Dishonesty

[WillowPuss]

Lots of people in various different threads have put a high value on honesty. I myself am one that does.

Without honesty, one cannot expect anything of worth to grow and flourish.


Obviously - there is a flip side to every coin. In this case, it would be dishonesty.


Now - say that you have found somebody out in a lie. Or put it in a milder form ... that they have not been honest. What do you do.
Do you let them know that you know in the hope that they face facts and come clean?
Do you expose them to others so that they may be wary of the fact that the less than honest person is not all they seem to be?

Or do you just keep quiet. Say you yourself are not really affected by it, and let sleeping dogs lie?


Any thoughts, anyone?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Many variables

A lot would depend on how important this person is in my life. How big was the act of dishonesty? I do not believe in publically embarrassing anyone at anytime. (For instance if I have an issue with someone on this board, I take it off the board and give ourselves the opportunity to explain our points of view to each other.)

I pick my battles. Some things and some people are not worth my time. So it would have to be someone who truly matters to me before I would take my time to address their act of dishonesty.
And then I would do so privately.

Rose

 

[Ebonyfire]

Lots of people in various different threads have put a high value on honesty. I myself am one that does.

Without honesty, one cannot expect anything of worth to grow and flourish.


Obviously - there is a flip side to every coin. In this case, it would be dishonesty.


Now - say that you have found somebody out in a lie. Or put it in a milder form ... that they have not been honest. What do you do.
Do you let them know that you know in the hope that they face facts and come clean?
Do you expose them to others so that they may be wary of the fact that the less than honest person is not all they seem to be?

Or do you just keep quiet. Say you yourself are not really affected by it, and let sleeping dogs lie?


Any thoughts, anyone?

I think that if the lie has negatively impacted a number of people, I would probably call them on it privately, and see if they will come clean.

If there was not impact, then I would ignore that person.

Eb

 

[Desdemona]

taking the lazy way out

I'll just let Eb and Rose do my typing for me. I combine both styles. Once I know someone is not honest, I lose trust and respect for that person.

 

[WillowPuss]

Thanks for joining me ladies.


Rose - I know what you mean about picking your battles. And I hate public things too.

Eb - although the dishonest person means nothing to me ... I could see them hurting a lot of people I do care about.

Des - I lost my respect a long time ago for the hishonest one.



So ... taking the next step.
The dishonest person is privately taken aside and informed of the facts. Their dishonesty is laid before them.

They bluster; they make excuses; they try and explain that it is all a huge misunderstanding ... but you are certain that it is yet more dishonesty.

What now?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thanks for joining me ladies.


Rose - I know what you mean about picking your battles. And I hate public things too.

Eb - although the dishonest person means nothing to me ... I could see them hurting a lot of people I do care about.

Des - I lost my respect a long time ago for the hishonest one.



So ... taking the next step.
The dishonest person is privately taken aside and informed of the facts. Their dishonesty is laid before them.

They bluster; they make excuses; they try and explain that it is all a huge misunderstanding ... but you are certain that it is yet more dishonesty.

What now?

1 )Privately notify the people who could be hurt and ask if they want the information?

OR

2) Drop it.

What else is left?

Eb

 

[Shadowsdream]

Lots of people in various different threads have put a high value on honesty. I myself am one that does.

Without honesty, one cannot expect anything of worth to grow and flourish.


Obviously - there is a flip side to every coin. In this case, it would be dishonesty.


Now - say that you have found somebody out in a lie. Or put it in a milder form ... that they have not been honest. What do you do.
Do you let them know that you know in the hope that they face facts and come clean?
Do you expose them to others so that they may be wary of the fact that the less than honest person is not all they seem to be?

Or do you just keep quiet. Say you yourself are not really affected by it, and let sleeping dogs lie?


Any thoughts, anyone?

I would definately take it to PM simply to allow this person to realize dishonesty can never be hidden. That it will always bite you in the ass eventually and that worthwhile friends will be protected from dishonesty if you ever see a valid reason to protect.

It is much better for those tarnished with the dishonesty brush to realize that if they have something to keep private they should do so without creating a new persona. Not exposing all you are is understandable online but it is not understandable to recreate yourself as the mood strikes you.
Keep your conversations generic would be My advise to this person rather than give several renditions of your reality.

Assuming this could be the dishonesty in question and if it is something else I am sure the same concept could be applied.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Dishonesty

Keep your conversations generic would be My advise to this person rather than give several renditions of your reality.

Assuming this could be the dishonesty in question and if it is something else I am sure the same concept could be applied.

I would be more likely to want to avoid dealing with this person at all, especially if it was clear that the intentions were hostile.

Eb

 

[WillowPuss]

Shadows - you are spot on that it is indeed an on-line thing.

Eb - thank you.

 

[lovetoread]

To me honesty is the most important thing.

I cannot stand those that lie.

Everyone around me knows it,my kids know that if they lie to me,whatever trouble they will be in will be worse.

Lie to me and its over. I may be able to up and leave at that moment,but trust me,I never forget it.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I realize this is a bit off topic but it illustrates how important I think it is to take the issue directly to the source.

