Define Cheating

[sirhugs]

I am just expressing my opinion just like everyone here is entitled to do. I believe anyone who could even consider cheating on their partner doesnt truely love them. I have NEVER considered cheating on my partner, and the day i do is the day we break up for good.

ilw:

get with the program. this thread is " define cheatin' ". I don't cheat either- but then I don't consider cybering or phonesex cheatting. Others might. And my wife encourages me to seek fresh experiences, so even skin to skin ain't no sin. But that's just us. Since we agree, it ain't cheating and we still love and respect and trust each other. We do not see sex as always tied to love. If you do, then yes, another partner is cheating.

Does your wife know you Literotica?

 

[exvitermini]

Anything you do behing the back of your spouse is cheating. End of story. If you've managed to purge your mind of guilt by fulfilling your fantasies apart from your spouse - congratulations. But in my own humble opnion, you are stealing something that belongs to your husband or wife.

I've been on the recieving and giving end of infidelity and it all boils down to selfishness. Psycho, your comment - "I think I have the right to look for someone who gets a hard cock when they look at me." is such a desperate plea for help. Your husband isn't just keeping a hard cock from you. He's neglecting you in other ways and unless you guys talk about it, you may as well go your seperate ways instead of screwing around behind each other's backs. You had a right to look for that person that is attracted to you. You thought you found that person. That person is your husband. If he isn't that person, at least have the courtesy to let him know.

 

[sirhugs]

Anything you do behing the back of your spouse is cheating. End of story. If you've managed to purge your mind of guilt by fulfilling your fantasies apart from your spouse - congratulations. But in my own humble opnion, you are stealing something that belongs to your husband or wife.

I've been on the recieving and giving end of infidelity and it all boils down to selfishness. Psycho, your comment - "I think I have the right to look for someone who gets a hard cock when they look at me." is such a desperate plea for help. Your husband isn't just keeping a hard cock from you. He's neglecting you in other ways and unless you guys talk about it, you may as well go your seperate ways instead of screwing around behind each other's backs. You had a right to look for that person that is attracted to you. You thought you found that person. That person is your husband. If he isn't that person, at least have the courtesy to let him know.

"stealing"?

"belongs"?????

and here I thought slavery was abolished.

I agree about honesty, but I wonde what the Moral Majority advocates are doing on Literotica?

hypocrisy anyone?

as for psyche, perhaps she still loves her hbby, and can bring them more happiness by expressing her sexuality independently. And no one has a right to judge her for it, except her, her higher power, and her hubby- and his vote is limited to leaving if he ain't with the program, as I see it.

 

[psyche]

?

Anything you do behing the back of your spouse is cheating. End of story. If you've managed to purge your mind of guilt by fulfilling your fantasies apart from your spouse - congratulations. But in my own humble opnion, you are stealing something that belongs to your husband or wife.

I've been on the recieving and giving end of infidelity and it all boils down to selfishness. Psycho, your comment - "I think I have the right to look for someone who gets a hard cock when they look at me." is such a desperate plea for help. Your husband isn't just keeping a hard cock from you. He's neglecting you in other ways and unless you guys talk about it, you may as well go your seperate ways instead of screwing around behind each other's backs. You had a right to look for that person that is attracted to you. You thought you found that person. That person is your husband. If he isn't that person, at least have the courtesy to let him know.

It helps if you actually read a post that you're responding to first.

1. I did not say whether I feel guilty or not, that's for me to deal with, and by the way I am not asking for your forgiveness.
2. I am not fulfilling my fantasies, if I was doing that it would not be a problem. I am taking care of my physical sexual needs - which if you read the post my husband is no longer interested in taking care of. It would belong to him if he would take it.
3. Don't tell me that my husband is neglecting me in other ways - what do you have fucking esp? What is that?
4. I have talked to him about it and he is not doing anything behind my back he has lost interest in sex. And, once again, he has been notified about the situation that I am unhappy about.

So what was your earth shattering message for me? What insight did you provide?

 

[huskie]

I thought this thread was about Definition? Not weather or not cheating is justifiable.

we should start a new thread and call it that. Is cheating on your SO justifiable?????

 

[psyche]

yes

I thought this thread was about Definition? Not weather or not cheating is justifiable.

we should start a new thread and call it that. Is cheating on your SO justifiable?????

Keep us on track! And you're right those are two separate issues. I never even looked at another man when my husband and I had an active sex life. I was true to him for 20 years. And what cheating is and whether it is justifiable are not the same.

