Define Cheating

[huskie]

Re: cheating?

I am in a 20 year marriage and my husband has lost interest in sex. I would have never thought this would happen to us, we had a good and happy sex life together. Now I have a choice, I can sit hear at my computer and masterbate like a teenager and attempt to satisfy my sexual needs, and be bitchy because I am resentful, or I can go out and find a lover who will take care of my sexual needs that are not being taken care of at home. Keep in mind that I am not suffering in silence. I have communicated my needs to my partner, and after 20 years he knows that sex is important to me. What would you do in this position? If he was starving me would it be ok for me to eat at another man's table?

I vote YES. You should.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

My So and I got into a talk about that yesterday, actually. We were talking about my mom, and how she never had sex with the guy she was unfaithful with, but how she kissed, held hands, and was just generally.. unfaithful to my dad. My honey doesn't think that she cheated, cus she didn't sleep with the guy. I think she did, cus she did something behind my dad's back that he wouldn't approve of, and that would hurt him. She knew it would hurt him, she didn't have his consent (I'll get to that in a minute), and she did it anyway. And expected him to forgive her afterwards. (She was a little messed up then).
Anyway, I think that, if my honey knows that I'm with someone other than him, and he's okay with it (this is what I mean when I say 'consent'), then it's not cheating. I think that anything physical is cheating. I think that, if he messed around with another girl without my permission, he'd be on the curb faster than you can say 'cheater'. And I told him this. And I asked him how he'd feel if I did the same thing, without his knowledge and permission. He agreed that he'd break up with me, but not that it was cheating.
Bah. Men confuse me.

 

[psyche]

Re: cheating?

I vote YES. You should.

Thanks huskie.

 

[ilovewriting]

You people out there who cheat or are cheating on there other can sugar coat it all u want. saying that flirting is alright as long as its not physical or whateva. but it is. showing emotions too anyone other then your other in a intimate or emotional way is cheating. it being mental or physical has nothing to do with it. its like this if my woman wants to fuck this other dude then she might as well done it cause it hurts just as bad. no matter how you slice it if you really love the person you will have no desire for the other if you do your not in love. some people might want to belive this is true. but there just bending the truth to fit there desires. an to tha person who says you cant define cheating NEWS FLASH cheating is cheating no matter how your imature mind sees it. love is love you cant change it its a one way road.
an cheating is the same. everyone thinks they have there own version of cheating but dont mean its tha truth. *LoL* if you can just make your own rules then life would be peachy keen for everyone but you cant. life has its absolutes an you cant do anything about it but follow tha rule(s) or break the rule(s)

I agree, though i would not have worded it quite as strongly as you did.

 

[schatz]

Whew...me thinks unregistered has been burned on more than one occasion. Although I agree that it may hurt if your SO fantasizes about someone else if you are not secure about yourself (there is no enemy without if there is no enemy within) I would not consider it cheating. To expect your partner to have thoughts about nobody and nothing except yourself is pretty hefty. To be in love does not neccisarily mean that you are your partners Alpha and Omega nor the center of the known universe. But I've said before that cheating is in the eyes of the partner so I guess that if someone expects their partner to think of only them 24/7 and they don't...that would be considered cheating in someones' book.

 

[psyche]

thinking

Whew...me thinks unregistered has been burned on more than one occasion. Although I agree that it may hurt if your SO fantasizes about someone else if you are not secure about yourself (there is no enemy without if there is no enemy within) I would not consider it cheating. To expect your partner to have thoughts about nobody and nothing except yourself is pretty hefty. To be in love does not neccisarily mean that you are your partners Alpha and Omega nor the center of the known universe. But I've said before that cheating is in the eyes of the partner so I guess that if someone expects their partner to think of only them 24/7 and they don't...that would be considered cheating in someones' book.

