Divorce and Separation

[Jewelz]

Re: Re: Re: Re Jewelz

I hope you start feeling better, and I can't wait to read you story

thank you!! its not the best. really. it is just me being me...im sure the literature council would tear it apart LOL

 

[wordsmithe]

Re: Re: I hate this thread!

Thanks for listening.

Listening is the easy part. I hope you can follow up on the rest... and have some fun, too!

 

[wordsmithe]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re Jewelz

thank you!! its not the best. really. it is just me being me...im sure the literature council would tear it apart LOL

That's why I have been slow posting my writing... fear of what others might think. I have tons finished, but only posted 3. But the writing lets me go places and do things I wanted to do, and if it doesn't ring a chord for anyone else... oh well.

But I think what you want to say will probably make it better than you give yourself credit for.

 

[wordsmithe]

Humor?

Perhaps we need just a little humor to go with this thread... because it can be painful.

Should we throw in an occasional joke at the expense of the exes?

 

[Jewelz]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re Jewelz

That's why I have been slow posting my writing... fear of what others might think. I have tons finished, but only posted 3. But the writing lets me go places and do things I wanted to do, and if it doesn't ring a chord for anyone else... oh well.

But I think what you want to say will probably make it better than you give yourself credit for.

this is true! i *like* what i write....its just not all that jive with grammatical issues, yanno? I am not into making it like that right now. it is simply a means for me to write what is in my soul. worry about the editing sometime later

 

[Jewelz]

Re: Humor?

Perhaps we need just a little humor to go with this thread... because it can be painful.

Should we throw in an occasional joke at the expense of the exes?

laughter is the best therapy!

 

[wordsmithe]

Humor

A weak attempt at humor:

What is the ideal weight for your ex?

About 18 ounces, excluding the urn.

 

[ReBeLBeLLe]

Re: Humor

A weak attempt at humor:

What is the ideal weight for your ex?

About 18 ounces, excluding the urn.

LOL, humor can always help even in the worst of situations. My ex and I have been divorced for four years and the fighting still goes on as do the constant court appearances. Even through all of that he and I have at times found some humor in our situation. I opened my mail one night and found an email showing a picture of a guy talking to a cop. His house was ransacked and there was hardly any furniture left. The officer was asking if the guy had any idea who might have taken all of his stuff and the guy replied, "Yea, it was my ex wife." Being the nice person I am I replied to that email with one of my own. I sent him a picture of a woman walking out of divorce court holding her husbands balls in her hand.

 

[ReBeLBeLLe]

