question for subs on "doms"

[average_red]

I have seen multiple subs talk about finding lots of "doms" when they first started, and It got me wondering, from the sub's perspective what is the difference between a "dom" and a dom?

It would be particularly helpful if you divided your responses between online and in person and between initial impressions and prolonged interactions. So for example 'online I find that "doms" do xxx when you first meet them, and as you get to know them you find out xxx... '

 

[num1scamp]

In person, I'm extremely submissive. I've never yet had to use my safe words. My Dom has given me to others as their Birthday present. I found that I enjoyed that a lot. A man who knows how to spank with his hands until my ass is red turns me on a lot. He has also sent me on dates with other Doms, I obey them as i would him.

 

[SomeBliss]

There are fake Doms galore. They want to boss you around upon meeting you. They think you should call them Sir even though you’ve only just met. They push you hard and order you to do things as they see fit. They tell you your needs do not matter.

Real Doms figure out what makes you tick and get you to want to submit by doing what you like…meeting your needs. They take their time and earn your submission. They figure out in what areas you need to grow and help you grow. They are protective. They keep you safe. They ask you every time if you are okay with what you are doing or what you did. They are hard to find, but oh so worth the wait.

 

[SteelPoint]

There are fake Doms galore.

Not half as many as the fake subs which infest Lit. But I'm sure you're aware of that.

 

[AnonymousPandaGirl]

I’m pretty sure I’ve only experienced fake doms to be honest.

To me a true dom literally gets off on the domination as much as I get off on the submission.

But to me there’s a heavily romantic aspect not often mentioned in a dom/sub relationship: the romance of it all.

I’m literally giving a dom control of my entire person and faculties. If they’re not shit bag rapists or abusers then they know the line between my consent and their ownership is a really lovely place of trust. They trust and expect me to continually give and communicate my consent and I trust them to take me body and soul wherever they want to go.

I’m not sure if this is a rose colored glasses situation or not, but using my body to a dome pleasure and knowing I want it is at the center of this world.

A fake dom sees this relationship as something else entirely: someone who likes to dish out pain, physical or verbal, without seeing their sub a human. It’s basically what separates terrible humans from the ones who genuinely like how much their hand hurts from spanking and slapping.