Chasing away the breakup blues?

[Easy-Reader]

I find myself in what I imagine is an all too familiar situation for most people. The woman I've been with for about a year has gone and done something foolish which necessitates what I would term a catastrophic dissolution of our relationship.

While I'm pleased on some level to be leaving her and her lies behind, I find I'm down. Blue. After all, I'd found someone who was not only a wonderful person (I thought), but who was also my first real submissive.

So, my state of mind revealed, what would you suggest I do to chase away my breakup blues? Put differently, how would you/do you/did you handle it when that special someone not only slips away, but forces you to put them aside?

My apologies if this post is rambling, disjointed, or posted in entirely the wrong place. I'm more than a little drunk, and things are fuzzy.

 

[sincerely_helene]

I find this forum Theraputic: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/f18/

It seems to ease the healing process to hear from those in similar prediciments, and during your exploration you may also encounter situations others are facing of which you can offer helpful advice. If you don't find what you are looking for there I suggest going to the main page and viewing the other sections.

P.S. Since it is open to all ages, it might be best to not use terms like "submissive" or "dominant." You can just as easily get your point across by stating that you were the "take charge" one in the relationship, as you were both most comfortable with that. I don't really see the need to bring it up at all, though.

 

[SirHairless]

It helps to write poetry

I'm probably some kinda nut or something but I've found that tramatic events always have a way of inspiring strong emotional upheaveals and I use them to put what I'm feeling down on paper. Often those words take the form of poetry but not always.....sometimes I just write the offending person a letter in which I vent all the pent up feelings I'm experiencing. It usually gets me by till I'm at least rational again......then I more than likely will throw the letter away or better yet.....BURN IT!!!
Here's an example of my last time in your shoes:

I found my heart in the gutter today
In the place you had thrown it away.
It was battered and bruised,
broken and used.
How could you leave it that way?

I remembered the words that you'd told me,
That day back so long ago.
When I gave it to you, so
shiny and new, and you'd said
how you loved me so.

You promised you'd never foresake me.
You promised you'd always be true.
You promised me then,
what cannot be again.
I could always believe in you.

You told me of love and tomorrows.
Filled me with false hopes and dreams.
My love for you grew, and
I never knew. What you gave me
was not what it seems.

I look at our past now and wonder.
Did you ever intend to stay?
Or was it a lark to play with
my heart...............
that I found in the gutter today.

My best wishes to you and your quest for solice....and remember..."Nothing gets you over a woman faster than another woman!"

 

[FurryFury]

*HUGS*

I'm sorry to hear that. Honestly, I was with the wrong sort before so after about two hours of crying I felt a great burden had been lifted off of my shoulders and then I thought about how to kill the bastard and get away with it.

The getting away with it proved hard to figure out so he lived for a while. *grr*

*smiles sweetly*

Fury

 

[Easy-Reader]

I found my heart in the gutter today
In the place you had thrown it away.
It was battered and bruised,
broken and used.
How could you leave it that way?

I remembered the words that you'd told me,
That day back so long ago.
When I gave it to you, so
shiny and new, and you'd said
how you loved me so.

You promised you'd never foresake me.
You promised you'd always be true.
You promised me then,
what cannot be again.
I could always believe in you.

You told me of love and tomorrows.
Filled me with false hopes and dreams.
My love for you grew, and
I never knew. What you gave me
was not what it seems.

I look at our past now and wonder.
Did you ever intend to stay?
Or was it a lark to play with
my heart...............
that I found in the gutter today.

My best wishes to you and your quest for solice....and remember..."Nothing gets you over a woman faster than another woman!"

SirHairless,
That's some damn good poetry. Damn good. I might just take that advice though I've never tested my toes in anything other than the glorious lies of short fiction. And of course as you point out, nothing gets one over a woman fasther than another woman, but I think in my case, this would only lead to more problems. Clearly, I really know how to pick them.

Sincerely_Helene,

I plan on checking out the loveshack. Thanks for the input on that.

FurryFury,

Thanks for the kind words. Violence, or at least confrontation with the one she was cheating on me with was on my mind, but of course I sat down and thought about it. After talking with my wayward other today, I realized that the man she met had no idea she was even seeing someone. Thank god for the internet.

So, good suggestsions all. My liver thanks you.

For anyone else suffereing, my advice is more traditional. If you're of legal age, drink. Preferebly at home or with a friend so you don't wrap your car around a tree. Oh, and music helps. Start with something angry, then hit the softer stuff, and finally, wrap it up before you pass out with something from the blues men.

So much for the weekend.

 

[SirHairless]

Thanks for your compliment

Hey Easy-Reader.....I do appreciate it that you liked my little limerick. My plan has always been to write a song about some bitch who's done me wrong and make a million bucks on her. Haven't gotten that accomplished yet but the trying has been very theraputic........"THANX AGAIN!!!"

 

[ObsidianRose]

I find myself in what I imagine is an all too familiar situation for most people. The woman I've been with for about a year has gone and done something foolish which necessitates what I would term a catastrophic dissolution of our relationship.

While I'm pleased on some level to be leaving her and her lies behind, I find I'm down. Blue. After all, I'd found someone who was not only a wonderful person (I thought), but who was also my first real submissive.

So, my state of mind revealed, what would you suggest I do to chase away my breakup blues? Put differently, how would you/do you/did you handle it when that special someone not only slips away, but forces you to put them aside?

My apologies if this post is rambling, disjointed, or posted in entirely the wrong place. I'm more than a little drunk, and things are fuzzy.

