Depression support Network

[Masters_kitty]

i have depression issues. Along with stress and self doubt it makes for an interesting life at times. Right now i am on anti-depressants for the third time in four or so years. They are not working, and i am tempted to go back to my GP and ask for a review.

To all who suffer, my thoughts are with you.


kitty

 

[Dazz Hetfield]

I've suffered bipolar disorder for years now and was on Prozac for a few months in 2002 but they didn't do anything for me so I stopped taking them, like stated above it makes for an interesting life what with the sudden mood swings, temper tantrums, feelings of self hatred one minute and delusions of grandeur the next but I cope and I got a beautiful woman to help me when I'm in a difficult spot emotionally and mentally

 

[RocknRoll]

Hello Masters_kitty and Dazz Hetfield

I am glad you have found this thread

you are more than welcome to share any stories here, either asking for help, giving reassurance or just as an outlet

(saves spamming the rest of the forums! lol)

Prozac is more of a pep drug.. designed to wake you up... if you need dome anti-deps go see a doctor.... they can precsibe much more effective drugs. But as kitty has pointed out they dont always work... best to use them injunction with something else... like counsiling or other forms of therpy.

hope that helps

Rock

 

[Masters_kitty]

Thank you for the welcome Rock.

Prozac, or fluoxetine, has not really helped a great deal. However, i have found that is widely prescribed not for the benefits it has but for the low cost it has.

Recent events have made me feel slightly better in myself, but others seem to knock me back. Right now i have found one niche in which i am happy, but need to sort so many other things out.

i plan to go to see my GP in the next few weeks, when my current prescription is up. i feel that near six months on a drug without a review is somewhat unacceptable.

Wish me luck.

kitty

 

[may-]

I finally got an appt to see the pyschiatrist on Friday. Only a couple more days. Golly my eyes hurt. Ouchie.

 

[RocknRoll]

Best of luck kitty

and congrats may! hope it helps! *hugs*

 

[Masters_kitty]

Best of luck kitty

Thank you. i feel i may need all the help and luck i can get in the coming months.

 

[Gypsybyrd]

I first want to say kudos to all of you persevering over your issues and getting help you need ... I'm proud of you. I grew up in a house with a bi-polar father who would randomly decide he was 'cured' & stop taking his meds ... soooo not a lot of fun.

I have my own emotional issues but those are for another post (under another name would be my guess). But in the meantime, I've a question.

I have a friend who is depressed. (As I'm not a doctor, I can't say it's official/clinical depression but I'd call it depression -- a lack of self-worth, feeling like you are worse than worse, etc.) I want to help but don't know what to say or do. I realize pretty much nothing I do or say will make him feel better (maybe I'm just being selfish by trying) but I try to listen ... I've asked questions, listened to answers and he just naysays everything I say. I know some of what happens IRL that gets him down but ... I just want to help and I can't. This then gets me down.

Any suggestions? When you all are in the grips of your depressions what do you want from your friends?

Thank you in advance. And Good luck.

 

[Masters_kitty]

Any suggestions? When you all are in the grips of your depressions what do you want from your friends?

It honestly depends on what is gripping me at the moment concerned. Sometimes i want to talk, sometimes to ignore my problems and sometimes i just want to hide from the entire world and not interact with anybody at all.

i hope your friend appreciates your concern though. Even just knowing that you have people who care about you can help at times.

 

[atomicat]

Any suggestions? When you all are in the grips of your depressions what do you want from your friends?

This is a long post. But it boils down to this: Remember that you're his friend, and remember that you are *only* his friend. Friends help friends live the lives they want to live, and give them the freedom to find and stay on that path. His life must be completely in his own control; if you're doing anything, you're helping him control it.

You are not going to cure his chemical depression, nor can you change his opinions for him. All you can do for the former is give him good feelings to counteract the bad; all you can do for the latter is help him to understand his opinions and the structure of his mind.

Speaking as someone working through bipolar depression with some success (not using meds, mind you), let me give you some tips.

Do not give him advice. Do not tell him what to do. Do not tell him that what he thinks about himself is wrong. Only he has control over his own thoughts. But although he may have control over them, he probably does not understand them.

