Depression support Network

[SunshineDream]

He really *is* cute, isn't he?

 

[RocknRoll]

Well at the very least the last 2 posts have attempted to beef up my dead ego and self confidence...

and thank you girls...

ok and Belladonna, Im not in the wrong place, you are

 

[Belladonna]

Well at the very least the last 2 posts have attempted to beef up my dead ego and self confidence...

and thank you girls...

ok and Belladonna, Im not in the wrong place, you are

Touche! Perhaps so....

 

[elizabeth22673]

peeks head in. is this a safe place to go for cuddles?

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

I've struggled with depression in recent years but lately its getting better

 

[saintsinner42]

hey im not depressed but i think this thread is a great ideal rocknroll. always good to have someone to go to in times of need.

rock on

 

[LIKEBIGTITS]

im glad i found this thread tonight,i have depression alot myself and the dr tried me on wellbutrin,that didnt help.i have good days and bad days,mostly it effects my ability to deal with people,im so shy with people,especially women i like,i get down on myself and walk away thinking theres no chance for me with a girl like her...anyone know how do deal with..i guess coming out of your shell? thanks

 

[SunshineDream]

im glad i found this thread tonight,i have depression alot myself and the dr tried me on wellbutrin,that didnt help.i have good days and bad days,mostly it effects my ability to deal with people,im so shy with people,especially women i like,i get down on myself and walk away thinking theres no chance for me with a girl like her...anyone know how do deal with..i guess coming out of your shell? thanks

I wish I knew how to help you, but I *can* tell you that I know the feelings you describe all too well! I've become a "pro" at beating myself up, undermining my own goodness and uniqueness, and basically kicking myself while I'm down.

This kind of self-loathing is a waste of energy better spent on other aspects in your life. Sounds simple, right? I don't mean to make it seem like that. It is *very* difficult to build one's self-confidence once it has been hurt, or worse, destroyed... I know.

I work with a therapist weekly on my many issues, one big issue being my lack of confidence, especially when it comes to men. When I come here to Lit. I get praises left and right, but in reality, I keep men at a very real distance. I wonder if I will be able to "sucker" them into my life of ups and downs--- and then decide that they are better off without me anyway. For these unfortunate reasons, I've been single for over 4 years.

It really makes me wonder... what's wrong with me???????

But I am teaching myself to stop thinking along such self-destructive lines... truly catching myself in mid-thought and changing a negative statement into a positive. I have even gone nutty enough to occasionally put post-it notes around my house that remind me to "BE KIND TO YOURSELF" and "THERE'S NO SENSE IN COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS." It's a matter of mental training, ya know?

I prolly sound silly, but I just want to share what I've learned...
I seriously wish you the best of luck in finding yourself and your self-confidence, LIKEBIG...

 

[lady*laura]

Raising my hand...

...I have been depressed for as long as I can remeber. it wasn't until my early 20's we were able to put a name to it. My depression is this pit that is always there. Sometimes it's really really close by, sometimes I am standing on the edge of it decieding if I should free fall into it and sometimes it's so far away that I can barely even see it. I spent 8 years in the pit and climbed out slowly, sometimes painfully and at times by sliding backward and losing ground. Alot of people who were close to me didn't understand. You can't "see" depression...it's just there. The worst thing I did was to deny that there was anything wrong. I was a great pretender..***** was just peachy! But it wasn't. Suicide was tempting. I took ownership of this depression thing. It's mine and I live with it. Some days are really bad and getting out of bed can be a struggle but I am divorced with 4 kids who depend on ME and I have to function. I take meds daily just to keep me evened out. I haven't had health insurance for going on 6 years so getting talk therapy is cost prohibitive. I'm a professional artist and the best therapy for me is in my art. I have to do it everyday like eating or breathing. The amazing thing is if you saw my art you would never know I am depressed because it's all uplifting and bright and colorful and celebrates people and their differences. Maybe it's my way of telling the world here I am...I am different and I am OK. I am currently working on a book that I have written and illustrated that talks about my depression much in the way this forum does. From my own personal experiences. Maybe if more people would be open about mental illness then we wouldn't all feel so isolated for being different.

