BDSM: Questions and Answers

[RisiaSkye]

Re: Thanks Risia

Rubber and latex are the same thing so I need to be really careful with what I come in contact with.

In the question of allergic reactions, they're actually very different. So, you're probably allergic to both, but many aren't. Sorry, I should have been more clear, but I'm glad that you are aware of all your triggers. It should make all this easier for you, hopefully. Oh, and you're welcome. Glad it's helpful.

In a more general btw, my first degree was in human pathology, and I actually know a fair amount about respiratory illness and diabetes, and am pretty good at hunting up links for people. I wouldn't call myself an expert by any stretch, but if you're dead-stuck for research assistance, if you PM me, I can send you some decent refernces.

 

[SpectreT]

"namby-pamby do what you want stuff"? I don't know about anyone else, but I was playing devil's advocate, there, trying to explain what I suspected others might be feeling, with regards to intimidation. Personally, I feel losing anyone's voice in this thread is a very bad thing. I offered also my analysis of ways cym might contribute while staying true to what she thought she should be doing. I don't agree with her decision to stop posting on this thread, and I suppose, should have said so more clearly. <shrug> my bad. I mostly lurk on this thread, too, as most of my questions have already been answered, and it's always interesting to see questions I'd never even thought of. Most of mine that remain are technical, and tough to articulate. Like a small host of enema questions, from good implements to safe volumes of water to use. Opinions on good gags, and techniques for self-bondage. (I'm without a partner right now, so I'm falling back on DIY.)

Thanks, all.

T.

 

[ShyGuy68]

Suggestions please

I was wondering if anybody who's reading this thread can help me with some suggestions.

You see I have an on-line sub who from time to time needs punishment, and it have been more and more difficult for me to come up with new ideas over and over again.

So if any of you can give me any ideas as to how any form's of punishment I can tell her to give herself, it would be very much appreciated.

 

[WriterDom]

I’ve received a handful of pm’s and email touches lately, all of them something like the one above, some far more blunt. Combined, they tell me that there are a bunch of people reluctant to post on this thread because,
b.

I'd be reluctant to post on a thread about needlepoint. But if I were truly interested in it, I'd welcome a few resident needlepoint experts. A bunch of people already post on this thread. You aren't letting a handful of pm's run you off.

Perhaps a few swats of my Tawse will bring you back to your senses.

 

[Harbinger]

SpectreT, we've never really met, and pleased to make your acquaintance, but I hope that wasn't taken the wrong way, that was just me attempting to add a little humor.

As to this thread, it is one of the most useful and important at Lit. Over 700 posts and 17 thousand views says it all.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go and think up some ridiculous and embarrassing stunts.

 

[Skally]

Akk...

I've kinda stayed away for a while, coz I've recently found out that one of my online buddies has died.

Cym: Sorry to hear that you've decided not to post here anymore. Your informative posts will be sorely missed.

ShyGuy68: Check out some of the stories here on Lit. Perhaps you will see something there that appeals to you and your sub. If you don't mind me asking, what kinda punishments do you administer already? What are your subs hard limits?

 

[BlondGirl]

Harbinger,
14,000 of those viewing were mine. Just to make sure I understand everything, ya know wut I mean?


Cym,
I rarely post in this thread because I feel I have little to contribute. I am not actively playing and when I do get the chance to play, it is with casual partners only. (Is 4 times this year explanation enough?!?!?!?!) When I am playing again with a real lover, I am sure I will have a lot more to say. I am past the newbie stage and know what I want and much of what I like. I have done all the exploring I can do without a real live lover to explore with. So...most of what I do here is live vicariously through you real SM players. And read the stories.

Oh, and it is expected that you would be the leader in this thread--after all, you started it, it is your baby.

 

[lilfrk]

I said this to cym in a PM but I want to post it here also.

You are one of the most knowledgeable BDSM players on the board. This thread is your's, you started it. That's why you answer and your answers are so well thought out and thorough. Not many people that answer on that thread answer like you. I personally need answers like yours. It helps me understand better, it helps me know that I'm ok being how I am.

I just don't honestly understand how anyone could be intimidated by you. I personally think they are being big damn babies. They need to grow up and get the fuck over it. Don't let them take what's yours.

Be Well~Ally

 

[cymbidia]

I posted the following to Harbinger's thread, he of the "don't make me do something that may be embarrassing for both of us" threat. Geeze, that man means what he says!

I love you guys.
You're the best.

