First Munch Tips?

[DVS]

Let's analize this. Just what was it that your husband hated? Was it what he say, or was it maybe that he was there to see it? Was it the fact that others were enjoying something he really didn't? You said he said he felt guilty. If someone feels guilty, they might feel that way because it's something they like and don't want others to know it, or maybe it's something along those lines.

Did he just not enjoy the electroplay? Was it the violet wand thing that bothered him, or was it something else about it? Were there male subs in this demo? Maybe he didn't enjoy that...or maybe he did and was a little embarassed about it. You know how we men can be with our manly emotions.

I understand that you don't want to force him to go again, but I think it's only fair to you that he explain what he felt and why he thinks he felt that way. Maybe there is something that can be done to change how he feels, or maybe there is something he might enjoy that he's not telling you. you said you are shy...maybe he is, too. Maybe he doesn't know if you would enjoy what he might have to tell you.

Anyway, if he can explain what he didn't like and also, if there was anything he did like about this munch, you should talk it over. And, don't feel too badly about forcing him to go with you next time. If he loves you, he shoudln't be that bothered by just going to watch. That is, unless you decide to join in...that might bother him, so you will have to think about that, if and when it happens.

If ans when you ever join in on one of these demos...and I wonder if there is a too soon for something like this. I've never seen a newbie member join in on a demo before. Not that it's not OK, it's just that maybe some of the more established members might take offense with it. Again, this is just something to think about. There are people who feel new members should sit back and watch for a while.

This isn't just in a munch situation, but in almost any group situation. Some people just get offended that way. If you are wanting to make friends with them, you should read some of their reactions, if you decide to participate. Now, if they are asking for participants and nobody offers, that is a different thing altogether. In that case, you have sat back and allowed the others first choice, and they shouldn't have any room to bitch, if you then step up.

But, above all the different things that happened, I'd talk to your husband about what he didn't like and why...what he did like and why, and what he was just OK with and why. And, be sure he understands what you like, but that you want him to be happy too.

Actually, you could eventually form a smaller group from this group, with people that your husband might enjoy. That's always an option...kind of a spin off of the larger group. Not that you would be trying to break up that larger group, but just making the atmosphere better for your husband and maybe also for others.

 

[High-Tied]

So . . . questions, comments, do y'all hate me for NOT doing stuff? Did I disappoint ya?

Fury

Sounds like a very good first munch. Don't even begin with thinking about disappointing. Good things take time to develop and I am more comforted to know this was no flash in the pan affair for you.

It also sounds like a very positive first step for your husband, as well. True, he did not take in everything, but with a bit of time and seeing you fulfill your desires will go a long way down the road.

Wish I was there to watch you from the shadows. Use whatever analogy fits, but not every batter needs to hit a home run to have a successful at bat!

Good luck for your next munch!

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

You could never be a disappointment and I adore your writing and your pictures too much to ever hate you.

And plus you have given me a lot to think about...... going to be a good monday.

 

[FurryFury]

Let's analize this. Just what was it that your husband hated? Was it what he say, or was it maybe that he was there to see it? Was it the fact that others were enjoying something he really didn't? You said he said he felt guilty. If someone feels guilty, they might feel that way because it's something they like and don't want others to know it, or maybe it's something along those lines.

Did he just not enjoy the electroplay? Was it the violet wand thing that bothered him, or was it something else about it? Were there male subs in this demo? Maybe he didn't enjoy that...or maybe he did and was a little embarassed about it. You know how we men can be with our manly emotions.

I understand that you don't want to force him to go again, but I think it's only fair to you that he explain what he felt and why he thinks he felt that way. Maybe there is something that can be done to change how he feels, or maybe there is something he might enjoy that he's not telling you. you said you are shy...maybe he is, too. Maybe he doesn't know if you would enjoy what he might have to tell you.

Anyway, if he can explain what he didn't like and also, if there was anything he did like about this munch, you should talk it over. And, don't feel too badly about forcing him to go with you next time. If he loves you, he shoudln't be that bothered by just going to watch. That is, unless you decide to join in...that might bother him, so you will have to think about that, if and when it happens.

If ans when you ever join in on one of these demos...and I wonder if there is a too soon for something like this. I've never seen a newbie member join in on a demo before. Not that it's not OK, it's just that maybe some of the more established members might take offense with it. Again, this is just something to think about. There are people who feel new members should sit back and watch for a while.

This isn't just in a munch situation, but in almost any group situation. Some people just get offended that way. If you are wanting to make friends with them, you should read some of their reactions, if you decide to participate. Now, if they are asking for participants and nobody offers, that is a different thing altogether. In that case, you have sat back and allowed the others first choice, and they shouldn't have any room to bitch, if you then step up.

