Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

[Vitriolhack]

Hey, if you can't reveal your perversions to your significant other, share it with us! We definitely want to hear about your depraved desires.

When I started this thread, it was to explore the human psyche and what “stops” us from having these difficult conversations with our significant others.

I have come to realize we all have different reasons. In my case, I know the kind of judgement I would be and have been subjected to. So, I keep to myself, mostly.

My kinks aren’t particularly kinky but include swinging and some heteroflexibility, if you know what I mean!

 

[Playwithmee]

Unfortunately yes, because when I have attempted to share with her in the past she freaked out and has never tried to have an open discussion about it.

 

[trinething1ns]

When I started this thread, it was to explore the human psyche and what “stops” us from having these difficult conversations with our significant others.

I have come to realize we all have different reasons. In my case, I know the kind of judgement I would be and have been subjected to. So, I keep to myself, mostly.

My kinks aren’t particularly kinky but include swinging and some heteroflexibility, if you know what I mean!

I brought up trying out nipple clamps (I was the one who wanted to put them on!) and she started crying. She had similar reactions to a couple things after that, so I just stopped.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Yes I’m in the same situation - I still get horny and love anything sexy. I haven’t had sex with her for nearly three years, but I still have needs, so I search online also. Sometimes I Cam with others and we mutually masturbate. I wish she loved sex like I do.

I hear you; finding the person that has similar curious nature about sexual activities, is rare, I have come to believe that it’s probably impossible.

We often can’t even agree on what film to watch on Netflix, lol, ok, not the same thing, I know, trying to lighten the mood a little.

If I may ask a question, do you think that she, perhaps, is getting some sexual gratification elsewhere?

 

[Vitriolhack]

I brought up trying out nipple clamps (I was the one who wanted to put them on!) and she started crying. She had similar reactions to a couple things after that, so I just stopped.

Well, if she has an emotional response to your conversation openings, then, I would assume that it triggered something in her. Has she ever given you any indication of what it may be?

In general, people don’t burst out in tears without being emotional about a situation.

Hugs buddy

 

[Playwithmee]

Well, if she has an emotional response to your conversation openings, then, I would assume that it triggered something in her. Has she ever given you any indication of what it may be?

In general, people don’t burst out in tears without being emotional about a situation.

Hugs buddy

She just freaked out when I talk about that I enjoy my ass being played with. She’s pretty vanilla and she views our society as being over sexed and doesn’t embrace it in the same way I do. So I find myself exploring here. She’s also a alcoholic, which ads to the drama.

 

[CanIpleaseU69]

I hear you; finding the person that has similar curious nature about sexual activities, is rare, I have come to believe that it’s probably impossible.

We often can’t even agree on what film to watch on Netflix, lol, ok, not the same thing, I know, trying to lighten the mood a little.

If I may ask a question, do you think that she, perhaps, is getting some sexual gratification elsewhere?

Definitely not. She hurts down there and hasn’t really ever enjoyed sex unfortunately

 

[Vitriolhack]

Definitely not. She hurts down there and hasn’t really ever enjoyed sex unfortunately

That’s an interesting comment.

If she is willing to talk, perhaps not to you, maybe to a professional? Maybe that would help?

If it hurts, I mean other than the first couple of times when you are a virgin, I would have it checked by a doctor, if there is no physical impairment perhaps a good talk with a licensed professional.

Involuntary tightening of the vaginal canal, if that is what she has, may point to past trauma.

 

[Yarglenurp]

She just freaked out when I talk about that I enjoy my ass being played with. She’s pretty vanilla and she views our society as being over sexed and doesn’t embrace it in the same way I do. So I find myself exploring here. She’s also a alcoholic, which ads to the drama.

Honestly, that alcoholic part would be a dealbreaker for me, kink aside. I could not handle having my life tied to an addict.

 

[Sweetdreams71]

When I started this thread, it was to explore the human psyche and what “stops” us from having these difficult conversations with our significant others.

I have come to realize we all have different reasons. In my case, I know the kind of judgement I would be and have been subjected to. So, I keep to myself, mostly.

My kinks aren’t particularly kinky but include swinging and some heteroflexibility, if you know what I mean!

Judgement plain and simple

From me for most of our relationship, (regarding sex) I am now trying to get him to open up but I am also a dam when it comes to opening up about anything.

It's easier to keep secrets than risk being judged and hurt.

 

[Tweedledude]

Judgement plain and simple

From me for most of our relationship, (regarding sex) I am now trying to get him to open up but I am also a dam when it comes to opening up about anything.

It's easier to keep secrets than risk being judged and hurt.

What she said only replace him with her. Sad ain't it?

 

[hardbiker82]

To a degree yes. While she's very happy to satisfy our sexual urges, her mind does not have the sexual energy mine does. And like others, Lit gives me a place to venture out in fantasy and fulfill my sexual desires and even gain new thoughts. I've been with others that have the same sexual mind as me, but there was too much drama in their life. So, I too, am happy with my wife and the plus is having Lit.

I will admit that I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

Having tried to talk to her about it, I know how she would react and judge me.

I am not unhappy about the choices I have made, but, I am curious to know if others here are in the same boat I am in?

 

[Series 6]

She just freaked out when I talk about that I enjoy my ass being played with. She’s pretty vanilla and she views our society as being over sexed and doesn’t embrace it in the same way I do. So I find myself exploring here. She’s also a alcoholic, which ads to the drama.

I apologize if I am overstepping, but it sounds like she could be hiding some past trauma from you. A part of me suspects that with my ex.

