Divorce and Separation

[mbb308]

Yeah, I fully understand that vote too. lol. I think that has been one of the hardest parts of this transition. We had always had a very health sex life. Even during our troubles, we were still enjoying each other about 3 times a week. It has been strange going from 3 to 4 times a week to 3 weeks without.

Chewey

One of the hardest adjustments of all.

Some artists have a Blue Period . . . I had a Slut Period, after my second marraige went to splitsville. I wound up doing some stupid things in the name of getting laid, and, in the end, I probably hurt some people and did nothing good for me, either.

Just be responsible and aware that the other person has feelings, too. That's no lecture - just my experience.

 

[chewbacca71]

One of the hardest adjustments of all.

Some artists have a Blue Period . . . I had a Slut Period, after my second marraige went to splitsville. I wound up doing some stupid things in the name of getting laid, and, in the end, I probably hurt some people and did nothing good for me, either.

Just be responsible and aware that the other person has feelings, too. That's no lecture - just my experience.

That is TFF, my best friend told me the same thing. That I was going to turn into a male slut when I was freed. LOL

Chewey

 

[psyche]

Re: Quiet

This thread has gone quiet... I hope that means a lot of people are have a better time of it of late.

Vous souhaitant la paix et le bonheur

Well, on my part I have not posted because things have been going well. Since I last posted there have been no outbursts. He has been on Prozac, and his first appointment with a psychologist is tomorrow night. We have still not had sex, but I wasn't expecting that after all this time, but he has mentioned it. My feelings have not changed and I don't expect that to happen over night either. I have tried to be there for him when he needs me, and he has not been as clingy, especially since I have repeatedly told him that is a big part of the problem. So really nothing going on here except waiting to see what changes will happen and how long they will last.

I have to admit that the lack of sex is a big problem for me, when I read Chewy's post about sex three times a week - I said to myself where is someone like that for me? Still resentful about that, still taking care of my sexual needs outside of my marriage - and I really don't give a damn.

Any of you guys in your male slut periods - just form a line! Hell, I could even do a group thing.......

 

[wordsmithe]

Re: Re: Quiet

I have to admit that the lack of sex is a big problem for me... Still resentful about that, still taking care of my sexual needs outside of my marriage - and I really don't give a damn.

Any of you guys in your male slut periods - just form a line! Hell, I could even do a group thing.......

What an offer, but I better pass. I'm out of practice; I used to love providing oral, but I guess all I have to offer at the moment is verbal...

 

[psyche]

Re: Re: Re: Quiet

What an offer, but I better pass. I'm out of practice; I used to love providing oral, but I guess all I have to offer at the moment is verbal...

wordsmithe, I will take your verbal anyday! It's worth a lot.

 

[Imi]

*moral support huggage for Psyche and anyone who needs or wants some*

 

[psyche]

*moral support huggage for Psyche and anyone who needs or wants some*

Imi, you must have esp, I'll take some of that today! How sweet you are! I was crabby and irritable last night and again this morning. He told me he couldn't take it if I was going to be this way! I said after I put up with your behavior for months treating me like you hated me, you can't take this!!! Our marriage works if I just take and take his shit, and never give anything back. Good old me just miss sunshine and then everything is fine. I can't wait to get his ass into a marriage counselor.....sounds like this is going to work doesn't it?

 

[wordsmithe]

Our marriage works if I just take and take his shit, and never give anything back. I can't wait to get his ass into a marriage counselor.....sounds like this is going to work doesn't it?

Sometimes a person can act in such a way that I start believing in retroactive birth control, if you follow my jist.

Your are quite a person to put up with this... I can't wait for counseling either... it will be very healthy for you to be able to get some of that off of your chest. What you put on your chest afterwords is a different situation though

 

[psyche]

Sometimes a person can act in such a way that I start believing in retroactive birth control, if you follow my jist.