Now read what i posted to his thread, please.
Yes, the whole thing.
No skipping to the end, either.


~~~~~
Oh my god... oh my god...

Harbinger, i could wring your neck right about now!
Or kiss you.
Or just put my head on your shoulder and my arms round your neck and cry for a while.

I pm'ed you about this leaving the thread thing!
I thought you understood!


Okay.
~deep breath~
I've gotten a rash of email and pm's of late, most of it saying something like, "You're a helluva nice gal most of the time and i know you know something about BDSM but could you please shut the fuck up on the BDSM thread? No one else can get a word in edgewise or offer an opinion cuz you're so quick off the line. Besides, no one else dares to counter anything you say cuz, well, you're a bitch if someone doesn't agree with you."

Most were anonymous, yes, but certainly not all of them. I appreciate the honesty that prompted the messages, however much it shocked and hurt me to hear it. I *didn't* know i was coming off like that. I *HATE* that i came off like that. I do *NOT* want to stifle anyone.

However, in truth, this is a good time for me to step back.

I’m just about to move from eastern Washington back to the Bay area. Maybe I’m leaving tomorrow, maybe Tuesday; everything depends on the weather. I’m a native of San Diego and have spent all my adult life in the San Francisco area. The last two years here in Snow Country, USA have shocked me to my core. I don’t like snow and don’t feel comfortable driving in it. However, the moving company will only move two cars and I have three so I have to drive one back to San Francisco. The fact that most of my household goods, and the other people in my household, aren’t moving until just before Christmas is almost irrelevant. My cat and I have to drive out into the winter whiteness and go like a bat out of hell (albeit a careful, cautious, and slippery-road-scared bat out of hell) from here to there.

When I get there, MS will be waiting for me. We’ve been working toward this moment for a couple of years. In doing so, we’ve hurt and confused the people we love most in the world to get to this moment. It’s all going to be worth it in the long run, for everyone, but it’s very hard on them and us right now.

I’m conflicted. I’m confused. I’m worried. I’m scared. I hurt. I ache. I’m afraid. I'm wildly anticipatory. I'm really severely in need of some alone time with MS. I'm living with a tumult of emotions running rampantly and riotously through my body, mind, and emotions 100% of the time.

I don’t need to feel shamed and guilty about hurting/pushing/ignoring/running roughshod over/etc anyone at Lit while I’m dealing with all this other stuff. I CAN’T. I don’t have the emotional room for it.

From that perspective, being told I’m a pushy bitch and why don’t I move over and give someone else a chance to say something on occasion, well, it’s a bit of a relief in a twisted way. (Told you I was a masochist!)

In any case, my puter is going into boxes for the car trip tomorrow night. (And it’s not a laptop, either) (One must have one’s priorities straight at moving time, mustn’t one?) I won’t have computer access until I get down to the Bay area, the people who are living in my house move out and I can move in – next Saturday. MS will be there then and we haven’t seen each other for a while. Beyond that, he’s already told me that I’m going to be spending less time online.

See?

This isn’t a horrible thing for me right now, this pulling back.
It hurt to hear I was being a thread hog and I was snippy and uppity but, well, my cat’s name is Angel, not mine. If I can’t take a little truth telling, no matter how uncomfy it makes me, how can I learn and grow and change and become a better person? (Besides, it’s true, that stuff. I am like that sometimes and I know it.)

So Harbinger, as much as my eyes filled with tears of gratitude and warmth at your posting this, as much as I needed – so badly – to feel wanted and as if I was, indeed, of value to our small community of perverts here, I still can’t stay… and you know why, now. Everyone knows why now.

I’ll be back.
I love this place.
I love the BDSM thread with an incredible amount of tenderness.
I rejoice at having been given the gift of interacting with the wonderful people who have made the thread such a delight to be associated with.

But I’m going for now.
Gotta.
You can see that, right?

You’re a good, kind person, Harbinger.
Thank you for the generosity of spirit that prompted this.
You made me cry with it, but not hurting tears – tears of deep appreciation for being cared for like this.

Adios for now.
xoxoxo
b.

 

[RisiaSkye]

Re: Akk...

I've kinda stayed away for a while, coz I've recently found out that one of my online buddies has died.

Very sorry to hear about your friend, Skally. And since I missed the opportunity to praise your av a while back, I'll do it now.
Eddie Izzard is the damn-funniest comedian I've seen in ages; great choice. And, it's nice to see the Welsh represented here; I'm only second generation native to the U.S., still got family ties to Wales. Alright, enough of this friendliness.

I'm off to intimidate someone.

What? It could happen.

 

[ShyGuy68]

Re: Akk...

ShyGuy68: Check out some of the stories here on Lit. Perhaps you will see something there that appeals to you and your sub. If you don't mind me asking, what kinda punishments do you administer already? What are your subs hard limits?

Hi Skally

I'll try to get around to read some of the stories. I'll have to admit that I don't read much erotica on-line myself, I mostly write it myself! lol

