Being a single bisexual woman in a world full of straight couples.

[x_ShimmeR_x]

It has gotten to the point where I am hesitant to list my sexuality as bi on sites like MySpace anymore. I am utterly sick and tired of being approached and hit on by straight couples that simply want to fulfill their 'biggest fantasy'. But then again, if I don't list my sexuality at all, I miss out on meeting women that wouldn't have otherwise contacted me if they didn't know I was bisexual.

Sure, I like a threesome every now and then ... but I want my own sex life! I don't want to be just an addition to someone elses.

Anyone else know what I'm talking about?

 

[KokopelliRises]

I think I do. But I haven't been in your situation entirely. I am also a bi female and the whole irony is that threesomes like that are exactly what mainstream society thinks bisexual women are good for, not understanding fully that most of us are like you in that we'd like to have a sex life independent of the fantasies of others.

 

[x_ShimmeR_x]

I think I do. But I haven't been in your situation entirely. I am also a bi female and the whole irony is that threesomes like that are exactly what mainstream society thinks bisexual women are good for, not understanding fully that most of us are like you in that we'd like to have a sex life independent of the fantasies of others.

I know, and I hate it. I hate the stereotype that all bisexual women are nymphomaniacs who must constantly have both the attentions of men and women to be sexually content. If you are single and bi, its almost like you are expect to 'perform' for all the happy little straight couples.

Do I sound bitter? lol

 

[bendonman]

no ,i dont think you sound bitter,im sure you will meet the right person for you , being in the right place at the right time so they say , good luck on your quest , as we are all in the same boat when looking for the right one who fills our needs

 

[CorsetLvr]

Having once been a single bi I can understand completely. However, I'm now part of a swinging couple and am on the other side of the coin. I will say that we don't go out of our way to look for single women though. Over the years we've had several that have joined us to play but that was usually serendipitous and not the result of us going out of our way to look for a woman and often was someone we met through our connections in the swing community. Obviously, that's a little different scenario than your situation. To be honest, it was usually the result of the woman approaching us and not the other way around. I am perhaps more sensitive to your situation having been in your shoes at one time and as a result we as a couple don't go out of our way to look for single women. In addition, we're far past it being some huge unfulfilled fantasy. While we enjoy 3sums greatly, its not something something that is exactly what you would call an extraordinary event in our sex life.

I think you are simply a victim of what I call "sexual economics." Its a matter of supply and demand. There are far more couples looking for a bi woman then there are single bi women looking for couples. Rather then be offended, I would suggest you just look at these approaches as a compliment, even if they are unsolicited. Being desired is hardly a slap in the face.

 

[ozzie.d]

why not just list yourself as a lesbian?

 

[x_ShimmeR_x]

I think you are simply a victim of what I call "sexual economics." Its a matter of supply and demand. There are far more couples looking for a bi woman then there are single bi women looking for couples. Rather then be offended, I would suggest you just look at these approaches as a compliment, even if they are unsolicited. Being desired is hardly a slap in the face.

You are absolutely right! Thank you for giving me a different perspective on the situation. I guess it gets a little rough when you feel like you're being looked at as a piece of meat rather than a person. But when it comes to being meat, I guess I'd rather be filet mignon than roadkill, lol.

Oh, and to the person above me ... I don't list myself as a lesbian because I'm NOT a lesbian and I'm not strictly looking for either sex.

 

[CorsetLvr]

You are absolutely right! Thank you for giving me a different perspective on the situation. I guess it gets a little rough when you feel like you're being looked at as a piece of meat rather than a person. But when it comes to being meat, I guess I'd rather be filet mignon than roadkill, lol.

Like I said I was in your shoes at one time although that was admittedly before the internet and I never had to deal with this sort of thing. It wasn't uncommon even in "real life." I quit telling bf's that I was bi simply because I didn't want to have to deal with the eventual proposals that came from that as well. In that way I was a "closet bi."

However, because of that I think I have gained some sensitivity to the issue. Fortunately I am in a relationship in which I am free to have a relationship or just a fling with another woman if the chemistry is there. So, in our case he isn't necessarily a deal killer if the other woman isn't interested in a 3sum. Actually, just as often than not, I'm getting invited along as the 3rd wheel with a woman that he has hooked up with. Of course this is primarily in the context of our swinging lifestyle. That's obviously different then people contacting you through your My Space. These are women that we already know in real life and some sort of attraction already exists.