 

[SunshineDream]

...I have been depressed for as long as I can remeber. it wasn't until my early 20's we were able to put a name to it. My depression is this pit that is always there. Sometimes it's really really close by, sometimes I am standing on the edge of it decieding if I should free fall into it and sometimes it's so far away that I can barely even see it. I spent 8 years in the pit and climbed out slowly, sometimes painfully and at times by sliding backward and losing ground. Alot of people who were close to me didn't understand. You can't "see" depression...it's just there. The worst thing I did was to deny that there was anything wrong. I was a great pretender..***** was just peachy! But it wasn't. Suicide was tempting. I took ownership of this depression thing. It's mine and I live with it. Some days are really bad and getting out of bed can be a struggle but I am divorced with 4 kids who depend on ME and I have to function. I take meds daily just to keep me evened out. I haven't had health insurance for going on 6 years so getting talk therapy is cost prohibitive. I'm a professional artist and the best therapy for me is in my art. I have to do it everyday like eating or breathing. The amazing thing is if you saw my art you would never know I am depressed because it's all uplifting and bright and colorful and celebrates people and their differences. Maybe it's my way of telling the world here I am...I am different and I am OK. I am currently working on a book that I have written and illustrated that talks about my depression much in the way this forum does. From my own personal experiences. Maybe if more people would be open about mental illness then we wouldn't all feel so isolated for being different.

Thank you for sharing yourself with us!!

 

[Gypsybyrd]

I look at my life & can honestly say ... I have no reason to be unhappy.

I look at my life & can point to specific things that are missing ... but they don't make my life any worse ... just lonelier. Yet, I've cried or nearly cried myself to sleep 3 times this week. I'm teetering on the edge of ... I don't know what. I feel like throwing a major temper tantrum ... but there would be no satisfaction becuase there is nobody to see it - does this make just an attention seeker? No, because there are people in my life that NEED to see the tantrum ... that's the only way things'll change.

I'm so cautious not to hurt other people that I would never try suicide. I almost want to go live in a cabin on a mountain and never see another human again. Yet I'm lonely now. That's quite the conundrum I've created.

Then there are are times when I'm almost afraid to leave the apartment, convinced I'm not going to return. I force myself to follow through. Nobody ever knows (or at least lets on that they know) that I'm not having a good day. Oh, people know it when I get angry or frustrated ... but not unhappy. I hate my negative thoughts ... I try like hell not to share it with others ... therefore I end up being quite around my friends/family & letting them do all the talking.

I wonder ... if I added the few things into my life I think are missing ... would I feel better? Would I start respecting myself & stop hating myself? Of course, to add the missing things, I have to start respecting myself & stop hating myself ... *sighs* ...

Meds aren't for me ... I wouldn't remember to take them. I have had success with changing my eating habits ... the lower the carb intake, the better my mood. Unfortunately, stress increases my craving for carbs & sugar & caffeine and I lack the willpower to resist at those times.

Ok, I've rambled long enough.

Btw, Rock ... I know what it's like to have friends that don't understand ... I told a friend of mine I was trying to figure out the best suicide method (this was 6+ years ago now) and I'd narrowed it down ... the response was "I can't beleive you said that! " And something along the lines of "Get over it." At the time I considered this person one of my 2 best friends ... a person who knew me best of all. I don't know that there is a best way to support a friend suffering depression or any other illness. As I believe was pointed out to me in this thread a bit ago ... it's individual to each person.

Ok, this time ... I've rambled more than enough ...

 

[Shagly]

I've struggled with depression in recent years but lately its getting better

Now that's sad.

 

[lady*laura]

I look at my life & can honestly say ... I have no reason to be unhappy.

I look at my life & can point to specific things that are missing ... but they don't make my life any worse ... just lonelier. Yet, I've cried or nearly cried myself to sleep 3 times this week. I'm teetering on the edge of ... I don't know what. I feel like throwing a major temper tantrum ... but there would be no satisfaction becuase there is nobody to see it - does this make just an attention seeker? No, because there are people in my life that NEED to see the tantrum ... that's the only way things'll change.

I'm so cautious not to hurt other people that I would never try suicide. I almost want to go live in a cabin on a mountain and never see another human again. Yet I'm lonely now. That's quite the conundrum I've created.

Then there are are times when I'm almost afraid to leave the apartment, convinced I'm not going to return. I force myself to follow through. Nobody ever knows (or at least lets on that they know) that I'm not having a good day. Oh, people know it when I get angry or frustrated ... but not unhappy. I hate my negative thoughts ... I try like hell not to share it with others ... therefore I end up being quite around my friends/family & letting them do all the talking.

