Gaming vs Relationships

[Christopher2012]

I apologize for that PM.

When I left for Augusta originally, I actually handled leaving home better than my parents did. I actually only talked to them once a month when I moved out and my mom was really upset. So I was like "Well, I could move back home and pay off loans." They were cool with that. And I buy them stuff all the time. I replaced all electronics in the house with Apple products, paid a big down payment on a new car for my mom, refrigerator, washer, dryer, the little iRobot thing, and food. I pay for a lot. So they like me at home.

Do they know? Eh yes and no. I try to hide it. I stay inside of my room all the time. So I see them rarely. They drink too though and I provide them with top shelf vodka 24/7. I buy Grey Goose in bulk.

My mom did notice the AA meeting 12-step book. And she has asked me if I'm starting to drink too much. I think she knows but doesn't want to push me away by prying. And obviously, she knows that I can easily live by myself and live just as destructively. My best guess is that my mom can stop me from a worst-case-scenario situation like driving while intoxicated or doing something stupid. But I haven't talked to them about it otherwise

Maybe I'll try another group then. I thought all AA groups were like that one. Thanks for the heads up.

 

[Hypoxia]

This has been mentioned already, by me and others: Don't TRY to stop drinking, or gaming, or being a hermit, etc. Don't do meetings or therapy or exercises or other interventions aimed at helping you. Only YOU can help yourself. Don't try -- just do it. Stop drinking and gaming and hiding. When you really want to, you will. Until then, you'll just TRY, or maybe not even that.

Same goes with everything else you've whined about for so long. When you finally WANT to change, you will. Until then, you won't -- you'll just keep running games on yourself, and running trips on those of us who read your plaints.

Telling yourself "I can't" really means "I don't wanna". Ya gotta really wanna. Nothing else works.

 

[Christopher2012]

This has been mentioned already, by me and others: Don't TRY to stop drinking, or gaming, or being a hermit, etc. Don't do meetings or therapy or exercises or other interventions aimed at helping you. Only YOU can help yourself. Don't try -- just do it. Stop drinking and gaming and hiding. When you really want to, you will. Until then, you'll just TRY, or maybe not even that.

Same goes with everything else you've whined about for so long. When you finally WANT to change, you will. Until then, you won't -- you'll just keep running games on yourself, and running trips on those of us who read your plaints.

Telling yourself "I can't" really means "I don't wanna". Ya gotta really wanna. Nothing else works.

Uhh I don't think it's quite that easy.

I'm down with letting this thread die. I just can't help but to respond. It's like the Mary thread from last yeah. I was glad when that thing died. And eh, I post a thread every now and then but I rarely post in anybody else's threads. So you could easily ignore me and probably would never even know I existed.

And you have to realize, I hate coming here. I don't hate Lit, but I hate posting my problems here. But the advice is solid. If I post this shit anywhere else on the internet, I get pity answers which suck... I only come to Lit during my darkest and deepest moments when I am seriously reaching out. If you DON'T see me, I'm actually doing okay.

When the thread dies, you might not have to endure me for weeks, a month, or possibly longer. But unfortunately, I may post another thread later. Why do I do it? Desperation? Connection? I don't know. Or maybe I'm the ultimate troll of the internet like the PMs I get accuse me of...

 

[SweetErika]

I apologize for that PM.

When I left for Augusta originally, I actually handled leaving home better than my parents did. I actually only talked to them once a month when I moved out and my mom was really upset. So I was like "Well, I could move back home and pay off loans." They were cool with that. And I buy them stuff all the time. I replaced all electronics in the house with Apple products, paid a big down payment on a new car for my mom, refrigerator, washer, dryer, the little iRobot thing, and food. I pay for a lot. So they like me at home.

Do they know? Eh yes and no. I try to hide it. I stay inside of my room all the time. So I see them rarely. They drink too though and I provide them with top shelf vodka 24/7. I buy Grey Goose in bulk.

My mom did notice the AA meeting 12-step book. And she has asked me if I'm starting to drink too much. I think she knows but doesn't want to push me away by prying. And obviously, she knows that I can easily live by myself and live just as destructively. My best guess is that my mom can stop me from a worst-case-scenario situation like driving while intoxicated or doing something stupid. But I haven't talked to them about it otherwise

Maybe I'll try another group then. I thought all AA groups were like that one. Thanks for the heads up.

