Exploring with women

[TheDagda]

I have indeed, but with my suit on, and without the wonderful company. I'll take what I can get.

And so you should! But now you have something even better to look forward to...

 

[dizzylia]

Pictures, anyone

So, we got our toys. I'm trying to talk my SO into letting me take a picture of her with them on. Or better yet, get her husband to take a picture of both her and myself.

If you'd like to see them, PM me with your e-mail address. If I trust ya, I'll share the eventual pictures.

 

[Guest]

Hi!

I am so happy for you, and your "family". I envy your friend...

 

[dizzylia]

Hi. Just proving I'm still alive, even though STRESS KILLS. Grr.

Um... yeah. I wish I had more interesting things to say, but I'm exhausted, and I have two people waiting for me in a king size bed. Ciao!

 

[Guest]

Wow! I go away for a few days and we drop all the way down to page 5? What's the world coming to, anyway? Let's liven things up again. With luck I am back semi-regularly...

And Ms. Diz, I believe you have my address. Hint, hint... that was a shutter snapping

 

[dizzylia]

Unfortunately, my dear SO has developed a camera-shy characteristic. But I might still be able to get her to take pictures of me. I'll let you know how it goes.

 

[Guest]

I was just teasing. I wouldn't ever push you or your SO to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. I'm so glad to be back!

 

[dizzylia]

I was just teasing. I wouldn't ever push you or your SO to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. I'm so glad to be back!

*grins* Don't worry, I didn't read it that way. I was just giving you all an update.

In other news, TheDagda got my SO to kiss him today. Alas for boarding times approaching too quickly.

 

[Guest]

Just who might TheDagda be, and how did he get so lucky? I am so envious....

 

[dizzylia]

Just who might TheDagda be, and how did he get so lucky? I am so envious....

*points to the top of this page*

More on that later, if he doesn't mind me sharing. For now, I'm dead tired. Time for bed. Mmmm.

 

[dizzylia]

*crawls blearily onto the forum and yawns* I just thought I'd comment that I finally got around the submitting Chapter 2 to one of my stories. Watch for it soon! (I hope)

And now.... to bed. *yawns again*

 

[Guest]

I can't wait to see the final version of Chapter 2! Not sure that I'll be able to control myself, though....

 

[dizzylia]

I can't wait to see the final version of Chapter 2! Not sure that I'll be able to control myself, though....

Control can be overrated sometimes. I hope you like it.

 

[dizzylia]

Hi, guys. I read something funny today and thought I'd share. Enjoy!

http://friendlyhostility.com/d/20040717.html


PS: Comments welcome.

 

[dizzylia]

New Topic: Polyamory

Hi, just me again. I was curious about a few things concerning alternative lifestyles, but specifically polyamory.

Are any of you in a polyamorous relationship? If so, is it public or private? Or have you only told a select group of friends? Your family? If you have kids, have you talked with them about it?

And of course the more important question: Why have you shared your status with others, or why have you kept it quiet?


Thank you for sharing in the discussion ahead of time. I appreciate it.

 

[TheDagda]

Re: Polyamory

Quoth dizzylia
Hi, just me again. I was curious about a few things concerning alternative lifestyles, but specifically polyamory.

Are any of you in a polyamorous relationship? If so, is it public or private?

By "public or private" do you mean is it polyfidelitous [restricted to a specific group of people that just happens to number more than two]? Or do you mean are we open about it?

If the former, then the answer's "no." Right now, neither of us is having (much) sex with anyone else, for assorted reasons, not the least of which is a 7-month-old baby...

If the latter, then the answer is pretty much "yes." We don't really make much of a secret of it, although I don't think my wife's parents know; but then, she doesn't talk to them very often, so it's not likely to come up. I don't talk about it at work, and I suspect she doesn't either, but all our friends know. Our social circle is pretty open about such things--we have one committed closed triad, one triad where two of the partners have outside lovers, and assorted other non-standard relationships. And that's just locally to MPLS...