But, above all the different things that happened, I'd talk to your husband about what he didn't like and why...what he did like and why, and what he was just OK with and why. And, be sure he understands what you like, but that you want him to be happy too.

Actually, you could eventually form a smaller group from this group, with people that your husband might enjoy. That's always an option...kind of a spin off of the larger group. Not that you would be trying to break up that larger group, but just making the atmosphere better for your husband and maybe also for others.

Hi DVS,

Thank you for the excellent points you bring up here.

He enjoyed it when the girl was being shocked, legs spread, right in front of him. He even got hard from it. I must say she screamed and moaned in a really pretty way. You could tell it was what she wanted even though she wasn't honest the whole time during the interrogation.

I think he is VERY intrigued with electro play with him as the bottom. He knows a good bit about electric things. He would LOVE to try a violet wand, which is why I want one. I would rather have a real flogger but no, one second thought, I'd rather him have what interests him more.

He didn't like seeing the nude male subs at all. At the same time it alleviated his worries somewhat about his own body.

He enjoyed the complements on his snack that he cooked for the event.

He didn't like seeing the same girl in a different location with a violet wand, something he is very interested in, later. He said he felt guilty seeing her get "tortured." I pointed out that she clearly wanted this to happen. He said he felt like she was put on "display" and he were somehow intruding. I again pointed out she clearly liked to be put on display. The couple could have taken their violet wand and played at home privately but they both made a choice to come do it in public. He agreed with me, but you know, feelings are feelings.

He was worried, titillated or both thinking that this party might include public sex. Clearly this is something that we need to talk about more because I'm not sure how he was feeling about this. I told him sex wasn't the point really and I doubted there would be much intercourse going on but that what went on would be sexual to the people involved but I'm not sure he "got" what I was telling him.

He has told me he didn't want to read about BDSM. That was his choice. He has far less interest in it if sex is not involved directly, at least if he is involved. To him it's all about coming at some point.

I also flashed on memories of how freaked out he has been when I did certain things the first time. Things like bungee cord jumping or having him take pictures of me. Eventually he lightens up about things, usually.

I do think, as much as I wish I had taken more advantage of the demos that what you have said is right on the mark and I made the right decisions. After all, I didn't know any of these people. I didn't have a relationship or verification about them. I think the reason I felt an almost panicked push to try things was fear that I might never get another opportunity. I'm very surprised at how interested, almost frantic I felt to play with people I'd never even met before. *L*

I don't know how they would have felt about my volunteering. The demo guy said anyone who wanted to try it, he'd do them. Only two others did volunteer while I was there.

I asked some questions about memory and electricity, among other things. It was a good feeling to talk about these things seriously. During that talk he asked me if I'd ever seen fire cupping. I told him this was my first event. He seemed a little surprised maybe. I told him it interested me a great deal, that I had researched fire cupping and written about it but no, I hadn't seen it and would love to. So he did that! Yay! I almost felt like he was doing it in part for me. *g* Now I could write it soooo much better!!!

I so want to FEEL it though. I would even like to do it but it's pretty scary safety wise. I'd still need to do some more study and experimentation before I felt ready.

Anyway, the group wasn't large and many of them seemed to be new like us. I didn't get a sense of, you better not step up newbie but maybe I was too deep into my own concerns that this one never even occurred to me?

If I had volunteered, I wouldn't have been doing things as a sub really either but as an explorer. I wouldn't have been thinking of them as my Dom but as a Dom or perhaps merely a purveyor of some really cool toys, sensations or experiences. I'm not sure that would have been a bad thing but it's not exactly what I truly am looking for either.

I now am interested in constructing an electric toy as outlined in a hand out. I think he might be as well. I'm going to keep talking to him when it seems like a fortuitous time. He has this huge curmudgeon thing in him at first on just about all new things.

I feel much better today. Last night my sweetie gave me a great flogging so that helped my down in the dumps and guilt. Then he did other stuff. *smiles*

Fury

Sounds like a very good first munch. Don't even begin with thinking about disappointing. Good things take time to develop and I am more comforted to know this was no flash in the pan affair for you.

It also sounds like a very positive first step for your husband, as well. True, he did not take in everything, but with a bit of time and seeing you fulfill your desires will go a long way down the road.

Wish I was there to watch you from the shadows. Use whatever analogy fits, but not every batter needs to hit a home run to have a successful at bat!

Good luck for your next munch!

