Divorced/Separated Support Thread.

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Guess who is now divorced.

If you guessed me - you would be correct.

I cried through the entire court hearing. All I could think of was our wedding day and how happy we were.

He didn't even look at me. His attorney was the bitter shrew she always is...

My own family turned their backs against me today. No one was there for me.

I feel like celebrating and crying in my pillow all at once. This is confusing.

Congrats Coy, I know how hard is go thro this and guess I wont ever forget the day when I go thro that. Siting there face to face my ex while the entire court hearing.... geez that so sucked, I just wanted fukin dissapear. I felt so betryed and so hurt and he was just siting there like nuthing that important was happening.

When the judge asked me quesions I couldnt talk at all, I was just crying and thinking how he can be so evil and do this to me after all those years we were together. I so wished he have stay with me and I did crazy to make him stay. I was willing to accept fukin anything just so he would stay. I begged him, cryed, asked over and over again, I even told him he can have others and do what the hell he wants... just if he would stay. If I ever had some self-esteem I've lost it on a day when my man told me he want the divorce.

I remeber the judge asking me if we had sex or if we lived together in last 6 months and I had to lie and say NO while he fucked me just before we go there. He took me and told me he want me to have some "nice" memories of him. 5 wekes later I find out I get pregant from this his "act of mercy" he had with me, but we was already divorced then.

When the entire court hearing was over he asked me to go for coffee with him somehwere, for a talk. I told him I am sorry, but that I need to be alone and then I left. I bought myself all possible food I love, burry myself to my bed and just eat and sleep for couple days. If someone ever really knocked me out then it's my ex, not just once.

We share nice memories, but also lots of very sad memories. I can try however I want the painful memories wins.

He phoned me today if he can come tomorrow and bring our lil girl some Xmas present. I told him of course he can, I am quite suprised he remeber he have a daughter tbh cuz he saw her just 2 in last 2 months. Well actualy he told me if they could come here, he and his new gf. I told him something like "oh well..... come, but your gf is not welcome here so if you gonna take her with you you staying outside infront of my house and you can give the present to our daughter there cuz there no way I would let the bitch step into my flat." He could come alone - he would be welcome then, but he choosed to come with her, so guess he wont spend much of time with his daughter. Not my prob and his lose. I told him before I dont wanna see her, I dont wanna meet her, I dont wanna know her, I dont wanna have nothing to do with her. If I ever see her I would have to spit into her face and beat the shit outta my ex.

They can live happily, but I am do not need to see it. I wont watch this "happy couple" and I wont ever be friend with her either. I wanna puke just when I hear her name.

I told my girl her dad is coming here tomorrow, with his new gf and I told her I wont take them in and I also told my girl why I wont do that and she understand. I told her I am sorry, but if he wanna go up he gotta come alone.

He picked come with her instead of spending some time with our lil girl, well I am not the one who missing here. I told my girl she will have to meet her dad infront of our house, she told me she wont go to see him without me. ~sigh~

So I dunno, dunno how this will work tomorrow, but I cannot go there. I wont let the bitch see me crying and my ex either, but I would, I know I would. My mum hates when he visit us sometimes cuz I usualy cry 2 days after. If I saw him with her I dunno... lets just say its not what I need right now.

My mum told me she would go there and show her my pregant belly prodly, for a purpose heh. I told her you would show her and say what? do what?? Thats so silly and its not my style. I not longing to see my ex's gf and somehow I am not longing to see my ex either just right now. I am so damn emotional and moody lately. My mind wandering all over the place and sometimes I find it hard even to breath, I just wanna have peace and see my ex is just the right oposite. He can see our girl anytime, but I wont be a part of that meeting.


ETA:
I was thinking of my unborn few days ago and I realised I have a name just for a girl. Well I had a name for a boy as well, but I would never ever give my kid name of this male whore called my ex after what he have done to me again. If I will have a girl it will be Nataly, if I will have a boy he will have a name of my Sir. I was thinking about it alot and it just makes me smile my child would have the same name as my Sir. I so wish he was the real dad of my unborn... that would be nice.

