From the eyes of the dedicated lurker..

[Azzy]

Yesterday, I spent many moments bumping threads that contained honest, respectful conversation. Some had fluffy bits, and some didn't.

I was very saddened that my effort didn't have quite the results I was looking for.

I realize that I do not have any standing within this "community" -such as it is. I realize that I have no post counts that shows that I have made a big difference in the structure or flow of this forum. So, you may discount this thread as coming from the eyes of someone on the outside looking in. But, let me say, it is often the ones standing on the outside that have the most objective view.

What I see is people being hurt. People throwing stones at each other. People forgetting the basic human principles of "respect". And, yes, I say people. I have no need to call out names. My nic is obviously not one you recognize, although, I know yours quite well by now.

Is it so very difficult to remember that there is a human sitting on the other side of the keyboard?

Not everyone is going to like everyone. That is just life. But, respect doesn't dictate that you have to like everyone.

Yes, this is an internet site. Many remarks have been made about being "tough" enough or "adult" enough to handle the banter that runs rampant through the cyber halls.

The simple fact is that we don't check our emotions at the door. The people that post here have real feelings, real needs, real issues. Some we may recognize, and some we may not. Why add to the grief of someone else?

I will not presume to say I know what is right for this place. The place that I lurk daily.

Change is never easy. Growth is even harder. Change is necessary for growth. This place will change. It cannot do anything but change. That is the nature of anything that is populated by living things, with different needs.

I suggest then, that if you consider this place important, stay. Contribute with the calmness of knowing that YOU are doing what you can to make the place better.

Take what you can, give back what you can. Learn. Be happy that there are other's out there that feel the same way as you. No one can take away the uniqueness that you bring to the world. Be confident that you may be helping someone too afraid to speak up. Know that you have worth.

I imagine this thread will die a horrible horrible death, and be subjected to ridicule. That is of no matter to me. You can kick the crap out of me for presuming to stick my nose in here. I only hope that someone here, may see a kernel of truth in my words.

The words of an outsider looking in.

 

[Lancecastor]

First of all....Welcome To Hell.

I said very nearly the same things you just posted when I got here as Lance in May, Azzy.

I've used Lit on and off since '96 and have kicked around the 'net for about ten years.

Not much has changed. People are people.

As for BDSM, there's lots of it here to read and exchange ideas about.

Your posts are and will always be as valuable as the next person's....any person's....no matter what anyone else might try to tell you.

Above all; have fun!

Cheers;

Lance

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Yesterday, I spent many moments bumping threads that contained honest, respectful conversation. Some had fluffy bits, and some didn't.

I was very saddened that my effort didn't have quite the results I was looking for.

<snip>

Azzy, your efforts are noble ones at that. Efforts that many of us have tried and received much the same result you have. Yes I too have tried over the past two months to bump threads that are about BDSM and some fun fluff threads only to see my efforts either ignored or have sarcastic comments made to me about them. I understand where the sadness comes from.

I'd like you to know I thought your opening post to this thread was well written and I thank you for it.

~smiles~
dixi

 

[Azzy]

Thank you both.

Dixi -

Many thanks to you especially. I've read your posts with dilligence since coming here.

Your sincerity and warmth shines through. May you never forget your worth.

Az

 

[Persephone36]

Welcome Azzy. Please call me Perse -- and I hope you continue to contribute and not just lurk.

I simply wanted to say I've said the same words. I've had similar feelings.

In fact, lol, before I read this -- I've been mentioning on other threads as well about the word "respect"

But if I may -- I've begun to look at this from a slightly broader perspective (I hope, lol.) I'm thinking a little past the idea of respect.

I think now, if I expect everyone to reach some level of showing respect to others -- well, that's just me judging them. It's all my definition of what is "respect" to me.

And, I feel now, it's not my place either to chastise them for not behaving in my definition of a respectful manner to each other.

I chose to be respectful of each person here -- even if I don't agree with them. But that again, is my definition of respect. And being human I will most likely act in what I consider a disrespectful way occasionally. Hopefully, I apologize when I act in such a manner.