I accept your apology.

A friend of mine went to his first 12-step meeting while traveling. He was extremely uncomfortable because that particular group was very focused on religion. They had even come up with their own list of heavily religious books that they basically presented as mandatory reading. It was a disappointing and frustrating experience for my friend because it took a lot of courage to go in the first place and it certainly didn't make him want to go back. It took him trying some different groups at home to find one that he felt comfortable with (that one is very secular, most of the attendees are agnostic/spiritual at most and have similar stories).

If you can find meetings that don't meet at churches, you might have better luck hooking up with a group that downplays the spiritual side of the program and has a style and attendees you can relate to better. Ask around about more secular meetings with maybe a more casual feel, too; most people check out multiple meetings, so they may know of ones that might be a better fit for you than for them. It's worth a shot and just checking meetings out will get you out of the house and connecting with people face-to-face, at least. You can always sit in back and slip out quietly at an appropriate time if it becomes clear the group isn't a good fit; at least tell yourself you have the option to leave if that makes it easier to go in the first place. It's like I tell my son when he's not feeling great but isn't sick enough to stay home from school: he needs to go and tell his teacher if he's feeling really sick, and I'll come pick him up right away.

On the exercise front, studies have shown that getting your heart rate up for even just 10 minutes at a time is beneficial. If the thought of going to the gym is too daunting at this point, start walking or doing some sort of exercise for 10 minutes at a time. If that's too much, start with 5 minutes and work your way up. Park your car 5-10 minutes walking time from work, if possible, so you're forced to get a little more exercise and make it part of your routine. Switch your gaming seat to a balance ball, and maybe make a deal with yourself to exercise on it (bouncing, crunches, pushups, etc.) for a set amount of time for every 30-60 minutes of gaming. Make the gaming your reward for doing the exercise.

I get that big lifestyle changes are really hard, so start with very small ones that you can maintain and build on for the long haul.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm an opponent of AA because AA substitutes a new dysfunctional game for the old one, pathological drinking. AA is a cult.

 

[njlauren]

There are all kinds of groups for people in recovery, you don't need to go to AA, they don't exactly have a monopoly. There are addiction groups that don't use the religious crap, you just have to find them. Another option is if you find a therapist who is a specialist in addiction, they often run group sessions that can be valuable.

After reading your last post, Christ, I suspect you have something else running around in your life. The description you gave in school, of making the last minute push and getting the C, etc, makes me think you are a really bright kid who was never challenged in school, unfortunately it rings to close to home. In a sense, that was one of the modes bright kids face, either they zone out, and do things like you did, or they cause trouble, because they didn't have to work (and yes, I am describing myself, I got through sophomore year of HS with a 4.0 without having to work very hard, then crashed...). More importantly, the drinking and losing yourself in video games is sadly not uncommon with people who are very bright, the pathology of gifted kids in life is often not pleasant, despite the people who claim 'they will do fine', many don't, Mensa is full of really bright people who have never achieved anything. And having a good head, you can find 10,000 reasons not to do things...

I wish there was an easy answer, there isn't, but at the very least, recognize that 'real life' is not like school, school is basically a bubble environment that it is lucky most people survive. School can be gamed, as you found out, real life can't be, and with what you face especially. I think you know as well as people who have posted that you are the only one that can help yourself, but one thing I would tell you right now, 25 is young, and in some ways you are a lot younger than that because you have been in bubble mode longer than most people.....

I know I am repeating myself, but you need to find yourself a good therapist, Chris, and I am talking from experience, we are very different people, but I can tell you that I was just as resistant to therapy and such.....a therapist is good, because they help you get to the root of what you are doing, why you are doing it, the hard part may be finding someone you can trust, but you will, and I can promise you if you do the work, it will change things.

 

[Christopher2012]

hahahahahaha funny little fucker. Thanks, Christopher, but if it's hot women you're after, I've travelled the world and Sweden has the best looking women (and men) ever to walk the earth. Hands down. Just a shame it gets so fucking cold, and every home looks like an Ikea catalogue.

Totally true! Me and my best friend were seriously under the impression that Australia had the hottest women and the nicest beaches in the world. What ended up making me change my mind (this was when I was shallow and thought money would make me happy) was when I heard that pharmacists don't get paid as well over there. So I was like "eh... Nevermind." Haha And that dream was gone.