Just days ago I errored in a post. It was not intentional and I would never have done it had I known the correct protocal. Be that as it may, I made a mistake in a post.

This is how I wish it had been handled and how I would have handled it:

I wish I had been pm'd and told of my mistake. I would have not only pm'd back with my apologies but I would have publically corrected my error, on the thread where I made the initial mistake.

Instead, I was not given the opportunity to do that. I was scolded on the thread, in public. For me to respond on the thread might have appeared that I was looking for an argument. I chose to pm the person involved and offer my sincere apologies for not understanding the protocal and assured that person it would never happen again now that I know that I was in error.

I believe everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt, at least once, in order for them to clarify themselves or to accept responsibility, as in my case, and make amends. A person of character deserves that much.

Rose

 

[Ebonyfire]

I realize this is a bit off topic but it illustrates how important I think it is to take the issue directly to the source.

Just days ago I errored in a post. It was not intentional and I would never have done it had I known the correct protocal. Be that as it may, I made a mistake in a post.

This is how I wish it had been handled and how I would have handled it:

I wish I had been pm'd and told of my mistake. I would have not only pm'd back with my apologies but I would have publically corrected my error, on the thread where I made the initial mistake.

Instead, I was not given the opportunity to do that. I was scolded on the thread, in public. For me to respond on the thread might have appeared that I was looking for an argument. I chose to pm the person involved and offer my sincere apologies for not understanding the protocal and assured that person it would never happen again now that I know that I was in error.

I believe everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt, at least once, in order for them to clarify themselves or to accept responsibility, as in my case, and make amends. A person of character deserves that much.

Rose

I wonder if this is the same. If there is ongoing dishonesty, and if the person has already been given the chance to make amends and they hemmed and hawed and denied it even when faced with the truth, we pretty much know that we are not dealing with a person of character.

Eb

 

[WillowPuss]

To me honesty is the most important thing.

I cannot stand those that lie.

Everyone around me knows it,my kids know that if they lie to me,whatever trouble they will be in will be worse.

Lie to me and its over. I may be able to up and leave at that moment,but trust me,I never forget it.

ltr - that is so, so true.

 

[WillowPuss]

I wonder if this is the same. If there is ongoing dishonesty, and if the person has already been given the chance to make amends and they hemmed and hawed and denied it even when faced with the truth, we pretty much know that we are not dealing with a person of character.

Eb

Eb - that is almost exactly what has happened.
The person has been confronted on occasions - maybe not directly calling them dishonest - but pointing out discrepancies ... and they have just hedged around giving an answer.

Maybe I read too much into this - but, to me, that smacks of not wanting to face the truth.

 

[WillowPuss]

I believe everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt, at least once, in order for them to clarify themselves or to accept responsibility, as in my case, and make amends. A person of character deserves that much.

Rose

I agree Rose

A person should always be given a chance.

I usually give more than one, too.

But over, and over, and over?


had to edit cos it posted before I had even finished typing!

 

[A Desert Rose]

I wonder if this is the same. If there is ongoing dishonesty, and if the person has already been given the chance to make amends and they hemmed and hawed and denied it even when faced with the truth, we pretty much know that we are not dealing with a person of character.

Eb

Absolutely.

I know I am a person of character, people who know me know I am. I know what to look for in a preson's words to determine if they have the level of ethics that I deem important. Those kinds of people are like magnets to me. They pull me to them without even realizing they are doing so.

I think Eb, that some people just will never "get it". They are not so much lacking in character as they can't see the big picture, past themselves.

Rose

 

[A Desert Rose]

I agree Rose

A person should always be given a chance.

I usually give more than one, too.

But over, and over, and over?


had to edit cos it posted before I had even finished typing!

Well Willow, like me, you are a soft touch. I will do the same thing. I want to believe that everyone is good and well meaning and like me. It sometimes takes me a bit to figure out that not everyone lives up to the standards I (and you) abide by.

Rose

 

[TAKEMEE]

Lots of people in various different threads have put a high value on honesty. I myself am one that does.

Without honesty, one cannot expect anything of worth to grow and flourish.


Obviously - there is a flip side to every coin. In this case, it would be dishonesty.


Now - say that you have found somebody out in a lie. Or put it in a milder form ... that they have not been honest. What do you do.
Do you let them know that you know in the hope that they face facts and come clean?
Do you expose them to others so that they may be wary of the fact that the less than honest person is not all they seem to be?

Or do you just keep quiet. Say you yourself are not really affected by it, and let sleeping dogs lie?


Any thoughts, anyone?

Are you talking about just here at LIT?
If so, I would just let it go. Who cares.
But if I was developing a relationship with someone here I would politely call them on it.

 

[WillowPuss]

Well Willow, like me, you are a soft touch. I will do the same thing. I want to believe that everyone is good and well meaning and like me. It sometimes takes me a bit to figure out that not everyone lives up to the standards I (and you) abide by.

Rose

Yep.

And then I get really sad and hurt.
Which is a bit stupid as I have said that the dishonest one doesn't really mean a thing to me anyway.

I suppose it is the principle?
And the fact that ones I do care about could be taken in and hurt.