You can help him understand them. Even though his depression may be chemical in origin, it will have created maladaptive beliefs and thought patterns... things that should make him happy have seemed to have hurt him or left him numb, things that should have slid off of him like water have seemed to have great emotional importance to him. You have to help him break those associations by revealing them so that he can assess them and reject them consciously. Once he's decided that an association should be broken (say, a feeling of self-consciousness or self-loathing when meeting an attractive person), he can retrain himself (by refusing to acknowledge the old feelings when they arise, and developing new ones that he feels are more appropriate to the situation).

You do this by being an active listener. When he says something you don't understand, ask a question that will help you understand it. If you think you *do* understand, don't offer advice: restate your understanding back to him, very carefully, and *maybe* offer a connection that you suspect... you're not giving him advice, you're trying to help him to express his thinking, so that he (and you) will see it for what it is, and evaluate it rationally.

For example:

A: "I wish I was dead."
B: "Having a bad day?"
A: "I'm just so ugly."
B: "Did someone tell you you were ugly?"
A: "No... but I know."
B: "What makes you ugly?"
A: "I'm... just fat, and my teeth are crooked, and my skin is awful."
B: "Why does that bother you?"
A: "Because I'm fucking ugly! No one will ever go out with me!"
B: "So, you feel that your teeth, skin, and weight make you unnattractive to women, and you want to be involved in a sexual relationship, but can't because women won't be interested in you?"
A: "Yeah, exactly."
B: "Is there anything you can do to counteract that, or to get women anyway?"
A: "No."
B: "How come?"
A: "Because..."

And so on and so forth. You are helping a friend solve his own problems and develop the skills to do so. Once he recognizes that he has problems that are genuinely psychological (and/or neurological), he can work on them; this is the ultimate goal. He'll develop the best lifestyle possible for himself, and all you have to do is support him in that like you would any other friend.

The chemical thing is harder. The thing is: you can't fix any chemical problems he's got, except by helping him deal with them (making him feel good, helping him relax, involving him in healthy behaviors... healthy eating, exercise, an appropriate schedule). He has to recognize the problems before he can deal with them. Once he understands how his mind works, he'll be able to judge for himself if his body isn't working correctly, and it's up to him and his doctors to deal with that problem.

I know that this is a lot of stuff to think about and digest, and if it's unclear I'll try to help you understand. The biggest hurdle is getting an accurate understanding of how the human mind works... most people don't understand psychological concepts like conditioning ("training"), schema (the packages of basic opinions through which people interpret the world) or state-dependent thinking (complicated... basically, when you're sad/angry/happy/horny, you tend to act and think as you did other times when you were sad/angry/happy/horny, and the strongest memories are those of other times you've been sad/angry/happy/horny, respectively).

I'm sorry if this stuff sounds like a psychology student trying to sound smart, but I've been dealing with mental illness (in myself, my best friend, my mother, and my brother) since I was in elementary school, and it's easiest for me to express it in textbook terminology

-A.

 

[may-]

For example:

A: "I wish I was dead."
B: "Having a bad day?"
A: "I'm just so ugly."
B: "Did someone tell you you were ugly?"
A: "No... but I know."
B: "What makes you ugly?"
A: "I'm... just fat, and my teeth are crooked, and my skin is awful."
B: "Why does that bother you?"
A: "Because I'm fucking ugly! No one will ever go out with me!"
B: "So, you feel that your teeth, skin, and weight make you unnattractive to women, and you want to be involved in a sexual relationship, but can't because women won't be interested in you?"
A: "Yeah, exactly."
B: "Is there anything you can do to counteract that, or to get women anyway?"
A: "No."
B: "How come?"
A: "Because..."

Reminds me so much of my therapy sessions. Heh...3 AM..still no sleep.

 

[Katze]

Helping friends

I've been taking meds for depression for fifteen years. In my experience, if someone is depressed due to a chemcial imbalance, the chemistry is stronger than any form of conversation. I went to therapy for years, and although I learned a lot intellectually, I didn't feel better until I had medication. If a friend of mine was depressed, I would encourage the friend see a physician or mental health professional ASAP. I'd offer to go with the friend as support. Depression is a vicious cycle: the depression starts and then the self-talk, which makes reaching out even harder. I think it's a good idea to start meds and also work with a behavioral-cognitive approach in therapy to work on correcting negative thought patterns. This is all, of course, just my opinion, based on personal experience and a lot of reading.