 

[bholderman]

I took my wedding ring to a pawn shop yesterday. I needed the money.

But, I couldnt do it. Im not sure why. Something deep down wont give up. I feel like a lost fool.

 

[FurryFury]

Guess who is now divorced.

If you guessed me - you would be correct.

I cried through the entire court hearing. All I could think of was our wedding day and how happy we were.

He didn't even look at me. His attorney was the bitter shrew she always is...

My own family turned their backs against me today. No one was there for me.

I feel like celebrating and crying in my pillow all at once. This is confusing.

I'm so sorry.

There is no excuse for family to turn against you either.

*HUG*

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Something deep down wont give up.

Sadly it will give up with time.....

I am sorry you have to go thro this Brad. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

My own family turned their backs against me today. No one was there for me.

I feel like celebrating and crying in my pillow all at once. This is confusing.

I am sorry your family wasnt the support you surely needed. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

I know saying this suck, but crying could actualy make you feel a bit better. And yes feeling like that is confusing, I am divorced for 7 years now and I still remeber the way the divorce made me feel like.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

 

[DarkhairedLady]

I took my wedding ring to a pawn shop yesterday. I needed the money.

But, I couldnt do it. Im not sure why. Something deep down wont give up. I feel like a lost fool.

i still have my engagement ring. i thought about pawning it, but something struck me as wrong as well about doing it. i don't think i could place a monetary value on what it meant to me to be married. so i keep it. occassionally i wear it as a pendent. why? to remind myself of the expirience and know that i've grown from it both wiser and happier because of it.

 

[minx1]

I took my wedding ring to a pawn shop yesterday. I needed the money.

But, I couldnt do it. Im not sure why. Something deep down wont give up. I feel like a lost fool.

*hugs* who knows why Brad. Maybe it will take some time for you to figure out exactly why.

I still have my engagement and wedding rings. They are with me, here in Australia in a red and gold gossama-like bag on my bedside cabinet. They are here for a reason.

I haven't kept them for sentimental value or to pass on to any children. I won't pawn them (though maybe I would if I needed the money) or sell them because I wouldn't want to buy myself something with the money from them.

I have kept them because they are the only physical thing left from my marriage. I don't even have any wedding photos because he destroyed them.
They signify something very important to me. Not love, not memories, not sadness or regret. They signify my freedom. A new life.

At least this is what they will represent to me when I finally pluck up the courage to throw them into the sea just off the coast of Western Australia.
I was going to ask my M to come with me when I did it. But I haven't yet. Maybe I won't. Maybe I will do it all on my own.

 

[Bandit58]

*hugs* who knows why Brad. Maybe it will take some time for you to figure out exactly why.

I still have my engagement and wedding rings. They are with me, here in Australia in a red and gold gossama-like bag on my bedside cabinet. They are here for a reason.

I haven't kept them for sentimental value or to pass on to any children. I won't pawn them (though maybe I would if I needed the money) or sell them because I wouldn't want to buy myself something with the money from them.

I have kept them because they are the only physical thing left from my marriage. I don't even have any wedding photos because he destroyed them.
They signify something very important to me. Not love, not memories, not sadness or regret. They signify my freedom. A new life.

At least this is what they will represent to me when I finally pluck up the courage to throw them into the sea just off the coast of Western Australia.
I was going to ask my M to come with me when I did it. But I haven't yet. Maybe I won't. Maybe I will do it all on my own.

I gave mine to my daughter. She can do what she likes with them, although if she ever wants to wear them she'll have to get them resized

I wore them for about 3-4 months after I left, and then when I met a guy I had a LDR with I asked him to remove them before we made love for the first time. It was a little ceremony of "unmarrying" that I had to do, because this man was only the second to have sex with me. Sounds a little silly but after 23 years of being with the one person, it was like I had to give myself permission to have sex with others

 

[bholderman]

Thanks all, I appreciate the encouraging words. I was having a difficult time, especially as we bear down on Christmas. There is one thing that I have not been able to shake out of my head.