I am most sorry for your loss, Easy Rider. I wish I had words of comfort for you but I find that I am in the same boat. My long-dead relationship officially ended two nights ago (his choice). It was a vanilla relationship so I try to console myself by believing that I am now free to pursue a D/s relationship that will be more satisfying to my soul.

I would encourage you, however, to take some time to heal yourself before you begin another relationship.

As others have said, it may be helpful to write poetry (I happen to be a terrible poet, so that wouldn't work for me). Unburden your soul with people you love and trust. Allow yourself to grieve and feel whatever it is that comes to you. Dominants often mistakenly believe that being Dominant means they can never be weak, so they hold everything end and it halts the healing process.

I hate to sound like a walking cliché, but be kind, gentle, and patient with yourself. The only thing that can really heal your soul is time...the process cannot be rushed. But there are things you can do in the meantime to cope. Best of luck to you!

Kindest regards,

O.R.

 

[Easy-Reader]

I am most sorry for your loss, Easy Rider. I wish I had words of comfort for you but I find that I am in the same boat. My long-dead relationship officially ended two nights ago (his choice). It was a vanilla relationship so I try to console myself by believing that I am now free to pursue a D/s relationship that will be more satisfying to my soul.

I would encourage you, however, to take some time to heal yourself before you begin another relationship.

As others have said, it may be helpful to write poetry (I happen to be a terrible poet, so that wouldn't work for me). Unburden your soul with people you love and trust. Allow yourself to grieve and feel whatever it is that comes to you. Dominants often mistakenly believe that being Dominant means they can never be weak, so they hold everything end and it halts the healing process.

I hate to sound like a walking cliché, but be kind, gentle, and patient with yourself. The only thing that can really heal your soul is time...the process cannot be rushed. But there are things you can do in the meantime to cope. Best of luck to you!

Kindest regards,

O.R.

Thanks for the kind words ObsidianRose. There is nothing terribly cliché in your advice. I drink to you and that special non-vanilla someone you're sure to meet.

Perhaps I can turn this whole thing to my advantage. Take some time to myself. The plus side of being single is more time to write. Introspection has served me well before.

SirHairless,

Keep in mind that a good song about some bitch that's done you wrong, while commercially awesome, might possibly lead to groupies which would be even more awesome. Yes, I said it. More awesome.

 

[ObsidianRose]

Thanks for the kind words ObsidianRose. There is nothing terribly cliché in your advice. I drink to you and that special non-vanilla someone you're sure to meet.

Oh my....how could I have forgotten about that piece of advice?? Drink! Lots! Hell, go to a bar, throw a few (or several) back, get rip roaring drunk, talk to strangers and frighten them and make a mental not of their reactions!

It'll give you something to hoot and holler about during the rough times.
Never ever forget to laugh, my friend.

O.R.

 

[SirHairless]

Keep in mind that a good song about some bitch that's done you wrong, while commercially awesome, might possibly lead to groupies which would be even more awesome. Yes, I said it. More awesome.[/QUOTE]

"MORE AWESOME?" Is that a bad thing?
One more piece of advice for you Easy-Reader.....Only hook up with ugly girls...They might leave you too, but ...WHO CARES?

 

[ObsidianRose]

One more piece of advice for you Easy-Reader.....Only hook up with ugly girls...They might leave you too, but ...WHO CARES?

Ooooh! Harsh!






but funny!!!!

 

[Easy-Reader]

One more piece of advice for you Easy-Reader.....Only hook up with ugly girls...They might leave you too, but ...WHO CARES?

All of a sudden, that black eyed peas song "My humps" takes on a lovecraftian sort of horror...

 

[SirHairless]

Harshness and Humor

Ooooh! Harsh!

but funny!!!!

Yes, I suppose you're right ObsidianRose it is, perhaps a tad bit Harsh, but sometimes "Harshness tempered with Humor can be Helpful!!"

Don't U agree?

 

[SirHairless]

"huh?"

"The most fascinating aspect of "My Humps" is that it is widely believed to be the most successful unsolicited single in history, and, as of this writing, it is the most-downloaded song in the country."

"So don't pull on my hand boy,
You ain't my man, boy,
I'm just tryn'a dance boy,
And move my hump."


Lovecraftian??? Is that a BAD THING?

I apologize if I gave the wrong impression.....I didn't mean to infer they be as ugly as home-made soap.....I'd guess as ugly as a mud fence would probably suffice!!!

 

[david_mac0021]

Is it just me or has this spring been particularly crappy regarding relationships?

I think I've worn out the 1s and 0s of Beck's 'Sea Change' over the past month on my computer.

- Mac

 

[ObsidianRose]

Yes, I suppose you're right ObsidianRose it is, perhaps a tad bit Harsh, but sometimes "Harshness tempered with Humor can be Helpful!!"

Don't U agree?

Unequivocally!

 

[ObsidianRose]

Is it just me or has this spring been particularly crappy regarding relationships?

I think I've worn out the 1s and 0s of Beck's 'Sea Change' over the past month on my computer.

- Mac

David, I think I might have to agree. But how can I not agree...since it happened to me too?

I often wonder why we continue to try and try again.

 

[Easy-Reader]

David, I think I might have to agree. But how can I not agree...since it happened to me too?

I often wonder why we continue to try and try again.

If I were an optimist, I would say that we keep trying because somewhere, deep down in that indestructible little core of our being, we know that there is that special someone out there that we can face the world with and that though we may slip, fall, and stumble in our search, ultimately we will find that someone. As long as we keep looking that is.

Of course, I am a cynic and a pessimist at heart, so I'll chock the whole thing up to either insanity (doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result), emotional masochism, or a grim and ultimately doomed attempt to spit in the eye of the universe.

More likely the answer lies between the extremes.