I don't know why I got so hung up on disappointing. It just felt too fragile and time sensitive to me, I guess.

I actually am still kicking myself for not kayaking with my Girl Scouts a few years ago more than I am over this though. I actually think the decisions I made were the right ones even though I wish it had gone otherwise. It was a strange day and a strange time for ME of all people to demure. I do have this need to entertain people. It can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing.

I agree in time perhaps my husband might become more comfortable. It took him over a year to really get into the Top role and enjoy it better. I am so thanking him for flogging me and fucking me good in that scene last night. I want him to know how much it helps me and I love it/him.

Munches are just meeting and eating, nothing else.

This was more a demo which was wonderful for me and a play party at which I learned a great deal more.

Fury

You could never be a disappointment and I adore your writing and your pictures too much to ever hate you.

And plus you have given me a lot to think about...... going to be a good monday.

I'm glad to hear it Salvor!

You know what this thing made me want to do? Rent a dungeon so we could try all that stuff in privacy!!!

*smiles and squirms with anticipation*

Fury

 

[raven2]

Hi DVS,

Thank you for the excellent points you bring up here.

He enjoyed it when the girl was being shocked, legs spread, right in front of him. He even got hard from it. I must say she screamed and moaned in a really pretty way. You could tell it was what she wanted even though she wasn't honest the whole time during the interrogation.

I think he is VERY intrigued with electro play with him as the bottom. He knows a good bit about electric things. He would LOVE to try a violet wand, which is why I want one. I would rather have a real flogger but no, one second thought, I'd rather him have what interests him more.

He didn't like seeing the nude male subs at all. At the same time it alleviated his worries somewhat about his own body.

He enjoyed the complements on his snack that he cooked for the event.

He didn't like seeing the same girl in a different location with a violet wand, something he is very interested in, later. He said he felt guilty seeing her get "tortured." I pointed out that she clearly wanted this to happen. He said he felt like she was put on "display" and he were somehow intruding. I again pointed out she clearly liked to be put on display. The couple could have taken their violet wand and played at home privately but they both made a choice to come do it in public. He agreed with me, but you know, feelings are feelings.

He was worried, titillated or both thinking that this party might include public sex. Clearly this is something that we need to talk about more because I'm not sure how he was feeling about this. I told him sex wasn't the point really and I doubted there would be much intercourse going on but that what went on would be sexual to the people involved but I'm not sure he "got" what I was telling him.

He has told me he didn't want to read about BDSM. That was his choice. He has far less interest in it if sex is not involved directly, at least if he is involved. To him it's all about coming at some point.

I also flashed on memories of how freaked out he has been when I did certain things the first time. Things like bungee cord jumping or having him take pictures of me. Eventually he lightens up about things, usually.

I do think, as much as I wish I had taken more advantage of the demos that what you have said is right on the mark and I made the right decisions. After all, I didn't know any of these people. I didn't have a relationship or verification about them. I think the reason I felt an almost panicked push to try things was fear that I might never get another opportunity. I'm very surprised at how interested, almost frantic I felt to play with people I'd never even met before. *L*

I don't know how they would have felt about my volunteering. The demo guy said anyone who wanted to try it, he'd do them. Only two others did volunteer while I was there.

I asked some questions about memory and electricity, among other things. It was a good feeling to talk about these things seriously. During that talk he asked me if I'd ever seen fire cupping. I told him this was my first event. He seemed a little surprised maybe. I told him it interested me a great deal, that I had researched fire cupping and written about it but no, I hadn't seen it and would love to. So he did that! Yay! I almost felt like he was doing it in part for me. *g* Now I could write it soooo much better!!!

I so want to FEEL it though. I would even like to do it but it's pretty scary safety wise. I'd still need to do some more study and experimentation before I felt ready.

Anyway, the group wasn't large and many of them seemed to be new like us. I didn't get a sense of, you better not step up newbie but maybe I was too deep into my own concerns that this one never even occurred to me?

If I had volunteered, I wouldn't have been doing things as a sub really either but as an explorer. I wouldn't have been thinking of them as my Dom but as a Dom or perhaps merely a purveyor of some really cool toys, sensations or experiences. I'm not sure that would have been a bad thing but it's not exactly what I truly am looking for either.

I now am interested in constructing an electric toy as outlined in a hand out. I think he might be as well. I'm going to keep talking to him when it seems like a fortuitous time. He has this huge curmudgeon thing in him at first on just about all new things.

I feel much better today. Last night my sweetie gave me a great flogging so that helped my down in the dumps and guilt. Then he did other stuff. *smiles*

Fury



I don't know why I got so hung up on disappointing. It just felt too fragile and time sensitive to me, I guess.