I highly doubt I'll be going anywhere across seas any time soon. It's a nice thought but not really for me.

Njlauren, once I get over this hangover, I'll give you a formal response.

 

[Christopher2012]

Alright... Day 1 of the weaning process. Let's see how this goes.

3 shots to start... cheers. 'sigh'

Edit: Alcohol just tastes absolutely horrible when you're drinking it to wean off... This sucks. I'll be interested to see if I have an absolute meltdown within the next week like I did last time.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Stop the whining.

I smoked for 30 years and quit 13 years ago without any sissy crutches to do it.

 

[Christopher2012]

Stop the whining.

I smoked for 30 years and quit 13 years ago without any sissy crutches to do it.

Nicotine withdrawal is not likely to kill you. Alcohol withdrawal CAN kill you. HEROIN withdrawal CANNOT kill you (not to be confused with people who stop heroin for long periods of time and then think they can tolerate a high dose and then OD).

Alcohol is quite the beast of a drug when it comes to withdrawal.

 

[NightL]

Good on you for starting something you have chosen to do.

“I'll be interested to see if I have an absolute meltdown within the next week like I did last time. I'll be interested to see if I have an absolute meltdown within the next week like I did last time. I'll be interested to see if I have an absolute meltdown within the next week like I did last time."
If you do it will not be the alcohol reduction. Remember the little issue of the Xanax?

Should you drink less? Yes. Should you try to stop completely for a while? Great idea. Alcohol is not your problem, but you wave it around that it has some great mastery over your being. Look at it this way – I imagine that you were getting counselling advice and started on Xanax (or similar) long before you could afford to buy Grey Goose.

In your last two posts it looks like you are setting yourself up for a why me attention seeking failure before you even start to reduce your drinking. Now if you do slip up on your intentions, don’t come charging back here full of indignation saying “I told you so. I am a complete failure. My life sucks” as if it is any responsibility of any one who reads your thread.

Now this total and complete bullshit that somehow you can be compared to someone who drinks so much they will drop dead due to stopping drinking without a withdrawal period belittles your education, qualifications and intelligence. Don’t pull that nonsense on us. I have known of a young person who reached that level Chris and yes, indeed they did die. No way in hell could they have held a job down of any sort. No way in hell could they rise to any level in gaming or indeed anything that would need any element of concentration. No way in hell could they come to a forum and write a diatribe of how their life sucks. The only death will be from our boredom of you continuing to insult us with your portrayal of I am beyond help, my life sucks, poor me.

Your life does not suck – it is actually of a very privileged person. You have family, after all you are still living with them. You have had a significant education and attained qualifications to be respected. You have a job and ongoing career stability. Your debt is of little difference to anyone else who has attained your level of training. It is totally manageable. You can take vacations if you choose. There is indeed a very fortunate life laid right out at your feet.

You are not going to die Chris and any melt down will not be of reducing drinking. Stop that bullshit Chris. Making changes can be hard work, but you don’t hold that challenge unto yourself alone. Each and everyone here will have faced challenges in their lives at some stage or indeed currently or ongoing. You really are not that special Chris. If you slip in your intentions just dust yourself off and start trying again.

Obviously it appears you should now substitute your drinking with heroin – apparently it is safer. Don’t insult us with these ridiculous statements.

 

[njlauren]

Christopher-
You are setting yourself up for failure already, by saying "I wonder if I will implode" and other such crap. Sorry, but you aren't the kind of person with alcohol where the withdrawal symptoms could kill you, you may or may not be alcoholic, but you aren't at that level, as others have said, if you were you would not be working or doing anything, I have seen that. Personally, I suspect you aren't alcoholic, my guess is you aren't addicted to alcohol as much as using it to self med yourself, which is a form of addiction but isn't the same thing as other forms of alcoholism (or at least that is my understanding).

The biggest thing is instead of looking to fail, look for signs of success each day. Instead of expecting to fail, how about celebrating that today, instead of 4 drinks, you had only 3? Or that instead of playing world of warcraft or whatever for 8 hours, you played for only 6 and actually took a walk or watched a movie. Instead of looking at each day as some sort of battle, look at getting through the day as a victory on your way to winning the war. Yeah, it is very easy to feel down, to look down, to see all the blahs, everyone is guilty of that, but you also are deliberately overlooking what you do have. You have a head on your shoulders, besides using as a hatrack at times, you have an advanced education that could be used in a lot of ways, you have a lot of debt but also have the ability to pay it back, and you also have your family there, too (though I kind of wonder how they all play out in your issues, too, if they are feeding some sort of weird codependency...). ...

