Dear Clowns

[cowslinger64]

Thank you... both poignant, and hilarious.

I assume the booty call is out too..




you remind me of someone from a message board from years ago....youre not millertime, are ya?

 

[IhateClowns]

dear i hate clowns,

why are people so stupid to the point they teach cats to shit in a box in the house when they can go outside like the dog?

Dear great observationalist,

These people grew up with no friends. They didn't have a ball to play with. Basically they had no free time on their hands. They were the type of people that made up imaginary friends and although they lived in rat infested shit homes, they believed they were princes and princesses and lived in majestic castles.

So now they try to recreate that enviornment by allowing an animal to shit freely in their homes. They have this feeling that because it is in a plastic container with some sand it in that we the guest in their house will not smell the foulness that eminates from it.

I am sure like me, you smell whether a person owns a cat or not as soon as you walk into their home. We smell it immediately. They cover it up with stick-ups and Febreeze.

 

[IhateClowns]

Thank you... both poignant, and hilarious.

I assume the booty call is out too..




you remind me of someone from a message board from years ago....youre not millertime, are ya?

Oh shit I forgot the booty call. Yes by all means bang away. There is no rhyme or reason to never get a booty call. Just realize because she is pregnant that as it gets closer to delivery date you may have to fuck her sideways to feel anything.

No not Millertime. Not sure who that is. I was Stilts30 for quite a while.

 

[cowslinger64]

Oh shit I forgot the booty call. Yes by all means bang away. There is no rhyme or reason to never get a booty call. Just realize because she is pregnant that as it gets closer to delivery date you may have to fuck her sideways to feel anything.

No not Millertime. Not sure who that is. I was Stilts30 for quite a while.

-----------------

thanks again...actually, the booty call was all I was really worried about. I threw the other in so it would make her out to be the ho, and disguise the fact that I am.

As long as I push her belly up and out of the way, the baby is hardly noticeable.



nah..youre not him..same classic sense of humor tho.

 

[IhateClowns]

-----------------

thanks again...actually, the booty call was all I was really worried about. I threw the other in so it would make her out to be the ho, and disguise the fact that I am.

As long as I push her belly up and out of the way, the baby is hardly noticeable.



nah..youre not him..same classic sense of humor tho.

Nope not him and always remember when fucking a pregnant woman you are fucking for two.

 

[border_humper]

Dear Clowns,

I see a bright future for you. Even Ann Landers and Dear Abby took years to reach a level of credibility you demonstrate right out of the gate. Impressive.

But while I am here, I might as well ask: I'd like to get a part time job as a boy-toy. Would it be better to go to bartending school or learn ballroom dancing?

Many thanks in advance.

Signed,

Your Able Advice Appreciated

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

I see a bright future for you. Even Ann Landers and Dear Abby took years to reach a level of credibility you demonstrate right out of the gate. Impressive.

But while I am here, I might as well ask: I'd like to get a part time job as a boy-toy. Would it be better to go to bartending school or learn ballroom dancing?

Many thanks in advance.

Signed,

Your Able Advice Appreciated

Dear Boy-toy wannabe,

It really depends on what type of woman you are looking for. It will be tough to do it through ballroom dancing. Where do you even go ballroom dancing? I have never been nor have i actually seen live ballroom dancing unless you consider a slow dance at my highschool prom or the one slow dance i did at a fraternity party just to get it over with so I could take her upstairs and do the horizontal dance. Get it? The horizontal dance? That means we fucked!

But I digress. As for bartending school that is another good option but do you really want to meet drunk women who are going to expect you to continuously buy them expensive drinks all of the time. Also if you are only bartending at one bar then you cannot have too many women or they are going to find out about each other all the time. If you haven't noticed, when a woman gets drunk then it takes an act of God to shut her up. That means they will not only talk about you but the mole on your back, the curvature of your cock and that you like your ass fingered every other Thursday and that is prior to them even knwoing each others name.

You want to be a good boy toy then I suggest you take an ad out in the back of your supermarket magazine. There are very credible people that take out ads there and i know I have looked for certain services from those free magazine racks. You can try the ballroom dancing or the bartending, but I would be careful of them.

I would volunteer at nursing homes. You know most or single or widowed and the women there are usually dropped off and forgotten about. Go in there and be the sexiest bingo caller they have ever heard. You will be a shoe-win. Might want to get used to the Ben-Gay smell now though. It can be quite pungent.

 

[IhateClowns]

-----------------

thanks again...actually, the booty call was all I was really worried about. I threw the other in so it would make her out to be the ho, and disguise the fact that I am.

As long as I push her belly up and out of the way, the baby is hardly noticeable.



nah..youre not him..same classic sense of humor tho.

Thanks Bro

 

[ivantheterrible]

dear clowns,
i like your answer to boy toy wannabe. i have to agree. i was a bartender for awhile. i was only hit upon by one youngish woman. although she was drunk just like the tons of older women who wanted me to fuck them. the youngish good looking one i fucked. it was fun.

another about cats. as you see i hate cats. why do people think cats are such great and clean creatures?
my experience, they are filthy. they stink. they shed everywhere. and they are always knocking stuff over into the floor.