I actually am still kicking myself for not kayaking with my Girl Scouts a few years ago more than I am over this though. I actually think the decisions I made were the right ones even though I wish it had gone otherwise. It was a strange day and a strange time for ME of all people to demure. I do have this need to entertain people. It can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing.

I agree in time perhaps my husband might become more comfortable. It took him over a year to really get into the Top role and enjoy it better. I am so thanking him for flogging me and fucking me good in that scene last night. I want him to know how much it helps me and I love it/him.

Munches are just meeting and eating, nothing else.

This was more a demo which was wonderful for me and a play party at which I learned a great deal more.

Fury



I'm glad to hear it Salvor!

You know what this thing made me want to do? Rent a dungeon so we could try all that stuff in privacy!!!

*smiles and squirms with anticipation*

Fury

OK, what did hubby flog you with, if you don't have a flogger?

 

[DVS]

...You know what this thing made me want to do? Rent a dungeon so we could try all that stuff in privacy!!!

*smiles and squirms with anticipation*

Fury

You know, that isn't a bad idea, or something along those lines, at least. You and your husband could both experience different things for each of you, and maybe explore different aspects of your desires for being sub and/or Dom.

It would also be good if you could rent a violet wand or TENS unit or something similar. I'm sure both of you would be more at ease playing together with something like this than being in front of a group of strangers the first time. I'm sure your husband would be, at least. You seem more of the extrovertish type...the performer in you, I'd assume.

Speaking of the performer, I'm the same way when it comes to a group. I want to be a part of the demo, be the teacher when I'm able to. Being a musician, I enjoy the feeling of being on stage, the teacher in me gives me the need to transfer the knowledge I have to others and the Dom in me gives me the need to control the whole thing.

Sometimes this all works out great, but sometimes my urge to be in charge or lead can offend others. Mostly, I get this urge when I see a demo or some meeting situation, and I know I could do a better job. And yes, it can drive me crazy, too.

Your husband seems like the ol' stick in the mud kind of guy who doesn't like change, or at least he likes things to change slowly, so he can absorb it all in his own time. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm the same way with a lot of things.

I've always hated change, but my training in computers has helped me to be better at accepting it, and learning to understand that uneasy feeling when I am learning something new, instead of the powerful feeling I have come to enjoy, being knowledgable and in control of the situation around me.

And, anyone who is shy will also feel uneasy when they are around strangers and out of their comfort element. Learning while in a familiar place without strange eyes there to see is less stressful and I think maybe the demo was kind of like that. Maybe the group was just small enough to be too intimate and your husband felt self concious at times.

Now, I would agree with him when around a naked male. Personally, I don't see this as sexy and I'd hope everyone was finished eating before this happened. LOL. Although I know hetro women and gay males don't share my feelings, I do think most hetro men do.

The male body isn't nearly as pretty as the female body. Now, I think most everybody would agree the frmale body is pretty. OK, there are exceptions but aren't there always?

 

[Stegral]

Well Fury, I am soooo glad you wrote !!
DVS, Rebecca, Raven2, Salvor & HT Your comments were awesome...
I am not sure if an up coming event could be labelled as a "Munch" persay it is labelled as a "Fetish Ball". One way or another I am going... I am single now & over the last few years 2 guys in my life have started to pry open the door that has been locked for so long, and hearing my friends talk of "odd" subjects" has started the gears in my head much like your hubby Fury.
I am normally VERY reluctant to do new things but if the seed of thought is "planted" right & nurtured correctly the results can be exactly what you want...
I do still have hard limits that are very "vanilla" thinking... but that is just me...(and I am getting some help with those too )

I am glad you posted the whole experience, and I am grateful for the replies as it takes some of the anticipated anxiety off me as to how these things go...

Thanks again Fury

Steg

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I am happy that you enjoyed yourself Fury. Maybe it was bad that you did not jump into the play the first chance you get because it sounds like maybe you might not get another. Then again your post suggests while your husband did not like the overall experience it might grow on him if he comes back right?? I think that to make it happen besides the basic not enough time syndrome then there will be some compromise on both of your parts, because you liked it and he hated it. I wish you good luck on getting back to one as soon as you can humanly can.

I did take a bit of a step myself to finding a munch to attend, Granceanne give me the link from the ask a dom thread, and I looked again at this bdsm club. And as the game gods seem to be smiling down on me I will send my application for this club tonight or early tomorrow. I also have a friend who would attend with me so I am not a possible third wheel so I would say things are slowly coming together.

