Oral sex is more intimate than penetrative sex.

[mildlyaroused]

I've always thought this. I'm not entirely sure why. But to me (in both real life and in fiction), oral sex is the most intimate sexual act there is. I look forward to writing oral sex far more than writing penetrative sex.

Maybe it's because our sexy organs were always designed to fit together; because penetrative sex is, in some way at least, a physical process of reproduction. Oral sex transcends that natural fact. It is not a process of evolution (at least in the same way).

Maybe it's because oral sex is fundamentally a gift, rather than a mutual experience. There are exceptions, but giving oral sex doesn't have to involve receiving pleasure in return (physical pleasure, that is). You are stimulating your partner without being stimulated in return. You are gifting them an experience that you yourself are not experiencing. I'll admit that in this case, there is something to be said about the reverse of this - in penetrative sex, you are experiencing a mutual thing together, and that bond can be extremely powerful.

Anyway, maybe - and I think this might be the reason for me - it's because oral sex involves your face. A person's face is their most human aspect. When I'm love with someone, it is their face and their smile which I fall in love with. That is the most unique part of their body, the part which I connect to most. It's their face, for goodness' sake! Cute!!! So, when a person is using their mouth to pleasure you, they are using the most human part of their body to pleasure you; the most personal part of their body. That feels more intimate and more connected to me than using sexual organs.

This all applies (in my opinion) to erotica too. My favourite sex scenes to write are oral ones, and my favourite sex scenes to read are oral ones. It feels more tactile, somehow. It feels more intimate. Part of the reason writing oral sex can be more fun is that there is simply more to write about. People have less control over their sexual organs than they do their tongue and mouth, so there is less specificity to get into when it comes to penetrative sex.

I don't know what others think about the matter, and I'm not sure that I'm even expecting a reply to this thread, but I felt like trying to articulate myself. I'll also add that, more important than the sexual act is the context: oral sex and penetrative sex can both be supremely non-intimate. They can both be forms of fast physical pleasure. But in the context of romantic sex, I think oral sex is more intimate when done properly.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

I've always thought this. I'm not entirely sure why. But to me (in both real life and in fiction), oral sex is the most intimate sexual act there is. I look forward to writing oral sex far more than writing penetrative sex.

Maybe it's because our sexy organs were always designed to fit together; because penetrative sex is, in some way at least, a physical process of reproduction. Oral sex transcends that natural fact. It is not a process of evolution (at least in the same way).

Maybe it's because oral sex is fundamentally a gift, rather than a mutual experience. There are exceptions, but giving oral sex doesn't have to involve receiving pleasure in return (physical pleasure, that is). You are stimulating your partner without being stimulated in return. You are gifting them an experience that you yourself are not experiencing. I'll admit that in this case, there is something to be said about the reverse of this - in penetrative sex, you are experiencing a mutual thing together, and that bond can be extremely powerful.

Anyway, maybe - and I think this might be the reason for me - it's because oral sex involves your face. A person's face is their most human aspect. When I'm love with someone, it is their face and their smile which I fall in love with. That is the most unique part of their body, the part which I connect to most. It's their face, for goodness' sake! Cute!!! So, when a person is using their mouth to pleasure you, they are using the most human part of their body to pleasure you; the most personal part of their body. That feels more intimate and more connected to me than using sexual organs.

This all applies (in my opinion) to erotica too. My favourite sex scenes to write are oral ones, and my favourite sex scenes to read are oral ones. It feels more tactile, somehow. It feels more intimate. Part of the reason writing oral sex can be more fun is that there is simply more to write about. People have less control over their sexual organs than they do their tongue and mouth, so there is less specificity to get into when it comes to penetrative sex.

I don't know what others think about the matter, and I'm not sure that I'm even expecting a reply to this thread, but I felt like trying to articulate myself. I'll also add that, more important than the sexual act is the context: oral sex and penetrative sex can both be supremely non-intimate. They can both be forms of fast physical pleasure. But in the context of romantic sex, I think oral sex is more intimate when done properly.

Some people say kissing is the most intimate act of all. They just don't say where.

 

[StillStunned]

Some people say kissing is the most intimate act of all. They just don't say where.

It depends who you're kissing. Sheep mostly like it outside in the meadow, for instance.