 

[sirhugs]

but even if you have a sex life with your spouse, i stil say it ain't cheating if you are honest about it. Fidelity = honesty, not about whose pelvis you bump, whose bones you jump, whose cum you swallow...

 

[ilovewriting]

ilw:

Does your wife know you Literotica?

I live with my gf, we are too young to get married i think. I am only 20.
Yes she sort of knows, i dont think she exactly knows that it is a forum, she knows i write stories for LIT.
It is irrelevant anyway because i dont cyber, i dont phone sex, and i dont flirt (not that i know of anyway), so i am not even cheating in the way i see cheating.

 

[sirhugs]

I live with my gf, we are too young to get married i think. I am only 20.
Yes she sort of knows, i dont think she exactly knows that it is a forum, she knows i write stories for LIT.
It is irrelevant anyway because i dont cyber, i dont phone sex, and i dont flirt (not that i know of anyway), so i am not even cheating in the way i see cheating.

so like do you masturbate while reading stories? get hard writing them? how does that fit your defintion?

the point I'm trying to make is that for each of us, the definition may vary, but we ought to examine common ground , like dishonesty = cheating. Once we define a core, who needs more?
and we ought to be supportive, not judgmental.

 

[psyche]

words

but even if you have a sex life with your spouse, i stil say it ain't cheating if you are honest about it. Fidelity = honesty, not about whose pelvis you bump, whose bones you jump, whose cum you swallow...

What a way with words sirhugs, those visuals are pretty stimulating!

 

[ilovewriting]

so like do you masturbate while reading stories? get hard writing them? how does that fit your defintion?

the point I'm trying to make is that for each of us, the definition may vary, but we ought to examine common ground , like dishonesty = cheating. Once we define a core, who needs more?
and we ought to be supportive, not judgmental.

No, we need to be honest, this is all about expressing opinions. If everyone gave the same answers to threads it would all be very boring. If you cant get points of view from different people then there is no use starting threads such as this.
No i dont masturbate while writing my stories.
Yes i sometimes masturbate while reading, and she is aware of that and it doesnt really bother her.
However usually she is there to satisfied my need. (She prefers that i come to her rather than masturbate. We are both Aquarius which apparently means we both get along with everyone and both have a strong sex drive)
I have a VERY honest relationship with her, and are pretty much soul mates.

 

[sirhugs]

thank you kind muse
kind words I won't refuse
but isn't Literotica
about the finest erotica?
so wordsmiths abound
better sure can be found
to put this doggerel to shame
but thanks just the same

I can't rhyme stimulating
a writer's block I'm hating

but perhaps my quibble
with ilw's fine scribble
is that I adore the erotic erection
no matter the source of the affection

to attempt a truce I must add
that ilw's stories ain't bad
as a scribbler, he's one fine lad

and psyche dear,
too bad we aren't near

or with you I'd surely bump
and quite enjoy our honest hump
married is fine
but sex is divine
and variety as a spice
can be extra nice
and if we tell our spouses
but stay in their houses
who's to say
it's the wrong way
for if marriage is a pact
only two can define the fact
of where the boundary's at

 

[psyche]

lovely!

thank you kind muse
kind words I won't refuse
but isn't Literotica
about the finest erotica?
so wordsmiths abound
better sure can be found
to put this doggerel to shame
but thanks just the same

I can't rhyme stimulating
a writer's block I'm hating

but perhaps my quibble
with ilw's fine scribble
is that I adore the erotic erection
no matter the source of the affection

to attempt a truce I must add
that ilw's stories ain't bad
as a scribbler, he's one fine lad

and psyche dear,
too bad we aren't near

or with you I'd surely bump
and quite enjoy our honest hump
married is fine
but sex is divine
and variety as a spice
can be extra nice
and if we tell our spouses
but stay in their houses
who's to say
it's the wrong way
for if marriage is a pact
only two can define the fact
of where the boundary's at

I'm afraid that I am not much at writing poetry but what a nice post! And you've stopped me from ripping a throat out, and settled me down, and I thank you for that. I want to hear other opinions but he sounded like a idiot and some of the things he said were hard to take. I was able to read the later posts and I think you should also be given credit for making him take a more reasonable position. I will check out those stories when I have some time. And if we did bump I'd expect you to fill my ear with rhyme.