 

[Needfull Thing]

The most important thing you can do for a friedn who suffers is BE their friend. Just spend time with them. For no reason other than that you enjoy them. Let them know you love them and are on their side, always. If this is an online friend, do it by making the friend feel welcome, like a real friend. If a phone call or a voice chat is possible, do it as much as you can.

I know that for myself the hardest part about the disease is feeling like there is no connection to anyone and no one wants one. Make your friend feel connected. Make your friend feel touched. We all long for that human connection, like reaching out for warmth in the dark. Depressed people shy from the touch they need because they feel it won't be returned.

Another thing to watch out for, if this friend is of the opposite sex and heterosexual and has problems with women...he may develope interest in you, because you are available emotionally and because you treat him with respect and affection. You make him feel human, you make him feel good.

I have had this problem before. My best advice if this situation arises is to make it very bluntly clear right aweay that you dont want him back. You're not attracted to him and just want to be his friend. Make it VERY clear because he will resist if he has those feelings. Don't be cruel, though.

 

[Gypsybyrd]

Thank you

To all of you who responded ... Masters_Kitty, atomicat, Katze, Needful Thing. I've pretty much done all that ... I'm just feeling useless (I feel like I have to fix it ... my own personal issues showing through) and selfish. But I thank you all. He knows I'll be there until he kicks me away. Once I make a friend ... I stick like velcro ... no matter what.

 

[MelancholyBaby]

Hi everyone...great idea for a thread. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who you can identify with, versus the people who sometimes just stare at you and say "What got into her?"

I've been on antidepressants on and off for most of my entire adult life, and probably could have used them sooner than that. Therapy, too. Hospital once, day programs twice. I learned a lot about myself in that time. I tried to do it by myself. After all, everyone told me it was just "in my head" and rather than trying to explain or solve it you just had to "do something about it" without the aid of anyone or anything but yourself.

Then last summer my mother almost died and in a mixture of extreme anger, grief, and the knowledge that my mother may not be the same again (her neurosurgeon said he has people who can go to back to work and live normally and some people who end up homebound, we didn't know what end of the spectrum she would end up at for about two months; thankfully she is at the "amazing" end of things according to the doc : ) I went back to my old therapist. I don't know why we didn't see it sooner (she did but I wasn't convinced just then) but she said she really thought I had bipolar. After meeting with the doctor and a new therapist who deals exclusively with bipolar i was diagnosed with it (type 2.)

It was the worst and best diagnosis I've ever had. I'm finally on a combination of medicines that works for me and keeps me stable (wellbutrin, lexapro, and lamictal). I'm learning behavioral techniques that help me deal with my mood swings and hypersensitivity. I'm learning to cherish the blessings of bipolar along with the downsides.

Anyway, I've went on more than I wanted to. But I do want to say thanks again for a lovely thread and if anyone would like to chat please send me a message, I'm always willing to listen

Melanie

 

[RocknRoll]

Hey Katze and Mel welcome to the thread

hope you find some help here if you need

those of us who cannot show our problems in public, not like a broken leg etc... do need the support

hope your problems can help work it them out, or at least find some comfort

 

[Collette]

I agree with what Katze is saying about chemistry being stronger than conversation if a chemical imbalance is the problem. I'm hypothyroid, which stays under control as long as I eat right, exercise, and take my thyroid medication. However, every once in a while, my system takes a nose dive and my doctor puts me on an anti-depressant (low dose SRI) while we're getting everything sorted out. It usually takes several months to do this. We know from experience that when my system slows down, depression is a side-effect. He's careful, though, to question me about what's going on with me personally to make sure that it is just a physical problem and not something more. I really appreciate this because I imagine that many people seek assistance from physicians for their depression and are brushed off with a quick prescription. It's just as important to be able to trust your doctor with your mental, as well as physical health. (Yes, I do have to spend a ridiculous amount of time waiting at my doc's office because of the amount of time he gives to his patients , but it's definitely worth it! )