 

[FurryFury]

OK, what did hubby flog you with, if you don't have a flogger?

We have a "mini" flogger that is made of rubber and came in a kit. I was sooo disappointed when I saw the size of it. Then my husband told me to bend over, took my pants down and showed me how it could sting pretty damned good. I still want a real flogger though.

Fury

You know, that isn't a bad idea, or something along those lines, at least. You and your husband could both experience different things for each of you, and maybe explore different aspects of your desires for being sub and/or Dom.

It would also be good if you could rent a violet wand or TENS unit or something similar. I'm sure both of you would be more at ease playing together with something like this than being in front of a group of strangers the first time. I'm sure your husband would be, at least. You seem more of the extrovertish type...the performer in you, I'd assume.

Speaking of the performer, I'm the same way when it comes to a group. I want to be a part of the demo, be the teacher when I'm able to. Being a musician, I enjoy the feeling of being on stage, the teacher in me gives me the need to transfer the knowledge I have to others and the Dom in me gives me the need to control the whole thing.

Sometimes this all works out great, but sometimes my urge to be in charge or lead can offend others. Mostly, I get this urge when I see a demo or some meeting situation, and I know I could do a better job. And yes, it can drive me crazy, too.

Your husband seems like the ol' stick in the mud kind of guy who doesn't like change, or at least he likes things to change slowly, so he can absorb it all in his own time. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm the same way with a lot of things.

I've always hated change, but my training in computers has helped me to be better at accepting it, and learning to understand that uneasy feeling when I am learning something new, instead of the powerful feeling I have come to enjoy, being knowledgable and in control of the situation around me.

And, anyone who is shy will also feel uneasy when they are around strangers and out of their comfort element. Learning while in a familiar place without strange eyes there to see is less stressful and I think maybe the demo was kind of like that. Maybe the group was just small enough to be too intimate and your husband felt self concious at times.

Now, I would agree with him when around a naked male. Personally, I don't see this as sexy and I'd hope everyone was finished eating before this happened. LOL. Although I know hetro women and gay males don't share my feelings, I do think most hetro men do.

The male body isn't nearly as pretty as the female body. Now, I think most everybody would agree the frmale body is pretty. OK, there are exceptions but aren't there always?

You know you are right, I am a performer and in that way I am extroverted. I always want to be sure everyone is having a good time and so on.

I am also very shy at my core. So outside of my job or socializing when I have an agenda, I am very quiet and reserved. I feel like I have too many people depending on me, pulling me here and there, so I seek the serene and quiet times to balance.

At this demo, I did feel a need to push myself a bit but I didn't for good reason. I was jealous of those having experiences. I wanted to sit down with them and ask them exactly how each thing felt to them so I could get closer to it but I didn't know them well enough or even have the time to do so.

I often, like you KNOW damned well I could do any public speaking thing better than the person "in charge." This is a problem with many jobs. When you know too much about something it makes it hard to enjoy it. In this case the fellow in charge did very well. He was amusing, he was demanding with the subs and I really liked him, although I know I'm not his favorite flavor.

What makes me tolerate my husbands curmudgeonly ways when my ex husband was that way too is one distinction. My current husband usually joins in enthusiastically and ends up having a good time, usually a better time that I have or anyone else. In this case, that didn't exactly happen but he did his best and that is all I can ask of him.

All humans hate change to a certain extent and yet change is one of the few things you can count on throughout life. It's a difficult thing to come to terms with.

I do like the female body best, I'll admit that but all bodies are beautiful, miraculous things, that is what I am teaching my kids because I truly believe that.

Fury

Well Fury, I am soooo glad you wrote !!
DVS, Rebecca, Raven2, Salvor & HT Your comments were awesome...
I am not sure if an up coming even could be labelled as a"Munch" persay it is labelled as a "Fetish Ball". One way or another I am going... I am single now & over the last few years 2 guys in my life have started to pry open the door that has been locked for so long, and hearing my friends talk of "odd" subjects" has started the gears in my head much like your hubby Fury.
I am normally VERY reluctant to do new things but if the seed of thought is "planted" right & nurtured correctly the results can be exactly what you want...
I do still have hard limits that are very "vanilla" thinking... but that is just me...(and I am getting some help with those too )

I am glad you posted the whole experience, and I am grateful for the replies as it takes some of the anticipated anxiety off me as to how these things go...

Thanks again Fury

Steg

Hi Steg!

I imagine the ball will be quite different from the party and demo I went to. I think it might be a lot easier going, you will be one of many, you know? At our thing there were somewhere between 15-30 and of those at least 8 were new. It was in a small space too.

