Defining Love

[shell seeker2]

<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/D/donarepa/1065683549_hoenixquiz.JPG" border="0" alt="pho"><br>You are Form 0, <b>Phoenix</b>: The Eternal.

<i>"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached<br>zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He<br>emerged from his own ashes, to be forever<br>immortal."</i>
Well, thank you Dream. I had no idea of your history (and I am NOT making light of it with my next statement). Yesterday is the past and today is the present. Did you do something nice for yourself today and your son?
As humans we have a choice whether to learn from our past or dwell on them. I maybe naive, but I honestly believe that there are nice sincere men out there. Like I said in an earlier post I lost myself for years. I was pretty much strung along like a puppy and although friends tried to tell me, I couldn't see it. One day I decided to visit NC where friends of mine had moved and were doing extremely well. I was here for 3 days and by the time I got back up north, I had decided that for myself I would move here for a year and give it a try. I would let go of him too, until he could decide what he wanted and needed. It wasn't until my parents had left and I was completely alone (except for my 2 friends) and realized what I needed, wanted and deserved. After him telling me that he wanted me he moved down here and the spiral down began. According to him, I was always angry, I didn't keep the house clean enough, I forgot to go shopping (Oh, yeah, I had no problem doing all those things while I was on my own, surprising huh). Emotionally I began think there was something wrong with me, and there was. I wasn't with someone who deserved to be with me (not that I'm all that). I finally had to change the locks while he was away.
I have since met a man that I think is everything I want, but I am still scared to death of giving him my heart. I know that intentionally he would never do anything to hurt me, but I am working so hard to forget the past and leave it there. It's a struggle everyday, but so worth it.
James doesn't know what he has lost, and someday he will. Fear very possibly could be the key factor. If that is the case, and he was able to admit that maybe even months from now, did he make you happy enough to take a chance again?
I doubt any of this is what you wanted or needed to hear, but you really got me thinking.
Let me ask you something. What are a couple of things that you really enjoy doing?
I think that you have a lot to offer someone, and it would be sad to let that go to waste. Hopefully, we can chat soon.

 

[Cathleen]

I have stayed away from this discussion for days because I have been feeling very hurt by someone I cared a great deal for, and he said the same of me. But ........... I have no idea what happened - he has stopped communicating with me. I know he is available to speak with me, but he chooses not to. It hurts. I am most upset at myself. I can relate to Dream, I gave my heart and it was rejected. I don't give my heart easily or lightly. I am true to my feelings and don't lie about them but I suppose I was lied to. I don't know.

I do know feelings don't change over night - not mine anyway. I suppose the simplest thing for me to say is "I wish.........." there are so many thing I wish would have happened or not happened. I learned more, I guess thats what I will focus on.

I think love can hurt. If we can say love brings joy then the opposite is true as well. IMO of course.


Shell, I have enjoyed your postings very much. I'm very glad you are participating.

 

[shell seeker2]

I'm glad you decided to join in here, Cathleen and thanks for the compliments! Men can be a confusing breed to say the least. Maybe your man came across the same fear that Dream's man. There are some men out there who can't communicate their feelings and shut down when they aren't sure. How long has it been since you've talked to him? I'm sure you have tried calling him.
I don't think anyone can easily give their heart away easily, except maybe in first love instances. You need to remember that you have a lot to offer a person but that you deserve to have someone who fits your needs and wants too. He is out there, it's just like looking for a needle in a haystack sometimes. Don't give up and remember to be true to yourself!
My question is, is it really love if it hurts, or is it the thought of love that hurts?
If you need to chat I'm around. Give yourself a big hug..... you deserve it.

 

[Cathleen]

Hi again Shell. We have batted that ball around here many times - can love hurt?

Well, no. It is the emotions surround love that hurt. By the same token love can not be healthy (wrong words I know but I will trust you can follow my craziness) ~ again its the joy, the pleasures, the emotions of love that bring us happiness.

 

[shell seeker2]

Hi again Shell. We have batted that ball around here many times - can love hurt?

Well, no. It is the emotions surround love that hurt. By the same token love can not be healthy (wrong words I know but I will trust you can follow my craziness) ~ again its the joy, the pleasures, the emotions of love that bring us happiness.

very true, I DO understand what you're saying. I think it's not "love" that hurts, it's the disillusion of what we thought was or is. Does that even make sense?