Now to get to the core of the subject, distant punishment. Some of the things that I've done is:

- she really likes anal sex, so I've told her that she aren't allowed to do any of that when she plays with herself, that's for special occations only, or when she have been a good girl, and I grant her a permission to it.

- She's also a very sexual person, who almost need a climax a day, so from time to time when she've been a real brat, I've told her to go X days without one.

- She have also once been ordered to spank herself with her crop, and record it for me and e-mail it to me, so I could see that she had obeyed me.

- I've told her to go without underwear while going out for dinner with her family.

- She currently have an assignment to write down things that would really embarass her to do, and I hope that can also be some inspiration to me.

If you have some other ideas, feel free to share, and I'll see if I can put them to use.

 

[Harbinger]

Oh, I get it, post on both threads to up your count

{{{{{cym}}}}}
Goldurnit, you write so eloquently and persuasively (shameless plug) that I can't help but throw in the towel. I hadn't even gotten warmed up yet. I fully understand how these changes, wonderful as they will be, may change the way you spend some of your time. I just had to make sure it was for the right reasons. Oh well, at least I got a chance to make an ass of myself, something I am loathe to pass up.

Just make sure you take a minute to let us know when you get settled. I will be on pins and needles until we get some news.

Your Arrant Knight Protector.


Harbinger

BTW, I happen to LIKE pushy bitches. That's why I hang out at Lit. There is a rich abundance of such high quality ones.

 

[Guest]

 

[cymbidia]

I was going to put this into a pm to MH, but i have to do it here. Then, dammit, i have to go do some getting ready to go stuff so don't talk to me anymore, okay?

You are such a funny one, MH. A published author, but one who comes here to us and offers honest doubts about her intelligence and articulateness? (Is that a word?? )

MH, you've been a wonderfully bright spot at Lit and in this thread since the moment you arrived. You said, "I'm new to BDSM sexuality but i want it, need it" and in being so open, you gave others permission to say the same, feel the same, want the same. You said, "I was raped, i was hurt, but i'm still a sexual person" and gave others who have survived such trauma the ability to lift their eyes up and smile into a future that contains good sexuality. You said, "Here is my new relationship" and we watched as it grew and foundered, and you gave others permission to try too, unafraid of failing because they watched you try, and hope, and survive an ending.

You've been open and honest and sincere from the moment you got here, MH. How can that not be of value to us all? How can that not strengthen all of us, most especially those who are still trying to find the beginning of thier path?

You are an eminently admirable person, MH, with a set of experiences and issues that are yours alone, but which belong to all of us in one sense: we all grow stronger and more centered as Doms, Switches, or subs, more able to walk into the rest of our lives balanced in terms of our needs and desires, because you and all the rest of you are open about this kinda stuff.

Otherwise, it all stays cloaked, hidden, shushed, quieted - something of shame and fear. That's what we're all fighting, right?

Speak out.
Doesn't matter what you're talking about.
Doesn't have to engender big discussions.
Doesn't have to be an Important Question.
There are no expectations of anyone here beyond those of politeness and helpfulness. We won't flame anyone here; we're all BDSM perverts just trying to find our way to sexual health.

Speak out.
We're all better for it.
You too, MH.



(Yes, i *am* going now! No more thread-hogging from me, by the gods!)

 

[Lance Hardrock]

Great Avatar

Cym,
I just have to say that avatar with the rope really gets my blood heated. That is just such a sexy picture.

 

[Guest]

 

[Skally]

Re: Re: Akk...

Very sorry to hear about your friend, Skally. And since I missed the opportunity to praise your av a while back, I'll do it now.
Eddie Izzard is the damn-funniest comedian I've seen in ages; great choice. And, it's nice to see the Welsh represented here; I'm only second generation native to the U.S., still got family ties to Wales. Alright, enough of this friendliness.

I'm off to intimidate someone.

What? It could happen.

Hehe, thanks

Dressed to Kill is one of my fave video's by him. I have a ton of mp3's that my friend ripped for me from the videos. I've put them onto tape for my car in an attempt to cheer myself up.

As for the Wales bit, I've told lots of my Welsh friends about this, so maybe there might be an influx of Welsh members.

I'm really lucky where I live. I'm 20 minutes away from Cardiff, 20 minutes away from some of the most beautiful coastline in Wales, and I live amongst the mountains.

Intimidation? Sounds like fun...*grrrrr*

<weg>

 

[Skally]

Re: Re: Akk...

Hi Skally

I'll try to get around to read some of the stories. I'll have to admit that I don't read much erotica on-line myself, I mostly write it myself! lol

Now to get to the core of the subject, distant punishment. Some of the things that I've done is:

- she really likes anal sex, so I've told her that she aren't allowed to do any of that when she plays with herself, that's for special occations only, or when she have been a good girl, and I grant her a permission to it.

- She's also a very sexual person, who almost need a climax a day, so from time to time when she've been a real brat, I've told her to go X days without one.

