Female Public Autoarousal - What's the Problem?

[Varian P]

Let me ask this then: Are women especially turned on by the sight of a man masturbating while he's making love to them? While he's going down on them or kissing them, say?

Yes. Yes, yes.

One of the most erotic encounters I've had was with a near stranger who, after we'd somehow managed to confess to each other that he had a fantasy of jerking off as a woman watched, and that I love watching men do so, gave me a private performance. We never kissed, and never touched, except to hug good-bye, after.

 

[Varian P]

Any comments or observations, stories or anecdotes, suggestions of what I should do with my half-baked thread ideas?

Keep posting them. They're delightfully thought-provoking.

Any comments or observations, stories or anecdotes, suggestions of what I should do with my half-baked thread ideas?

Stop posting them; I'm not getting any writing done.

 

[Varian P]

I often can't concentrate if he's watching me... and I know he's watching... it somehow becomes an act for him instead of a moment of self-pleasure.

It's better if I close my eyes and pretend he's not there... which is difficult at first... but gets easier as I get more aroused and lost in sensation and fantasy...

But if he steps in and I'm jolted out of it... ugh. Make up your mind.. do you want to watch me have sex with myself or do you want to have sex with me? Because there's a big difference...

I thoroughly relate to this.

Personally, I can easily put on a show. What's harder is getting into the mood or mindframe where I'm aroused putting on the show, or not so self-conscious of being watched that I give in to the pleasure of touching myself.

I don't know if it's just being so conditioned that when getting myself off, it's all going on in my head, but when I'm with someone else, I'm not supposed to disappear into a fantasy. It's hard to bridge the gap.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

I thoroughly relate to this.

Personally, I can easily put on a show. What's harder is getting into the mood or mindframe where I'm aroused putting on the show, or not so self-conscious of being watched that I give in to the pleasure of touching myself.

I don't know if it's just being so conditioned that when getting myself off, it's all going on in my head, but when I'm with someone else, I'm not supposed to disappear into a fantasy. It's hard to bridge the gap.

yes, very much...

exactly.

 

[adetaildiva]

I've got the same issue with this as SSS... shyness, embarrassment... but it feels like more than that, too...

I often can't concentrate if he's watching me... and I know he's watching... it somehow becomes an act for him instead of a moment of self-pleasure.

It's better if I close my eyes and pretend he's not there... which is difficult at first... but gets easier as I get more aroused and lost in sensation and fantasy...

But if he steps in and I'm jolted out of it... ugh. Make up your mind.. do you want to watch me have sex with myself or do you want to have sex with me? Because there's a big difference...

I don't know if that helped.

what they said ......

 

[cantdog]

I agree with Selena on it. I have to be able to retreat into my head. Interruptions break me out of it. It's gotta be one or the other.

 

[lisa123414]

Maybe it’s a matter of pride? I masturbate privately, I have never done this with anyone else watching. I remember other women in college deriding a woman (behind her back, of course) because she owned a vibrator. To tell you the truth I honestly did not know men might find this activity interesting, until a year ago when I posted a story about it. Before then I felt it was rather looked down upon.

In addition, I don’t think there are many other times where I feel as helpless and vulnerable as immediately before, during and after an orgasm. ‘Course that does not explain the difference between the masturbatory orgasm and the copulatory orgasm, except one might assume your partner would be equally exposed.

Which brings me to one last point here. There is a big difference between touching myself for a lover to see as part of foreplay, and masturbating to orgasm. The former can be much fun and playful, an active part of mutual seduction, whereas the latter has an entirely different focus.

 

[Ebonee Peaks]

Just a comment

My boyfriend has asked on a few occasions to watch me masturbate. I have not been comfortable with him seeing me do that. He has heard me, over the phone, a couple of times and I was a little hesitant at first, but somehow hearing me just isn't the same as him actually seeing me pleasuring myself.

I really believe that, for me, it is a combination of things. Shyness, poor self-image, being very self-conscious of my body, and having been...not so much taught as made aware that self-pleasure was a bad thing, a shameful thing, something that if done, had to be done in private...hidden away from everyone. It was thought as a disgusting thing.

While I have tried to fight off some of the influences of my youth, I do still have a hard time letting it be known that I do partake in self-pleasure on occasion. So the idea of my boyfriend, whom I love dearly, watching me do something that was thought to be so bad, is just not something I am sure I will ever be comfortable with.

 

[lisa123414]

My boyfriend has asked on a few occasions to watch me masturbate. I have not been comfortable with him seeing me do that. He has heard me, over the phone, a couple of times and I was a little hesitant at first, but somehow hearing me just isn't the same as him actually seeing me pleasuring myself.

I really believe that, for me, it is a combination of things. Shyness, poor self-image, being very self-conscious of my body, and having been...not so much taught as made aware that self-pleasure was a bad thing, a shameful thing, something that if done, had to be done in private...hidden away from everyone. It was thought as a disgusting thing.

While I have tried to fight off some of the influences of my youth, I do still have a hard time letting it be known that I do partake in self-pleasure on occasion. So the idea of my boyfriend, whom I love dearly, watching me do something that was thought to be so bad, is just not something I am sure I will ever be comfortable with.

Heavens, that’s what I’m talking about. It occurred to me while posting earlier, that even coming out and admitting my personal take on this was going to be uncomfortable. I posted a thread to the "how to" forum once as an alt, (or rather she existed before I did, so I guess I’m the alt). My question was honest, though I guess for this forum, rather naïve. I got a lot of support, but I also got a few replies that made me feel foolish. “Are you so hung up that you never...,” that sort of thing.