 

[Cathleen]

very true, I DO understand what you're saying. I think it's not "love" that hurts, it's the disillusion of what we thought was or is. Does that even make sense?

Well that is a loaded question Shell, for if I say yes it makes sense to me then............. LOL

 

[tonitits]

I have stayed away from this discussion for days because I have been feeling very hurt by someone I cared a great deal for, and he said the same of me. But ........... I have no idea what happened - he has stopped communicating with me. I know he is available to speak with me, but he chooses not to. It hurts. I am most upset at myself. I can relate to Dream, I gave my heart and it was rejected. I don't give my heart easily or lightly. I am true to my feelings and don't lie about them but I suppose I was lied to. I don't know.

I do know feelings don't change over night - not mine anyway. I suppose the simplest thing for me to say is "I wish.........." there are so many thing I wish would have happened or not happened. I learned more, I guess thats what I will focus on.

I think love can hurt. If we can say love brings joy then the opposite is true as well. IMO of course.


Shell, I have enjoyed your postings very much. I'm very glad you are participating.

Oh Sweetie! I am so sorry. If there is anything I can do to help you just let me know. You can pm or whatever and you know that I am always here for you as you have been for me. (((((((((Cate))))))))))

 

[Cathleen]

Oh Sweetie! I am so sorry. If there is anything I can do to help you just let me know. You can pm or whatever and you know that I am always here for you as you have been for me. (((((((((Cate))))))))))

Oh Toni you are so sweet - I will get over it - in fact I know I'm moving in that direction. I just want to learn!!!

Hope you are well {{{{{{ Toni }}}}} I know you've had your trials and tribulations of late. I've been thinking of you lots.

 

[shell seeker2]

Well that is a loaded question Shell, for if I say yes it makes sense to me then............. LOL

I didn't realize that. I guess that was just a rhetorical question. Maybe I was typing what I was thinking!

 

[shell seeker2]

anyone here?

 

[midwestyankee]

very true, I DO understand what you're saying. I think it's not "love" that hurts, it's the disillusion of what we thought was or is. Does that even make sense?

This makes sense to me. In my view, it's not the love that hurts but the loss of it (or the fear of losing it, which can be equally painful).

 

[shell seeker2]

This makes sense to me. In my view, it's not the love that hurts but the loss of it (or the fear of losing it, which can be equally painful).

I agree. I've been thinking about it a lot today and yesterday.

 

[midwestyankee]

I agree. I've been thinking about it a lot today and yesterday.

I did quite a bit of thinking about this a few months ago. Here is a link to a post I made on the subject earlier in this thread:

Some say love hurts.

 

[shell seeker2]

I did quite a bit of thinking about this a few months ago. Here is a link to a post I made on the subject earlier in this thread:

Some say love hurts.

Very well written. I think you are absolutely right!

 

[tonitits]

Good morning definers I have enjoyed reading all the posts here. I don't think that I can contribute to anything right now. I am going through a very difficult, confusing time in my life. I usually try to be objective but don't think that I can do that at the current moment. But I will continue to come here and read the posts and those that are much wiser than I.

 

[~Dream~]

hoping for the best for Toni and agreeing that Yankee wrote a good article but also the fact that I dont have to agree with it cause in My case as in aLOT of others the FACT that we LOVED someone and gave of ourselves caused us to get HURT ..therefore Love DOES hurt ..the end reaction caused emotional Pain and I'm not backing down from that statement at all...Love itself is an emotion so it Only makes sense that it triggers every kind of emotion within us,when someone abuses our faith in them and If a man is STUPID enuf Not to see who can Really Complete him and who doesnt ,then Ultimately in the end,he has ONLY HIMSELf to blame..esp If he goes thru life alone ..unless that was his original TRUE goal after all..and after all TRUE LOVE is NOT about Lies or deceit..its about HONESTY

Today is My oldest daughter's Birthday and she has brought alot of REAL love into my life ,she's 25 and was born overseas in Japan,when here dad was in the Navy ...she has given me a beautiful grandson ,almost 4, to enjoy as well......I will TRY to concentrate on her today and Not the fact that TONITE was when I was originally scheduled to go see James..*sigh*....being the Coward he is ,he still hasnt even called to apologize so I guess that's yet another friendship he has thrown out the window ..and in answer to your earlier question ,Shell ,yes I prob would be 'stupid' enuf to take him back at a later time cause that's how my life seems to go ...I forgive maybe a bit TOO EASILY...
what are 2 things I like to do??well ,there are alot More than 2 but I love singing and Karaoke,I Love Football..NFL not college,I love to camp and read and I am a reality tv show addict
I also Love feeling useful and taking care of others so at times I vounteer at the local Hospital and help out on the children's floor or with the elderly patients...I once worked at the Local Walmart Before it became a super-center but had to quit cause I kiss Noone's ass to make a living...I dont need to .