Okay, I have refrained from posting here because there is not one part of my divorce that I really like remembering or going over. My marriage was something that should have ended in the first year of it. I took very seriously the vows I made before god and for the most part that is the only thing that kept me in my marriage. I figured that the part that said for better or worse might not have meant you'd have both but at times it might mean you would get stuck with the worse end of the deal. As the years went along, whenever divorce was brought up my husband would threaten to go after custody of our daughter. While I knew deep down there was no way he could win custody, the thought of it kept me from walking. Finally after 17 years I no longer cared. He gave me an ultimatum one night and I told him I refused to be ordered around anymore. He walked. At first I was terrified. I didn't know which way to turn, what to do first, or how I was even going to afford a lawyer. The one thing I didn't know then was that I did have some time. Nothing moves that quick when it comes to divorce. I did get lucky when calling various lawyers and had this one that gave me a wealth of information over the phone. First and foremost she told me to get all the utilities transfered into my name...to not let him keep his finger on the switch so to speak. I wish it had been that easy...he had put blocks on everything. She did tell me to relax, take my time and gather what I would need when I went to a lawyer and above all else to write down the questions as they came to me that I wanted to ask. This was a big help, because when I did finally find a lawyer I was always forgetting something and my list would remind me. I have to say what ensued was a nightmare. I knew my husband could be cruel long before we split up, I just never realized how vindictive one could become. I tried my best not to fight anymore with him, to leave that to my lawyer ,afterall that is what I was paying him for. I even told my husband that on numerous occasions. The night he left I decided then and there that I was through with the verbal attacks. I tried my best to keep it that way. If he could be decent, I'd talk. The minute it turned ugly I walked away, or hung up the phone. Because we had kids, the first thing that happened was what is called a relief hearing.....this laid the rules and groundwork for alimony and child support until the time we would go before the judge for divorce. I also walked out of there with a restraining order. During the process of my divorce I was sent numerous threatening emails, I was followed, harrassed at work, the kids were drilled by their dad with all kinds of questions about me. I was subpeonad back into court for many supposed contempts of the separation agreement. I soon learned that the courts would not stop that typ of harrassment. He never won any of the hearings on contempt and I doubt he'll win the next. My lawyer represented me to a point, but both mine and his seem to have dollar signs in their eyes. I did finally get the divorce....it was on grounds of habitual drunkeness. I thought that would be the end of it, it hasn't been. I have learned a lot since those early days. I have learned mostly to take one day at a time. I've learned not to sweat about things I can't control because worrying about is not going to change it and I won't have the answers until I walk out of court. I wish my ex and I could have done this more amicably because my kids have been hurt in the process. I have done my best not to slander nor malign my ex and I have gone as far as trying to defend their fathers actions when he chooses to do so. They love their father and have gotten to know him in these four years like they never knew him when we were married. It's is not easy remembering they love him when he tells them I should spend the child support on things they want...I explain to them that it is called support, so that I can provide for them a decent living arrangement, not something called child wish buying. I make my house payment with the support. I have seen and heard so many men complain and bitch about paying support and it making it easier for the mom, or that they are giving it to "her". I wish men, and women would stop looking at things from that view. Do the best you can for your kids, and stop clinging to how it affects your ex spouse. If you can't do that, your kids will be the ones that suffer. Divorce is never easy, and the two parties involved need to remember that their actions will affect others, not just their ex spouse. I wish each of you going through a separation and/or divorce the best of luck. It is going to be a trying time, for many that is exasperated by the sorrow of a dying relationship. Don't believe what your ex tells you. He or she is afterall trying to get what they want. Your lawyer can and will tell you if your wishes are attainable. Okay, I did not mean to ramble so much about this...maybe that's why I haven't posted because so much happened in my divorce and is still happening. Just try to take one day at a time. Things have a way of working out and it may not be all you wish, but you will survive and move on. Me...lol, well I soon have another court appearance ahead of me.....one day, maybe...just maybe that too will end.

 

[Starfyre]

Wow

Hello, everyone...

I must say I'm amazed reading this thread... what a wonderful resource/sounding board. My situation is very new (he sent me an e-mail about leaving me in March) and sometimes it feels... just raw, I guess.

Thanks for posting here. I really appreciated discovering this thread! =)

Good luck to everyone,

Starfire

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re Jewelz

I was verbally and emotionally abused and you are right, there is no call for it. any kind. ive been seriously scarred for life. my personality is affected by what happened to me. yes, i could just move on, but that is almost impossible. at this point in my life anyway. and i dont want my daughters growing up to be like me.

Men can be abused also
In my case I did not know it was happening till she left.

She abused me financialy, keep me isolated, abused me emotionaly etc. everything but physical.

I would say her deseretion was abuse
She continues to abuse by the way she is handling this divorce.

To stop abuse you need two things
1) an awearness
2) stop volunating as a victum

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Humor

I sent him a picture of a woman walking out of divorce court holding her husbands balls in her hand.

ouch

 

[callableborg]

wordsmithe/first post

The thing about the ' spouse suddenly changing' is a little deceptive I think. In experience it seems like someone you have known well for a number of years does a major about face and becomes an unpredictable alien.

Realistically something builds up over a long period of time and finally emerges or finds an alternate route of expression.