"Situational" depression is a whole other matter. That seems to come and go every few years, depending on events in my life. A lot of these have been caused by my career and a few by my personal life. I 've been in law enf. for over fifteen years and it is not a job that is mentally easy on anyone. (I'd include any emergency responder position to that statement...fire,emt,etc.) I love what I do and it has been incredibly rewarding, but it's had it's costs. There will always be the one's that you couldn't help, the deaths, the smells, the mistakes, and the what-if's. Don't get me wrong, I have been blessed to work with, meet, and assist some incredible people. It's just that this job exposes you to people at their worst which can be very draining. On top of everything, I'm a female which puts me in a whole other class entirely. I realize that it sounds ridiculous to complain about constant male attention, but we're talking living in a fish bowl here. I'm married to someone in the same profession which can be a mixed blessing. I went through something really bad at work last year that has caused an incredible amount of anxiety in me, a lot of anger in him, and has caused our relationship to suffer. It would be easy to succumb to the usual temptations of my profession (alcohol, cheating,...doughnuts! LOL) but I'm trying to work through it by talking with a counselor. Several weeks ago I found the Lit forum and it seems to be helping the increasing libido, since lack of sex is part of the problem. (Great, now I have to deal with my guilt over this! )

BTW, It's great to see so many people responding to this thread, esp. so many men. My girlfriends are pretty open about the subject but working with so many guys, I know that many of them suffer from depression also. However, they tend to talk to me about it in private and not with each other (machismo maybe?) so I'm glad so many are speaking up here.

 

[Needfull Thing]

Hi Collette-

Men are hardwired to fix things. Some things can't be fixed (which in your profession you've learned) And because of that men tend to hold in the pain until it breaks them. Men are actually a lot more emotionally fragile than women but we have a higher tolerance for that emotional darkness. We have to go down way deep before we bounce back and also..sometimes we have to hit bottom before we accept that we can't fix it ourselves. It is so hard...pain is one of those things we all have in common but we all experience it and deal with it our own way. Women seek support and closeness. Men reject that closeness and become loners. Isolating ourselves. The sad part is all we really want is for the right person to reach out to us and ignore our rebuffs and draw us out of the dark into the light. That is why men get angry when depression takes hold. We lash out. Like a dog that has been kicked too many times. Almost exactly the same behavior.

 

[Retired Cowboy]

howdy y'all, well, found this thread by accident and hopefully might stck around a bit. just yer typical manic depressive here, been about, oh, 16 years now. hard to tell a 19 y/o that his back was broke and life as you knew it is over, so after a year of physical therapy and paralysis, 2 surgeries, 2 years traction, i hopped to my feet and hit the road runnin....to all my favorite buddies houses, especially Jose Cuervo.

i'd have to agree with needfull thing, i am a fixer, and i do hold everything in. after about 15 therapists i found one i couldnt bull shit (thank god) and got a couple decent meds to try and keep the brain from runnin away again. so now after about 80 different residences in 20 states, 1 fiance, 1 wife (ex), 2 kids (whom i adore and get as often as possible), i somehow wound up with my first ever younger woman and have been together 9 years come august and my broken mind and body aside, has the audacity to rape me every chance we can....oh wait, can you rape the willing?

if no one minds, i may try and hang out a bit here...later y'all. ride hard and stay wet.

 

[SunshineDream]

Just joining the thread to find some kindred souls...
Bipolar II here, and on a major down-swing tonight.

 

[elizabeth22673]

Just joining the thread to find some kindred souls...
Bipolar II here, and on a major down-swing tonight.

(((((hugs)))))))

 

[RocknRoll]

Just joining the thread to find some kindred souls...
Bipolar II here, and on a major down-swing tonight.

*cuddles*

well if you want to cheer up and have a chat... Im here

 

[ladyadonia30]

oy

I'm bitchy AND dumpy

 

[RocknRoll]

I'm bitchy AND dumpy

nowt wrong with being dumpy.... and as for the being bitchy well best to let that out in one big bitch....

 

[Belladonna]

Hello! I myself was diagnosed with Distymia a few years back and have been taking Paxil for it. I am doing much better on the meds, but still have bouts of "i want to die" every now and again. The good thing is with taking my medication, I have not been in that "dark" place I used to live in since I can remember. Depression seems constant in my family, though I can't really say if it was genetic or just traits being passed on from upbringing. Anywho, I wanted to say hi, introduce myself and lurk a bit here and there.

Also, RocknRoll, why is it such a cute guy has to live so far away?