So how does a woman work herself up to this? For most of us, it will likely be little steps, a touch here or there, first during lovemaking, then before, each time becoming more relaxed about it until finally able to masturbate to orgasm in front of your lover. I do, however, look forward to the Mabeuse solution and imagine she will respond to his demands and his physical encouragement until she is so worked up into a frenzy she begs him to let her come!

 

[xssve]

I think it has to do with male competitive and pecking order. And to be fair, it's a lot easier for little boys to compare their "thingies" in length, size, shape and all the rest then it is for women to compare. I mean, it's really hard for a woman to get a look of what's down there without a mirror.

All a guy as to do--and gets to do from birth, is glance down. He can start competing with his male buddies as to who can send a stream of urine farther from a very early age. Girls just sit on the toilet.

So, it's not the least surprising that guys are less inhibited about showing what they've got--they show what they've got to each other every time they pee. And boys masturbating together is a common practice. And though I haven't been part of any such party, I've no doubt that boys, who will compete at just about anything, compete at who can have the bigger orgasmic explosion.

Girls aren't afraid to be naked with each other, but, once again there's little to see. Maybe if female genitalia was as evident as males, if women saw each other's genitalia as easily and often as men saw each other's genitalia, even if they squirted and displayed the results of an orgasm as clearly as men, then it wouldn't feel like a big thing to show off their genitalia during masturbation. I think nature, as well as strong doses of cultural nurture impress upon women that their private parts are private--hidden away and ought to be kept hidden.

I also don't think that many women believe that female genitalia is attractive. I think when they do get a look at themselves in a mirror, they don't much like what they see, and don't believe anyone else would want to see it.

Then again, maybe their hidden nature is part of what fascinates men. If they were out there all the time, guys might well take them for granted

All true, though I think it's more that women and girls are more competitive when it comes to boys: guys beat each other up, but girls can be pretty mean - Carrie springs to mind as a literary example, exaggerated perhaps, but I think boys take puberty a little more in stride, I think there are a lot more changes and insecurities for women to deal with, it's when gender bias starts to really become evident for one thing.

There's a good Pussy thread going on the GB over at CM, check it out.

 

[impressive]

I agree with Selena on it. I have to be able to retreat into my head. Interruptions break me out of it. It's gotta be one or the other.

Ah, but what if the movie playing in your head involves the person watching you?

 

[Anna_Malia75]

With my ex, if I hadn't shown him how, he never would have gotten even close to getting it right. I was just another appliance: manual, shmanual, let's just start using it. So I had to make sure he at least watched the "video."

 

[Quesla]

Quesla here: I feel certain that it is cultural. The parents do everything from saying " it's dirty, don't touch yourself to scaring you when they walk uninvited into your room without knocking! I can't do it! A lot of problem and frustration there for both hubby and myself if he's nearby to disturb!

 

[Boxlicker101]

All true, though I think it's more that women and girls are more competitive when it comes to boys: guys beat each other up, but girls can be pretty mean - Carrie springs to mind as a literary example, exaggerated perhaps, but I think boys take puberty a little more in stride, I think there are a lot more changes and insecurities for women to deal with, it's when gender bias starts to really become evident for one thing.

There's a good Pussy thread going on the GB over at CM, check it out.

Boys are born with penises, and they become erect, and are fun to play with at ary early age. Boys masturbate and compare themselves long before puberty, so that change isn't such a big deal. There is new growth of facial and body hair, and boys might compare chest hair, but the growth is so gradual that there is no appreciable change until adulthood. On the other hand, breasts develop while females are still children, and they can compare them, and establish bragging rights. Not pecking rights, because that is usually determine by something else, but bragging rights.

 

[Huckleman2000]

Are men naturally more exhibitionistic than women?

I find that hard to believe. The fact that exhibitionism is (usually) a crime for men and (sometimes) a profession for women masks the boundaries of where the theoretical 'norm' is for exhibitionism. I've known lots of actors and dancers and performers of all types - if there's a vein of exhibitionism to be found in the performing arts, my experience is that it's far deeper on the female side. Based on that experience, I would characterize exhibitionism as female, and narcissism as male.

Naturally more visual? Is there something about the "fireworks show" aspect of the male orgasm that prompts men to want to show off more?[snip]

I don't think male orgasmic displays are more 'showy' than females' at all. The 'flush' of a woman's orgasm, their facial expressions are so much richer than a man's. Men are triumphant, victorious, and (most regrettably) final. Women, on the other hand, seem to flip into another state of being - Humani Orgasmia or something, like it's another plane of existence.

Is that a valid observation?

 

[impressive]

Women, on the other hand, seem to flip into another state of being - Humani Orgasmia or something, like it's another plane of existence.

Is that a valid observation?

Works for me.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I find that hard to believe. The fact that exhibitionism is (usually) a crime for men and (sometimes) a profession for women masks the boundaries of where the theoretical 'norm' is for exhibitionism. I've known lots of actors and dancers and performers of all types - if there's a vein of exhibitionism to be found in the performing arts, my experience is that it's far deeper on the female side. Based on that experience, I would characterize exhibitionism as female, and narcissism as male.

I don't think male orgasmic displays are more 'showy' than females' at all. The 'flush' of a woman's orgasm, their facial expressions are so much richer than a man's. Men are triumphant, victorious, and (most regrettably) final. Women, on the other hand, seem to flip into another state of being - Humani Orgasmia or something, like it's another plane of existence.

Is that a valid observation?

Even if it isn't, it's fun to write about.