Thanks!

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Not all sex scenes need to be described in great detail. I've read more than one series on Lit which was brilliant for the first few chapters, but rapidly got to the point of "oh god, not another repetitive sex scene... let's skim to the plot".

If that sex isn't adding to the plot or characterisation, we don't need to know the details, any more than it happened. How you summarise it can be more telling. One of my favourites has one character making lunch "before Dan comes up for his afternoon blow-job. Ham and cheese sandwich, a quartered apple. It's my default; easy and filling.

Dan's cock is easy and filling, too." (Move on to later that day, we now know the narrator is getting more relaxed around Dan.)

If you mention what happens just enough to get back to the story, then on re-reading you'll probably see if that pace works, or whether you want to flesh out a scene more, maybe take some away from another scene.

 

[Senor_Smut]

Not all sex scenes need to be described in great detail. I've read more than one series on Lit which was brilliant for the first few chapters, but rapidly got to the point of "oh god, not another repetitive sex scene... let's skim to the plot".

If that sex isn't adding to the plot or characterisation, we don't need to know the details, any more than it happened. How you summarise it can be more telling. One of my favourites has one character making lunch "before Dan comes up for his afternoon blow-job. Ham and cheese sandwich, a quartered apple. It's my default; easy and filling.

Dan's cock is easy and filling, too." (Move on to later that day, we now know the narrator is getting more relaxed around Dan.)

If you mention what happens just enough to get back to the story, then on re-reading you'll probably see if that pace works, or whether you want to flesh out a scene more, maybe take some away from another scene.

I definitely do that in scenes where the characters have done whatever they're doing before -- so I wouldn't write the blow-by-blow of a husband and wife having PIV for the thousandth time unless it was to emphasize that the act had become stale, and even then I'd focus on one or both characters thoughts and emotions a lot more than the act. I absolutely would write the same couple when he talks her into anal for the first time.

That's kind of the point of the scenes I'm writing for this though -- each of them has the character do something she has never done before and has sworn she would never do, so the details are important.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Is it an option to write a scene where the characters aren't feeling it? Not something you'd want to do in every chapter, but as part of a bigger story, should be okay to have a very occasional moment where it ends up at "you know what, let's just cuddle tonight", and that can go some interesting places.

 

[ElectricBlue]

If you've written a story without the sex scenes being integral, perhaps it's not an erotic story at all. Bolting the sex in afterwards, it seems (to me, anyway) that the story doesn't need sex. Readers will spot the disconnect, I'm sure, and won't believe it.

Or, it means the characters aren't ready for sex, in which case, do what I do: write another scene in a cafe, take them for a walk in the park, on the beach. That always works for me. But then, sex is always integral in my stories, so it's rarely a dilemma.

Maybe you should finish the story and publish it in Non Erotic.

 

[Senor_Smut]

Because of the nature of the story, "Let's cuddle" isn't an option for the MC. And the sex scenes are absolutely integral to the story, both in detail and in the story's overall arc. Publishing the chapter without them would be jarring and confusing. So I have to find a way to get it done.

Fortunately a good walk through the woods and some appropriate porn seems to have loosened things considerably and I'm actually making progress again. So thanks everybody! (You're welcome, Dr. Nick!)

 

[gunhilltrain]

Because of the nature of the story, "Let's cuddle" isn't an option for the MC. And the sex scenes are absolutely integral to the story, both in detail and in the story's overall arc. Publishing the chapter without them would be jarring and confusing. So I have to find a way to get it done.

Fortunately a good walk through the woods and some appropriate porn seems to have loosened things considerably and I'm actually making progress again. So thanks everybody! (You're welcome, Dr. Nick!)

You're not writing instructions about how to assemble IKEA furniture. I'm planning a sequel where the main sex scene is "glossed over." The previous chapter had all of the details, so this one will be more about what the characters do before and after the act. It's really about their feelings towards each other. I think it's erotic, but I don't think I have to repeat what I've already written about.

I realize that you seem to have a stand-alone story here, but you can work around it in different ways. By the way, I find most porn (at least the video type) to be - let's call it unrealistic and not a very good inspiration for writing.