Your are quite a person to put up with this... I can't wait for counseling either... it will be very healthy for you to be able to get some of that off of your chest. What you put on your chest afterwords is a different situation though

I think he has bipolar disorder from hell. He cries and cries about how he loves me and then he tells me he can only stand me when I am a certain way. Who wouldn't want to be with someone who is never irritable, I'd like to know what that's like. I just hope that we get someone who he can't manipulate. He is very intelligent and he has the gift of gab, if he goes in there and doesn't get his eyes opened this is not going to work.

Since I am 'looking' I won't be wearing much on this chest! Just let me get the attention of someone who treats me well........

 

[someplace]

This is my rant for the year

I have been involved in the divorce from hell for over 2 years now. Still not divorced, but have been living separately for 2 years. We are under court order to not change any of the utilities or household accounts unless changed by another court order. My husband was supposed to change utility accounts out of his name into mine at the time of the court order -- oh, about 1-1/2 years ago. He never did.

Yesterday my internet service was cancelled. All my email addresses, the stuff I had stored there -- all gone. Kaput. This morning my phone was cut off. (This was really clever) The phone was in my name. He transferred it to his account with another phone company (without my knowledge or permission). After it was transferred, he told them to cut it off. I now have lost my phone number. No way, no how can I get it back. It's gone. AND it's going to take 2-3 days to restore ANY phone service to my house.

My friends at work encouraged me to check my other utilities. The gas: turned off (depost returned to him) -- they waived a new deposit for me since I've been paying the bills myself for the last 2 years. The water/sewer: turned off (stopped in time, we think). The only utility he didn't get to was the electric and now I've got a security code attached to that account (which I now must remember any time I speak to the electric company about my account). I've been on the phone nearly all day.

I am now worried about my post office box and mail. I have a house guest who has been at my house all day with no phone, no hot water and no computer to play with.

I lost my attorney because ($3,000 later) I didn't have any more money to give her. I am going to call the judge's clerk to see if there's any way to move this along. The whole situation stinks. I'm weary. Am thinking there's a bottle of wine at home with my name on it.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled thread. Carry on.

 

[mbb308]

The men described above are such only by chronology, give me a pain where I sit, and make me embarrassed to be male.

I'm sure my second ex-wife has an entirely different opinion.

 

[wordsmithe]

Re: This is my rant for the year

I have been involved in the divorce from hell for over 2 years now. Still not divorced, but have been living separately for 2 years. We are under court order to not change any of the utilities or household accounts unless changed by another court order. My husband was supposed to change utility accounts out of his name into mine at the time of the court order -- oh, about 1-1/2 years ago. He never did.
You may now return to your regularly scheduled thread. Carry on.

Another case in need of retroactive birth control... I am so sorry. Call an ambulance chaser type lawyer, and see if you can't sue him, with the lawyer getting paid only if you win. You may not get any money, but if he loses some it might clear his head the next time he thinks about messing with you...

 

[bknight2602]

Re: This is my rant for the year

I have been involved in the divorce from hell for over 2 years now. Still not divorced, but have been living separately for 2 years.
.......

You may now return to your regularly scheduled thread. Carry on.

Woman you need a good lawyer, one tht won't screw you out of money.

 

[someplace]

Re: my rant for the year

Woman you need a good lawyer, one tht won't screw you out of money.

Sweet BK, Thanks for the sentiment. I've made my livelihood working for attorneys many many years. So I am quite cynical about them. When it comes to divorce, there is no such thing as Good + Lawyer. I spoke with the judge's clerk today and I'm still mulling over my limited options.

 

[mbb308]

Hmmm....retroactive birth control....assassination by any other name. Actually, it has struck me as an interesting line of work. Meet nice women with problems, off their loser husbands, solve their problems, and take a chunk of their money.

I'm really sure none of this is remotely legal, no matter how much it may seem the thing to do.

 

[sortacurious]

peeking my head in this thread...it's been awhile since I've been here.

