Divorced/Separated Support Thread.

[intothewoods]

We ran into the husband today at the store. My little one was happy to see him, and we made nice. Kidlet did well with the whole thing. It made me sad - because what I really wanted was to do shopping together, do dinner together, do things together. I don't know why it was so hard for him. I guess we're better off apart.

 

[minx1]

New Years eve marks the anniversary of our engagement. At the moment the clocks struck midnight on the millenium he slipped the ring onto my finger.

I had so hoped that today I would have the 'ceromony' I planned with the rings but I didn't have time and the time I did have didn't feel right....I want it to be 'special' in its own weird way. I don't want to be giddy on wine. I want a clear head....to think about what it means. Feel it.

My friend suggested we throw them in the Swan River...so that when someone asks what I did with my rings, I can say they are down the Swan(ny) lol

So I didn't get around to doing it.....still its not New Year in the UK for another few hours, so there is still time I guess...

 

[coy_one]

New Years eve marks the anniversary of our engagement. At the moment the clocks struck midnight on the millenium he slipped the ring onto my finger.

I had so hoped that today I would have the 'ceromony' I planned with the rings but I didn't have time and the time I did have didn't feel right....I want it to be 'special' in its own weird way. I don't want to be giddy on wine. I want a clear head....to think about what it means. Feel it.

My friend suggested we throw them in the Swan River...so that when someone asks what I did with my rings, I can say they are down the Swan(ny) lol

So I didn't get around to doing it.....still its not New Year in the UK for another few hours, so there is still time I guess...

It's okay. I realized today I have underwear from VS that lasted longer than my marriage. Still looks new too. LOL

 

[minx1]

I still have my engagement and wedding rings. They are with me, here in Australia in a red and gold gossama-like bag on my bedside cabinet. They are here for a reason.

I haven't kept them for sentimental value or to pass on to any children. I won't pawn them (though maybe I would if I needed the money) or sell them because I wouldn't want to buy myself something with the money from them.

I have kept them because they are the only physical thing left from my marriage. I don't even have any wedding photos because he destroyed them.
They signify something very important to me. Not love, not memories, not sadness or regret. They signify my freedom. A new life.

At least this is what they will represent to me when I finally pluck up the courage to throw them into the sea just off the coast of Western Australia.
I was going to ask my M to come with me when I did it. But I haven't yet. Maybe I won't. Maybe I will do it all on my own.

Well I finally worked up the courage to ask my Master. I was a little nervous about how he would react. But as usual he amazed me. His words and response were perfect.

Now I guess I just have to work out when.....I would like it to be a day that holds some significance to the act, somehow.

 

[bholderman]

Greetings all,

Monday is my first court mediation in regards to a legal separation. Outside of a general intro on the court website, Im not sure what to expect. This mediation is to start the prcess of child custody. I stand firm on one issue, our kids stay with me, at least for now. There's a lot of reason for that, primarily, its the stability/safety factor.

So, for you that have been throughthis, what should Iexpect and/or prepare for? Do I need to mud-sling my wife? Should I simply toot my own horn as the kids best hopes?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[FurryFury]

I've never been through mediation. I'd never give up my kids either. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Considering what we've heard from you it shouldn't be too difficult to retain custody.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Greetings all,

Monday is my first court mediation in regards to a legal separation. Outside of a general intro on the court website, Im not sure what to expect. This mediation is to start the prcess of child custody. I stand firm on one issue, our kids stay with me, at least for now. There's a lot of reason for that, primarily, its the stability/safety factor.

So, for you that have been throughthis, what should Iexpect and/or prepare for? Do I need to mud-sling my wife? Should I simply toot my own horn as the kids best hopes?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

I am with Furry on this one, I cannot imagine I would lose my lil girl, I would never give up her. When me and my ex went thro divorce I made it very clear our girl staying with me, same with the unborn. Actualy I told him "you wanted go? well go then! But do not fukin dare to even try take me our kids!!" He would have to kill me to get them.........

Hope everything will work out well for you and your kids. Good luck Brad!

 

[Kajira Callista]

I'm going to a mediator on friday for support. I really hoping I don't have to go for custody also.
wish me luck.

