Define Cheating

[sirhugs]

Re: cheating

Let me say once again that my husband does not know that I am having sex with someone else. And you're right, even though he has no interest in having sex with me, he certainly wouldn't want me to have sex with someone else. I find that unreasonable. I would not be doing this if he was taking care of me sexually. And I did not even dream of having sex with other men when we had an active sex life within our marriage.

oh, hon, sorry- if he don't know and wouldn't say "yes"
that's " cheating" is my guess
perhaps you need a thread about when cheating is right
but you run a risk of losing the marriage fight
I'm sure you know your needs
but dishonesty sows the seeds
of losing your spouse
and selling the house

 

[psyche]

Re: yes I am cheating

My last post of this ever so frustrating thread:
Never said I wasn't cheating.
My point through the whole thing was: It is also partially his responsibility for me having to go elsewhere for sex since he is unwilling to provide it. I am not going to fucking sew my pussy shut and live without sex the rest of my life - and I am not ready to leave him at this point.
Interpret this as you fucking see fit.

 

[Ragingbull]

Lusting in My Mind

My wife thinks I am cheating when I fuck her while thinking of someone like Penelope Cruz sitting on my face. So my question is this - am I cheating if I fantasize about my wife while fucking another woman? Hey psyche, maybe we should get together for some wild sex and I'll fantasize about my wife while you fantsize about your husband! - Bull

 

[sirhugs]

Re: Lusting in My Mind

My wife thinks I am cheating when I fuck her while thinking of someone like Penelope Cruz sitting on my face. So my question is this - am I cheating if I fantasize about my wife while fucking another woman?

in the Presidential Sex Hall of Fame, thats the Jimmy Carter defintion of cheating, as oposed to the Bil Clinton ( "define "sex").
If your wife upholds that fine baptist approach, she would likely be in the minority.

 

[psyche]

Re: Lusting in My Mind

My wife thinks I am cheating when I fuck her while thinking of someone like Penelope Cruz sitting on my face. So my question is this - am I cheating if I fantasize about my wife while fucking another woman? Hey psyche, maybe we should get together for some wild sex and I'll fantasize about my wife while you fantsize about your husband! - Bull

By the looks of your av I wouldn't have to fantasize about anything. God, if fantasizing is cheating I cheat every day morning, noon and night. Call me a whore, call me a liar.

 

[sirhugs]

You liar, you whore"
I said it. Feel better?
Like " cheating" those are just words. Please don't label yourself psyche

Can you sleep at night?
does your heart say its right?
is your spirit true?
with what you do?
does public disapproval
aid in pain removal?
hold your head high
give a smile a try
sex and love may be different
your energy is better spent
than punishing yourself for doing
what is only screwing

 

[psyche]

I'm happy

You liar, you whore"
I said it. Feel better?
Like " cheating" those are just words. Please don't label yourself psyche

Can you sleep at night?
does your heart say its right?
is your spirit true?
with what you do?
does public disapproval
aid in pain removal?
hold your head high
give a smile a try
sex and love may be different
your energy is better spent
than punishing yourself for doing
what is only screwing

I am happy with what I am doing. And I sleep a lot better at night in fact. Sex is wonderful. I don't hate my husband because he's not fucking me. If you think I'm bad you can always spank me!

 

[foxxxyred]

Cheating, to me, is doing something with a third party that you don't want your partner to find out about, because it would hurt your partner.

 

[sirhugs]

Re: I'm happy

I am happy with what I am doing. And I sleep a lot better at night in fact. Sex is wonderful. I don't hate my husband because he's not fucking me. If you think I'm bad you can always spank me!

I don't think you're bad
but if you are sad
to spank I'll be glad
so fun you've had
does he know about your desire
that naughty sex lights your fire?
perhaps if you light a sexy candle,
the whipping HE might handle?

 

[psyche]

Re: I'm happy

I don't think you're bad
but if you are sad
to spank I'll be glad
so fun you've had
does he know about your desire
that naughty sex lights your fire?
perhaps if you light a sexy candle,
the whipping HE might handle?

He's been with me 20 years so he knows what I want and what I need. There's just no interest when I plead! I've tried seducing, setting the mood, touching, enticing, playing with myself in front of him, there just no spark left, the interest has died. He used to do all the things I like. But does no more.

 

[sirhugs]

Re: Re: I'm happy

He's been with me 20 years so he knows what I want and what I need. There's just no interest when I plead! I've tried seducing, setting the mood, touching, enticing, playing with myself in front of him, there just no spark left, the interest has died. He used to do all the things I like. But does no more.

if not as a spark
how about as a lark?
have you told him how you feel?
have you asked him to kiss your heel?

 

[exvitermini]

When he finds out, you will have a completely new understanding of pain. Not only in your own heart, but in your husband's. Notice I said when, and not if. Very very few affairs go forever in secret. I don't hate you. I am not trying to judge you. I apologize sincerely if I have been judgemental at all. Understand where I come from and it may make it easier to forgive my ignorance.

But psyche, you are not happy. At least you do not seem so. Guilt and pain has harvested resentment and anger in your heart. You've lashed out at me, and even sir hugs, with whom you seem to have a considerable amount of comfort with.

Having someone close to you die is hard to deal with. But psychiatrist classify having someone cheat on you as considerably more stressful than having someone close to you die. Why? Because the person is still there - to remind you of the pain. Every day.

Sexual fantasy is great. That's why I come here. I like to write stories as well. But to cross the boundaries and fulfill your fantasies by sleeping with someone behind your husband's back - you need to stop. I'm not passing moral judgement on you. I am simply recommending what would cause the least amount of pain in the long run. For you and the husband you love. Visit www.marriagebuilders.com and browse their Infidelity forums. See the pain that infidelity causes. Have mercy on your husband and stop cheating on him. Talk to him and come clean about everything you've done and tell him that he is neglecting your needs. I promise you, the pain will be a life changing experience. He will move mountains to try and give you the sexual fulfillment you need. You think he doesn't care. He does.