 

[shell seeker2]

I understand completely your thought. You are so lucky to have a grandson. I hope someday I'll be able to give my mom that same gift. Your family is your true love. I'm far away from my family (as I have moved down South), but when we do get to see each other we truly experience unconditional love even just through our phone and email conversations.
James has really screwed up and has lost something special. I'm glad that you have your daughter to focus on today. Maybe losing yourself in a good book would help you take your mind off things. I think that's what I'm going to do later (I still have to go and return a book).
Hopefully we can chat soon.

 

[shell seeker2]

By the way, I love Karoke too.......only after I've been drinking. Then it's hard to get the mike away from me!

 

[~Dream~]

I understand completely your thought. You are so lucky to have a grandson. I hope someday I'll be able to give my mom that same gift. Your family is your true love. I'm far away from my family (as I have moved down South), but when we do get to see each other we truly experience unconditional love even just through our phone and email conversations.
James has really screwed up and has lost something special. I'm glad that you have your daughter to focus on today. Maybe losing yourself in a good book would help you take your mind off things. I think that's what I'm going to do later (I still have to go and return a book).
Hopefully we can chat soon.

yes a Good book is a great idea hun ..too many ppl dont read anymore ,ya know?? I want to encourage my 12 yr old to read more...and get my grandson to like it as well....and yes James will hopefully someday realize his mistake...but by then it may be too late ....

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by tonitits
Good morning definers I have enjoyed reading all the posts here. I don't think that I can contribute to anything right now. I am going through a very difficult, confusing time in my life. I usually try to be objective but don't think that I can do that at the current moment. But I will continue to come here and read the posts and those that are much wiser than I.

TT..this is for you I havent had much time to gather my thoughts as I am melting away in Fla and way too many margaritas..but here goes nothing....

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
Between holding hands and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way falling down in mid-flight
After a while you learn even
Sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure....
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn....
With every goodbye, you learn.
DLL

 

[tonitits]

TT..this is for you I havent had much time to gather my thoughts as I am melting away in Fla and way too many margaritas..but here goes nothing....

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
Between holding hands and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way falling down in mid-flight
After a while you learn even
Sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure....
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn....
With every goodbye, you learn.
DLL

thank you so much! (((((((((((DLL))))))))))

 

[shell seeker2]

yes a Good book is a great idea hun ..too many ppl dont read anymore ,ya know?? I want to encourage my 12 yr old to read more...and get my grandson to like it as well....and yes James will hopefully someday realize his mistake...but by then it may be too late ....

I actually went to see The Notebook today. It wasn't as good as the book though. I have always loved to read, and being a teacher it helps! I'm thinking about having a contest in my room this year called Battle of the Books to encourage the kids in my class to read. The more your 12 year old sees you read the more inclined they will be to read. Delve into a good book. I just picked one up from the library and plan to spend my evening with it!

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by shell seeker2
I actually went to see The Notebook today. It wasn't as good as the book though. I have always loved to read, and being a teacher it helps! I'm thinking about having a contest in my room this year called Battle of the Books to encourage the kids in my class to read. The more your 12 year old sees you read the more inclined they will be to read. Delve into a good book. I just picked one up from the library and plan to spend my evening with it!

a real good series for kids is a series called the spiderwick chronicles..check them out it a series of 5 books all quick reads for kids and very good..they might enjoy that...

i am reading a book called the davinci code has aqnyone here read it so far its really good...

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by tonitits
thank you so much! (((((((((((DLL))))))))))

glad you liked it TT..I was thinking about you the other day and hoping things were better for you
I have a whole bunch of jokes i will tell you later I can be your personal Shecky Green..need a laugh see DLL

 

[tonitits]

glad you liked it TT..I was thinking about you the other day and hoping things were better for you
I have a whole bunch of jokes i will tell you later I can be your personal Shecky Green..need a laugh see DLL

Thanks I can always use a good joke and laugh!