I haven't posted here in a long time...I suppose because nothing in my situation has changed much. I finally told my s/o of 10 years a few weeks ago that I wanted him to move out. Since then he's acted like the conversation never happened. Avoiding confrontation and in need of a job, I haven't pushed the issue. But I'm applying for every available job in the area...extremely ready to go back to work. I'm hoping something will turn up soon.

In the meantime, I have a hard time with painting the smile on my face, and pretending it's all ok. He's in denial...won't face that it's over, and I am not looking forward to how ugly this is going to get. In fact I'm dreading it. The last few days I've really stay firm with myself. It would be easy in so many ways to keep things as they are.

He's supposed to be a sober alcoholic. He's definately drinking again, and it's only a matter of time before the tension snaps and he explodes. After 10 years...I just can not take the lying any more. And now he's convinced himself that he doesn't have a drinking problem...that I have a problem with him drinking.

I agreed to not have children when we got together. I'm glad that we don't have children together, but all I've ever wanted was to have a child and all the joys that come with it. So now I'm wondering if it will ever happen or if I gave up that chance.

I finally figured out that I did this all backwards. Most people break-up, go through the pain, heal, and hopefully move on. I, instead, went straight into another relationship, while still in the painful stage, healed, and now I can't seem to move on.

I'm whole now, healed from past relationships and childhood issues. I'm so ready for The One, where ever he may be. And here I am, all tangled up in a relationship that I feel no love.

Blah! Need to stop now, or I never will.



Someplace,
I can so understand what you're going through. That kind of manipulative mind-game is exactly what I would expect from the relationship I'm trying to get away from. In fact, similiar stuff started happening five years ago, last time I tried to get out. I'm so sorry you had to go through that!


ok...with all that off my chest...time to go back and read up on what I've missed here. Hope you all have a great days full of smiles.

 

[mbb308]

Hey, sorta....if he's drinking and an alky, it's only a matter of time before the fecal matter hits the rotating blades. Wish it weren't so, but it is.

Good luck on the job hunt.

I never understood not leaving when asked to - why stay where I am not wanted? I always left - soon. There is no point in staying, in my mind, at least.

 

[sortacurious]

Hey, sorta....if he's drinking and an alky, it's only a matter of time before the fecal matter hits the rotating blades. Wish it weren't so, but it is.

Good luck on the job hunt.

I never understood not leaving when asked to - why stay where I am not wanted? I always left - soon. There is no point in staying, in my mind, at least.

Thank you Mbb for the luck...I've never had to look for work before...it's always found me, so I'm being impatient.

And yes, the fecal matter is already starting to hit the blades. I've learned how I need to be when he's drunk, but sometimes it's just unpredictable.

I don't understand the not leaving either. I know that he is in love with me, and I hate hurting him. But I'm not in love with him, and he loves the booze more than me, so it's gotta end. If someone told me they didn't want to be with me anymore, I'd not want to stick around. I just don't get it. It's not like he doesn't have anywhere else to go. We own the place nextdoor. Another thing that will be awkward as hell, but at least he's got a place.

Thanks again.

 

[mbb308]

Thank you Mbb for the luck...I've never had to look for work before...it's always found me, so I'm being impatient.

And yes, the fecal matter is already starting to hit the blades. I've learned how I need to be when he's drunk, but sometimes it's just unpredictable.

I don't understand the not leaving either. I know that he is in love with me, and I hate hurting him. But I'm not in love with him, and he loves the booze more than me, so it's gotta end. If someone told me they didn't want to be with me anymore, I'd not want to stick around. I just don't get it. It's not like he doesn't have anywhere else to go. We own the place nextdoor. Another thing that will be awkward as hell, but at least he's got a place.

Thanks again.

Well, any time, really. Hope I can be of some assistance.

If he has somewhere to go, then he should, but, like the drinking, something will change only when it has to, and maybe not even then.

Men - I see them coming, and know what they'll do before they do so often - and I still don't get it. Sometimes, it makes me sad that I are one.