I wonder ... if I added the few things into my life I think are missing ... would I feel better? Would I start respecting myself & stop hating myself? Of course, to add the missing things, I have to start respecting myself & stop hating myself ... *sighs* ...

Meds aren't for me ... I wouldn't remember to take them. I have had success with changing my eating habits ... the lower the carb intake, the better my mood. Unfortunately, stress increases my craving for carbs & sugar & caffeine and I lack the willpower to resist at those times.

Ok, I've rambled long enough.

Btw, Rock ... I know what it's like to have friends that don't understand ... I told a friend of mine I was trying to figure out the best suicide method (this was 6+ years ago now) and I'd narrowed it down ... the response was "I can't beleive you said that! " And something along the lines of "Get over it." At the time I considered this person one of my 2 best friends ... a person who knew me best of all. I don't know that there is a best way to support a friend suffering depression or any other illness. As I believe was pointed out to me in this thread a bit ago ... it's individual to each person.

Ok, this time ... I've rambled more than enough ...

When I was in my darkest time I was married to a man who didn't understand depression. When it was extremely difficult to get motivated for anything beyond basic maitenence his only responce was" have you taken your meds today?" That made me SO ANGRY! If I took my meds then he shouldn't have to deal with it and we all know that drugs ARE NOT enough sometimes. I felt invisible. Like I was slowly dissappearing even in the middle of my own family. That's when thoughts of suicide were strongest. I'm already invisible so no one will miss me if I am not here anymore will they. Thank God for my children. They were my life line out of that pit. They accepted me with total love and I had to climb out of that pit for them. It wasn't easy. It still isn't easy. I divorced thier father. That alone could have sent me in a depression tailspin but it didn't. It made me stronger. It wasn't easy and it still isn't. Somedays I wish I could send the kids to live with their father but that passes. I have primary custody. I'm going to make it work.

 

[RocknRoll]

hey lady*laura

I will agree that it is a nightmare to be with people who do not understand depression.. does make me wish I had my arm ripped off in a car crash or something so people could actually see how phyically dishablitating mental anguish can be...

but all the people in the thread are here with you, and you will make it thought hun

 

[LIKEBIGTITS]

thank you guys for this thread,its not good to wish others to go through what you do.but i do sometimes so people would understand what its like,feeling so alone standing in the middle of a crowd.but this thread helps me realize im not alone at this.i someone said in a post earlier.loneliness is the worst thing in the world i think.im to shy to open up to anyone to share things with,my girlfriend died 5 years ago and i didnt deal with it till long after,didnt accept it,then in late 04 my grandfather(might as well been my father the way i followed him around),i didnt deal with that well,got myself in a financial mess.luckily i have a great job and am working myself out of the financial mess i was in,delt with losing my girlfriend slowly coming along there trying to move on,and just trying to be happy.stress just makes it worse,stressing out about things.i still have bad days,but not like the bad days when i was on wellbutrin,ive never felt so much like wanting to kill myself as i did when i was taking those.now days the happy days outweigh the bad days more and more,and trying to do things that ive trained mysefl not to do is hard but i am,like making eye contact with people,and saying hi to everyone you meet instead of being so closed off.its amazing how hard it is to say hi,then when they say hi you feel noticed...it helps.just wanted to share that and thanks for welcoming me to the thread everyone.



P.S. thank you sunshine for your reply

 

[Gypsybyrd]

When I was in my darkest time I was married to a man who didn't understand depression. When it was extremely difficult to get motivated for anything beyond basic maitenence his only responce was" have you taken your meds today?" That made me SO ANGRY! If I took my meds then he shouldn't have to deal with it and we all know that drugs ARE NOT enough sometimes. I felt invisible. Like I was slowly dissappearing even in the middle of my own family. That's when thoughts of suicide were strongest. I'm already invisible so no one will miss me if I am not here anymore will they. Thank God for my children. They were my life line out of that pit. They accepted me with total love and I had to climb out of that pit for them. It wasn't easy. It still isn't easy. I divorced thier father. That alone could have sent me in a depression tailspin but it didn't. It made me stronger. It wasn't easy and it still isn't. Somedays I wish I could send the kids to live with their father but that passes. I have primary custody. I'm going to make it work.

