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Dear X

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Dearest smelly woman at Starbucks,

Did you bathe in that perfume? Are you trying to cover up the smell of something else? It's too much. Here's a hint...if you go through a bottle a month, you're spraying too much on. I'm pretty sure my nostrils are burnt now.

Much love,
the girl holding her nose
 
Wings27 said:
Dearest smelly woman at Starbucks,

Did you bathe in that perfume? Are you trying to cover up the smell of something else? It's too much. Here's a hint...if you go through a bottle a month, you're spraying too much on. I'm pretty sure my nostrils are burnt now.

Much love,
the girl holding her nose
Click to expand...

i think i used to work with that woman,.....lol
 
Dear Young Girls Serial Rapist,

Only a matter of time...until they catch ya
I'm sure more than the cops are hunting your sicko ass.
When they do get you,one could only wish that they throw
your pathetic,soulless self in with the general jail population.

Butknowsnotallwishescometrue
 
Dear People-who-are-processing-my-travel-expense-vouchers:

I returned home to find a check in the mail for $20.88. I pondered what I could have done to deserve such a large sum of money then realized it was for the meals I had eaten and submitted my receipts for. From last month. For one week.

I would like to advise you that in addition to that humongous check, I also received my VISA bill. On it were listed the amounts of money I paid for hotel rooms in several different cities during my travels. Let's just say that the amount of money currently owed on my credit card is the largest it's been in at least a decade.

If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you kindly see to it that my TEVs are put on the top of the pile and processed with the same speed that shit goes through a goose?

It's not that I can't afford to pay the bill in one lump sum, I can. It's just that I would prefer to be reimbursed for the money I was forced to spend because some asshat consultant couldn't consult a map and determine that the closest training sites for me were not 200 miles away on the other side of the state and entailed overnight stays.

Since I take pride in paying off my credit card bill each month so the leeches at the credit company don't get a dime out of me, and I like to keep my bank accounts topped off in case I decide to buy another island, I would be very grateful if the next check you send me is larger than the last one. By a factor of ten at a minimum, a factor 40 would be even better.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

A government employee who thinks most of the people he works with are incompetent baboons but who still does his job to the highest level possible.

P.S. I didn't mean to offend regarding the incompetent baboon comment. It's not fair to compare them to baboons. The baboons have an excuse.
 
Dear Self...

Please remember to open ALL the paperwork you receive in the mail from the doctor.

It would have saved you one more poking. Grrrr....


And speaking of poking.

Dear Natty....

if you do post stalk me (which you don't do well)...yes, please.


~ Me
 
Dear Butt.....

I am going to sit on you most of the day doing nothing but making calls, then I am going to wrap you in a sexy lil thong, slide a dress on that almost covers you, then dance you off tonight. If you are lucky you will be caressed mabee even spanked by the hottie we are going out with, I know you will remember him from previous outings......lmao



Sincerely....my butt is horny PTK.....
 
Dear Me,

Remind me to shave today. Yes, it's a pain but you have to do it. Quit being lazy.

(Oh, Pinktacokitty I would gladly spank you're sexy ass)
 
Dear Sexiest Man I Know

Thank you for so many random acts of kindness and for just being you.

Feeling Very Lucky Right Now Me :kiss:
 
dear poison ivy plant in my neighbors yard, bordering mine...

GO AWAY! They will never pull you-and now you've infected someone...

irritated when I look at you




dear wasps, bumblebees, yellow jackets,

i know you are good for the flowers...but i want you out of my yard...i sit outside on my deck, and you land on me. it scares me. please don't do it again.
additionally, my poor lil neighbors next door and across the street were repeatedly stung by your nasty relatives...
don't make me spray.

irritated when i look at you, too
 
dear sleep,
i'm ready. really. let's have a date. i'll let you have your way with me. i'll just lie there and let you do your thing. (hmm...i can post this on the "what would you say to your lover" thread too :D)
signed
take me, i'm yours
 
Dear Portland,

You are my new favorite city. Thank you for being so fun and full of life.

Love, me.
 
Dear PM Dropper in my Box

Kind of you to point out what a flirt I am.

Yours,

FlirtyButt
 
Dear Rain,

Go away. Yep, you. You have ruined plans for today, and likely tomorrow too.

While I typically don't mind you coming and staying for various lengths of time, your timing today...blows.

I will forgive you

you smell so sweet.

~She who is going to have to opt for plan B
 
Dear X,

Let it be a good movie so the mother goes with the daughter and the daughter's sister tomorrow. And let there be lots of hunger for the mother.

Thanks.

Adjusting With the Schedule
 
Dear X,
Please know that I am thrilled that I am an hour closer to you this weekend.

housesitting for a friend me
 
Dear Sir,

You have poison ivy....don't. touch. anything. And I do mean ANYTHING. Wash your hands....throw your poison ivy clothes in the washer. You will not touch me. Get away. Go to your mothers.

Get out of my fucking house!!!!!!!!!

mean, and I don't give a shit about it.
 
Dear curvy body of mine,

Please don't be angry at me for putting you through the paces these last few weeks. We know its for our health and to stave off any bad nasty things which could afflict us. I'll make you a deal... I'll feed you yummy things that don't taste like cardboard and you keep the waist ten inches smaller than the breasts/hips... and you might get ravished in about two weeks if you behave.

Your owner, wishing for every square inch of us to be ravished
 
Dear (gbg) X,

An hour closer is still a million miles away when I can't touch you.
 
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