Changing Positions on the Gender Spectrum

[Alexandra_CD]

Recently, I have begun to discover that my gender identity may not be what I have always thought. Until a couple of months ago I would have self-identified as something like a "straight guy with a CD fetish". Now I am not so sure.

It is hard to put into words, but I think that I have realized that expressing that part of myself as a persona that I express only through sex isn't enough and isn't true to who I really am inside. I don't think that I am transgender -- I feel as though both my male and female "sides" for lack of a better term are true to who I am -- but I no longer trust that I really know who I am or what I really need to do or be to be happy.

I'm not really sure where I am headed on this journey. I am getting professional help, but I was wondering if others here had had the same kinds of realizations about being in a different place on the gender spectrum than you thought.

I'm in the US south and don't really have a lot of good ways to meet real people to talk with. Would love to hear from anyone in a similar situation or who is just a good listener.

Any (kind) thoughts will be appreciated.

 

[stickygirl]

Hi A - I see you posted on the Genderfluid discussion too.
It can be quite distressing to find yourself questioning ones gender because it seems so intrinsically linked to our sense of identity - and it is! You've described a gradual change in your self-perception and that's not unusual at all: with proper counselling you can unravel more of the feelings you have and begin to put them into words, but don't expect it to happen overnight.
Literotica is very very focussed on sex but if you look there are discussion threads that are not. I'd be happy to help if I can by pointing you towards some resources online and my "ask a transgender" thread is here http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=960170&page=8 - if you thumb back I've posted some helpful links.

Whatever you do, don't lose heart and don't panic: you are not alone!

 

[haurni]

I've wondered the same thing. I've always identified as male and am fairly comfortable with that, but I also feel that I should have been (not 'was' or 'am') female. I've always gotten along better with women and I have an online female persona or 'alter ego'. When I cyber I prefer to play a female role, even when I'm being the top. I don't crossdress and don't really have much interest in doing so but I do like to imagine myself as female. I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm psychologically just not entirely male - whatever that means.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'll think of more to say later, but for now-- Welcome to the ranks of genderqueer!

 

[StacyTG]

*hugs Alexandra*

Struggling with gender is something I have been struggling with my whole life. It's a never-ending battle, but trust me when I tell you that you are not alone.

There are days when I feel like I've made peace with it, and then others where I feel like I just wish it all would end. Help and support go a long way, and you will find plenty of both here.

Much love and luck to you on your journey.

 

[Alfred_Shelf]

Recently, I have begun to discover that my gender identity may not be what I have always thought. Until a couple of months ago I would have self-identified as something like a "straight guy with a CD fetish". Now I am not so sure.

It is hard to put into words, but I think that I have realized that expressing that part of myself as a persona that I express only through sex isn't enough and isn't true to who I really am inside. I don't think that I am transgender -- I feel as though both my male and female "sides" for lack of a better term are true to who I am -- but I no longer trust that I really know who I am or what I really need to do or be to be happy.

I'm not really sure where I am headed on this journey. I am getting professional help, but I was wondering if others here had had the same kinds of realizations about being in a different place on the gender spectrum than you thought.

I'm in the US south and don't really have a lot of good ways to meet real people to talk with. Would love to hear from anyone in a similar situation or who is just a good listener.

Any (kind) thoughts will be appreciated.

Sorry to barge in on the conversation. I just want to add on this.
I understand the whole trouble with being in the south (I live in that backward part of Europe) It adds more to the fact that you don't have that much people that want to communicate, they are not so open minded, there's no actual place to turn and even there it's more of a homosexual, lesbian type thing it rarely explores wider range of relations.

The whole thing about being feminine and wanting to crossdress has It's perks.
Wherever the journey takes you, you'll do fine. Explore the options, there is so much you can do.

The entire issue on gender roles, submissiveness and that entire spectrum of things is quite fascinating. I see myself as a submissive heterosexual (probably not heterosexual).

Just don't see it as a fatal thing, everything fluctuates. If you need someone to talk to feel free...

 

[woman_inside]

I've been through somewhat similar times - not trans, but neither is it a purely sexual fetish. For me, too, it has been very confusing, still is really. I've been through "I must be trans," "I must be gay," etc. Anyway, feel free to PM me if u want someone who will listen.

All the best,
xxxx

 

[Sasha69]

Gender Identity Question

For me, I have come to accept a simple fact. I like sex with guys as much as I like sex with girls! I am a male, got that package between my thighs that keeps reminding me!, so I'm pretty certain of my "identity", but in my experience, GIRLS ROCK! And they say imitation is the highest form of flattery, so, there you go again, GIRLS ROCK! Plus, girls clothes? Never felt anything 'better against my skin, and feel FAB when I'm dressed as a woman. But what cements my identity for me? My wife. She always told me I was a hot guy, but when I told her that I was going to start cross-dressing? She said, "I can SO help you out with that" and she always thought I'd make a great "girlfriend". The first time we had sex while I was dressed? EPIC! As long as I'm dealing with safe, sane, respectful adults? Be whatever gender makes you comfortable. After all, nature does the same thing. It's all just a roll of the ole chromosone dice anyway! and for any ladies who read this, I just want to say, GIRLS ROCK ! and guys like me can REALLY appreciate that ! for the Ladies and the Gents !

 

[Stella_Omega]

Oh Sasha, unfortunately-- gender is not much of a choice. Not even when we feel it changing like this, it changes without our choosing.

I love your message-- your intent, anyway, But maybe kinder to say "Find your happiness in your gender."

Okay, so. I have known that I was not completely female, and not exactly male, since I was umm five or six. That's how I remember it, anyway. I identifed as a gay boy for a lot of my teen years. I was lucky in that I could have role models like David Bowie around, so I could be a pretty boy, also lucky in that I was barely an 'A' cup. Also, very very lucky in that I somehow managed to meet gay men who were pretty queer, as I would now express it, who were willing to view me as a boy *just because I said so*

These days I am still fucking around with those wierdnesses in my head. A few years ago I was ready to fully do the medicaltransition from female to male. Now I'm actually ON that path, and whattaya know, I now ID as a masculine woman, and lesbian at that....
And in fact, I kind of made that choice. Because I really love women, and I just can't imagine myself being a straight man. But having the ability to make a? That's not something that I had a choice about in the first place. Its wierd, and queer,and not the norm.