That night I found out. I still fell in shock after 3 months, and every quiet moment takes me right back there. Its not as if my wife and I could no longer be married, or simply drifted appart and divorced, etc.

I worked hard for my marriage, my wife and my children. I'm a good person. And I was wronged. My heart was ripped out by the very woman I trusted most in the world. SHe's apologized. That's it, an apology.

That's not acceptable considering what has been done to me, my children and my bank account.

 

[coy_one]

Thanks all, I appreciate the encouraging words. I was having a difficult time, especially as we bear down on Christmas. There is one thing that I have not been able to shake out of my head.

That night I found out. I still fell in shock after 3 months, and every quiet moment takes me right back there. Its not as if my wife and I could no longer be married, or simply drifted appart and divorced, etc.

I worked hard for my marriage, my wife and my children. I'm a good person. And I was wronged. My heart was ripped out by the very woman I trusted most in the world. SHe's apologized. That's it, an apology.

That's not acceptable considering what has been done to me, my children and my bank account.

I haven't received an apology and I gave my entire being into my marriage, too.

As for the wedding band.... it will take time. I still have mine and my ex's that I bought for him. I found it among my things after he claimed to have lost it. He had this terrible problem of losing wedding bands. Funny, I kept finding them placed in the most odd places - like he didn't want to wear them at all (yes, he had TWO - and lost both of them at one point, but I found them both again).

 

[coy_one]

Happy Holidays....

Anyone else feeling kind of blah about the holiday? Check in and let us know how you're doing.

 

[bholderman]

Masking an extreme case of the blahs in front of 3 kids. Im certainly determined to give them a good Christmas. But, its when they are in bed and the house quiets down...

and the empty spot in my bed...

 

[coy_one]

Masking an extreme case of the blahs in front of 3 kids. Im certainly determined to give them a good Christmas. But, its when they are in bed and the house quiets down...

and the empty spot in my bed...

I don't have my son, so I know what you mean.

And I started sleeping in the middle of the bed so there is no empty spot. LMAO

 

[FurryFury]

Masking an extreme case of the blahs in front of 3 kids. Im certainly determined to give them a good Christmas. But, its when they are in bed and the house quiets down...

and the empty spot in my bed...

You can't really fool the kids. You may think you are and they may let you but kids resonate with your emotions and they aren't stupid.

Years ago I tried to keep my feelings about a lot of things from my daughter. Now, we talk about those days. She was having the same feelings and it's almost funny in a sad sort of way. If I'd been more forthcoming with her, she might have felt less alone in her feelings that she was trying to hide from me.

I'm not saying, that you shouldn't make it the best holiday that you can. I'm just saying if you feel a little down you can say so. They are going to know it even if they can't articulate it. You are one of their role models for how to deal with feelings and life.

 

[ShyGuy68]

I started sleeping in the middle of the bed so there is no empty spot. LMAO

I for one wouldn't mind filling that spot ....

 

[intothewoods]

If you can, Brad, ask them how they're doing. Check in with them. There was a great Oprah on children and divorce some time ago. There was a dad with young kids, and the child psychologist spent some time just hanging out with the kids and asking questions like how are you doing, are you feeling sad, etc. The kids all expressed how happy they were to have space to vent and lean on each other.

 

[bholderman]

Oh, certainly, I agree. And I dont completely hide it either. Especially from my oldest who has a rather keen "daddy-is-down" radar. And she feels it too. We are there for each other.

You can't really fool the kids. You may think you are and they may let you but kids resonate with your emotions and they aren't stupid.

Years ago I tried to keep my feelings about a lot of things from my daughter. Now, we talk about those days. She was having the same feelings and it's almost funny in a sad sort of way. If I'd been more forthcoming with her, she might have felt less alone in her feelings that she was trying to hide from me.

I'm not saying, that you shouldn't make it the best holiday that you can. I'm just saying if you feel a little down you can say so. They are going to know it even if they can't articulate it. You are one of their role models for how to deal with feelings and life.