 

[sirhugs]

anytime

 

[exvitermini]

Psycho, darling. Some of the things I said are hard to take. I accept that. And I accept that you aren't in a happy situation. But don't expect others to accept the fact that you have replaced your husband with other men. You have needs, and you've expressed them to him, and if he truly is not interested in meeting them, then why are you together at all?

Amusing rhyme, sirhugs. But this particular verse sent a pang of pain down the pit of my stomach...

"who's to say
it's the wrong way
for if marriage is a pact
only two can define the fact
of where the boundary's at"

Because not so long ago, two people decided where that boundary was. Those two people were my girlfriend of five years and her lover. Their moment of ecstasy and pleasure has now been replaced with painful memories and regret. On both of our parts. I'm not the moral police. But if I am trying to serve and protect anything - it is other people from experiencing the pain of betrayal I went through.

 

[schatz]

I do not believe that anything behind an SO's back should be catagorized as cheating. No matter how in love two people are, they need parts of their lives that are separate from one another to remain an individual. If you violate your SO's trust then that is another story. How many people masturbate without their partner's knowledge? I do...but I would not consider it cheating. She knows that I masturbate but I do not inform her every time I do it. I appreciate the fact that you have been burned exvitermini, but to think that every thing you are must be shared with your partner is a little extreme.

 

[psyche]

20 years

Psyche, darling. Some of the things I said are hard to take. I accept that. And I accept that you aren't in a happy situation. But don't expect others to accept the fact that you have replaced your husband with other men. You have needs, and you've expressed them to him, and if he truly is not interested in meeting them, then why are you together at all?

My point is that our relationship after being together for 20 years is much more than sex. We have years of experiences together, both hard times and good times. You don't just walk away from that. He's a good man and I love him. At this point in our relationship he is unable to meet my physical need for sex. I believe it's better to take care of these needs outside of the relationship than to walk away from a man who I cannot replace. I tried for months to satisfy myself with erotica and masterbation and it's not enough for me. I need the touch of a hand, someone to interact with physically. I was bringing the resentment of not having my needs met into our relationship. Here I am angry and resentful for something that he is not doing on purpose. Now I am happy again, I am not treating him badly, I feel better about myself. I understand that in doing this I am taking a chance of risking our relationship, I don't want to do that and I don't want to hurt him.

 

[sirhugs]

well said dear psyche, not at all psycho
what your critics have not lived, they don't know
exvitermini misreads my meaning
from his own pain he's gleaning-
his girl behind his back was cheating.
that definition I'm not defeating
my poem spoke of the variety of needs
that inform our acts and deeds
and many reasons we have to stay
even if with others we like to play
and if our spouse
shares our house
but not our drive
the marriage may thrive
by seeking passion
in another fashion

 

[psyche]

meaning

well said dear psyche, not at all psycho
what your critics have not lived, they don't know
exvitermini misreads my meaning
from his own pain he's gleaning-
his girl behind his back was cheating.
that definition I'm not defeating
my poem spoke of the variety of needs
that inform our acts and deeds
and many reasons we have to stay
even if with others we like to play
and if our spouse
shares our house
but not our drive
the marriage may thrive
by seeking passion
in another fashion

Sometimes when I post on this thread I wonder why because you're right the meaning is misconstrued to fit someone else's situation. We are not all alike, our situations are all unique, I'm not trying to tell everyone this is what they should do, but this is what I am doing in my situation. I'm not even saying it's right, it's just how I am coping with a situation that is intolerable for me which is lack of sex in an important relationship. Your rhymes always bring a smile!

 

[sirhugs]

always glad to bring a smile
even if just for a little while
cause sweet psyche, this knight is hoping
that you're having fun, not just coping
since you love your mate
even though others you date
I think its great
if the sex you crave
your need so grave
once provided
prevents a house divided

returning to the thread
the question is not dead
but my answer remains
that everyone gains
if all our needs are met
with honesty, even respect yet
we love our spouses
not just to keep the houses
but because we share our special smiles
having shared so many miles

 

[exvitermini]

If you are saying that your situation is unique in that your husband doesn't feel hurt that you seek pleasure from other men, then good for you. I find it nearly impossible to comprehend such a situation. I could not sleep at night knowing that I had not fulfilled my wife's sexual needs and that she finds that gratification elsewhere. And I have a feeling most, if not all, men would agree. It is beyond being possessive or controlling and selfish (wanting a woman all to yourself). It is about knowing that you are pleasing the woman you love. Fulfilling her desires and needs. If a man does not have that, he is not a complete man.