So, I still think it's important to discuss respect. But I think it's important to recognize that there's a deeper level to respect. That has to do with also *accepting* that everyone has a right to be however they are. Even if they don't fit my or anyone's definition of interacting in a respectful manner.

And that's really my new thought on respect. And it's all my personal judgment here, but if I don't feel I receive it or I don't feel I can properly give it -- I just want to respectfully avoid a confrontation.

I like open communication and vivacious discussion. I'm not avoiding that. I just will not involve myself in trying to demean another person. Again, that is using my personal definition of demean.

If I feel offended well, before reacting I feel it is better for me to actively begin to question and see if there is misunderstanding. Again, this is just a way I have of looking at it.

In the end run, I am responsible for my own actions as is each person. I cannot control the actions of someone else. But -- I can continue to act in a way that I feel is genuine to me.


Anyway, just throwing out thoughts.

Perse

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Thank you both.

Dixi -

Many thanks to you especially. I've read your posts with dilligence since coming here.

Your sincerity and warmth shines through. May you never forget your worth.

Az

And thank you for the smile this post put on my face. I'll try and never forget.

~big smile~
dixi

 

[Ebonyfire]

Yesterday, I spent many moments bumping threads that contained honest, respectful conversation. Some had fluffy bits, and some didn't.

I was very saddened that my effort didn't have quite the results I was looking for.

I realize that I do not have any standing within this "community" -such as it is. I realize that I have no post counts that shows that I have made a big difference in the structure or flow of this forum. So, you may discount this thread as coming from the eyes of someone on the outside looking in. But, let me say, it is often the ones standing on the outside that have the most objective view.

What I see is people being hurt. People throwing stones at each other. People forgetting the basic human principles of "respect". And, yes, I say people. I have no need to call out names. My nic is obviously not one you recognize, although, I know yours quite well by now.

Is it so very difficult to remember that there is a human sitting on the other side of the keyboard?

Not everyone is going to like everyone. That is just life. But, respect doesn't dictate that you have to like everyone.

Yes, this is an internet site. Many remarks have been made about being "tough" enough or "adult" enough to handle the banter that runs rampant through the cyber halls.

The simple fact is that we don't check our emotions at the door. The people that post here have real feelings, real needs, real issues. Some we may recognize, and some we may not. Why add to the grief of someone else?

I will not presume to say I know what is right for this place. The place that I lurk daily.

Change is never easy. Growth is even harder. Change is necessary for growth. This place will change. It cannot do anything but change. That is the nature of anything that is populated by living things, with different needs.

I suggest then, that if you consider this place important, stay. Contribute with the calmness of knowing that YOU are doing what you can to make the place better.

Take what you can, give back what you can. Learn. Be happy that there are other's out there that feel the same way as you. No one can take away the uniqueness that you bring to the world. Be confident that you may be helping someone too afraid to speak up. Know that you have worth.

I imagine this thread will die a horrible horrible death, and be subjected to ridicule. That is of no matter to me. You can kick the crap out of me for presuming to stick my nose in here. I only hope that someone here, may see a kernel of truth in my words.

The words of an outsider looking in.

That is the problem. That fact that you even had to mention that your post will be a) ignored or b) discounted is very sad indeed.

Keep posting. You are entitled to post your opinions as well as the next person. But understand that there will always be someone who will step on yours or someone's else's toes. It is human nature. Lit just reflects real life.

Eb

 

[Azzy]

That has to do with also *accepting* that everyone has a right to be however they are. Even if they don't fit my or anyone's definition of interacting in a respectful manner.

And that's really my new thought on respect. And it's all my

In the end run, I am responsible for my own actions as is each person. I cannot control the actions of someone else. But -- I can continue to act in a way that I feel is genuine to me.

I agree with you 100 %, and tried to articulate that myself. You did so wonderfully.

And, Ebony said:

"But understand that there will always be someone who will step on yours or someone's else's toes. It is human nature. Lit just reflects real life. "


I also agree with this. Life isn't always going to be fair. There isn't anyone who is always going to like what I have to say.

Thanks to everyone who has posted so far. I thank you for making this thread seem like it was worth the effort.

 

[Azzy]

Bumping my own thread, because, well, its worth it.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Way to go Az!