 

[Vitriolhack]

To a degree yes. While she's very happy to satisfy our sexual urges, her mind does not have the sexual energy mine does. And like others, Lit gives me a place to venture out in fantasy and fulfill my sexual desires and even gain new thoughts. I've been with others that have the same sexual mind as me, but there was too much drama in their life. So, I too, am happy with my wife and the plus is having Lit.

Thank you for sharing

 

[hulmule]

I have hid them over the years. Then as time has gone by in this sexless marriage I've been more open. She's not into it. If I stroke in bed she rolls away. Try talking, gets upset... thinking about not letting her see me naked because I used to just sit around naked lately after my shower in the evening and relax she's never said nothing but now I'm thinking not let her see me naked don't let her see me stroking anything and see if something would change but I highly doubt it

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

Judgement plain and simple

From me for most of our relationship, (regarding sex) I am now trying to get him to open up but I am also a dam when it comes to opening up about anything.

It's easier to keep secrets than risk being judged and hurt.

Lit is great at providing an opening and an opportunity to try out their fantasies.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I have hid them over the years. Then as time has gone by in this sexless marriage I've been more open. She's not into it. If I stroke in bed she rolls away. Try talking, gets upset... thinking about not letting her see me naked because I used to just sit around naked lately after my shower in the evening and relax she's never said nothing but now I'm thinking not let her see me naked don't let her see me stroking anything and see if something would change but I highly doubt it

Oh brother, I feel for you.

Are you ok?

 

[Yarglenurp]

I have hid them over the years. Then as time has gone by in this sexless marriage I've been more open. She's not into it. If I stroke in bed she rolls away. Try talking, gets upset... thinking about not letting her see me naked because I used to just sit around naked lately after my shower in the evening and relax she's never said nothing but now I'm thinking not let her see me naked don't let her see me stroking anything and see if something would change but I highly doubt it

Sounds like either your wife is asexual or seriously not into you, so functionally asexual with respect to you, at least.

 

[Eyelevel]

Yes. She is very conservative

 

[hulmule]

Yes. She is very conservative

What drives it ?? The million dollar question...

 

[Eyelevel]

What drives it ?? The million dollar question...

I live in the conservative world and no one knows that I still need more than one woman.

 

[hulmule]

I live in the conservative world and no one knows that I still need more than one woman.

Can understand that... Been that way... I'm very sexual and can't focus unless I'm intimate and have sex...

 

[Turnmeup]

I'm sure I've written about my experiences in bits & pieces elsewhere on Lit.

Over the last few years I've opended up to my wife a great deal about desires, kinks, fantasies etc. I'm sure I've surprised her with a few of the things I've informed her about - I'm surprised with some of what I've been able to tell her.

To be fair to her, she has received it all well. Never acted upon any of it but there would be plenty of women who wouldn't react well to what we've discussed. For this alone, I know she is a special lady and why I feel comfortable telling her what I have.

I think I've opened up more because of frustration over an ever decreasing sex life between the two of us - a lot of conversations about our situation and how to improve it, all to no avail.

I've suggested counselling for us both. She doesn't think we need it.

Although it's not something I've pushed on her in any way (like a lot of men can do), she knows I would be supportive of her seeking another partner to play with if she just isn't into me any longer. Naturally, that would hurt me but she has a right to be happy and she's not my possession. She says she doesn't want that.

It would make me extremely happy if our situation changed and we had more intimacy. As time goes on it's looking less likely.

Sadly, it amazes me how many people are in a similar situation. There is plenty of evidence on Lit alone of this. So many people living in an unhappy situation. Life is short. I know it's easier said than done but try and live the life that makes you happy. We'll just become more bitter otherwise.

 

[Pad_Foot]

Yes
My simpler kinks were already too spicy

 

[MH2024hot]

I'm sure I've written about my experiences in bits & pieces elsewhere on Lit.

Over the last few years I've opended up to my wife a great deal about desires, kinks, fantasies etc. I'm sure I've surprised her with a few of the things I've informed her about - I'm surprised with some of what I've been able to tell her.

To be fair to her, she has received it all well. Never acted upon any of it but there would be plenty of women who wouldn't react well to what we've discussed. For this alone, I know she is a special lady and why I feel comfortable telling her what I have.

I think I've opened up more because of frustration over an ever decreasing sex life between the two of us - a lot of conversations about our situation and how to improve it, all to no avail.

I've suggested counselling for us both. She doesn't think we need it.

Although it's not something I've pushed on her in any way (like a lot of men can do), she knows I would be supportive of her seeking another partner to play with if she just isn't into me any longer. Naturally, that would hurt me but she has a right to be happy and she's not my possession. She says she doesn't want that.

It would make me extremely happy if our situation changed and we had more intimacy. As time goes on it's looking less likely.

Sadly, it amazes me how many people are in a similar situation. There is plenty of evidence on Lit alone of this. So many people living in an unhappy situation. Life is short. I know it's easier said than done but try and live the life that makes you happy. We'll just become more bitter otherwise.

It's difficult, my sympathies to married men going through this struggle. I'm in a bit of a different situation. Married 25 plus years, sex once or twice a month even when newlyweds. She's very orgasmic and enjoys it much more nowadays so I am grateful for that but I'm doing all the work, she's not creative, and it's all very very routine. I've written about it in several stories. She's religious and conservative so that's a potent combo/roadblock so sexual fantasy and those conversations can be extremely dicey. I am at the point now where I've told her that I want to masturbate to erotica / porn with her, that I want to go to sex stores and such and it has been surprisingly positive and non-judgmental in terms of her reaction. Even told her I have explicit fantasies (I alluded to 3-way sex, wow, I was sweating that one). Making some progress but it's not overnight. Always feel like I'm vulnerable, I'm always the one suggesting we think differently and do more to liven it up...but I have to press forward. If I don't, it's guaranteed to be more of the same.