To me then, cheating is when someone, rather than seek fulfillment in their needs from their spouse, seeks it elsewhere. If your husband somehow is not hurt by the fact that you are pleasured by other men, then he is still facilitating that need for you by allowing you to see other men. But cuckhold aside, I don't know a man that would agree with this type of arrangement.

 

[sirhugs]

exvitermini says:

"And I have a feeling most, if not all, men would agree. It is beyond being possessive or controlling and selfish (wanting a woman all to yourself). It is about knowing that you are pleasing the woman you love. Fulfilling her desires and needs. If a man does not have that, he is not a complete man."

"But cuckhold aside, I don't know a man that would agree with this type of arrangement."


psyche, I now really know how you feel. If X had read my posts to the thread at all, he'd know that I am exactly the man he denies exists.

My wife's needs aren't about me, they are about her. in her case, counselling confirmed that her negative relationship with her father growing up means her self-esteem needs stroking by older men, and she is driven to stoke them in return. Not being older, I can't give her that. With other men, she also avoids control issues, which are again caused by an emotionally asbusive father.

I give her respect, affection, support, companionship, we are partners in all ways. Once in a while, we even have mind blowing multi-orgasmic sex, freed of the need to try to be all things to each other. We see this as more mature and honest than pretending we are " all right" but being miserable inside.

By not trying to control her, I do not fall into the trap which would destroy our relationship, because, ex ole pal, healthy relationships need trust, not ego.

sorry I left out the rhyme
but this one time
I hope it ain't no crime

 

[psyche]

fun

always glad to bring a smile
even if just for a little while
cause sweet psyche, this knight is hoping
that you're having fun, not just coping
since you love your mate
even though others you date
I think its great
if the sex you crave
your need so grave
once provided
prevents a house divided

returning to the thread
the question is not dead
but my answer remains
that everyone gains
if all our needs are met
with honesty, even respect yet
we love our spouses
not just to keep the houses
but because we share our special smiles
having shared so many miles

Oh, I'm having fun! Thanks again for the feedback!

 

[psyche]

cheating

If you are saying that your situation is unique in that your husband doesn't feel hurt that you seek pleasure from other men, then good for you. I find it nearly impossible to comprehend such a situation. I could not sleep at night knowing that I had not fulfilled my wife's sexual needs and that she finds that gratification elsewhere. And I have a feeling most, if not all, men would agree. It is beyond being possessive or controlling and selfish (wanting a woman all to yourself). It is about knowing that you are pleasing the woman you love. Fulfilling her desires and needs. If a man does not have that, he is not a complete man.

To me then, cheating is when someone, rather than seek fulfillment in their needs from their spouse, seeks it elsewhere. If your husband somehow is not hurt by the fact that you are pleasured by other men, then he is still facilitating that need for you by allowing you to see other men. But cuckhold aside, I don't know a man that would agree with this type of arrangement.

Let me say once again that my husband does not know that I am having sex with someone else. And you're right, even though he has no interest in having sex with me, he certainly wouldn't want me to have sex with someone else. I find that unreasonable. I would not be doing this if he was taking care of me sexually. And I did not even dream of having sex with other men when we had an active sex life within our marriage.

 

[psyche]

noticed!

exvitermini says:

"And I have a feeling most, if not all, men would agree. It is beyond being possessive or controlling and selfish (wanting a woman all to yourself). It is about knowing that you are pleasing the woman you love. Fulfilling her desires and needs. If a man does not have that, he is not a complete man."

"But cuckhold aside, I don't know a man that would agree with this type of arrangement."


psyche, I now really know how you feel. If X had read my posts to the thread at all, he'd know that I am exactly the man he denies exists.

My wife's needs aren't about me, they are about her. in her case, counselling confirmed that her negative relationship with her father growing up means her self-esteem needs stroking by older men, and she is driven to stoke them in return. Not being older, I can't give her that. With other men, she also avoids control issues, which are again caused by an emotionally asbusive father.

I give her respect, affection, support, companionship, we are partners in all ways. Once in a while, we even have mind blowing multi-orgasmic sex, freed of the need to try to be all things to each other. We see this as more mature and honest than pretending we are " all right" but being miserable inside.

By not trying to control her, I do not fall into the trap which would destroy our relationship, because, ex ole pal, healthy relationships need trust, not ego.

sorry I left out the rhyme
but this one time
I hope it ain't no crime

I noticed that also. It seems people read into a post what they want to see or something. I don't get it. No crime when you leave out the rhyme!