Now, yours should be in a large space and with lots more people. That, I would think would be easier to ease into for you and your escort.

Is there a con involved too? I really want to go to a con next year because then I could see TONS of demos!!! I will be trying to make that happen.

This wasn't a munch that I went to. That was two weeks ago, though we did have dinner and munchies to graze!

Considering that I have been "working" on my husband since November 2004 and he only this late January seemed really comfortable doing the things I want, it does take time. One does have to be careful and not push for too much too soon. One has to pick times and ways to discuss things just so but with tons of love, reassurance and the wish on BOTH sides to make the other happy, I believe we can find a way to do just that even if he isn't as into BDSM as I am. He now says he is kinky and always has been.

Just yesterday he says he must NOT really be a sub because he would not give over to that Dom easily. He would only do it if the guy broke him which he would find embarrassing.

I still think he would have enjoyed it better if he had volunteered. I know he has a fascination with being on the receiving end of electricity.

Of course I told him I would consider myself a sub in that situation either because I would have had NO relationship with the dude. I thought of him more as opening up a candy box and asking if anyone wanted any. I did. I sure did! *L* Bratty that?

Anyway, I'm sure you will have a GREAT time Steg! I'd love to go with you if I could!!!

Fury

I am happy that you enjoyed yourself Fury. Maybe it was bad that you did not jump into the play the first chance you get because it sounds like maybe you might not get another. Then again your post suggests while your husband did not like the overall experience it might grow on him if he comes back right?? I think that to make it happen besides the basic not enough time syndrome then there will be some compromise on both of your parts, because you liked it and he hated it. I wish you good luck on getting back to one as soon as you can humanly can.

I did take a bit of a step myself to finding a munch to attend, Granceanne give me the link from the ask a dom thread, and I looked again at this bdsm club. And as the game gods seem to be smiling down on me I will send my application for this club tonight or early tomorrow. I also have a friend who would attend with me so I am not a possible third wheel so I would say things are slowly coming together.

Well, we paid to join the group for a year. So I can use the ole "we need to get our money's worth" line! *L*

Here is a funny thing. I don't know if I've said this before but, before my husband said he would come with me, while we were discussing it, I thought to myself, he should go to this other engagement we were wanted at and he prefered to do. I didn't care about that particular thing and go only for him, pizza and my kids who enjoy it. It's a regular thing we do every 1-2 months. Anyway, I was thinking, maybe I should tell him to go on and I will come to this demo/party alone. I didn't say that I only thought it. At that moment he said, "I'll go with you because it's important to you and you go to things for me. Plus I don't want you to go alone." LMAO! How did he know what I was thinking??

Sometimes I think I push him too hard for things that he may consider too strange. I may have talked about this before too. On the way back from our last romantic kinky trip I asked him to describe his perfect sexual and life partner based on the thought that he must often be thinking, would she just LET up already about BDSM and such. He said he couldn't think of anyone more sexually compatible (and in the rest of his life too,) than me. Shocked good feelings flowed out of me in the form of happy tears.

Oh by the way I had some really, really, really strange dreams after that night. I asked the powers that be to answer some question for me. I think they tried but now I can't remember much of the dreams and my beloved dream Jungian interpreter is just gone these days. *sighs* I hate missing people that made me feel hope and happiness for a while.

Honestly, I would like to go to EVERY demo but I know I won't get to. I do wonder now if he would let me go alone and be more comfortable since he has seen that intercourse wasn't taking place there?

Fury

 

[raven2]

We have a "mini" flogger that is made of rubber and came in a kit. I was sooo disappointed when I saw the size of it. Then my husband told me to bend over, took my pants down and showed me how it could sting pretty damned good. I still want a real flogger though.

Fury

Check out serijules site, she has some really interesting satin ones. Address is on the spanking thread.

 

[FurryFury]

Check out serijules site, she has some really interesting satin ones. Address is on the spanking thread.

Yes, I know but here is a GOOD question, what are some good impact toys that are quiet???

Fury

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Edited
Well, we paid to join the group for a year. So I can use the ole "we need to get our money's worth" line! *L*

Here is a funny thing. I don't know if I've said this before but, before my husband said he would come with me, while we were discussing it, I thought to myself, he should go to this other engagement we were wanted at and he prefered to do. I didn't care about that particular thing and go only for him, pizza and my kids who enjoy it. It's a regular thing we do every 1-2 months. Anyway, I was thinking, maybe I should tell him to go on and I will come to this demo/party alone. I didn't say that I only thought it. At that moment he said, "I'll go with you because it's important to you and you go to things for me. Plus I don't want you to go alone." LMAO! How did he know what I was thinking??

