Defining Love

[Cathleen]

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[shell seeker2]

I have been reading through the thread this morning and feel my heart has been touched by many of the posts. But much of what Shell Seeker spoke rings true with me as well.

First, let me explain that I have been blessed to have NEVER known true heart ache. I have so many things going for me that perhaps I am not qualified to offer contructive thoughts in this thread. Though many of my friends are here.

For me it comes down to how we aproach life. The pain we feel from a loss cannot be ignored. But neither should the love and the good times. Pain will, and should ease with time. But like the body moves on, as Cate mentions, so too should our hearts. If we aproach every day with an attitude to look for thepositives, to look for hope and love, we will find it. Remember, I have never felt true loss. But I look forward to everyday. That is why I posted previously how I am happy, but always looking for me and pushing myself.

I cannot remember the last time Iwas bored. Tne years at least. It is also why I never get enough sleep and find it hard to truly relax sometimes. BecauseI am ALWAYS yearning for more. More knowledge, more experience, more love with those that are close to me. And more friends too. I get depressed once in a while. But on any given day, you will find me with a smile onmy face rushing to experience everything life has to offer. I want to learn new things, get better at things I already know and meet as many people as I can. Because I think I grow everytime I do.

If we choose to be open and moving forward, looking ofr opportunities of happiness, we will be much more likely to find them. Reminds me of a coaching term. You are either ripe and rotting or green and still growing. I hope to be green for a long time to come.

Thank you for sharing with us. I agree with everything you have said. I am very happy for you that you have never experienced true heartache. I went through a rough patch during the initial split, but I had known it was coming for about 6 months. It didn't make his moving out easier for me to stomache though. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was missing out on life. And after everything else he took from me, I wasn't going to let him take that from me too.
But, it is also important to realize that just as in death, grief is a personal thing, and there is no one way to grieve the loss of a loved one either by passing on or by breaking up. It does help to keep an open mind, but that doesn't come as easily for some.
I do hope you never experience true heartbreak/heartache..... it really sucks. However, what can come after is even more sweet when you are ready for it.

 

[dcraz]

Thank you for sharing with us. I agree with everything you have said. I am very happy for you that you have never experienced true heartache. I went through a rough patch during the initial split, but I had known it was coming for about 6 months. It didn't make his moving out easier for me to stomache though. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was missing out on life. And after everything else he took from me, I wasn't going to let him take that from me too.
But, it is also important to realize that just as in death, grief is a personal thing, and there is no one way to grieve the loss of a loved one either by passing on or by breaking up. It does help to keep an open mind, but that doesn't come as easily for some.
I do hope you never experience true heartbreak/heartache..... it really sucks. However, what can come after is even more sweet when you are ready for it.

WW and SS, I agree.

I was not suggesting that we should not grieve. Nor was I suggestin that those that do are weak. I know we must grieve. But at some point in time, later down the road, we need to move on. This is not to suggest that we try forget the heart ache we felt, just that we need to move forward.

If we only remember the bad things that have been done to us, it is all we will ever have. As the saying goes, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it". This cuts both ways.

If we eventually move forward we will grow. And we will learn once again to share ourselves with others. This is the first step to allowing someone else into our life.

I hope this makes sense.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by dcraz
WW and SS, I agree.

I was not suggesting that we should not grieve. Nor was I suggestin that those that do are weak. I know we must grieve. But at some point in time, later down the road, we need to move on. This is not to suggest that we try forget the heart ache we felt, just that we need to move forward.

If we only remember the bad things that have been done to us, it is all we will ever have. As the saying goes, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it". This cuts both ways.

If we eventually move forward we will grow. And we will learn once again to share ourselves with others. This is the first step to allowing someone else into our life.

I hope this makes sense.

Perfect sense..and yes we do agree.

I think the ideal is to always remember your beloved...have them hold a special place in your heart...wonderful memories...whatever pain there was, if not gone, is easily manageable and outweighed by more good memories...if they are still living, that their place in your heart is altered, but they are still there and .special..and in addition, your heart is open to love others...in all the wonderful ways that we are capable of love..family, friends and lover.

I don't think we're suggesting this transition shouldn't or won't happen...just sometimes it doesn't happen as quickly as we might like or think it should...and taking that first step again is often difficult.

But yes, definitely believe in the power of positive thinking...btw I don't think I've ever seen you post there...if you haven't read the 'What Feeds My Soul' thread ...referred to lovingly as WFMS...on the How To forum...I think you might enjoy it.