~smiles~
dixi

 

[Azzy]

Yep, I may be a lurker, but I'm a stubborn lurker.

Hmm, submissive stubborness.

I wonder if there is such a thing.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Ummmm I think that's called individuality.......maybe.

As long as you're stubborn on the right things I don't see any harm.....right?

LOL
dixi

 

[cellis]

First of all welcome to lit Azzy.

I applaud your courage in coming out and saying what so many of us have tried to say in the last few months.

Please don't stop posting.

Your words are more than welcome.

 

[SierraMoon]

Welcome Azzy!!

Hello Azzy... thank you for your input here.. i hope you will continue to post here.. your insights are a very welcome breath of fresh air in the middle of the stale war going on outside....

i see you are in Michigan also.... i'm near Lansing... you??

 

[Azzy]

Thank you Sierra! I live near the great Shitty of Flint. Yep, the armpit of Michigan. Michigan born and bred.


Glad to know that my efforts were not in vain.

So, if you are near Lansing, does that mean, please say it isn't so, that you are a State fan?

My Wolverine blood runs cold at the thought.

 

[MissTaken]

Azzy!

Great thread.

Post counts, schmost counts.


They simply dont' matter when it comes to who I want to read.

I look forward to hearing more from you

 

[Azzy]

Miss T,

Thank you. I pondered a long time before starting this thread. I'm no stranger to forums, but, didn't feel for a time that my efforts would make any difference.


To all,

I did not formally intro myself at the start of this thread I figured that the minute I proclaimed myself something, then my words would cease to matter.

I am not going to proclaim myself to be anything other than someone intensely interested in the lifestyle, with an ever-expanding open mind, and who has come consider this spot in cyber land a place of great insight, wisdom and some really awesome people.

In fact, I think I may just stick around awhile. Test out my theory of submissive stubborness.

 

[SierraMoon]

Thank you Sierra! I live near the great Shitty of Flint. Yep, the armpit of Michigan. Michigan born and bred.


Glad to know that my efforts were not in vain.

So, if you are near Lansing, does that mean, please say it isn't so, that you are a State fan?

My Wolverine blood runs cold at the thought.

lol... no Azzy.. i'm actually not into college football at all.. although, i have watched some of the games Wolverines vs. Spartans.... (although, i have to admit, i did root for State in those games... you know.. the underdog and all... sorry
)

 

[MsWorthy]

Hello Azzy. Welcome.



~from one person behind a keyboard to another . . . *smiles*~

 

[artful]

Dixi

Azzy, your efforts are noble ones at that. Efforts that many of us have tried and received much the same result you have. Yes I too have tried over the past two months to bump threads that are about BDSM and some fun fluff threads only to see my efforts either ignored or have sarcastic comments made to me about them. I understand where the sadness comes from.

I'd like you to know I thought your opening post to this thread was well written and I thank you for it.

~smiles~
dixi

I read the thread through, I liked it, I liked all the posts. I couldn't think of anything valuable to contribute, but I wanted to welcome Azzy to the Forum also.

Then I set about to find a post to quote, (I do so LUUUUUUUUV to do that). That's when I reached my dilemna, who to quote, who to quote?

Azzy, Lance, Dixi, Perse, Sis, cellis, Sierra, MissT, or MsWorthy. I am happy with my choice, and I bet the others who read this, will be happy with it too.

 

[Azzy]

I went to bed last night feeling like I had succeeded.

I posted to threads with questons, and with fun.

I wake up this morning, to find all those threads buried ... I won't comment on the threads that buried this one, and the threads I had responded to. In my mind, they were quite useless endeavors.

That is just my oh so humble opinion.

Instead of giving up, however, I am going to go in search of those threads that were filled with awesome discussion and maybe some fluffy stuff, and bump them again.

Ohhh..and Art - great choice of quote.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Thank you Art. Your choice of quote was an honor to me.

Azzy, thank you for your kind comments as well.

I'm really sad that this forum has degraded to the point that it has. Even Lance keeps his flames contained in one or two threads, but others here seem determined to ruin this board for those of us that would like to discuss BDSM topics.