Sometimes I think I push him too hard for things that he may consider too strange. I may have talked about this before too. On the way back from our last romantic kinky trip I asked him to describe his perfect sexual and life partner based on the thought that he must often be thinking, would she just LET up already about BDSM and such. He said he couldn't think of anyone more sexually compatible (and in the rest of his life too,) than me. Shocked good feelings flowed out of me in the form of happy tears.

Oh by the way I had some really, really, really strange dreams after that night. I asked the powers that be to answer some question for me. I think they tried but now I can't remember much of the dreams and my beloved dream Jungian interpreter is just gone these days. *sighs* I hate missing people that made me feel hope and happiness for a while.

Honestly, I would like to go to EVERY demo but I know I won't get to. I do wonder now if he would let me go alone and be more comfortable since he has seen that intercourse wasn't taking place there?

Fury

All I can say is that I can tell that you and your hubby share an incredible love, he willing to compromise and head to this new venue. May I ask is your husband normally reserved when you embark on a new play activity or does he just wade into it with gusto?? If he is reserved then maybe just going to more of the demos will get him more comfortable.

A side question you can go to the munches as a vistor right?? I sent an email asking this question to the only club in the city. I want to join this club but not sure I would be first accepted and then to make matters worse its like 15 miles from me. This is really close but when you have to use the bus system then it adds some more complexity to the problem. I also want to drag this girl I met too, so now we would have to get our time aligned so we could both go. So just because of the transprotation issue it looks like I would do many munches over the demos and play parties they have regularly.

 

[DVS]

Yes, I know but here is a GOOD question, what are some good impact toys that are quiet???

Fury

Well, now, that's easy to answer. There are many impact toys that are quiet. Just get yourself a very good gag.

 

[FurryFury]

All I can say is that I can tell that you and your hubby share an incredible love, he willing to compromise and head to this new venue. May I ask is your husband normally reserved when you embark on a new play activity or does he just wade into it with gusto?? If he is reserved then maybe just going to more of the demos will get him more comfortable.

A side question you can go to the munches as a vistor right?? I sent an email asking this question to the only club in the city. I want to join this club but not sure I would be first accepted and then to make matters worse its like 15 miles from me. This is really close but when you have to use the bus system then it adds some more complexity to the problem. I also want to drag this girl I met too, so now we would have to get our time aligned so we could both go. So just because of the transprotation issue it looks like I would do many munches over the demos and play parties they have regularly.

Yes, he is normally quite reserved when we embark on a new play activity. The first time he did anything approaching a spank, I called it later on here, a pseudo spank and I reacted to it very positively to encourage him, it worked too, eventually.

Munches are just meeting for coffee or food. Nothing kinky happens at them. You are just meeting others that's all. I would think you can go as a visitor anywhere there are munches which is most decent sized communities but a fetish club with it's own building, like a night club is maybe not the same as a BDSM local group.

I'm not quite sure about why transportation would make you want to do a munch over demos and parties but if I were you, I'd want to do a munch first to meeting some of the people. Then I would want to see demos and such as that. I was told by one fellow that you don't usually get invited to the demos and play parties after just one munch btw. Usually you have to attend several munches. I don't know if that is true but it stands to reason.

Fury

Well, now, that's easy to answer. There are many impact toys that are quiet. Just get yourself a very good gag.

I'm not the noisy one. The kids don't complain about Mommy screaming or moaning but they do complain about the noise.


My son says that our sex sounds something like this:

*slap*
*slap*
*slap*
*slap*
*slap*
giggle

*slap*
*slap*
*slap*
*slap*
*slap*
giggle

*slap*
*slap*
*slap*
*slap*
*slap*
giggle

Ad nauseam, I really need to research sound proofing our room.

Fury

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Fury I did send an email to one of the leaders of their outreach programs. The munches are workable for me because they are closer then where they do all the demo at. The busses here in the city are not 24 hours they stop at like 1130 ish and do not start until about 5 am in the next day so 15 miles away is a bit insourmountable to walk. I do not know how late the demos last into the night that is only reason I could say I would not attempt to join at this time.

 

[FurryFury]

Leeroy, online is great in it's way but RL is way better. Do what you have to in order to get out there, that is my advice! After all, as I understand it, you are legal and free, go for it and see what happens.

Fury

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Leeroy, online is great in it's way but RL is way better. Do what you have to in order to get out there, that is my advice! After all, as I understand it, you are legal and free, go for it and see what happens.