 

[kendra1980]

Dear Clowns,

Should men be trusted to pack their own suitcases for trips of a week or more?

And if when rifling through the stuff they packed a woman should find something truly hideous, should she remove it or merely suggest it be removed?

Signed,

Moving on from a male who did not pack EVER to one who does his own thing.

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns,
i like your answer to boy toy wannabe. i have to agree. i was a bartender for awhile. i was only hit upon by one youngish woman. although she was drunk just like the tons of older women who wanted me to fuck them. the youngish good looking one i fucked. it was fun.

another about cats. as you see i hate cats. why do people think cats are such great and clean creatures?
my experience, they are filthy. they stink. they shed everywhere. and they are always knocking stuff over into the floor.

Because people are incessantly lazy folks. A cat you don't have to care fgor other then dumping its toilet into a glad bag hopefully atleast once a week. Then again who am I kidding, NO ONE dumps their cat's shit even once a week hence the lovely wafting smell that awaits you everytime a cat owner opens their door.

So they keep cats because they are not difficult to care for. The convince themselves that they are clean animals because they lick themselves every 3 seconds convincing the owners that they have good hygiene. My dog licks its nuts everyday but it doesn't make me want to eat a waffle on it.

So bottomline is ctas are dirty animals just like every other animal. Just because it licks its own fur doesn't mean it is clean. So to answer your question it is because owners are lazy and have convinced themselves these animals are clean so they don't have to do anything to maintain them.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Should men be trusted to pack their own suitcases for trips of a week or more?

And if when rifling through the stuff they packed a woman should find something truly hideous, should she remove it or merely suggest it be removed?

Signed,

Moving on from a male who did not pack EVER to one who does his own thing.

Dear unsure truster,

Yes let men pac their own shit. If we let women do it then we would have 5 suitcases and more hygiene prioducts then we would ever need. Never ever remove anything hideous from a man's bag. It could be something he has had a long time. A good luck item so to speak. A favorite t-shirt or hat.

Let us pack out stuff. If we don't pack enough underwear then we will just turn the ones we brought inside out. We don't need a lot of items to survive. We just pack the essentials. If I am packing to meet a lovely woman like yourself then i am bring just a few items. A change of clothes, a sweatband, some minor scratch ointment, some lube and a smile.

So to answer your question trust your man and allow him to pack his own things. Nothing worse for a guy to see his underwear rolled up neatly in a suitcase or drawer as opposed to just wadded up and tossed in there. We lose masculinity points everytime that happens.

 

[NattyBumppo]

Turnabout being fair play

Dear Clowns,

My ladylove has a very strict dietery regimen. Forget that she doesn't want me eating chips, beer and ice cream. She abhors things like green peppers, celery, onions...and that's just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

Yet, that's not even the weirdest thing. The one thing she can't abide is when I brush my teeth. She cannot, for any reason, watch me brush my teeth. Now, you might think that that is because I'm spastic when I brush my teeth. No, that's not it. She can't watch anyone brush his or her teeth. What's more, I can't watch her brush her teeth.

What do you make of this?

Confused

 

[kendra1980]

Dear unsure truster,

Yes let men pac their own shit. If we let women do it then we would have 5 suitcases and more hygiene prioducts then we would ever need. Never ever remove anything hideous from a man's bag. It could be something he has had a long time. A good luck item so to speak. A favorite t-shirt or hat.

Let us pack out stuff. If we don't pack enough underwear then we will just turn the ones we brought inside out. We don't need a lot of items to survive. We just pack the essentials. If I am packing to meet a lovely woman like yourself then i am bring just a few items. A change of clothes, a sweatband, some minor scratch ointment, some lube and a smile.

So to answer your question trust your man and allow him to pack his own things. Nothing worse for a guy to see his underwear rolled up neatly in a suitcase or drawer as opposed to just wadded up and tossed in there. We lose masculinity points everytime that happens.

So some gnarly stained tshirt he's had since High School is allowed for sentimental value?

It couldn't be sentimentally appreciated at home? Wouldn't it be better to protect those of other cultures by not subjecting them to his "sentimentality?"

 

[Rikki_13]

Looks like you have your hands full Clowns!!! You are doing a fantastic job by the way!!!

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

My ladylove has a very strict dietery regimen. Forget that she doesn't want me eating chips, beer and ice cream. She abhors things like green peppers, celery, onions...and that's just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

Yet, that's not even the weirdest thing. The one thing she can't abide is when I brush my teeth. She cannot, for any reason, watch me brush my teeth. Now, you might think that that is because I'm spastic when I brush my teeth. No, that's not it. She can't watch anyone brush his or her teeth. What's more, I can't watch her brush her teeth.

What do you make of this?

Confused

Dear orally confused,

This is a fairly rare disorder she has. 1 in every 10 million have it. She is afraid of bristles. i tisnt the actual teeth or mouth that scares her, it is the bristles of the toothbrush that gives her the douche chills.