 

[GoddessOfSouls]

{{{Cate}}} Such a loving tender heart have you
When the soul becomes damaged in any form we all tend to build defenses to ward off such attacks.

For some they just forget as if it never occured, for others the memories walk with them until they become something like a fading memory, yet for others they change there whole persona into something foreign in nature to those who know them.

One thing remains with all these defenses, and that is a sense inside them for survival. Learning much as a child does when he touches something *HOT* that he don't want to do that again, yet the lure of the brightness of that *hot* object never fades, nor does the desire to touch its beauty.. you just learn you can get Burnt if you do!

Beyond our own control there is fear, therefore we tend to Keep
In your words *Ten Foot Pole* between us..

Those who know this fear first hand, often replace the need for such closeness by Being a very loving soul. for giving the greatest care for our friends and family helps feed that need for love. it feeds it while we may at times crave the truest of loves. we can walk without it for we have much love feeding us from those who love and care for us as we do them. On occasion when we do need a bit more we tend to allow someone to get just a smidge closer to us..

For some it seems that Love is a desire which we hold dear, always praying for the deepest of those, yet keeping our safty *pole* in place.
Well I have rambled long enough when all I really intended was to leave you with a warm hug (some excedrin for your head) and a snuggle or two

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by GoddessOfSouls
{{{Cate}}} Such a loving tender heart have you
When the soul becomes damaged in any form we all tend to build defenses to ward off such attacks.

For some they just forget as if it never occured, for others the memories walk with them until they become something like a fading memory, yet for others they change there whole persona into something foreign in nature to those who know them.

<snip>..

Those who know this fear first hand, often replace the need for such closeness by Being a very loving soul. for giving the greatest care for our friends and family helps feed that need for love. it feeds it while we may at times crave the truest of loves. we can walk without it for we have much love feeding us from those who love and care for us as we do them. On occasion when we do need a bit more we tend to allow someone to get just a smidge closer to us..

Three comments GoS

1. Couldn't agree with you more about Cate's heart.

2. My what a concise way to phrase that. Thank you.

3. oh my that caused a revelation in me. One of those things deep down you knew but it didn't quite make it to your consciousness. Just realized I have a bit more work to do on myself *not that I was presumptuous enough to think I was perfect*

 

[GoddessOfSouls]

Three comments GoS

1. Couldn't agree with you more about Cate's heart.

2. My what a concise way to phrase that. Thank you.

3. oh my that caused a revelation in me. One of those things deep down you knew but it didn't quite make it to your consciousness. Just realized I have a bit more work to do on myself *not that I was presumptuous enough to think I was perfect*

Thank You!

LOL well when one is Delish thats darn close to *perfect*

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by GoddessOfSouls
Thank You!

LOL well when one is Delish thats darn close to *perfect*

I keep trying to be modest ...not fetching for compliments...but still get them any way. You guys are too good to me. Thanks

 

[shell seeker2]

Everyone here has given me a lot to ponder on. The thoughts that have been share are thought provoking. I'm glad I came back on board!

 

[~Dream~]

Dream I agree being loved and loving someone is preferrable to not. It's just that after we've been hurt by someone we love (even if it's just by their death) when we are able to be open to love again differs from person to person, from love to love. Sometimes it takes a bit longer. That was the point I was trying to make.

Yes, each person is different and each will heal in his or her own time ,just hopefully dont let it take your whole lifetime, cause there are MANY ppl out there who ARE kind , sweet and very worth your time and love...so sad when ppl close themselves off to missed opportunities ,however to each ,his or her own I suppose...all I have to say as far as Cate is concerned, is tho I have never met her face to face ,her spirit comes shining thru and ANY man would be damn lucky if she ever took a liking to them

 

[69forever]

Re: Re: Here is a question,

Both of these posts spoke to me.

I believe that to have had a great love that is lost is still better than having never taken the journey of that love.

~sighs~ How do I get drawn into these ponderings???

Thinking back to my Teen years....I've always been an incurable, hopeless romantic. Searching for that "one" true love....the loves who have come into my life have enriched me and hopefully they can say the same of knowing me.

The pain of losing great love is always offset by the fact that I was blessed to have experienced it. That another saw enough worth in me to share of themselves that most intimate treasure...
Their heart and soul.

So yes my dear friend, I agree. To not have taken the journey for fear of failure....one does not have the memories of being in love in the first place. That to me is unthinkable.