- She have also once been ordered to spank herself with her crop, and record it for me and e-mail it to me, so I could see that she had obeyed me.

- I've told her to go without underwear while going out for dinner with her family.

- She currently have an assignment to write down things that would really embarass her to do, and I hope that can also be some inspiration to me.

If you have some other ideas, feel free to share, and I'll see if I can put them to use.

I saw an excellent idea earlier on in the thread about being made to stand with a coin held precariously between two fingers held above the head. Sorry I can't remember whose idea it was now

Perhaps you can adapt it in some way. If she has a camera / webcam, she could set it up so that she would have to hold the coin above her head while you torment her, telling exactly what you want to do to her. If she drops the coin or doesn't stand still, then another punishment could be in order.

 

[cellis]

Writer Dom...

I really want to thank you for mentioning ebay here a few weeks ago... My Dom and I recently purchased our first flogger there and it was truely wonderful..... turquoise suede with a wrapped handle..... and Himself does truely love using it... almost as much as I love His using it....

We had been looking at toys such as this flogger on various sites... but none were as pretty or as cheap as this beauty we found on ebay....

So a big thanks to you for mentioning the site here.... and for all of you who are interested you might want to check it out...

Oh yes the other thing I found there were these long satin gloves.. (Himself found these to be especially pleasing) and at a really great price....

 

[Guest]

 

[Lance Hardrock]

Mistress Honey

You can spank me anytime. Just say the word.

 

[cellis]

Cellis,

I've joked in the past about having an eBay addiction... those items really hook me. There are also a lot of "play" clothes available. I think Cym is addicted to their gloves, as well, and also the corsets.

The topic has been brought up before, but with some new faces I'd like to reintroduce it:

Do you ever have "vanilla" sex? Can you enjoy it? Do you specifically look for those in the BDSM lifestyle when you date (or when you were dating)?

Mistress Honey....

I really love sex period.... I just happen to have Himself in my life at this time and I find that the aspects of BDSM make sex so much more fun and interesting.... not to mention, I just get more excited and turned on when my hands are bound and I am blind folded.... oh and did i mention the nipple clamps.... LOL... There are times though, when we just have plain sex without all the other stuff... and it is good as well...

But for the last few years, I have specifically looked for someone into BDSM.... but someone who shared my thoughts about D/s... that was my quest... and I consider myself very lucky indeed to have found Himself... He is just the person I need in my life at this time...

Oh and I got my corset from Fredericks.... it is beautiful and Himself just loves to lace me up and have me put on the long gloves and thigh high stockings...

 

[Natalie Nessus]

We must remember that D/s is in the mind and the Dom/sub spaces, yes?

*.......I was maybe posting more about this, but it has probably posted before so no, it is not an easy topic and reveals the discussion of men versus women in D/s - why women understand and get deeper (I think) into this.

Please, no trolls, this is Christmas?

 

[RisiaSkye]

We must remember that D/s is in the mind and the Dom/sub spaces, yes?

*.......I was maybe posting more about this, but it has probably posted before so no, it is not an easy topic and reveals the discussion of men versus women in D/s - why women understand and get deeper (I think) into this.

Oh, Nessus. Certainly you wouldn't buy into a facile stereotype?
So, I must be failing to understand you properly. Expliquez, s'il vous plait?

MistressHoney--I still have "vanilla" sex. Just less and less...somehow, it feels like having a glass of water when I really want lunch. But, I don't always feel that way; sometimes I enjoy the sweetness and tenderness of egalitarian vanilla sex.

 

[cellis]

We must remember that D/s is in the mind and the Dom/sub spaces, yes?

*.......I was maybe posting more about this, but it has probably posted before so no, it is not an easy topic and reveals the discussion of men versus women in D/s - why women understand and get deeper (I think) into this.

I think that sometimes I do not explain myself very clearly...

I was speaking only of a negogation between Himself and me regarding the D/s thing.... there are things He clearly needs from me... my submission and my willingness to submit to Him being first and foremost.... my willingness to allow Him to take me where I have never been before...

And there are things I need from Him... His consistancy... His strength... His tenderness... and His imagination... I need to know that my submission to Him excites Him as much as my submission excites me... Then probably most important is His willingness to talk things over with me first... to find out what I need from Him and our relationship...

We grow together on a daily basis... there are parts of D/s that neither one of us care for... there are places that some go that we will probably never go... but there is a mutality in our relationship to see that both of our needs are met... and there is an openness and honestly in communication that I have never experienced in a relationship that precludes just the sexual and moves toward the spiritual....