Or have you only told a select group of friends? Your family?

My parents and brother know [at least, I think my brother and his wife know--not sure if it's come up. It only came up with my parents kind of by accident, so it's possible we haven't talked about it with my bro. But we wouldn't hide it, or anything], but we haven't told any cousins, aunts, uncles etc. No need for them to know. It wasn't until fairly recently that most of them even knew I was Pagan, and that was because I was officiating at my brother's wedding. On the one hand, we're not as close a family as I might like [geographically or otherwise], but on the other hand that does keep things simpler...

If you have kids, have you talked with them about it?

We do have a daughter, but at seven months old, she doesn't understand her own name, let alone complex questions like that. However, we do intend to tell her as is appropriate for her age. But we'll have to be prepared about that, as kids pick up stuff much faster than one might expect. I believe it's critical to have these conversations planned and answers formulated way before you expect to need them.

And of course the more important question: Why have you shared your status with others, or why have you kept it quiet?

We have the advantage of having a social/spiritual community where such things are as much the norm as monogamy, which makes things easier. But we do prefer to be as honest about ourselves as possible, to avoid Revelation Shock later on when some friend decides zie can't handle this news about us.

We're not exactly the model of poly relationships, being "accidentally monogamous," but I'm glad to be of any assistance I can.

Have you considered starting a new thread on this? Might get a broader range of responses.

 

[dizzylia]

Ooh... that's a lot to reply to, thank you! Yes, it would probably be more beneficial in another thread, but I like talking to you guys.

Anyway, I'll have to reply tomorrow. I'm out of time tonight. Ciao!

 

[TheDagda]

*points to the top of this page*

More on that later, if he doesn't mind me sharing.
For now, I'm dead tired. Time for bed. Mmmm.

Share away, my dear. And yes, your SO kisses
divinely, for all that it was a closed-mouth kiss;
nothing wildly passionate nor nothin', but soft and
sweet. After goodbye kisses from the two of you, I
barely needed an airplane to get back to MPLS.

It was kind of amusing to hear her mutter "Bad Bad
Bad," though. She needn't worry--I live too far away
to even be tempted to be any kind of complication to
your collective lives. But I'm going to quietly envy
a certain lucky dog from 1300 miles away, that's for
damn' sure...

 

[Guest]

I am sooooooooo horny tonight! There, I've said it.

I feel so much better now...

 

[dizzylia]

By "public or private" do you mean is it polyfidelitous [restricted to a specific group of people that just happens to number more than two]? Or do you mean are we open about it?

Well, I was referring to just talking about it with other people, but the former is certainly another consideration.

We do have a daughter, but at seven months old, she doesn't understand her own name, let alone complex questions like that.

She might know her own name by now, actually. If only by recognizing it as something she's heard a lot.

However, we do intend to tell her as is appropriate for her age. But we'll have to be prepared about that, as kids pick up stuff much faster than one might expect. I believe it's critical to have these conversations planned and answers formulated way before you expect to need them.

How do you decide what is appropriate? And how do you prepare for it? Do you worry about what might happen once she starts school?

We're not exactly the model of poly relationships, being "accidentally monogamous," but I'm glad to be of any assistance I can.

How does that happen accidentally?

 

[TheDagda]

Well, I was referring to just talking about it with other people, but the former is certainly another consideration.

Well, to answer that, no, we're not polyfidelitous. We know people who are, including one closed triad that comes to my mind right off, but we are not.

How do you decide what is appropriate? And how do you prepare for it? Do you worry about what might happen once she starts school?

Yes, I do worry a bit, although we're considering some homeschooling. We haven't thought about it much so far, since it's not an immediate issue. You might want to check out some resources like ?PolyBoston or PolyamorySociety.org , which will likely have people who have actually worked through this sort of thing. The triad we know has simply designated the one who's not a bio-parent of either child as "authorized to pick up -----, and to make emergency decisions regarding her." Apparently the school doesn't really care beyond that. I don't know what will happen as she gets older and people start asking more pointed questions.