One of the problems we have as human beings is we don't always see the reality around us. When things are going bad, we see that and forget that good times are out there, too....when things are good, we fly, and we forget bad times can happen,too, so when it hits, it drives us down even further. You are kind of in the seeing everything as bad and not seeing the good for it...and quite honestly, the booze is a way to reinforce that, it doesn't make you feel better, it allows you, helps you, to wallow in it, despite 'taking the pain away' or whatever.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Its amusing to observe the gang playing WHY DONT YOU, YES BUT! with Christopher. Christopher is passive-aggressive, and will never accept any counsel, cuz, he likes frustrating counselors. FUCK HIM is the correct antidote for his game.

 

[NightL]

but you came back yet again for another 2 cents worth

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

but you came back yet again for another 2 cents worth

Referee service. I cant stir the GB 24/7, theyre not fudge (maybe fudge packers). The HT is thickly viscous, and requires a strong arm and a stout paddle to keep stirred.

 

[NightL]

Referee service. I cant stir the GB 24/7, theyre not fudge (maybe fudge packers). The HT is thickly viscous, and requires a strong arm and a stout paddle to keep stirred.

Stirring, How To... style

 

[Christopher2012]

So let's just review...

- I do NOT have a mental health problem which hinders my ability to make efforts and goals

- I am NOT an apcoholic

- My life is easy and bas been handed to me on a silver platter.

- I'm just lazy.

So okay, I'm just going to go with I'm genuinely a lunatic, a crazy man, and deep down I'm actually happy and don't know it. Alright, welp... Guess that wraps it up.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Stirring, How To... style

Is the walrus to remind me of you?

 

[NightL]

Yes "So let's just review..."

So let's just review...

- I do NOT have a mental health problem which hinders my ability to make efforts and goals
I never went down that line - you are prescribed Xanax and no doubt this is monitored.

- I am NOT an apcoholic
Don't think you are - seems you want to be

- My life is easy and bas been handed to me on a silver platter.
You worked hard for your qualifications, no doubt of that. Were you / are you fortunate for your opportunities - yes - and you know that.

- I'm just lazy.
Now this is a difficult one - I bet you ask yourself "why does it take so much energy to be lazy, as I am accused of?" Wipes you out doesn't it? Just keep on trying. I don't think you are lazy.

So okay, I'm just going to go with I'm genuinely a lunatic, a crazy man, and deep down I'm actually happy and don't know it. Alright, welp... Guess that wraps it up.
I will give you this - you are sorely determined to turn everything into a negative - this you are in total control of - that part is easy. Well practised in that aren't you? The rest takes effort - just like when you were studying.

There is a part of me that thinks uncle dribblejohnson is right in one aspect - much easier for you to turn on those who offer advice as it helps assure the one safe blanket outcome you are so familiar with. Life takes effort. Up till now everything has been laid out in front of you - including your folded laundry. Time to step up to the mark of independence. Your call...

 

[Christopher2012]

Yes "So let's just review..."


There is a part of me that thinks uncle dribblejohnson is right in one aspect - much easier for you to turn on those who offer advice as it helps assure the one safe blanket outcome you are so familiar with. Life takes effort. Up till now everything has been laid out in front of you - including your folded laundry. Time to step up to the mark of independence. Your call...

So now I'm not even lazy even though life has handed me everything. I'm pretty sure that no matter what problem I try to describe is, it is COMPLETELY FUCKING DISREGARDED by you guys. It's really annoying. For fuck's sake, I could say that I'm completely normal and you guys would say "NOPE, you're NOT normal!" and then I'd say "I'm crazy" and then you guys would say "YOU'RE SELF HATING OMFG YOU SON OF A BITCH, AND YOU WONDER WHY YOU HAVE PROBLEMS!" and then I say A and you guys say B, then I say C and you guys say D, and then I say D and you guys say C. WTF?