You and I have almost exactly the same number of posts. Race you to 2K!!! Not really - works calls noisily today.

 

[sortacurious]

Well, any time, really. Hope I can be of some assistance.

If he has somewhere to go, then he should, but, like the drinking, something will change only when it has to, and maybe not even then.

Men - I see them coming, and know what they'll do before they do so often - and I still don't get it. Sometimes, it makes me sad that I are one.

You and I have almost exactly the same number of posts. Race you to 2K!!! Not really - works calls noisily today.

I, for one, love men. I don't hold the entire gender responsible for individual actions. There's icky women out there too. Hopefully they don't reflect on women in general! Or else I'm never gonna get a date again!

I hope your work day goes good!

 

[psyche]

Well, things have been quiet again. We are going to Toronto for the weekend, we need to get away, leaving today and we will be back on Sunday. I love Toronto, so I am looking forward to it. I truely believe that he is in a manic phase right now, and I am interested to see if the person he is seeing will pick up on it. He is very personable and has good social skills, he likes the psychologist but it may be that he is not threatened by him. A major point did come out when he told me that he did not mention the sexual problem - which is a very important part of all of this obviously. He thinks the problem will just resolve itself, and I realize that it would be very difficult for a man to talk about the fact that he is not fucking his wife anymore. I don't care what anyone says, if I did not have my fuck buddy I would have left a long time ago, or strangled him in his sleep That's the only thing that has kept me from walking out the door. It has allowed me to wait this out and see if there is anything that we can save. He is in a manic phase now and you can see him going from black to white - he goes from just about crying and saying he will do anything to see love in my eyes again, to saying that he wants me to pack my things and leave because I am irritable. Can you follow the bouncing ball? - I can't. Hopefully, we will be able to get away and talk about what is wrong and what we are going to do about it.

Thanks to everyone on this thread. I really still can't believe that I found lit, where you have such a community of people who are willing to bare their souls and the people who are there to support us. See you all when I get back.

 

[mbb308]

I, for one, love men. I don't hold the entire gender responsible for individual actions. There's icky women out there too. Hopefully they don't reflect on women in general! Or else I'm never gonna get a date again!

I hope your work day goes good!

I prefer women to men - on average, they are smarter, and they usually smell better, too. I've have known a couple of doozy women, but haven't sworn off the gender. I suspect that you'll get dates when the time is right.

Thanks for the kind wish for the day - yours, too.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: my rant for the year

Sweet BK, Thanks for the sentiment. I've made my livelihood working for attorneys many many years. So I am quite cynical about them. When it comes to divorce, there is no such thing as Good + Lawyer. I spoke with the judge's clerk today and I'm still mulling over my limited options.

I know what you mean about lawyers. There is no such thing as a GOOD lawyer! Always looking to feather their nest, while picking your pocket. I have one better onyou, in my divorce, my lawyer was fucking my ex-wife during the the procedures? Ethics?
Give me a break. Hope everything works well for you though.

 

[bknight2602]

Re: Re: Re: my rant for the year

I know what you mean about lawyers. There is no such thing as a GOOD lawyer! Always looking to feather their nest, while picking your pocket. I have one better onyou, in my divorce, my lawyer was fucking my ex-wife during the the procedures? Ethics?
Give me a break. Hope everything works well for you though.

This was me, got timed out. Just wanted to let you know who was replying.

 

[chewbacca71]

Re: Re: Quiet

I have to admit that the lack of sex is a big problem for me, when I read Chewy's post about sex three times a week - I said to myself where is someone like that for me? Still resentful about that, still taking care of my sexual needs outside of my marriage - and I really don't give a damn.

Any of you guys in your male slut periods - just form a line! Hell, I could even do a group thing.......

It is interesting to find out there is life after marriage. I had to cancel the visit for friday since my hours at work changed but I may be going on a road trip for Saturday and Sunday to go visit.

Chewey