Divorce and Separation

[psyche]

Well I just got a kick in the teeth. My husband just asked me not to talk about the sexual problems when I meet with the psychologist tomorrow night. This after I have told him that this is an important issue and that he should have been talking about it all along. I told him I will talk about it and that it is one of the most important issues to me. He is in the bedroom with the door shut......I am sure that it is difficult for a man to talk about sexual problems but we need help and if we don't get it it is going to get worse. I am wondering how I ever got hooked up with someone who is so sexually repressed.....and I feel as if I don't know him anymore. He says he still has no desire to have sex right now.....

 

[Imi]

Oh *hugs* Psyche! That is just terrible!

 

[psyche]

Oh *hugs* Psyche! That is just terrible!

Thanks Imi! He came down to dinner ate by himself and went back upstairs and locked himself in the bedroom.....two steps forward, a million steps back.........

 

[KnightWing]

Thanks Imi! He came down to dinner ate by himself and went back upstairs and locked himself in the bedroom.....two steps forward, a million steps back.........

Psyche,,, sorry to hear that things aren't going as well as hoped. You seem to be an awesome lady. Hang in there and good luck. I hope things work for you the way you want. Hugs and 's

 

[psyche]

Psyche,,, sorry to hear that things aren't going as well as hoped. You seem to be an awesome lady. Hang in there and good luck. I hope things work for you the way you want. Hugs and 's

Thanks, baby! He did talk this morning, but at this point he is not hopeful at all about our marriage. I told him that this is all going to take time. I haven't even been to the psychologist once yet! He also said that since everything else is going well, that I am being selfish to want sex to be ok in addition...........maybe I am but I can't go the rest of my life walking around horny - it could lead to criminal charges!! LOL! I am looking forward to my appointment tonight.

 

[wordsmithe]

He also said that since everything else is going well, that I am being selfish to want sex ...........maybe I am ...

It is not selfish to need something... it would be selfish if you insisted upon having it your way all the time, and you have not.

You have deferred to him thus far, so it seems to me that HE is being selfish, since he won’t defer to you at all.

 

[psyche]

It is not selfish to need something... it would be selfish if you insisted upon having it your way all the time, and you have not.

You have deferred to him thus far, so it seems to me that HE is being selfish, since he won’t defer to you at all.

Thanks wordsmithe. I swear that there are days when I think the only way I was able to retain my sanity (debatable!) over the summer was because of the feedback here at lit. I am really looking forward to my appointment tonight to get some input from the psychologist. Your responses and just being able to post to sort out in my head what is going on have helped me so much.

 

[vladimir]

professional help

breathe deeply, remember you are your own person, remember that you matter, and remember that sometime you must be selfish for you.

I've been in the situation where completely unreasonable demands were forced upon me by some trusted, loved and desireable people. No one who has trusted others, who has opened their hearts, and minds, and souls to others ever expects the kind of unreasoning behaviour that can strike from the dark, or the blue without warning.

Professional help is only useful when the people involved all use it to deal with the situations. I wouldn't say it won't help if only one person decides, but it will be less effective than if all decide.

I was in a relationship for almost 4 years before it became obvious that I was not going to ever get the things that I wanted from it. Like love and respect, and sex. I ran like a frightened child to a lawyer and let the pro's help me through the splitting up of assests, and the "when do I get to see the kids" issues and such.

The one year rule is a good one, but some of us need more time to be free and figure out how to express who we are.

my .02 cents worth

vladimir of the dragontooth, brother to lazarus and protector of dwarves.

 

[psyche]

crying.......

Have I told him I want sex......have I told him I want sex? Have I told him I want sex? Have I gone to a fucking psychologist to talk to a fucking stranger to tell him I want sex once in a fucking while. We have a weekend and it is fucking jammed with shit again. Do I make those decisions? No I fucking don't....Do I go out and rollerblade until I am exhausted no I fucking don't.....Do I invite people for dinner so we can help them out instead of worrying about our own fucking marriage no I fucking don't....Fuck this fucking marriage......Have I been fucked no I fucking haven't will I be fucked no I fucking won't will I go to fucking work on monday without having been fucked yes I fucking will. If he fucking does fuck me does it take all of five minutes no it doesn't......

 

[vladimir]

Re: crying.......