There is something from her childhood that has caused this disorder. I would contact the A&E network and get her on one of those disordr, intervention, addiction shows immediately.

Maybe she needs to go on Tyra or maury and face her demons. Have toothbrushed dumped all over her. Have a toothbrush rubbed down her arm. Please realize you will have to be there for her throughout the entire process. Holding her hand, hugging her as she weeps and leaves snot all over your shoulder trying to get away from the bristles. Good luck my friend.

 

[IhateClowns]

So some gnarly stained tshirt he's had since High School is allowed for sentimental value?

It couldn't be sentimentally appreciated at home? Wouldn't it be better to protect those of other cultures by not subjecting them to his "sentimentality?"

Dear cold woman,

YES it is about the sentimental value of the t-shirt andit should be packed on every trip that he goes on. He has kept that shirt for obvious reasons. It has brought him goodluck since he has had it. Got him through law school and eventually he found you.

I bet the first time he chatted sdirty with you he wasn't wearing anything but that stained nasty t-shirt. As you wer lying there in your fancy lingerie he was beating off to you in his favorite t-shirt. And look at him now.

So maybe you should be grateful for his t-shirt. Guys who see other guys in ratty old t-shirts understand exactly why he wears it. It is just like a woman noticing another woman's shoes. She understands why you wear them and what they are for. So bow down to the old t-shirt because most guy would replace the woman before they replace their favorite article of clothing.

 

[IhateClowns]

Looks like you have your hands full Clowns!!! You are doing a fantastic job by the way!!!

It is exhausting helping all of the fucked up people on lit. Dirty job but someone has to sift through the trash and deal with it.

I mean it is an honor to be entrusted with their issues and helping them work their way through them. I should be appointed a Saint by next March.

 

[kendra1980]

It is exhausting helping all of the fucked up people on lit. Dirty job but someone has to sift through the trash and deal with it.

I mean it is an honor to be entrusted with their issues and helping them work their way through them. I should be appointed a Saint by next March.

Fucked up people....marks this as a thread to avoid in the future...

 

[IhateClowns]

Fucked up people....marks this as a thread to avoid in the future...

Dd you not read the sentence underneath it? Also the first question was a guy asking if it was better to eat cats and dogs. To me that is pretty fucked up no?

 

[Rikki_13]

It is exhausting helping all of the fucked up people on lit. Dirty job but someone has to sift through the trash and deal with it.

I mean it is an honor to be entrusted with their issues and helping them work their way through them. I should be appointed a Saint by next March.

I think at this rate you are on schedule for sainthood by then...

If I was given the opportunity to have a threesome with a good friend and a good friend of his do you think I should take it? I really dont know the other person that well, but she seems cool...

 

[IhateClowns]

I think at this rate you are on schedule for sainthood by then...

If I was given the opportunity to have a threesome with a good friend and a good friend of his do you think I should take it? I really dont know the other person that well, but she seems cool...

Threesomes are tough. You mentioned earlier that your clit looked like a wad of chewing gum the last time we spoke. Does the girl know what she is doing? Is it the same guy that can't eat your pussy correctly?

If so then make her show him how to do it. Make it a learning clinic. May even be able to be a tax write off for him. Have her teach him how to eat your pussy correctly.

I would get to knwo the girl better before you entrust yourself going down on her. The last thing you want to do is come up from eating her out looking like you just ate a mayonaisse sandwich you knwo what I mean?

If everyone is on the up and up then I say go for it. Dive right in bt please always make sure the guy is the center of attention.

 

[kendra1980]

Dd you not read the sentence underneath it? Also the first question was a guy asking if it was better to eat cats and dogs. To me that is pretty fucked up no?

Yep.

I just try to stay away from giving those who like to jab anything to jab about.

 

[Rikki_13]

Threesomes are tough. You mentioned earlier that your clit looked like a wad of chewing gum the last time we spoke. Does the girl know what she is doing? Is it the same guy that can't eat your pussy correctly?

If so then make her show him how to do it. Make it a learning clinic. May even be able to be a tax write off for him. Have her teach him how to eat your pussy correctly.

I would get to knwo the girl better before you entrust yourself going down on her. The last thing you want to do is come up from eating her out looking like you just ate a mayonaisse sandwich you knwo what I mean?

If everyone is on the up and up then I say go for it. Dive right in bt please always make sure the guy is the center of attention.

It is not our fav bullshit artist and if it was, he would most definitely be getting an education on eating pussy or he would just go home with bite marks on his dick

 

[IhateClowns]

Yep.

I just try to stay away from giving those who like to jab anything to jab about.

LOL really? So you came to this thread for actual advice? I apologize if my reputation on this forum doesn't procede me. I tend to be sarcastic and I tend to make fun of stuff. Although i appreciate you taking the time to post the question you posted on here, it is probably best you guys don't anymore if you are concerned with me answering the questions by making fun of the situations. Thanks again for playing