 

[Life_Noir]

Greetings all,

Monday is my first court mediation in regards to a legal separation. Outside of a general intro on the court website, Im not sure what to expect. This mediation is to start the prcess of child custody. I stand firm on one issue, our kids stay with me, at least for now. There's a lot of reason for that, primarily, its the stability/safety factor.

So, for you that have been throughthis, what should Iexpect and/or prepare for? Do I need to mud-sling my wife? Should I simply toot my own horn as the kids best hopes?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Remember .. Telling the truth is NOT "mud slinging"..
*sigh* I know it is hard, but try to keep as much emotion out of it as possible {Don't be deadpan but try not to lose it}.. Just be telling the facts..
If you are basing a claim on something..You will need to have proof..
Proof is worth a million words.

 

[coy_one]

Remember .. Telling the truth is NOT "mud slinging"..
*sigh* I know it is hard, but try to keep as much emotion out of it as possible {Don't be deadpan but try not to lose it}.. Just be telling the facts..
If you are basing a claim on something..You will need to have proof..
Proof is worth a million words.

Yep. Proof is what will help you win.

One of the things that you will also want to do is consider who would be willing to speak on your behalf - teachers, counselors - anyone who has contact with your children and the two of you and will be able to give an objective viewpoint.

I did a search on the web to gain me information to support on the stability of single parents. I came across an article that even stated that single fathers were just as capable as single moms when it comes to raising the children.

If it's financial, you will also want to have proof there to...
If you have been main caregiver, you will want to discuss that, who took care of which chores for the children, and whatnot.

One of the things that helped me and ultimately cause my ex to back down was that not only was I a stay at home Mom for our three years of my son's life - but my ex left ALL the pictures behind. I expressed that if my exhusband had any interest in our son, he would not have left all the pictures behind. Shows a lack of interest on his behalf, in that those are not important things to him. I used that as leverage to prove that I was the main caregiver, and the one who provided the best emotional support to our son, rather than someone who could walk away from everything.
My ex also did not help or contribute in any way financially when I was unemployed during our separation - and I also expressed that anyone who was concerned about their child, would have helped financially during a necessary time of need. Even a few extra $$ for groceries - but NOPE. He didn't.
He knew he didn't have a leg to stand on at that point.

If the children are currently in your custody, and she has left, that is dissertion.

You do want to just point out the facts. Don't mudsling. Fight fair, but most of all, you just want to show that you are the one who can provide the best atmosphere to raise the kids.
If you get a little emotional, really it's okay. It's hard not to in things like this... I got upset when my ex's attorney ripped me apart, and she used that to say that I was clearly angry. Hell yeah I was angry. I was going through a divorce that I never really wanted.
Then, I cried all during the final decree. Emotion is okay. It shows your human, but try your hardest to have your wits about you. You will need them.

Good luck.

 

[bholderman]

Coy,

Thanks, (at you others as well). That was sort of what I was looking for. Now I get to spend the weekend trying to put all this together.

Sigh.

 

[bholderman]

So, my first mediation yesterday for child custody. That whole thing simply sucked. I actually came out "on top," but I still felt like shit when all was said and done.

 

[EmpressFi]

*hugs to brad*

 

[doveofserenity]

So, my first mediation yesterday for child custody. That whole thing simply sucked. I actually came out "on top," but I still felt like shit when all was said and done.

Brad, i know its hard; having gone thru it myself. But don't think coming out "on top" is bad in this situation.

It just means you are doing and being the best father and parent you can be for your kids. With their best interests at heart.

Hope you get to feeling better.

 

[bholderman]

I thin after a twelve year marriage, the fact that this has happened so quickly still has me in a bit of shock and disbelief. I sat through most of the mediation thinking, "I cant believe Im going through this, what did I do?" Then, treating our kids like a business arrangement was terribly painful.

Then there was my wife who had this very cordial, gleeful thing going. It may have been a mask, but she comes across as being very content with the whole thing. That's even more hurtful.

Fortunately, you're right. I've been repeatedly recognized as the most stable parent, from this mediation, to a small incident with CPS, to family and friendly support. But, like I said, I still feel like crap about it.