 

[AchtungNight]

Envision the characters. What would you like them to do with each other? What would they like to do with each other? Find some mutual interests and let things play out. If they need to bond more, add extra dialogue or maybe a non-sexual action scene. My first two big femslash stories featured a car chase and a groper beat-down to bond the leads. It worked to arouse emotions and bring them closer together.

 

[Senor_Smut]

You're not writing instructions about how to assemble IKEA furniture. I'm planning a sequel where the main sex scene is "glossed over." The previous chapter had all of the details, so this one will be more about what the characters do before and after the act. It's really about their feelings towards each other. I think it's erotic, but I don't think I have to repeat what I've already written about.

I realize that you seem to have a stand-alone story here, but you can work around it in different ways. By the way, I find most porn (at least the video type) to be - let's call it unrealistic and not a very good inspiration for writing.

Oh no, this is a chapter in a multi-chapter story. But the character's sexual horizons being expanded is the whole point of the story. The hows and whys are integral parts of the story, as are her thoughts and emotions as it unfolds. Without that, the story loses its drive and momentum. Fading to black or showing her where she is after it happens but not how she got there defeats the purpose of the character study I'm trying to write. Plus, I don't WANT to exclude them.

 

[Senor_Smut]

Envision the characters. What would you like them to do with each other? What would they like to do with each other? Find some mutual interests and let things play out. If they need to bond more, add extra dialogue or maybe a non-sexual action scene. My first two big femslash stories featured a car chase and a groper beat-down to bond the leads. It worked to arouse emotions and bring them closer together.

Part of the issue is that the characters are almost complete strangers to each other, which is a significant part of the eroticism in the scene. That's why cuddling, bonding, talking, and finding common ground aren't things I can turn to in this specific case. Still, it's good advice generally.

 

[Britva415]

Focus on what the characters are feeling with their emotions and their sensations, instead of focusing on what their sex looks like to someone watching.

Start with the beginning of it - even before any foreplay. How does it feel to them to shift gears from not-sexytimes to, oh, now it's looking like sexytimes might happen, to, ah, now we're getting started, to, ooh, it's happening, to, hey, we did that.

Telling the story this way can make it easier to find inspiration to spell out what's actually happening, sexual-activity wise.

 

[THBGato]

Not all sex scenes need to be described in great detail. I've read more than one series on Lit which was brilliant for the first few chapters, but rapidly got to the point of "oh god, not another repetitive sex scene... let's skim to the plot".

I find myself doing this ALL the time, especially with longer stories.

So, ask yourself: do you really need those sex scenes? Or could you just write the aftercare, where they are all sweaty but cuddling, so it is clear sex has taken place, but use this as an opportunity for dialogue?

 

[nice90sguy]

sex is often the least sexy aspect of sex

 

[Bazzle]

sex is often the least sexy aspect of sex

Totally agree. There is more fun teasing for it.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

All I write are sex scenes in my stories..
Its always raunchy, smutty, to the point..

Here's an example..
https://www.literotica.com/s/playing-near-the-pool

 

[AlinaX]

We went upstairs, undressed, fucked until we had both come several times, then slept... but the best bit for me was awaking an hour later. She was still asleep, her body radiating a fierce heat and wrapped in an aroma of sweat, sex and lingering perfume, her skin salty beneath my lips, her pussy a cum-filled feast of raw desire. Achingly hard, I took her again, waking her to startled pleasure with a deep, easy thrust.

 

[nice90sguy]

We went upstairs, undressed, fucked until we had both come several times, then slept... but the best bit for me was awaking an hour later. She was still asleep, her body radiating a fierce heat and wrapped in an aroma of sweat, sex and lingering perfume, her skin salty beneath my lips, her pussy a cum-filled feast of raw desire. Achingly hard, I took her again, waking her to startled pleasure with a deep, easy thrust.

Assuming that's from your diary. Here's an extract from mine

We went to IKEA. Traffic was terrible. It started raining, and M and me had another argument about white vs wood shelves. Wrote another couple of hundred words while she was in the bath