D/s Signals

[dr_mabeuse]

There used to be this business about wearing your keys on your belt: wear them on the right and you were Dom, on the left, sub.

Let's say you were the D in a D/s realtionship and you and s were going out into plain vanilla society. You'd like her to wear something that is symbolic of the bond between you and that maybe would even tell those of a discerning eye that she is yours in that special way, but you don't want anything as blatant as a collar or leash. Are there any signs that are generally accepted by the BDSM community (such as it is) that signal such a relationship?

My own preference is for her to wear a simple choker or necklace snug enough to symbolize a collar without really looking like one. Something stylish and unobtrusive, and made of silver, the thinking being that gold is for adornment, silver is a mark of service.

Anyone else have any thoughts on this?


---dr.M.

 

[FungiUg]

Er, I'd like to ask a simple question in response: why?

Okay, I'm a confirmed sceptic about symbolism, but why do you want to wear a symbol that probably no one else but you will spot or understand anyway?

And if it's a purely personal symbol, then it can be anything you like.

 

[Master_Vassago]

My own preference is for her to wear a simple choker or necklace snug enough to symbolize a collar without really looking like one. Something stylish and unobtrusive, and made of silver, the thinking being that gold is for adornment, silver is a mark of service.




---dr.M.

Gotta go with the choker DM. I like her to wear a plain black velvet one with a little trinket silver on it. It's subtle and yet we both and a few others know what it means when she wears it out.

 

[Ebonyfire]

There used to be this business about wearing your keys on your belt: wear them on the right and you were Dom, on the left, sub.

Let's say you were the D in a D/s realtionship and you and s were going out into plain vanilla society. You'd like her to wear something that is symbolic of the bond between you and that maybe would even tell those of a discerning eye that she is yours in that special way, but you don't want anything as blatant as a collar or leash. Are there any signs that are generally accepted by the BDSM community (such as it is) that signal such a relationship?

My own preference is for her to wear a simple choker or necklace snug enough to symbolize a collar without really looking like one. Something stylish and unobtrusive, and made of silver, the thinking being that gold is for adornment, silver is a mark of service.

Anyone else have any thoughts on this?


---dr.M.

I do. I do not care about outward shows if any type of behaviour. I do not like public display of kink anymore that I like public display of affection. When I see that stuff, all I think is that it is sad other feel the need to draw others into their lives. It is the kinky equivalent of "Hey look at me everybody!". My ego just does not need that. However if others find comfort in it, then it is their choice. I have earrings and necklaces, and ankle bracelets that a person in the know would recognize, but if they don't , alright with Me, I like the pretty jewelry.

 

[Netzach]

I'm with FungiUg and Eb.

I don't particularly care for the rainbow rings or the mini leather flags or the pink triangle earrings or whatever. I'll admit to flying small rainbow and leather flags during pride week, as our house is right on the park where pride is held, it almost feels more like saying I belong to my neighborhood watch than "I'm a queer leatherwoman!" but that's just me.

I'm pretty obtuse to signals in vanilla life, anyway. I'm much more interested in symbols and signals when I'm *in* the dungeon.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

FungiUg,

Why? Well, I guess it's one of those things where if you have to ask, I can't really explain it to you. Some people wear friendship rings, engagement rings, wedding rings. Some people exchange bracelets. It's a visible expression of something that's abstract and invisible.

As to why not just a personal symbol that only she and I understand, well, there's a point of pride about that. I'm very proud of her and proud that she belongs to me. I'd like to show that off to people without going so far as to make her wear a collar in public and start getting stares.

Like Master Vassago says, whenever I see a couple now where the woman is wearing a choker--especially black velevt, leather, or silver--I can't help but think she's in a special relationship with that man. I find chokers terribly sexy, always have, even before I knew about D/s, and the only reason I don't have her wear a velvet choker in public is because it's just too arousing and blatant to me.

So I'm leaning towards a simple silver chain or necklace that sits close to the throat. I've seen some that have beautiful plain pendents of different semi-precious stones, and I think in terms of black to symbolize our darker desires, blue for truth and fidelity, red for passion, and green for pleasure.

So if you see a girl in a restaurant having dinner with a big guy with a beard and she's wearing a silver choker with a red stone and the big guy's smiling, you'll know why.