I'm actually pondering writing a book about this issue, along the lines of the famous "Heather Has Two Mommies", but it's still in the "theory" stages.

How does that happen accidentally?

Neither of us happens to be in a serious outside relationship. My Lovely Wife has a "friend with privileges," but they don't actually exercise those privileges nearly as often as their friends seem to think they do Of course, if a certain someone hadn't moved 1300 miles away, who knows what might or might not be happening?

"A wose. How womantic." You sweetie. Shall I send you some chocolate as well?

 

[dizzylia]

You might want to check out some resources like http://boston.polyamory.org or http://www.polyamorysociety.org, which will likely have people who have actually worked through this sort of thing.

Thank you, I'll check those out. We've browsed polyamory.org quite a bit already, but it's nice to know there's specifically a Boston org.

The triad we know has simply designated the one who's not a bio-parent of either child as "authorized to pick up -----, and to make emergency decisions regarding her." Apparently the school doesn't really care beyond that. I don't know what will happen as she gets older and people start asking more pointed questions.

I came home from work one day, and Chris said, "I hope you don't mind, but we put your name down as [oldest]'s secondary contact, since the grandparents live too far away." *beam* And yeah... My usual idealistic self likes to think this would never be an issue, and it shouldn't be, but... there's still the potential to worry, and have cause to worry.

I'm actually pondering writing a book about this issue, along the lines of the famous "Heather Has Two Mommies", but it's still in the "theory" stages.

I remember you telling me about that.

Of course, if a certain someone hadn't moved 1300 miles away, who knows what might or might not be happening?

"A wose. How womantic." You sweetie. Shall I send you some chocolate as well?

But if I hadn't moved, I wouldn't be in the relationship I'm in now. So... y'know. Life has it's funny ways of working out.

And I'm sure Chris will share the chocolate. Maybe in fun ways we can photograph, if I can get her to stop being so shy.

 

[TheDagda]

Originally posted by dizzylia
Thank you, I'll check those out. We've browsed polyamory.org quite a bit already, but it's nice to know there's specifically a Boston org.

I know some people in the PolyBoston group, or I know some people who used to be in it, if you want me to try to arrange personal contacts.

I came home from work one day, and Chris said, "I hope you don't mind, but we put your name down as [oldest]'s secondary contact, since the grandparents live too far away." *beam*

Awww... That's sweet.

And yeah... My usual idealistic self likes to think this would never be an issue, and it shouldn't be, but... there's still the potential to worry, and have cause to worry.

Well, you and I are both fortunate to live in relatively liberal areas. Unless someone with a vested interest makes a fuss, you're probably OK. However, if this is going to be a long-term-to-permanent thing, you might want to think about things like legal protections, just in case.

But if I hadn't moved, I wouldn't be in the relationship I'm in now. So... y'know. Life has it's funny ways of working out.

Well, all right for you. OK, I can't really begrudge you that, sugar, but I can't help but ponder a might-have-been, y'know?

And I'm sure Chris will share the chocolate. Maybe in fun ways we can photograph, if I can get her to stop being so shy.

Whoohoo! I'd be up for that. And you know you can trust me not to spread any such pics around.

{pause for palpitations}

Didn't know you were into the whole photography thing, hon. I must remember that the next time you're in town, though. And get a bigger memory chip for the digicam...

 

[TheDagda]

Is There Anyone Else On This Thread...

...with answers for the lady? I mean, I don't mind being the one to chat with her, but I'm sure she'd appreciate more viewpoints, references, and data...

 

[dizzylia]

You've been a tremendous help, thank you. I probably should take your advice and browse for an actual thread on this. It's just that I've had such a good time chatting with you all, I thought I'd bring it up here.


Perhaps I should go back to describing my recent forays into the big new world of strap-ons....