Fury

I did email one of the leaders of the club and he said that other members do not mind doing the shuttle service so now I just need to hit a munch on a Sunday a few times and then maybe join... I did see something I liked next month a demo or educational talk about wax play.

 

[FurryFury]

Sounds hot! *grins*

Good for you!

Fury

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Sounds hot! *grins*

Good for you!

Fury

Now I just need to get around having to work on Sunday maybe the part time job here is ending if it stops me from having this fun.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm very curious what the next demo will be on. If I only had the time, I learned that there is a demo/party fairly close to me most weekends except the fourth.

*sighs*

Fury

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I need a rescue

Has anyone dove into water not knowing how to swim and exspect something glorious to happen?? I would say that might be the best way to term my first munch. I sit down at a table with at least 2 dom/mes or owers. And no the topic that these 2 were talking about were decidedly not other stuff but bdsm torture scenes, dressing up in German SS uniforms or some of the others regimes. Then this sorta rolled into talking about Passover and so forth. I just kinda sat that listening and taking it in. I did not have much to say until it was over and people started to break up and leave.

Now this does not mean I would not go to one again but I might pick my tablemates a bit more carefully, the other issue is that I am sure I was the only true newbie there and that puts me behind the eight ball in some respects. So now I have to determine if I want to incur some headaches and heartaches by going to a dungeon play party sooner rather then later or do I just sit back and do the newbie party and be as active in the demo's as I can be?? I hope someone has some words of wisdom for me here because the issue at stake is not going to a demo but going and seeing all those people that have a SO and then reflecting on my lack of one at this time and the foreseeable future.

 

[Shankara20]

Has anyone dove into water not knowing how to swim and exspect something glorious to happen?? I would say that might be the best way to term my first munch. I sit down at a table with at least 2 dom/mes or owers. And no the topic that these 2 were talking about were decidedly not other stuff but bdsm torture scenes, dressing up in German SS uniforms or some of the others regimes. Then this sorta rolled into talking about Passover and so forth. I just kinda sat that listening and taking it in. I did not have much to say until it was over and people started to break up and leave.

Now this does not mean I would not go to one again but I might pick my tablemates a bit more carefully, the other issue is that I am sure I was the only true newbie there and that puts me behind the eight ball in some respects. So now I have to determine if I want to incur some headaches and heartaches by going to a dungeon play party sooner rather then later or do I just sit back and do the newbie party and be as active in the demo's as I can be?? I hope someone has some words of wisdom for me here because the issue at stake is not going to a demo but going and seeing all those people that have a SO and then reflecting on my lack of one at this time and the foreseeable future.

L J - I spent my first year as the dreaded single male sub going to parties weekend after weekend, talking to few people before leaving for home disappointed. In time people got to know my face. A few would nod their head, in time they started to say hi, then converse. As people came to see that I was safe and interested is others as people I connected and started to find friends to play with.

I suggest you keep going back. Let people know who you are beyond "male sub searching for a Top".

Shank

 

[greenmands]

After my first meeting with a local group, I decided that when, not if, I go back, I'll join for a year and see what kind of friends I can make. I didn't go the last time because of money and other commitments. The next meeting I'll miss because I'm getting ready for a camping trip with some friends.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

L J - I spent my first year as the dreaded single male sub going to parties weekend after weekend, talking to few people before leaving for home disappointed. In time people got to know my face. A few would nod their head, in time they started to say hi, then converse. As people came to see that I was safe and interested is others as people I connected and started to find friends to play with.

I suggest you keep going back. Let people know who you are beyond "male sub searching for a Top".

Shank

I will but I do not thing I am a sub, I have issue with rules and orders you see so at the least I could be a switch with strong dom desires or just a dom but until I explore more I can't really say. I do however want to attend the newbie party and particapate in as many demos as possible. THe other issue is I am tired of being single so much as I would rather just be where I am at then keep playing the game with losing results.

 

[FurryFury]

I saw a newspaper article the other day that said that singles complain about it. It said that finding and building a relationship takes time. These singles claim not to have the time.

All I can say is that you have to open yourself up to the possibilities. You have to nurture the relationship and if it should blow up, you take what you have learned and move on, don't see it as losing but as learning.

As for the munches, it sounds like you are not sure what you specific interests are. You need time to find out. This too can't be hurried.

I know nothing about being a single male. Shankara does, so I'd take his advice.

Treat a munch like you would treat any gathering of people you don't know, be nice, talk with people as if they were people, take your time, before expecting anything or jumping into anything.

That's my advice.

Fury