Curious

[capricious_chic]

I watched the movie, amy's O, this past weekend. In the movie, Amy discovers that her lover of a few months still masturbates, on average once a day. She is deeply hurt and offended by this. Her point being, why does he have to masturbate because he has her. She no longer masturbates, because she has him. Any fantasy she has, includes him. His does not necessarily always include her. This leads her to the feeling of being rejected on some level (which I am having trouble understanding). I pretty much was entertained with this movie, up until this point, and then just was irritated with her insecurity and the idea that all women are.

My question is, are there women that really feel this way? Why? How does/can this hurt a relationship? I am not meaning masturbating to the exclusion of having sex with your partner, but masturbating when your partner isn't there and isn't likely to be anytime soon. Perhaps I am just dense, but I just didn't get that part of the movie at all.

 

[curious2c]

This sounds like an interesting movie...well maybe...also sounds a bit like she is uptight with her own feelings about masturbation. Or perhaps her self-esteem is less than stellar.

 

[capricious_chic]

I think that is where my irritation with the movie stems from. She is portrayed as a confident and sexual being, yet flips over finding out he masturbates.


lol, I didn't mean to address just you with the title curious. It is just that I find the idea that is presented in the movie curious.

 

[ithaqua]

Sounds like she is way to "controlling" for this relationship to work for her.

 

[curious2c]

I think that is where my irritation with the movie stems from. She is portrayed as a confident and sexual being, yet flips over finding out he masturbates.


lol, I didn't mean to address just you with the title curious. It is just that I find the idea that is presented in the movie curious.

Heh heh...I am after all...curious2c...I would have opened it in any case.

How one could be a confident, sexual being and be upset over mastubation...not sure how that works at all. I will watch the movie and see. May feel like you in the end though. Perhaps she should have been 'talked' into mutual masturbation or something.

 

[nitelite33]

I had an ex like this...

She was quite liberal sexually in every other way too...

It was a pain in the ass, and ultimately came between us. (no pun intended)

 

[brokenbrainwave]

Perhaps I am just dense, but I just didn't get that part of the movie at all.

its really very simple. It was in the script.

 

[capricious_chic]

Sounds like she is way to "controlling" for this relationship to work for her.

She was, but they worked it out.. blah blah blah, happy hollywood ending. I really just wondered if there were women out there that really felt this way, and what their take of the situation is.

 

[capricious_chic]

Heh heh...I am after all...curious2c...I would have opened it in any case.

How one could be a confident, sexual being and be upset over mastubation...not sure how that works at all. I will watch the movie and see. May feel like you in the end though. Perhaps she should have been 'talked' into mutual masturbation or something.

It really struck me as funny when I saw you had replied.

It flips her back and forth, putting on a confident front, then switching to insecure mode. Had some really funny stuff in it, but that part of the movie just got me thinking about other women I know who have felt this way. I have never really discussed it with them, so I thought I would ask it here.

 

[capricious_chic]

I had an ex like this...

She was quite liberal sexually in every other way too...

It was a pain in the ass, and ultimately came between us. (no pun intended)

Did she ever explain why she felt that way?

 

[capricious_chic]

Re: Re: Curious

its really very simple. It was in the script.

Clever!

The script was written in such a way as to lead the audience to believe that it was just this woman talking to you as you see what her experiences are. It just made me wonder at people who really feel this away, and why.

 

[peachykeen]

Mmm, I've heard of women like this too, although I don't know of any among my friends. Although it's possible that's just because it maybe hasn't come up for discussion with many. With the girls I have spoken about it with, we're all pretty much not bothered by it. Or even excited by it...

 

[capricious_chic]

Mmm, I've heard of women like this too, although I don't know of any among my friends. Although it's possible that's just because it maybe hasn't come up for discussion with many. With the girls I have spoken about it with, we're all pretty much not bothered by it. Or even excited by it...

I have really only heard some of my married friends make reference to it here and there. Usually along the lines of when they are in "complain" mode, and more often than not I tune them out. They don't want a discussion, they want to complain.

I can't imagine being bothered or excited about it either. I don't really think it is something that has a direct effect upon the relationship. I was just curious if there were people that truly think that it does.

 

[lilminx]

You know, I was like that with my ex. I felt that when we lived together, he shouldn't feel the need to masturbate because he had me for sex.

There were several reasons I felt this way, some were understandable and some were not:

1. I was immature and stupid.

2. I was very controlling.

3. We didn't have sex often enough for my liking (1x a week at most), and I was upset at the idea that he would rather masturbate than have sex with me. I suppose that this reason made me feel insecure and led up to reasons # 1 and 2.

When we were apart it didn't bother me at all, just when we were living together.