Looking back I can see various signs of trouble brewing but must have not noticed or dismissed evidence as trivial. In a busy life with work, kids, chores etc. its natural to brush aside things that seem insignificant or not to your taste.

Not that early reaction would have done any good but it's better to look back and see some coherent history of the situation.

I think your delimma of semi-happiness is a difficult one. If work and willingness to take risks cannot improve the situation but only threaten it then where are you to turn?

At least in a disaster you can always say to yourself that you did not initiate the situation but are doing the best you can to deal with it.

 

[wordsmithe]

Okay, I have refrained from posting here because there is not one part of my divorce that I really like remembering or going over. Me...lol, well I soon have another court appearance ahead of me.....one day, maybe...just maybe that too will end.

I just can't understand why a person who claims to love another would not want the object of thier love to be happy, or how anyone could use children as a weapon.

It sounds like getting past this time has been hard, but for the best. I hope writing about it helped.

 

[wordsmithe]

Re: Wow

Hello, everyone...

I must say I'm amazed reading this thread... what a wonderful resource/sounding board. My situation is very new (he sent me an e-mail about leaving me in March) and sometimes it feels... just raw, I guess.

Thanks for posting here. I really appreciated discovering this thread! =)

Good luck to everyone,

Starfire

People change, as we have all seen, but that doesn't make it easier when one of them feels the need to leave. I'm sorry your two needs didn't match... but as we have heard, time will help; and I hope each day gets easier for you, and that there are other things and people to make your life interesting.

 

[wordsmithe]

humor

Again, I think we need a little humor in this thread. Laughter is the best medicine, at least until my HMO figures out how to get a co-pay out of me... and all the people checking this thread probably need some smiles.

I am too goofy for my own good, so I hope some others will volunteer

 

[MissTaken]

Hmmm laughter?

Well, thinking....

seriously....

I am terrible with jokes, but am great in the sack!

My heart and hugs go out to all that are hurting.

It does get better.
We do find a way to take a hairpin turn in our life's plan and come out on top.

Just take one day at a time.

Trust me!


(Errrr that doesn't seem right...like "Trust me, I am from the government? )

 

[wordsmithe]

Hmmm laughter?
Well, thinking....
seriously....
I am terrible with jokes, but am great in the sack!
My heart and hugs go out to all that are hurting.
It does get better.
We do find a way to take a hairpin turn in our life's plan and come out on top.
Just take one day at a time.
Trust me!
(Errrr that doesn't seem right...like "Trust me, I am from the government? )

Well, your note brought a smile to my face...thanks

 

[Richard49]

Hmmm laughter?

I am terrible with jokes, but am great in the sack!

Can we have proof please?

 

[Richard49]

Hmmm laughter?

Trust me!


(Errrr that doesn't seem right...like "Trust me, I am from the government? )

and I am here to help you

 

[Jewelz]

Humor anyone??

Superman was feeling bored after a long streak of crime
fighting and wanted to go out and party so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. A little
disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Cat Woman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs open.

Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening." So Superman did his super thing in a split
second and flew off happily.

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder Woman said, "Did you hear something?"

"No!" said the Invisible Man, "but my butt hurts like hell!"

 

[Richard49]

Re: Humor anyone??

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder Woman said, "Did you hear something?"

"No!" said the Invisible Man, "but my butt hurts like hell!"

ouch

 

[navarre]

Re: Humor anyone??

Superman was feeling bored after a long streak of crime
fighting and wanted to go out and party so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. A little
disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Cat Woman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs open.

Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening." So Superman did his super thing in a split
second and flew off happily.

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder Woman said, "Did you hear something?"

"No!" said the Invisible Man, "but my butt hurts like hell!"

Good one Jewelz
LMAO

 

[MissTaken]

Can we have proof please?

It'll cost ya!

 

[Richard49]

It'll cost ya!

What and how much?
I refuse to be the invisable man arounf superman