I agree that thinking about someone else is not cheating. It's not as if we are totally cut off from our responses to other people when we are married. Throughout my 20 year marriage, I have lusted after many men. You can use that lust to fuel your sex life with your partner, and it can be very stimulating for your own sex drive. The difference is acting on the lust. Even though I had very strong feelings about other men I would never have and did not act on them. But again when you are vulnerable and not having sex with your partner and these feelings surface, it is certainly more difficult to keep them in check. They can be used to fuel a fantasy life of masterbation and self satisfaction, but that only goes so far. Eventually, you need more than an orgasm, you need the touch of a hand, desire in someone's eyes, and all the aspects of real sexual contact with another human being that can't be reproduced in masterbation. Maybe someday they will come up with a virtual reality sexual partner, I'll be standing in line for that technology!

 

[psyche]

narrow?

showing emotions too anyone other then your other in a intimate or emotional way is cheating. it being mental or physical has nothing to do with it. its like this if my woman wants to fuck this other dude then she might as well done it cause it hurts just as bad. no matter how you slice it if you really love the person you will have no desire for the other if you do your not in love. some people might want to belive this is true. but there just bending the truth to fit there desires.

I'd like to know how long you have been in a relationship with one person. That's a pretty restictive and narrow definition of love that I could not live with. And I hate to tell you but desires for the opposite sex do not automatically end when you are in love or when you are married, the difficulty is not acting on those desires.

 

[huskie]

Re: narrow?

showing emotions too anyone other then your other in a intimate or emotional way is cheating. it being mental or physical has nothing to do with it. its like this if my woman wants to fuck this other dude then she might as well done it cause it hurts just as bad. no matter how you slice it if you really love the person you will have no desire for the other if you do your not in love. some people might want to belive this is true. but there just bending the truth to fit there desires.

I'd like to know how long you have been in a relationship with one person. That's a pretty restictive and narrow definition of love that I could not live with. And I hate to tell you but desires for the opposite sex do not automatically end when you are in love or when you are married, the difficulty is not acting on those desires.

This is a learned thing. You can't tell or expect anyone who hasn't been in a relationship very long to ever realy understand. But most people come around to at least understand this.

 

[Amfig]

I think that if you are engaged in an activity that you could not discuss honestly with your SO, then it is cheating. Ultimately though, cheating is in the eyes of the partner.

Spot on. Read the book Priate Lies. Written by Frank? whi is
Ted Turner's psychiatrist. If I wouldn't do it in front of my partner or if I wouldn't tell her all about it, it's cheating.

 

[WaxNWane]

Grey areas piss me off, so I keep it simple - any betrayal of trust is cheating. The slightest dishonesty changes things - usually beyond repair.

 

[CuriouslilQT]

?

IS it true...men hit there sexually drive in there 20s and women in there 30s and 40s?

I heard something like this before?!?

 

[susan__32]

to cheat is to lie..

if you have to lie about it to your spouse/lover/friend it is cheating

 

[sirhugs]

to cheat is to lie..

if you have to lie about it to your spouse/lover/friend it is cheating

and so what do you do SusieQ?

 

[psyche]

withholding sex?

Ok. Let's look at the partner who withholds sex, what is their responsiblity in the relationship? Are they cheating us out of our right to have satisfying sex? When my husband lays on the bed with his limp cock and says go ahead if you must and we go through the motions so he can say we had sex this weekend is that fucking fair?

I think I have the right to look for someone who gets a hard cock when they look at me, and if I am doing damage to my relationship guess what he is doing just as much with his behavior. And I may in fact find out that the sex we had wasn't that great anyway when I have been happy with it for all the years that we have been married.

And another thing, if you hate gray areas that's too bad because life is one big gray area, there is no black and white.

 

[sirhugs]

Re: withholding sex?

Ok. Let's look at the partner who withholds sex, what is their responsiblity in the relationship? Are they cheating us out of our right to have satisfying sex? When my husband lays on the bed with his limp cock and says go ahead if you must and we go through the motions so he can say we had sex this weekend is that fucking fair?

I think I have the right to look for someone who gets a hard cock when they look at me, and if I am doing damage to my relationship guess what he is doing just as much with his behavior. And I may in fact find out that the sex we had wasn't that great anyway when I have been happy with it for all the years that we have been married.