 

[Bidin~Time]

The only reason I could see this being a problem would be if he chose his hand over her. Otherwise, why should she care?

As a contemporary of my mother once responded to her husband, when he asked this question, "Why do you ask? Are you missing out on any?"

 

[patford31769]

I have an on-again, off-again relationship with a guy I met who's a customer at the gentlemen's club where I work as a dancer. He has a tough job moving heavy boxes around a lot in a warehouse, which gives him his scrumptous muscular physique! So sometimes when he comes over to my place, he's physically wiped out by his job. He'll draw himself a hot bath to soothe his aching muscles, or I'll run a bath FOR him. I'll hear him masturbating in the tub. Sometimes I'll join him in the tub and we'll masturbate each OTHER, but mostly I just give him his space. Sometimes I'll hear him come in my tub, but mostly he stops himself just short of coming, towels himself off very quickly, and nuzzles up to me naked, beads of soapy water glistening on his rippling muscles, in my bed. Listening to him jack off in my tub will have already revved me up, so his nuzzling me just makes me want him so bad. If he came in the tub, he'll eat me out, but if he didn't, then he'll slowly, tenderly fuck me. Either way, I win. So no, I don't mind his masturbation at ALL! (big grin)

Aloha from Patty in Hawaii

 

[capricious_chic]

You know, I was like that with my ex. I felt that when we lived together, he shouldn't feel the need to masturbate because he had me for sex.

There were several reasons I felt this way, some were understandable and some were not:

1. I was immature and stupid.

2. I was very controlling.

3. We didn't have sex often enough for my liking (1x a week at most), and I was upset at the idea that he would rather masturbate than have sex with me. I suppose that this reason made me feel insecure and led up to reasons # 1 and 2.

When we were apart it didn't bother me at all, just when we were living together.

Thank you for your candid post lilminx. I suppose in an equal relationship, ie equal sex drives in this case, masturbation wouldn't be a problem. I can understand feeling rejected in situations where one has a higher sex drive than their mate and it would probably be compounded by the fact that they masturbate, making it seem that they would prefer that over sex.

Do you still feel this way? Had your relationship been equal in terms of sex drive, would it have bothered you that he masturbated just from a control stand point?

 

[capricious_chic]

The only reason I could see this being a problem would be if he chose his hand over her. Otherwise, why should she care?

As a contemporary of my mother once responded to her husband, when he asked this question, "Why do you ask? Are you missing out on any?"

That is a great response emi! I may pass that on to some of my friends husbands, if you don't mind.

 

[capricious_chic]

Either way, I win. So no, I don't mind his masturbation at ALL! (big grin)

Aloha from Patty in Hawaii

Aloha Patty. I think it is a healthy form of release, and it is quite nice to have that additional perk of benefiting us.

 

[lilminx]

Thank you for your candid post lilminx. I suppose in an equal relationship, ie equal sex drives in this case, masturbation wouldn't be a problem. I can understand feeling rejected in situations where one has a higher sex drive than their mate and it would probably be compounded by the fact that they masturbate, making it seem that they would prefer that over sex.

Do you still feel this way? Had your relationship been equal in terms of sex drive, would it have bothered you that he masturbated just from a control stand point?

You know, I'm not really sure. When I lived with him, I was pretty young and ignorant, and had some naive views about things.

Back then I probably would have been upset even if we were having sex as often as I wanted to.

Now, however, it wouldn't bother me in the least. In fact, I'd probably want to hear about his masturbatory fantasies and ask towatch soemtimes.

 

[CoolidgEffect]

You know, I'm not really sure. When I lived with him, I was pretty young and ignorant, and had some naive views about things.

Back then I probably would have been upset even if we were having sex as often as I wanted to.

Now, however, it wouldn't bother me in the least. In fact, I'd probably want to hear about his masturbatory fantasies and ask towatch soemtimes.

What if he asked you not to watch. That it was his personal time.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

The one I was engaged to didn't want sex frequently at all, and also didn't want me to masturbate. She would get offended by any magazine that had hot women in it, let alone a porn. On the other hand, I wanted sex every day, and was using masturbation to take the pressure off of us. We had a huge fight over it, with me trying to explain that if I didn't masturbate, I would naturally turn to her, and bemad when she didn't want to. I probably shouldn't have said, 'hey, its better than cheating'...but I was angry.

 

[lilminx]

What if he asked you not to watch. That it was his personal time.

Not a problem.

 

[peachykeen]

What if he asked you not to watch. That it was his personal time.

well it's not like you'd want to watch every single time, just on occasion. Of course he'd still have personal time as well. Right?

 

[lilminx]

well it's not like you'd want to watch every single time, just on occasion. Of course he'd still have personal time as well. Right?

I did say "sometimes"- I think it would get boring to watch every single time.