Have I told him I want sex......have I told him I want sex? Have I told him I want sex? Have I gone to a fucking psychologist to talk to a fucking stranger to tell him I want sex once in a fucking while. We have a weekend and it is fucking jammed with shit again. Do I make those decisions? No I fucking don't....Do I go out and rollerblade until I am exhausted no I fucking don't.....Do I invite people for dinner so we can help them out instead of worrying about our own fucking marriage no I fucking don't....Fuck this fucking marriage......Have I been fucked no I fucking haven't will I be fucked no I fucking won't will I go to fucking work on monday without having been fucked yes I fucking will. If he fucking does fuck me does it take all of five minutes no it doesn't......

Sadness... I'm very sorry to hear you had a very bad weekend. What I said before was true... You need to be selfish for yourself now and again.

I hope you will take the time to be true to yourself.

hugs and hugs and hugs.

vladimir

 

[sanjuaneros]

I guess this is where I would post. My wife and I are separted, and getting ready for a divorce. I guess I will just read for awhile.

 

[psyche]

Well, after I had my shit fit about how our weekend was turning out...........we had a big fight. But we ended up canceling the dinner which meant that we had the rest of Sunday afternoon for ourselves. After the fight we settled down, I made a nice dinner, he did some work, and we salvaged the evening..........I feel much better...........LOL!

 

[Bandit58]

GAH!!

Things seem to be dragging on and on and bloody on....god I am sick of lawyers Now they want to get us together to sort out a sticking point with the payment of what I am owed out of the business. I'm afraid if I make too much fuss he'll just up and sell the lot, which is what I don't want to happen for my daughter's sake......she loves the farm and would be devastated to leave it and all her animals. In fact I am settling for much less than I should be.....and he can't see that.

Things are pretty strained between us as it is, because he knows I have a new lover and is soooo jealous. I have never thrown it in his face or even mentioned it to him unless he needed to know whether I would be able to be contacted or not for legal reasons. He was my first partner and I was his....and for so many years he trteated me like a piece of property and never showed me affection. I don't know if it was his upbringing or just his personality, but I cannot remember him ever saying he loved me, and he wouldn't even hold my hand in the street. Only now have I found out just how much I have missed out on all these years.

This place is great.....I can vent here and there are other people going through the same things I am......I don't know what I would do otherwise

 

[chewbacca71]

I figured that since this thread has slowed down, I would come back on with an update. Things have worked out to the point where I have moved back in. We had one major misunderstanding that once solved, has make this work out. I hope this means that the emotional rollercoaster is over.

Chewey

 

[psyche]

Re: GAH!!

Things seem to be dragging on and on and bloody on....god I am sick of lawyers Now they want to get us together to sort out a sticking point with the payment of what I am owed out of the business. I'm afraid if I make too much fuss he'll just up and sell the lot, which is what I don't want to happen for my daughter's sake......she loves the farm and would be devastated to leave it and all her animals. In fact I am settling for much less than I should be.....and he can't see that.

Things are pretty strained between us as it is, because he knows I have a new lover and is soooo jealous. I have never thrown it in his face or even mentioned it to him unless he needed to know whether I would be able to be contacted or not for legal reasons. He was my first partner and I was his....and for so many years he trteated me like a piece of property and never showed me affection. I don't know if it was his upbringing or just his personality, but I cannot remember him ever saying he loved me, and he wouldn't even hold my hand in the street. Only now have I found out just how much I have missed out on all these years.

This place is great.....I can vent here and there are other people going through the same things I am......I don't know what I would do otherwise

I hope that things are going better now! It is great to be able to get all of it out here and know someone is listening.

 

[psyche]

I figured that since this thread has slowed down, I would come back on with an update. Things have worked out to the point where I have moved back in. We had one major misunderstanding that once solved, has make this work out. I hope this means that the emotional rollercoaster is over.

Chewey

I hope so too Chewy for your sake. I am glad you are back and I am glad that things are working out. It's very good to hear.

 

[chewbacca71]

Just when things looked the darkest and I thought things were all done, she called me at work in tears. So I know believe that we were always supposed to be together and that we had to learn the lesson of not taking each other for granted.

Chewey

 

[psyche]

Just when things looked the darkest and I thought things were all done, she called me at work in tears. So I know believe that we were always supposed to be together and that we had to learn the lesson of not taking each other for granted.

Chewey

I am so happy for you! That's great.