You can call me egotistical - whatever you like. But the fulfillment of a man knowing he has pleased his wife is no different than the fulfillment that psycho is seeking in other men. She is robbing her husband of that fulfillment and I want to see her happy. Please, psyche, make things right with your husband. Feel free to message me if you would like. I promise I am trying to help. Not criticise or judge.

 

[sirhugs]

one size fits all?I think not in this case
everyone's joy comes from a different place
dishonesty I agree causes pain
through confession psyche may gain
but some of us do exist who accept openness
is the road to honesty
even if the scene is open to another's caress
that is no travesty
each couple must find
whats right in their mind
no website can feel the need
if hubby won't do the deed
a double life isn't easy
its not for the queasy
but isn't always sleazy
so say I, who knows how it goes
my wife's dual happiness shows

 

[sirhugs]

or perhaps psyche's right
that it ain't worth the fight
if she can sleep at night
and that the chance
to lose the romance
if as may happen, hubby finds out
and, unlike sirhugs, is a lout...

take care sweet psyche
be careful to tread lightly

 

[onewildmouse]

To me cheating is anything you do behind someone elses back. It used to bother me if I found out my husband was looking at erotic pictures on the net, or reading erotic stories - because we hadn't talked openly about it and I assumed he was doing it because I wasn't enough for him. Communication was the key for us. Once we opened up and could talk about it, and once I was assured that he was as happy with our life as I was and that he never wanted anything to happen to us or the nest we have created - then I was able to openly talk about my feelings too. I was also able to free my suppressed sexuality. I, like other posters on this subject thought that sex=love and that if you truly loved someone you wouldn't have any desire for anyone else. So I didn't think I was attracted to anyone but him. But sex is one of the most basic human needs, and it is perfectly natural to be attracted to others. In addition, it is hard to keep lust alive after sleeping next to someone for over 18 years - and lust is another thing that everyone craves. Once I realized it was okay for me to lust after someone else - a lifetime of guilt and repression washed away - and boy did that feel good. My husband and I can talk about EVERYTHING now, including a desire to flirt with, kiss, and yes even have sex with other people. But, we agree that it cannot be behind the other persons back, and the other person has to be comfortable with it. In addition, it cannot be behind anyone's back, especially the back of the significant other of the person we are attracted to. Our sex life with each other is incredibly hot, and we know that we would NEVER cheat on each other, and we would never leave each other - but that doesn't mean we will never flirt with, kiss or have sex with someone else.

 

[sirhugs]

to onewildmouse

you go girl!
right on
amen, sister!

 

[schatz]

Basically, it seems that anything outside of your partner's limits can be seen as cheating but I have seen a few posts where people had the feeling that if their partner looks at porn or fantasizes about someone else then it's cheating. I think a little eyeballing a few private fantasies are okay but only become a problem if they cause you to neglect the needs of your partner.

 

[exvitermini]

Sirhugs, your generous rhymes might be easy to write, but difficult to live. To each his own, but you even agree with mouse - anything done behind your spouses back can and will cause pain. It's not cheating if the other person knows about it. I haven't defined cheating as ANY sexual interaction with someone other than your spouse. I defined it as so, when the spouse is unaware of it.

Maybe you're saying the exact same thing as I am - which is likely since you agree with onewildmouse. But your rhymes seem to indicate that you recommend someone follow their wishes and dreams - regardless of the consequences to themselves and others. And I couldn't see anyone agreeing with that.

 

[sirhugs]

sometimes pain is inevitable
which is regrettable
but why should both suffer
isn't that just tougher?

 

[sirhugs]

so, are we done this discussion?
If so, may I step out of my poetic license and summarize the consensus ( non unanimous ) as:

1. cheating is not necessarily about who you have sex with
2. lying is bad. it is almost always wrong. (some of us would cross our fingers for pstche's situation, where uniquely, the truth might destroy something otherwise good, but even then, we think she's playing with fire)
3. partners should set their own rules, and live by them
4. it is not nice to be judgmental of the conduct of others if it is honest and fits the rules they set with their SO.

did I miss anything?
did I misstate the consensus?

oh ya- onewildmouse
can you make it to my house
thursday night
would be a delight

 

[onewildmouse]

Nice summary sirhugs - I think you said it very well.

 

[sirhugs]

so onewildmouse, how does hubby feel about you doing phonesex?

 

[funwdi]

Cheating is when you do something only for yourself that may hurt another person. It is a selfish act of not thinking about another's feelings. If there are no bounderies in a relationship and you have decided to openly explore other people in a mutually consenting way, it is not cheating. Cheating is kind of a sneaky-behind-their-back thing. That's just my opinion!

 

[onewildmouse]

phone sex

Sorry for the delayed response sirhugs - I haven't been to the board lately. Actually, my hubby is the one who told me about your phone sex question. He is fine with it - as long as I either let him listen or tell him about it later. But, I'm just not in to phone sex. I only tried cyber sex once - and didn't like it either. I guess I'm just an in person kind of girl!

 

[sxylegs]

i agree with the consensus......

But one more tip......cheating is taking something away from your partner......
I was in a long distance relationship and only saw him on the weekends.......I would go to visit and he would stay up all night in the chatrooms......that took away from me and us....our relationship. He guaranteed me that he wasnt doing anything but flirting.....
But I guess i felt he was cheating with the computer.....it destroyed out relationship......
There was no lying, no cyber, no sex, and then eventually no relationship......

so cheating doesnt always have to include sex