And since Im hear, to all you folks here at lit, you've given me a lot of support and advice, its very appreciated.

Now, whatever you do, dont go look at my blurt from last night.

 

[doveofserenity]

I thin after a twelve year marriage, the fact that this has happened so quickly still has me in a bit of shock and disbelief. I sat through most of the mediation thinking, "I cant believe Im going through this, what did I do?" Then, treating our kids like a business arrangement was terribly painful.

Then there was my wife who had this very cordial, gleeful thing going. It may have been a mask, but she comes across as being very content with the whole thing. That's even more hurtful.

Fortunately, you're right. I've been repeatedly recognized as the most stable parent, from this mediation, to a small incident with CPS, to family and friendly support. But, like I said, I still feel like crap about it.

And since Im hear, to all you folks here at lit, you've given me a lot of support and advice, its very appreciated.

Now, whatever you do, dont go look at my blurt from last night.

Comes in and playfully slaps you, as You asked to be. ~giggling~

The shock and disbelief will (honestly) be there for you for a while, sorry to say. But eventually, you will get past it. And down the road realize you did what was best for your kids, even though you never wished it to happen in the first place. ~hugs~

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I saw my ex while ago. He came here and seem kinda upset so I asked him whats wrong and from what he said hes already bored of his new gf. Its not even 3 months they are together, that was fast LOL.

 

[PublicAffection]

ditto

 

[coy_one]

I thin after a twelve year marriage, the fact that this has happened so quickly still has me in a bit of shock and disbelief. I sat through most of the mediation thinking, "I cant believe Im going through this, what did I do?" Then, treating our kids like a business arrangement was terribly painful.

Then there was my wife who had this very cordial, gleeful thing going. It may have been a mask, but she comes across as being very content with the whole thing. That's even more hurtful.

Fortunately, you're right. I've been repeatedly recognized as the most stable parent, from this mediation, to a small incident with CPS, to family and friendly support. But, like I said, I still feel like crap about it.

And since Im hear, to all you folks here at lit, you've given me a lot of support and advice, its very appreciated.

Now, whatever you do, dont go look at my blurt from last night.

(((((HUGS)))))) It frankly does suck and if you didn't feel like you were in shock, I'd be amazed.

Time does heal all wounds and in time you will also find acceptance and closure.

It amazed me how much after seeing that final decree in my hands that I was able to move forward.

 

[bholderman]

I/We have our court appearance tomorrow. We established the child custody mediation portion, I have the kids 73% of the time and their official residence is my home.

Being for a legal separation, I'm not even sure of what to expect. I tiptoe from feeling god-almighty-self-righteous to scare out of my wits.

 

[bholderman]

Fucking sighhhhhhhhh....

 

[intothewoods]

Fucking sighhhhhhhhh....

How did it go?

 

[bholderman]

Crap, just a big blur. It was a bit more simple than I was expecting, only to establish the child custody as a court order. My wife hadnt filed the response, she said she didnt have the money. The judge asked me if I wanted to go ahead and argue the child support. For some reason, I got mildly confused over what he was asking me, and I was shaking in my shoes. The other option was for her to have time to file the response and have me served. The notion of fairness overcame me and I said ok.

So, now she has 10 days to file the response and have me served. We go back to court on Mar 3rd.

Crap, I need a lawyer I think at least for advice.

 

[intothewoods]

Crap, just a big blur. It was a bit more simple than I was expecting, only to establish the child custody as a court order. My wife hadnt filed the response, she said she didnt have the money. The judge asked me if I wanted to go ahead and argue the child support. For some reason, I got mildly confused over what he was asking me, and I was shaking in my shoes. The other option was for her to have time to file the response and have me served. The notion of fairness overcame me and I said ok.

So, now she has 10 days to file the response and have me served. We go back to court on Mar 3rd.

Crap, I need a lawyer I think at least for advice.

Isn't California no fault? I know there are people who do mediation as an alternative. Or, you guys did this, no? Since you have the kids 73% of the time, she is paying you support, right?

 

[FurryFury]

I'm so sorry. I think you do need a lawyer or someone to hold your hand, and stop you from trying to be fair to her. You need to only think about being fair to your kids and yourself.