I'm glad you pulled yourself out ... sounds like you've the strength & desire to make it work ... best of success to you! {{lady*laura}}

 

[virgin144]

Hi

After a long time of looking at the site, I just discovered the forums- and saw the link to this on RocknRoll's profile. Neat community here- I really like it.
Everyone has articulated a lot of the thoughts I have as if they were in my head.
I'm on meds for bipolar disorder myself, though I really think I'm just plain depressed.
The worst part I've been thinking about recently is how it will be something that is forever seperating me from everyone around me. I know I can be a drain on people if I vent or whatever, so I try to stop myself. Yes- real friends are there to listen, but I can't imagine burdening them with all the thoughts in my head.

Anyways- this has been my very first post on the forums, so if you have any advice, or tips for starting out here, or anything, feel free to PM me.

 

[RocknRoll]

Well virgin144 its a good idea to vent your emotions, better than letting them build up, so you can vent them here if you need to or you can do what I do and write poetry! (you may have also seen that link in my profile! lol)

but congrats on not being on of those pathetic slime balls whos 1st 5 posts conists of "oo nice tits" or "oo nice cock".... which is always a plus! lol

 

[lady*laura]

I am going to date myself here but I remember when I was a child that when you said the word cancer you whispered it. As in ...so and so has cancer ....like if you didn't say it too loud then you wouldn't catch it. Now cancer is so out in the open we celebrate the survivors and we lobby for research funding. No depression isn't a death sentence like cancer can be but it is an illness that robs people of for lack of a better term 'normal' life. It costs billions of dollars in the work force in lost production time too. I am pretty open about my depression. It is something that is very much in my family from severe bipolar to chemical depression to autism. The more we speak up and speak out the more the rest of the world will see how prevelant it is. What really sucks is I don't have insurance and I had a lump in my breast. There was no question that this or that program would cover the biopsy and further treatment if needed. I didn't have to worry about paying for the procedure. I would benefit greatly from talk therapy but can't afford it and I make just enough money that I don't qualify for Title 19. Thank God Prozac has been around long enough to be generic.

Oh yeah- my tumor was benign. I wish depression could be removed as easily from my life.

 

[Gypsybyrd]

So ... how does a person go about developing self-esteem/confidence?

 

[Belladonna]

Anyone around? Not having a good day today. *sigh* I ran out of my meds and won't be able to get them til September. Just was hoping I could snag someone to talk to..

*poke*

 

[RocknRoll]

Anyone around? Not having a good day today. *sigh* I ran out of my meds and won't be able to get them til September. Just was hoping I could snag someone to talk to..

*poke*

*hugs*

hope things arnt too bad without the meds hun...

just take things day by day and blurt in here when you need to

 

[Belladonna]

*hugs*

hope things arnt too bad without the meds hun...

just take things day by day and blurt in here when you need to

Thank you. Just been kind of a down day today and feeling like im hungover. Feeling discouraged on top od that, as well. Good news is I got called today for a job interveiw tomorrow
THanks Rock for the hug. I will prolly post a lot the next few weeks here.

 

[lady*laura]

So ... how does a person go about developing self-esteem/confidence?

Ok, this is a tough one. My very low self esteem influnced some major descisions in my life. Like- my choice of spousal unit- not a good choice for me. What helped me was joing in a group. Actually I joined Al-Anon as a support person for my chemically dependent niece. Just being in a group with people who are not there to judge you and being open to what was being said and relating it all to your own personal situation helped me alot. I know it sounds very "Dear Abby" to tell someone to join a support group. But from personal experience depression is very isolationg because you feel you are THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD LIKE THIS. But you aren't There are alot of people who have been where you are or are there right now. So you go to a few meetings and don't say anything. You just listen. Then finally you feel brave enough to speak- it's amazing. They don't judge you(or they shouldn't judge you) and what you have to say has VALUE because maybe just one person there will hear what you said and it will trigger something in them that they needed hear. That's how the group thing works best. You listen to the group, take what you need and discard the rest. You work it everyday. You are valuable and you are lovable and capable.OK?

 

[LIKEBIGTITS]

thank you guys for this thread,it really helps me im sure it helps others as much,and ladylaura thanks for the idea of the group.im going to have to look into that.