 

[Treeview]

oral sex is the most intimate sexual act there is.

Hi @mildlyaroused

Thanks for writig you r comment. All true

All senses are i play. this makes oral sex sooo sensual

 

[Plathfan]

Some people say kissing is the most intimate act of all. They just don't say where.

Scientifically, the body's three most nerve-concentrated areas are the fingertips, the anus, and the lips. Since kissing the fingers seems rather pointless, it would be more practical to focus on the second area on the list.

 

[NancyPan]

I definitely agree. In my FLR, I am no longer allowed PIV sex (it has been years). I consider worshipping my wife orally to be a tremendous privilege and she knows that the potential of being allowed it very much motivates and excites me. I feel one with her when engaged in this most intimate practice, even when my penis is restrained and restricted from direct stimulation. I can feel every movement and pulsing of this most intimate part of her as she literally fucks my face and tongue.

In addition, as a submissive, I find the position of oral service to be inherently submissive. In contrast, as a Dominant Woman, she does not reciprocate orally, nor would I expect her to. It is my role to worship and serve her.

 

[StillStunned]

Since kissing the fingers seems rather pointless,

Try it some time.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Try it some time.

Absolutely. A touch of fingers to lips, or a touch on a cheek, is pretty much a constant trope for me, to portray intimacy and connection. Also, a touch to a wrist can be exquisite. I should write Victoriana!

 

[StillStunned]

Absolutely. A touch of fingers to lips, or a touch on a cheek, is pretty much a constant trope for me, to portray intimacy and connection. Also, a touch to a wrist can be exquisite. I should write Victoriana!

The insides of the forearm, from wrist to elbow, where the skin is thinnest. Kissing, licking, taking your time. Things they never teach you in school but that make life so much more interesting.

 

[gin53man]

giving orgasmic pleasure without receiving physical gratification yourself is intimacy in its purest form

 

[mildlyaroused]

Absolutely. A touch of fingers to lips, or a touch on a cheek, is pretty much a constant trope for me, to portray intimacy and connection. Also, a touch to a wrist can be exquisite. I should write Victoriana!

The insides of the forearm, from wrist to elbow, where the skin is thinnest. Kissing, licking, taking your time. Things they never teach you in school but that make life so much more interesting.

Hands and forearms are also super attractive. They are another of those things which feel very human... like, look at our fingers - ten weird spindly little guys that we can move around to hold things. And we have this funny impulse to hold each other. So cute! Humans are simultaneously so adorable and so evil...

 

[ElectricBlue]

Hands and forearms are also super attractive. They are another of those things which feel very human... like, look at our fingers - ten weird spindly little guys that we can move around to hold things. And we have this funny impulse to hold each other. So cute! Humans are simultaneously so adorable and so evil...

There's a bunch of my stories with a very obvious thing for buttons, on cuffs, strategically undone to tease or reveal cleavage, one button left to undo, that sort of thing. Every button undone slowly. Indeed, one of my novellas is titled Twelve Silken Buttons.

And this:

I saw how the back of her hand was lightly freckled, the veins like a river on a map, and ever so slightly blue. Her skin was quite pale. A long scar ran along the side of her little finger, and I imagined some childhood accident, a young girl running inside to find mother, when only a father would do. I saw a tiny pulse on a vein near her wrist, and counted her heartbeats. Her pulse was quite quick, and I lost count at twenty-two.

 

[SimonDoom]

Not for me. The advantage of intercourse is the ability to be face to face with your partner during the act. I like oral but see it as a bit less intimate and more performative than regular. But I see what you mean.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

The insides of the forearm, from wrist to elbow, where the skin is thinnest. Kissing, licking, taking your time. Things they never teach you in school but that make life so much more interesting.

Back of the knee, inside of the thigh... Oh, the places you'll go...

 

[OffNSFW]

One thing I've had fun with (in life and in stories) is oral sex as a dominant act, focusing on the vulnerability of providing your genitals for your partner to sample, of the power of tasting and suckling at your partner's most vulnerable taste.

Scientifically, the body's three most nerve-concentrated areas are the fingertips, the anus, and the lips. Since kissing the fingers seems rather pointless, it would be more practical to focus on the second area on the list.

I fellate my partner's fingers all the time.