 

[Bandit58]

I am a married bisexual woman. I like to play alone as well as with my husband. It was really difficult finding a woman to play with by myself - they all seemed to have husbands/male partners who wanted to watch/join in My husband is absolutely fine with me having my playtime - yes I like to share but there are times when I want a lovely lady all to myself

*We are not into swinging with couples - I'm not interested in other men and He's not interested in sharing me with them*

I now have a regular lady friend who is also married and her hubby doesn't mind her having time with me on her own it's worked out great, we are all friendly and have had coffees all together just like any other couple.

 

[ozzie.d]

Oh, and to the person above me ... I don't list myself as a lesbian because I'm NOT a lesbian and I'm not strictly looking for either sex.

The "person above me" has a name. I didn't say you were a lesbian. Just suggesting a solution to your current problem.

 

[Sharon69]

while it's disappointing to get hit on by so many more couples than single fem's I agree that it's just the "economics" of the situation ..


living so far from most people, the best i can hope for , mostly ( by way of meeting people online ) is cam2cam and even then there seems to be an oversupply of couples and an undersupply of single fem's who DO have cams

frustrating for sure

 

[Kendra7200]

Amen, sister

One on one with another woman is heaven.
My idea of a threesome is two other women.
Those who hit on me for other reasons are wasting their time.

 

[CorsetLvr]

Shouldn't the title of this thread read "Being a single bisexual woman in a world full of couples with bisexual wives?"

 

[naughtyinsilk]

I also think there is a fear whether real or imaginary that the guy thinks if he is not there that the lady will steal his wife/partner away from him.

Goodluck in your search for that special Bi lady in your life, hopefully it wont be as tough as it has been so far

 

[raniny]

I am a bi woman. I have had my 3somes with my husband but I know how you feel about wanting some time with another woman. My husband is starting to losen up about things but he does not like to share. As long as we talk about it he says he might not fight me about it. But back on to subject I know what you mean I listed bi as my sexual prefrence and all I got back was couples. I wll not be with another man right now if ever. I just want to be with women with and without my husband.

 

[lilwetone]

Self Power!!!!...thats all you need. eventhough you'll weed through the bad ones, theres bound to be a good one in the bunch.

 

[bimale4cplsintn]

Bi ex wife

My ex wife is bi & frequently had other women in her life, many who I never even met.
She would also have her bi nights out where she would go out alone to lesbian clubs.
It was fine by me.

 

[SadieRose]

?

My ex wife is bi & frequently had other women in her life, many who I never even met.
She would also have her bi nights out where she would go out alone to lesbian clubs.
It was fine by me.

So why is she your EX-Wife? (Just curious)

S

 

[Gil_T2]

I also think there is a fear whether real or imaginary that the guy thinks if he is not there that the lady will steal his wife/partner away from him.

Goodluck in your search for that special Bi lady in your life, hopefully it wont be as tough as it has been so far

I have always encouraged any of my Bi curios or Bi partners to go for it on their own & I have only lost one g/f to another lady.

When BANDIT told me she was Bi to me it was so what it's just another part of who she is, that being before we met in R/L.
then after we met & became a couple it was me who asked her if she wanted to seek a Bi lady to play with, the answer was yes so I set up a profile on an adult personals site & even searched for likely ladies & she had the final say on those selected, I always went with her on the meets in public but vansihed as soon as the lady turned up & left them to get to know each other on their own. The reason I went as several were males not females, were not who the profile said, couples etc. It was for her pleasures that I did this & it does have rewards for me when she returns from her Bi play.

We first added playing as a couple because I was asked by a lady about it so we tried it with a lady from lit of all places & all enjoyed the fun. We then put a couples profile on the same adult site as her one on one profile was & got the usual time wasters & fakes but have found a wonderful Bi lady who only likes to play with couples as in her own words she "Get's the best of both worlds", so there are Bi ladies out there who do look for couples & there are a lot more than you might think too.

 

[Javagirl]

Shimmer, I know what you mean

I sent you a PM--hope you don't mind.

It's lame. I'm single too. I haven't had a ton of experience with women but my biggest pet peeve is when single men instantly get a hard-on as soon as you tell them you are bi/have played with women. The wheels start turning and they instantly think threesome. I've been approached by couples a few times in the past, but I always felt like it was about them and their fantasies...that I was the added bonus, ya know? No thanks.