---dr.M.

 

[Netzach]

When I see someone with a velvet choker I find myself thinking "she's kinda 1990"

But hey, I think you have a good answer as any. If you like close fitting silver necklaces with red stones, then by all means, so you should have.

 

[FungiUg]

[...] So I'm leaning towards a simple silver chain or necklace that sits close to the throat. I've seen some that have beautiful plain pendents of different semi-precious stones, and I think in terms of black to symbolize our darker desires, blue for truth and fidelity, red for passion, and green for pleasure.

Sounds like that's your answer right there. Maybe you could find some silver miniscule handcuffs as clasps for the chain? I don't know how much success you will get in regards to other people recognising it, but it's worth a go!

And yes, I do understand the motivation of wanting to parade your loved one and thinking "Look at me! I'm with her!" I have that same urge -- I just wouldn't seek to fulfil it through symbolism. I think it's a fundamental part of the male psyche -- now that we've had to give up on the chest bashing and grunting as passe.

 

[Georgia Girl]

This particular chain is a nice one. It lays well on the skin, is durable, and looks well with a variety of pendents. The cost is also very reasonable.

http://www.cheapcheap.biz/images/11N1011.jpg

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Oh God! Don't get me started! Just looking at it gets me hot!

---dr.M.

 

[Georgia Girl]

I have a link from my actual collar on my key chain but this chain is the one we have spoken of for daily wear, although in gold rather than silver.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Let's kick it up a notch

i like platinum ...

 

[Georgia Girl]

Thats a pretty one AA, my skin is too fair for light colored metals.

The omega is concave which aids in its ability to lay well.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... Thats a pretty one AA ...

Call it a passing dream.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Call it a passing dream.

I would prefer to call it something you wish for your future.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I would prefer to call it something you wish for your future.

A fool wishes.

i'll not play the fool.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Platinum's very nice of course, but there's something very hard and cold about it. It doesn't seem to like human skin as much as gold and silver do. Of course, there are times when that's just the effect you're looking for...

Silver is somehow sexier to me than gold. Funny how almost all bondage gear uses silver fittings, I guess because it looks so good against black. But it also seems less purely decorative, a little more utilitarian, like chromed steel, like it means business.

I am also wild about serpentine chains, they way they hang against the skin, the way they slide through my fingers.

Very sexy.

 

[Justina123]

I have a silver anklet with bells on it that I wear- "slave bells" to those few of my friends who know all the varoius sides of me, a gift from my boyfriend to those who do not know me as well.

- justina

 

[FungiUg]

Silver is somehow sexier to me than gold.

I'm with you there! I pretty much won't wear gold. My lover on the other hand only wears gold, and has a gold anklet (just a chain) which is damned sexy! On her gold looks good -- difference in skin tone.

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

Hmmmm I must admit to agreeing to Dr Mabeuse. I have been seriously considering this issue, to me its not so much the item of jewelery to be worn it could be something as simple as a native American bead choker it matters not, tis merely a symbol to me of my ladies willingness to give herself to me completely.

We would know why she wears it, we know because she is mine and mine alone. I am also my proud that she would wear said article, I think mayhap tis because I am a simple man. She is mine and that is it. Rambling now but tis meaning more to me as I think about it

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Hmmmm I must admit to agreeing to Dr Mabeuse. I have been seriously considering this issue, to me its not so much the item of jewelery to be worn it could be something as simple as a native American bead choker it matters not, tis merely a symbol to me of my ladies willingness to give herself to me completely.

We would know why she wears it, we know because she is mine and mine alone. I am also my proud that she would wear said article, I think mayhap tis because I am a simple man. She is mine and that is it. Rambling now but tis meaning more to me as I think about it

You're not rambling at all. I am with you completely, and, like you, the more I think about it, the more right it seems to me. I love her, I'm proud of her and I'm proud of the relationship we have. And yes, I want to show her off.

Nothing blatant and obtrusive. No handcuff earrings, no one-black-glove, no clunky chains around her neck, and definitely no leashes. But a simple choker that says to the discerning eye that she belongs to me: I think it's terrific.

Vanilla eyes may think "How 1990", but to me it means something else.

---dr.M.