And another thing, if you hate gray areas that's too bad because life is one big gray area, there is no black and white.

Right on psyche!

Although I don't share your anger , or your pain, I share your openess about your needs, the responsibility of each to contribute, and the need to each ensure our own happiness. For my wife, honesty means that she loves me a little, likes my humour, my looks, my socialabilty, my genorisity and common interests. We don't cheat. She admits she prefers sex with older men. It took 15 years before she figured that out. Before, she denied us sex because she was never satisfied, even by multiple orgasms. Something was missing. she finds that in being the one doing the giving, which she could never be until she felt free. Now our sex is rare but passionate, because once in a while she wants help to sleep at night. We've never been happier or healthier.

Huuurah to free love and Literotica living forever!


And I agree all of life is shades of grey.

 

[ilovewriting]

Re: withholding sex?

Ok. Let's look at the partner who withholds sex, what is their responsiblity in the relationship? Are they cheating us out of our right to have satisfying sex? When my husband lays on the bed with his limp cock and says go ahead if you must and we go through the motions so he can say we had sex this weekend is that fucking fair?

I think I have the right to look for someone who gets a hard cock when they look at me, and if I am doing damage to my relationship guess what he is doing just as much with his behavior. And I may in fact find out that the sex we had wasn't that great anyway when I have been happy with it for all the years that we have been married.

And another thing, if you hate gray areas that's too bad because life is one big gray area, there is no black and white.

I think you should get a divorce because you obviously dont love your husband.

 

[psyche]

Re: withholding sex?

I think you should get a divorce because you obviously dont love your husband.

fuck you

 

[sirhugs]

Re: Re: withholding sex?

fuck you

nice succinct reply psyche dear.
others ought not to advise or criticize with the whole picture. How can he presume to see inside your soul?

 

[psyche]

Re: withholding sex?

nice succinct reply psyche dear.
others ought not to advise or criticize with the whole picture. How can he presume to see inside your soul?

Thanks again sirhugs, that was my nice version! I post to this forum to get some insight into my situation and provide others with a view of a difficult situation. Some responses require little thought and even less insight, I probably should have just ignored it but it was early and sometimes I seem to be an impulsive person. Take what you like and leave the rest.

 

[sirhugs]

Re: Re: withholding sex?

Thanks again sirhugs, that was my nice version! I post to this forum to get some insight into my situation and provide others with a view of a difficult situation. Some responses require little thought and even less insight, I probably should have just ignored it but it was early and sometimes I seem to be an impulsive person. Take what you like and leave the rest.

hmmm- would love to share your positive impulses!

 

[psyche]

positive impulses

hmmm- would love to share your positive impulses!

My positive impulses come from knowing and taking care of my needs. Would like to share with you also!

 

[ilovewriting]

I am just expressing my opinion just like everyone here is entitled to do. I believe anyone who could even consider cheating on their partner doesnt truely love them. I have NEVER considered cheating on my partner, and the day i do is the day we break up for good.

 

[psyche]

that's fine

I am just expressing my opinion just like everyone here is entitled to do. I believe anyone who could even consider cheating on their partner doesnt truely love them. I have NEVER considered cheating on my partner, and the day i do is the day we break up for good.

That's ok with me. Expressing your opinion is one thing, telling someone who you don't know what to do is quite another isn't it?

 

[ilovewriting]

Re: that's fine

That's ok with me. Expressing your opinion is one thing, telling someone who you don't know what to do is quite another isn't it?

The only person i order around is my gf, simply because she is a grub in respects to things on the floor and stuff and i am the neatest male you will ever meet lol.
I wasnt telling you what to do. Anyone who TELLS a person what to do, especially someone they dont know, cant seriously expect the person to listen.

 

[psyche]

Re: that's fine

The only person i order around is my gf, simply because she is a grub in respects to things on the floor and stuff and i am the neatest male you will ever meet lol.
I wasnt telling you what to do. Anyone who TELLS a person what to do, especially someone they dont know, cant seriously expect the person to listen.

Your post says more than I ever could. Thanks!