When I arrived at this forum in late April or early May, there was a wealth of information and caring people here who embraced this lifestyle, and helped me to figure out what it was I'd been searching for. This forum is less than a year old and in the past two months has changed so drastically that I don't even recognize it. I'm here daily, but am getting to the point that I dread seeing what's transpired over the hours that I was offline and asleep.

This morning, as Azzy already stated, I was sickened to see the disregard and disrespect that some have for this entire board. I'll be here less and less if this continues, as I'll have no use for this place anymore.(Not that I expect anyone will care, and I know its my choice.) I'll be forced to look elsewhere for what I need and want. I don't care who likes who, or who doesn't like who. No one really knows the people that they are fighting with, but would it hurt to have some manners? Would it hurt to respect the people of the forum that haven't done anything but come to learn and socialize?

These are just my thoughts and opinions (and its sad I have to qualify this). I'm not attacking anyone or pointing fingers at anyone. I've admitted that my behavior on this forum hasn't been perfect, and I take responsibility for my actions, and words.

Azzy please forgive me for this rant, and for rambling on your thread. I do hope things calm down before long. This forum has meant alot to me, I hate the thoughts of possibly leaving it.

~sad smile~
dixi

 

[Azzy]

No forgiveness is warranted. Your "rant" sums up a lot of my feelings as well.

I do hope that you will stay and fight the good fight. There is still a lot here. Still a lot of great insight and good friends ... Lots of fun too...You can definitely learn and have fun doing it.

It is, however, hard to see that when you see the great lengths people go to in antagonizing others.

Anyway, I thank you for responding.

I'm going to go see if I can bump some more stuff now ...

 

[zipman]

Thank you Art. Your choice of quote was an honor to me.

Azzy, thank you for your kind comments as well.

I'm really sad that this forum has degraded to the point that it has. Even Lance keeps his flames contained in one or two threads, but others here seem determined to ruin this board for those of us that would like to discuss BDSM topics.

When I arrived at this forum in late April or early May, there was a wealth of information and caring people here who embraced this lifestyle, and helped me to figure out what it was I'd been searching for. This forum is less than a year old and in the past two months has changed so drastically that I don't even recognize it. I'm here daily, but am getting to the point that I dread seeing what's transpired over the hours that I was offline and asleep.

This morning, as Azzy already stated, I was sickened to see the disregard and disrespect that some have for this entire board. I'll be here less and less if this continues, as I'll have no use for this place anymore.(Not that I expect anyone will care, and I know its my choice.) I'll be forced to look elsewhere for what I need and want. I don't care who likes who, or who doesn't like who. No one really knows the people that they are fighting with, but would it hurt to have some manners? Would it hurt to respect the people of the forum that haven't done anything but come to learn and socialize?

These are just my thoughts and opinions (and its sad I have to qualify this). I'm not attacking anyone or pointing fingers at anyone. I've admitted that my behavior on this forum hasn't been perfect, and I take responsibility for my actions, and words.

Azzy please forgive me for this rant, and for rambling on your thread. I do hope things calm down before long. This forum has meant alot to me, I hate the thoughts of possibly leaving it.

~sad smile~
dixi

Dixi,

I completely understand what you are saying and I feel the same way. HOWEVER, leaving won't really solve anything. Take a look at the front page - all of those threads have one post to them. Some have none. Our refusal to post to those threads are speaking louder than any post ever could.

My first reaction was to post to them and to tell Rick to get lost. I was going to say many of the things that you said. Not posting and letting them sink like stones is better. The threads where he is the only one posting are even funnier. He looks like an ass, and that's that.

And as for Azzy, well, you have set a fine example here! Welcome to the BDSM board and thank you!

Zip

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Thank you guys. I just needed to say those things. Ya know get them off my chest. Honestly, I've thought about leaving several times, but never can get to the point where I don't care about this place. Call me sad, tell me I have no life, whatever seems to fit here, I don't care about that.

I agree that by leaving, nothing gets accomplished. And I feel like I've put too much of my time and energy into this place to abandon it and the friendly people I've met here. I won't let a few bad apples ruin the whole bussel for me.

Thanks again Azzy and Zip. Now let's get out there and discuss some BDSM! (oh man I sound like a coach or cheerleader now...lol)

~smiles~
dixi