 

[shell seeker2]

I have always been a hopeless romantic, and I don't know why. I have also experienced the pain that comes along with losing someone. At the time it seemed like such a loss, a loss of a person, relationship, just plain loss, and I felt like a failure. It was hard to overcome, and like I've said in earlier posts, it wasn't easy to get over at the time and everyone has their own way. But, I believe as a hopeless romantic, that there is someone out there for me whether I have met them or not at this point in my life.

 

[midwestyankee]

I have always been a hopeless romantic, and I don't know why. I have also experienced the pain that comes along with losing someone. At the time it seemed like such a loss, a loss of a person, relationship, just plain loss, and I felt like a failure. It was hard to overcome, and like I've said in earlier posts, it wasn't easy to get over at the time and everyone has their own way. But, I believe as a hopeless romantic, that there is someone out there for me whether I have met them or not at this point in my life.

After reading this post and the one from 69forever, I have decided to declare myself. I am not an independent in the political world of love. No, I am a hopeful romantic.

I believe very firmly that love is about hope as much as anything. I want my beloved to live a long and happy life. I want to be an essential part of that life. That is a hopeful attitude.

I bristle just a little at the expression "hopeless romantic" because it suggests someone who is romatic without hope. Maybe I'm misreading its usage, but it seems to me that someone who is completely without hope could not possibly love.

So, have I stirred up the pot here or not?

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by midwestyankee
After reading this post and the one from 69forever, I have decided to declare myself. I am not an independent in the political world of love. No, I am a hopeful romantic.

I believe very firmly that love is about hope as much as anything. I want my beloved to live a long and happy life. I want to be an essential part of that life. That is a hopeful attitude.

I bristle just a little at the expression "hopeless romantic" because it suggests someone who is romatic without hope. Maybe I'm misreading its usage, but it seems to me that someone who is completely without hope could not possibly love.

So, have I stirred up the pot here or not?

Yank I think most people use the phrase similar to 'hopelessly romantic'...meaning they can't help being a romantic. I don't think they mean it literally in that they are without hope.

 

[midwestyankee]

Yank I think most people use the phrase similar to 'hopelessly romantic'...meaning they can't help being a romantic. I don't think they mean it literally in that they are without hope.

Spoil sport.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by midwestyankee
Spoil sport.

Just didn't want you thinking all the romantics were hopeless...but I did enjoy your confession


Sport you said??? The YKYSFW kind? Hopefully not the Olympics kind.

 

[shell seeker2]

After reading this post and the one from 69forever, I have decided to declare myself. I am not an independent in the political world of love. No, I am a hopeful romantic.

I believe very firmly that love is about hope as much as anything. I want my beloved to live a long and happy life. I want to be an essential part of that life. That is a hopeful attitude.

I bristle just a little at the expression "hopeless romantic" because it suggests someone who is romatic without hope. Maybe I'm misreading its usage, but it seems to me that someone who is completely without hope could not possibly love.

So, have I stirred up the pot here or not?

You haven't stirred my pot at least. I was responding as one that can't help wanting everyone to feel loved by somebody, etc. I am so full of hope! Yes, I have experienced hurt and pain, but by being a hopeless romantic, I feel tht has helped me to move on to brighter things.

 

[midwestyankee]

Just didn't want you thinking all the romantics were hopeless...but I did enjoy your confession


Sport you said??? The YKYSFW kind? Hopefully not the Olympics kind.

Spoken as the undeniable gold medal winner in the YKYSFW thread post count marathon.

 

[midwestyankee]

You haven't stirred my pot at least. I was responding as one that can't help wanting everyone to feel loved by somebody, etc. I am so full of hope! Yes, I have experienced hurt and pain, but by being a hopeless romantic, I feel that has helped me to move on to brighter things.

There goes another of my fine theories. I'm down to only a few now. Next I suppose someone will claim that you can actually buy love.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by midwestyankee
Spoken as the undeniable gold medal winner in the YKYSFW thread post count marathon.

Taking the silver in teasing too

 

[shell seeker2]

There goes another of my fine theories. I'm down to only a few now. Next I suppose someone will claim that you can actually buy love.

Too funny! Well it worked for Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, didn't?

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Taking the silver in teasing too

Please forgive me if I beg to differ......it would definitely be the Gold (and I speak from personal experience!)

 

[midwestyankee]

Too funny! Well it worked for Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, didn't?

Nope. She gave the money back, didn't she?

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by midwestyankee
There goes another of my fine theories. I'm down to only a few now. Next I suppose someone will claim that you can actually buy love.

hhhmmm wondering if I've got enough pennies saved up???

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Nope. She gave the money back, didn't she?

She gave back the cash in order to cash in, big time!