 

[DarkhairedLady]

winter holidays have never been easy on me..during my marriage this was a bone of contention with my ex husband. he never understood why i couldn't just 'get over it'. but after the divorce since i had close friends that were more then happy to take my son on the holidays so i wouldn't have to struggle through it. i really thought my son was happy since he wouldnt have to be around the doom and gloom i am during the holidays. but last year he finally voiced how upset he was that i wasn't there to spend the holidays with him. i think he thought i was being hurt or would hurt myself. last year our friends simply told me to be ready on christmas morning because i was coming to thier holiday gathering whether i liked it or not. my presence there made my son happier and he enjoyed his holiday like he usually does. i wasn't pressured to act excited or anything. so i guess just saying..sometimes our kids just know..but they still want us there. and i guess even good or bad.. being together is enough.

 

[bholderman]

I hope this is true. My wife brought a single stuffed animal per girl this year. Can my wife really be able to sleep at night?

winter holidays have never been easy on me..during my marriage this was a bone of contention with my ex husband. he never understood why i couldn't just 'get over it'. but after the divorce since i had close friends that were more then happy to take my son on the holidays so i wouldn't have to struggle through it. i really thought my son was happy since he wouldnt have to be around the doom and gloom i am during the holidays. but last year he finally voiced how upset he was that i wasn't there to spend the holidays with him. i think he thought i was being hurt or would hurt myself. last year our friends simply told me to be ready on christmas morning because i was coming to thier holiday gathering whether i liked it or not. my presence there made my son happier and he enjoyed his holiday like he usually does. i wasn't pressured to act excited or anything. so i guess just saying..sometimes our kids just know..but they still want us there. and i guess even good or bad.. being together is enough.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Can my wife really be able to sleep at night?

You know whats funny about peeps who have hurt you somehow?? That they usualy DO SLEEP well, its us who doesn't......

 

[DarkhairedLady]

You know whats funny about peeps who have hurt you somehow?? That they usualy DO SLEEP well, its us who doesn't......

oh my gods..unfortunately this so damn true.

 

[minx1]

You know whats funny about peeps who have hurt you somehow?? That they usualy DO SLEEP well, its us who doesn't......

*nods* yes they probably do....because they lack the ability or desire to empathise with how their ex partners are feeling. They sleep soundly because they either block out their behaviour or are unaffected by their behaviour and the misery and hurt they have caused.

Well if thats the price to pay I will take my sleepless nights (which are no more btw). I choose to be a well rounded individual with compassion....even a somewhat tired one *smile*

Who wants to go through their life not feeling and with little regard for others? ....not me.

 

[Horus_rules]

I took my wedding ring to a pawn shop yesterday. I needed the money.

But, I couldnt do it. Im not sure why. Something deep down wont give up. I feel like a lost fool.

I haven't figures out exactly what I will have made out of mine, but I plan on having mine melted and made into a peice of jewlery for my daughter.

 

[coy_one]

Was going through my mail today and realized that I missed an envelope. Or maybe I consciously just sifted right past it before.
It was from my attorney's office. And I knew what it was.... the final decree.

Two type written pages ending a marriage of 6 years. I started crying. My son says, "Mommy, you don't like the blue paper?" (It is bound by a piece of blue cardstock). No. Mommy doesn't, but she couldn't live separated forever and couldn't live married to him forever either.

Onward and upward. That's all I can do at this point.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Was going through my mail today and realized that I missed an envelope. Or maybe I consciously just sifted right past it before.
It was from my attorney's office. And I knew what it was.... the final decree.

Two type written pages ending a marriage of 6 years. I started crying. My son says, "Mommy, you don't like the blue paper?" (It is bound by a piece of blue cardstock). No. Mommy doesn't, but she couldn't live separated forever and couldn't live married to him forever either.

Onward and upward. That's all I can do at this point.

I am so sorry coy_one...... {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Still remeber when I get mine... I used to work as a postman so I get the letter in my job. I cryed like a lil child and felt like total idiot all my work mates saw me like that.

But ya know things should get just better now!! They just have too.....