 

[StillStunned]

I fellate my partner's fingers all the time.

Fingers and toes!

 

[intim8]

giving orgasmic pleasure without receiving physical gratification yourself is intimacy in its purest form

Sometimes a hand job/fingering can be more intimate than any of them because of this, all the things OP said, and because there can be more immediate eye contact and kissing and cuddling.

People in the throes of extreme arousal/orgasm tend to go off into their own world for a few moments, but when one of them is fully present and grounding the other in the relationship with eye contact, it can be incredibly powerful.

Some of the same goes for masturbation while one only watches.

Manual stimulation is often portrayed as what you "settle for" when the other options are off the table for whatever reason, but for people in a truly intim8 relationship, it can be the best thing for some moments.

 

[intim8]

Not for me. The advantage of intercourse is the ability to be face to face with your partner during the act. I like oral but see it as a bit less intimate and more performative than regular. But I see what you mean.

I think all of the above have their place, and they are the kind of variety that is often overlooked for focusing on positions and places.

And that includes the occasional "one sided" intercourse.

 

[SimonDoom]

I think all of the above have their place, and they are the kind of variety that is often overlooked for focusing on positions and places.

And that includes the occasional "one sided" intercourse.

I'm all for variety, so I agree. Everything has its place, and in sex, as in many things, I think being open to new experiences and variety can make it better. Plus, sometimes it's nice to focus on the receiving end, and sometimes it's nice to focus on the giving end.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Absolutely. A touch of fingers to lips, or a touch on a cheek, is pretty much a constant trope for me, to portray intimacy and connection. Also, a touch to a wrist can be exquisite. I should write Victoriana!

One of my many drafts is about a Muslim friend of mine describing getting together with her now-husband. Let's just say her description of daringly holding hands with him, around the time they decided to get engaged, packed the same emotional punch as many a story of romantic full-on sex. A manly finger, running delicately up your palm! And the huge feeling of naughtiness, when they actually kissed before the wedding! She'd never told anyone else about that, in nearly 20 years.

I really want to do the story justice and make it as hot as it was when she told me, but of course I've known them since they were students.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

It's all about what's going on in the characters' heads. Fucking can be pedestrian or really intense; oral sex can be boring or intimate.

Or a kiss can blow minds. (Insert Princess Bride quote here) I have a couple characters who meet via an ad, so A is sucking off B within minutes. This happens a few times, (in chapter 2 A gives blow jobs to B and another guy, and the latter is really boring), progresses to sex, but just before the sex, and a few weeks later, there's kisses which are way more intimate and arousing than any of the sexual stuff.

A shy, careful slide of a cock into a nervous channel that turns out to welcome it, vs someone who will perform oral on pretty much anyone at a party in exchange for a drink? It can go that way as well.

 

[THBGato]

Yep totally agree with this. It's why I rarely bother having the my characters use toys/strap-ons, I have to say. Oral sex all the way.

 

[Boobytrap73]

This is an interesting thing to think about for me but I'm left with a few questions. Is the intimacy of oral sex for the person doing it, the person receiving it or both? My first thought is that, if it's a gift of pleasure than it's the giver but if someone is giving me pleasure without asking for anything in return, that's going to increase my gratitude and is thus intimate.

Also, if it's the altruism of the act--giving without receiving--then is oral sex any more intimate than a hand/finger job? Is it the mouth that makes the difference (along with not being able to look your partner in the face).

For altruistic intimacy, how about boob sex? It's purely one sided but the "giver" also has the risk of getting semen in her eyes.

~BT73

 

[Trionyx]

This very issue was raised in my story Maleficent

The FMC had less-than-satisfying intercourse previously and turned to oral sex until she slept with the MMC.

“Maybe that's why I turned to oral sex which never felt so...uh...uh... 'intimate.' That's the word I was looking for: intimate. Having someone put their cock in you makes you feel very vulnerable and, I think, it makes intercourse so much more personal. Oral sex? Well, not so much.”

This convo was based on the remarks I heard from a woman who described feeling very vulnerable when she would first spread her legs for a man. She believed oral sex was all about the orgasm but intercourse was more about connection and intimacy.

 

[Dearelliot]

I agree, and I feel sticking your tongue up a lady's ass is also intimate! Swapping spit with her...