I agree that a lot of men/couples stereotype that a single bi woman is this sex-starved nympho who wants to do every couple, girl, gang bang in site...there are actually some women (like myself) who actually prefer one-on-one (whether it's with a man or woman).

Good luck. People are lame.

 

[Wolfman1982]

x_ShimmeR_x: whom are you searching for in a relationship ? a woman or a man ?

 

[lindahotstuff]

What you have to remember that a couple looking for a woman is of two types. Type one is the guy who talks his woman into it because he gets off on it. Avoid these. The second type is where the woman is already bi or bi curious and wants to meet a woman but doesn't know where to go, how to go about it, so the woman feels safer in a 3sum. This is what you want, but talk to the woman on the phone first to make sure she is really up for it. Meet somehwere public to again ensure she is keen before going to the bedroom. I'd suggest going the 3sum way with type 2, and if you hit it off with the woman, exchange numbers and tel her you'd like to see her without hubby being present. If she is interested, you have the start of a wonderful relationship.

 

[Gil_T2]

What you have to remember that a couple looking for a woman is of two types. Type one is the guy who talks his woman into it because he gets off on it. Avoid these. The second type is where the woman is already bi or bi curious and wants to meet a woman but doesn't know where to go, how to go about it, so the woman feels safer in a 3sum. This is what you want, but talk to the woman on the phone first to make sure she is really up for it. Meet somehwere public to again ensure she is keen before going to the bedroom. I'd suggest going the 3sum way with type 2, and if you hit it off with the woman, exchange numbers and tel her you'd like to see her without hubby being present. If she is interested, you have the start of a wonderful relationship.

Also talk to the wife when hubby isn't around as she might not be as free to speak if he is hovering around.
We have friends who have couples profiles up on adult personals & find a lot of the wives are only there for the hubby & don't really want any thing from the couple as with those seeking Bi ladies to join them if it's for the guy give it the flick & seek couples who are there for the ladies to enjoy & have a bit of fun, it works for us & BANDIT is definately Bi.

 

[x_ShimmeR_x]

x_ShimmeR_x: whom are you searching for in a relationship ? a woman or a man ?

Either/or. I'm literally bisexual. I don't have a preference at all.

 

[CorsetLvr]

my biggest pet peeve is when single men instantly get a hard-on as soon as you tell them you are bi/have played with women. The wheels start turning and they instantly think threesome.

When I was single I developed a sort of theory about how men react to single women and how they treat them in a relationship. I basically came up with 3 categories that most men fall in:

1. The insecure, threatened type characterized by statements such as, "Why do you need a woman? Aren't I enough for you? The only reason you like women is because you have never been with me." Yea right!

2. I call this type the "porno director." He's pretty much the type the Javagirl described above. A bisexual woman is simply the gateway to all of his erotic fantasies. Most of these fantasies are strictly based on his porn consumption and may not have any basis in the reality of what a FMF 3sum is really like. His idea is for him to be the writer, director, and of course the male lead in this scenario. If he does get his 3sum fantasy fulfilled he has a tendency to piss the women off because they are constantly bombarded with his directions to "do this and do that." In addition, his sexual capabilities and stamina rarely live up to those in his fantasies. In some ways this can be a good thing because it may lead to him shutting up and staying out of the way for a while so the girls can play.

3. This is what I call the "sensitive guy." He is typically self assured, confident and not generally sexually threatened. He realizes that a bifem partner may need room to explore he sexuality and experience those things, through no fault of his own, he can not always provide his partner. He also realizes that if he is just cool about it, good things have a tendency to happen. He also realizes that having a sexually satisfied and fulfilled partner will eventually come back to reward him in the long run. He realizes that her desire to be with women has nothing to do with their primary, loving relationship together and that she is not looking to replace him with a woman.

My single life unfortunately contained a long string of #1 and #2's. I found that #3's are about as rare as hen's teeth. I also realized that a LTR with a man would have to be #3. When I did occasionally stumble across the rare #3 I often found, to my dispair, that he was either already spoken for, or we simply did not share the kind of chemistry needed for a sustained relationship. I reached a point in my life where I simply gave up on the myth of a Mr. Right being out there for me. My sex life tended to focus on female lovers and an occasional Mr. Right Now.Then, low and behold, Mr. Right strayed into my life. I wasn't looking for him, nor I might add, was I really open to him. Anyway, I did manage to get over these initial issues and we have been married for 6 years. So anyway, I just thought I would share my little fairy tale about my Prince Charming with you, as it applies to this discussion. Thanks.