Fuck it. I give the fuck up. This is stupid. I'll figure this shit out on my own. I'm starting to wonder if I'm getting solid advice or if you guys are arguing with me for argument's sake. After all, all I hear is QUIT POSTING AND JERKING US AROUND and then you constantly respond like it's an addiction.

Who the fuck is addicted here? Me or you all? I'm starting to think maybe I'm not the ONLY one with mental issues.

 

[NightL]

All in all there has been a reasonable consistency from those who have replied - just differs from what you want to hear. So who is doing the arguing?

The one person who could have written with authority, JAMESBJOHNSON (damn - first time I have ever used his actual username), probably won't. 1. he is an arsehole 2. he is a miserable retiree and probably has no wish to give away free positive advice. So what you have left is you asking advice from people probably with no professional knowledge, yet maybe some experience here and there - and a dash of common sense.

Fuck it. I give the fuck up. This is stupid. I'll figure this shit out on my own. I'm starting to wonder if I'm getting solid advice or if you guys are arguing with me for argument's sake. After all, all I hear is QUIT POSTING AND JERKING US AROUND and then you constantly respond like it's an addiction.

Who the fuck is addicted here? Me or you all? I'm starting to think maybe I'm not the ONLY one with mental issues.

Got a smile out of this.

So how has the alcohol intake reduction going?

I have no doubt you suffer from mental health issues, you would not be on Xanax otherwise, do I think there is a strong possibility that you hold up situations that you view as impassable to avoid looking at where the problems actually lie - sure do. I told you I would be honest and forthright in my responses.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

All in all there has been a reasonable consistency from those who have replied - just differs from what you want to hear. So who is doing the arguing?

The one person who could have written with authority, JAMESBJOHNSON (damn - first time I have ever used his actual username), probably won't. 1. he is an arsehole 2. he is a miserable retiree and probably has no wish to give away free positive advice. So what you have left is you asking advice from people probably with no professional knowledge, yet maybe some experience here and there - and a dash of common sense.



Got a smile out of this.

So how has the alcohol intake reduction going?

I have no doubt you suffer from mental health issues, you would not be on Xanax otherwise, do I think there is a strong possibility that you hold up situations that you view as impassable to avoid looking at where the problems actually lie - sure do. I told you I would be honest and forthright in my responses.

The cure is for Christopher to stop baiting people to play his cynical game, and use the time to do something he enjoys, needs to do, or increases his health or prosperity. Find other ways to stay inside his comfort zone, then expand the comfort zone.

 

[NightL]

http://www.ohmagif.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/what-did-you-just-say.gif
Edit:
To remove the gif or not? Not - at least I thought about it for a few seconds

 

[Christopher2012]

All in all there has been a reasonable consistency from those who have replied - just differs from what you want to hear. So who is doing the arguing?

The one person who could have written with authority, JAMESBJOHNSON (damn - first time I have ever used his actual username), probably won't. 1. he is an arsehole 2. he is a miserable retiree and probably has no wish to give away free positive advice. So what you have left is you asking advice from people probably with no professional knowledge, yet maybe some experience here and there - and a dash of common sense.



Got a smile out of this.

So how has the alcohol intake reduction going?

I have no doubt you suffer from mental health issues, you would not be on Xanax otherwise, do I think there is a strong possibility that you hold up situations that you view as impassable to avoid looking at where the problems actually lie - sure do. I told you I would be honest and forthright in my responses.

The alcohol reduction didn't go so well. I had a "situation" in which a man came to my job and told me that he wanted to make love to me and then tried to plead his case for why I should be his friend. After arguing, I was like "wtf dude no means no." And then right after that, a man had a grand mal seizure in my parking lot.

So I hit the booze pretty hard the last two nights. I'm not a homophobe but I seriously felt violated. I think I got a taste of what women go through all the time. I'm over it now but at the time, I had to walk out and just think for a min.

Blah anyway... Yeah that was an alcohol-induced response.

 

[Christopher2012]

The cure is for Christopher to stop baiting people to play his cynical game, and use the time to do something he enjoys, needs to do, or increases his health or prosperity. Find other ways to stay inside his comfort zone, then expand the comfort zone.

The only thing I wanted to tell you was that, at my job, we are given what are called "credentials" to access our computer system. The credentials are a series of three letters and they change every day.

Well the other day, my credentials were JBJ and I was like "You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

Hey, what can I say? God works in mysterious ways.