 

[Bandit58]

At long last

After 6 months of pissing about I go to sign the separation agreement tomorrow morning We had a meeting yesterday he and I with our respective lawyers and mine laid it on the line (the law was on my side). 20 minutes later we had an agreement and it is like a huge weight has come off my shoulders.

Now I can finally think about what I want to do with the rest of my life.....my lover is sooo happy for me .....one more hurdle out of the way

 

[psyche]

Re: At long last

After 6 months of pissing about I go to sign the separation agreement tomorrow morning We had a meeting yesterday he and I with our respective lawyers and mine laid it on the line (the law was on my side). 20 minutes later we had an agreement and it is like a huge weight has come off my shoulders.

Now I can finally think about what I want to do with the rest of my life.....my lover is sooo happy for me .....one more hurdle out of the way

How wonderful for you! Congratulations......

 

[psyche]

I am depressed and confused. Look at the dates of my posts and not much about my sex life at home has changed. I am still walking around horny all the time, and I am not being taken care of at home. I know that in some ways I am being selfish, all my needs are taken care of but there is no one reaching out to me with sexual desire. He is out running right now and of course that will make him too tired to spend any amount of time on sex. He makes those choices on a regular basis. Yesterday we had sex before dinner. I hate to even post this but this is how it went. We went upstairs and he got on his back on the bed and just said get me hard. Then because he felt obligated to do something for me, he put his finger on my clit......I am easy to get off but I am telling you at that point I could have been fucking cooking dinner for all I cared. Do I just stuff my sexual feelings and stay or do I try to find someone with some sexual passion? We have not had any sex that took more than 5 minutes (and that is fucking stretching it). He is always too tired, or he just falls asleep, and when we do have it I would frankly rather have a session with my vibrator and dildo because it is more sexually satisfying. I have told him about this and nothing changes. He tells me that no matter what he does it is just not enough, and he's fucking right.

I am here in my own home. I am alone. I am horny. I will not have sex today, unless I do myself. I have a lover and I long for him so much it hurts........I can't go to him even though that's what I want to do.

 

[Lust Engine]

Would a hug from a friend from the How To board help right now?

Consider yourself hugged (((psyche)))

Take care.

 

[psyche]

Thanks, baby!

Would a hug from a friend from the How To board help right now?

Consider yourself hugged (((psyche)))

Take care.

Thank you Lust Engine, you bet it helps! *crying*

 

[Ukin]

I am depressed and confused. Look at the dates of my posts and not much about my sex life at home has changed. I am still walking around horny all the time, and I am not being taken care of at home. I know that in some ways I am being selfish, all my needs are taken care of but there is no one reaching out to me with sexual desire. He is out running right now and of course that will make him too tired to spend any amount of time on sex. He makes those choices on a regular basis. Yesterday we had sex before dinner. I hate to even post this but this is how it went. We went upstairs and he got on his back on the bed and just said get me hard. Then because he felt obligated to do something for me, he put his finger on my clit......I am easy to get off but I am telling you at that point I could have been fucking cooking dinner for all I cared. Do I just stuff my sexual feelings and stay or do I try to find someone with some sexual passion? We have not had any sex that took more than 5 minutes (and that is fucking stretching it). He is always too tired, or he just falls asleep, and when we do have it I would frankly rather have a session with my vibrator and dildo because it is more sexually satisfying. I have told him about this and nothing changes. He tells me that no matter what he does it is just not enough, and he's fucking right.

I am here in my own home. I am alone. I am horny. I will not have sex today, unless I do myself. I have a lover and I long for him so much it hurts........I can't go to him even though that's what I want to do.

That is a very sad tale honey...very sad. I do hope that he will realize soon..and I hope you don't mind me saying this..that he is a selfish bastard and needs to look closer at the loved ones around him..and LISTEN.

It isn't a lot lass..but I offer you my hugs {{{{Psyche}}}}

 

[psyche]

That is a very sad tale honey...very sad. I do hope that he will realize soon..and I hope you don't mind me saying this..that he is a selfish bastard and needs to look closer at the loved ones around him..and LISTEN.

It isn't a lot lass..but I offer you my hugs {{{{Psyche}}}}

Thanks Ukin. It just helps to know that I am not asking for more than I deserve. I just took care of my needs myself so that will help to take the edge off, but as all of you know it is not the same as having that touch from another. I could cry when I think of the time and energy that my lover devotes to me.....there is nothing like someone enjoying giving such pleasure and the desire that you have to give it back.