DTT: Accepting others into your life...

[ksmybuttons]

Kotori on Ezra Pound: If only he hadn't been a fascist apologist, I could dig him more.

How much do you let one part of a person color everything about them?

When someone shares some information with you that doesn't match your opinion of them, or goes against your values, how much do you let that affect the rest of their interactions with you?

Does it keep you back from involvement with them? How much? Which type of thing makes you back off the most?

 

[Debbie]

If someone shares info with me that goes against my values my first reaction is to say little and think a lot about why it affects me the way it does. Usually I get over it and talk it through with that person. Not everyone's values match mine. I will give my opinion though. (Also it depends what that info was)

If was something horrific (Rape, murder) I would find it very hard not to let my judgement be coloured and withdraw from the person as much as possible or completely depending who the person was.


The things that make me back off from anyone really quick;


Racist.
Bigot.
Hate.
Violence.

To name a few.

 

[ksmybuttons]

Heinous crimes would keep me very far away.

I definately agree with you on your choices, but sometimes I find it is the more subtle things that twist my opinion.

There was a man I knew. Very personable, handsome, intelligent and witty, a great musician. He had charisma and was very easy to be with.

Now, he also had a cocaine addiction. He would make friends, and, when high, would borrow money from them. He didn't steal. It was always up front for a loan. Now I believe he always intended to pay the money back, but he didn't. Many people got very upset with him.

He never asked to borrow money from me knowing that I would never loan it.

We had a comfortable friendship. I would never have been in a relationship beyond that with him and our friendship was very nice.

 

[Debbie]

As I posted the above comment I thought about it more.
Yes the subtle things do make a big impact.
I find I am very put off by what I call mask people.
People who portray themselves as something they are not.
And when their 'mask' or pretence slips and you get a glimpse of the real person beneath their facade you find they are nothing like they portray themselves as being.
People who think they are superior irritate me too.

 

[ma_guy]

How much do you let one part of a person color everything about them?

When someone shares some information with you that doesn't match your opinion of them, or goes against your values, how much do you let that affect the rest of their interactions with you?

Does it keep you back from involvement with them? How much? Which type of thing makes you back off the most?

Hmmm.. IMO, this is a situational thing. With historical figures I can only base my judgements on what I can read about them so that limits things.

With people I meet in the flesh it's a little different. I hold some pretty strong views on a few topics. I understand that others may have different views. If it's one or two minor differences I don't worry about it to much. If there are 5 or 6 major differences I probably wouldn't associate with them unless I had to.

If someone has an opposing view on something and they're ranting I'd avoid them. If they breach the subject intelligently and openly then I'd be likely to join them in a discussion. I tend to ignore people who make sweeping generalizations though.

 

[ksmybuttons]

Yes, and part of what I do is accept that there is something that changes my view of them and then compartmentalize it. I don't interact with them on the level that I cannot accept. If our political views are totally divergent, I don't talk with them about politics. Religion. I won't ride with someone I think is a bad driver. I don't have sex with someone who won't be oral.

I walk away from people who lie to me. Who steal.

 

[ma_guy]

I agree with the compartmentalizing. With every one of my close friends there are specific "taboo" subjects that I know they'll go off on and are better off just not being brought up.