At what point do you pay to lose virginity?

[NameIjustmadeup]

I need to talk to someone about this, I cant face talking with anyone I know as I am embarressed.

I am 28 years old and I have never had a GF, let alone any sexual experiance.

I didnt really mind too much as I had never put much effort into finding someone, but recently (last year or so) it has really started messing with my head. I now find myself in a difficult position.

I have never been any good at socialising, and being a strict non-drinker doesnt help matters at all (dont like it rather than any moral/medical reason). So I have tried online dating, and tbh I think I prefered the not-asking not getting of RL than the flat out rejection or more commonly having my messages plainly ignored.

Online dating seems to be very image orientated, and although I wouldnt say I am conventionally attractive, I am no hunk, I am certainly not hidious, maybe slightly underweight for my height (6ft1). I just think its doing more damage than good.

I have considered paying for sex, just to get rid of this mill-stone around my neck maybe I would be able to think clearer afterwards? Although I have no idea how to go about that, I just imagine the horror stories and would be terrified about catching something (or everything) I am sure there are decent places I dont even know the legality of it in the UK.

I am not too sure what I am asking if anything, beyond suggestions or advice I want to turn this around, I have 18 months till I am 30, I really do not want to still be on my own by then.

Thanks for reading,

 

[LikeASnowflake]

I don't see anything wrong in losing your virginity to a prostitute. I mean as long as it's okay for you. Think hard about it though as you don't want to regret it later on.
A friend of mine did this and the first time he was too nervous and didn't actually go through with it but the second time he did have sexual intercourse with her and he seemed happy and excited. He was glad that he got it over with I think.
Anyway don't feel pressured to do anything. I think it's admirable to wait that long for whatever reason. Make sure you're ready and you really want to lose it.
I wouldn't be worried about ''catching something'' I mean you know how to use a condom right? If not educate yourself.

About the dating thing. Maybe ask your friends to hook you up with a friend of theirs or something. Or got to parties and clubs and bars. You don't have to drink. I go out and don't drink. I still have a great time and meet nice people sometimes LOL most of the guys are douchebags but that's another story.
Don't be scared to approach girls. Nothing worse can happen than a simple ''no'' and I don't think that's so bad after all. Try to be confident and approachable and open and smile. Smiling is always a good start and a ''Hello''.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I don't see anything wrong in losing your virginity to a prostitute. I mean as long as it's okay for you.

And as long as it's okay for her. Some women are not in the industry by choice.

According to Wikipedia, prostitution is legal in the UK with certain restrictions. But if you have sex with a person who's been coerced into prostitution, you are legally liable even if you don't know they've been coerced.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_the_United_Kingdom

 

[bigbritish]

I don't see anything wrong in losing your virginity to a prostitute. I mean as long as it's okay for you. Think hard about it though as you don't want to regret it later on.
A friend of mine did this and the first time he was too nervous and didn't actually go through with it but the second time he did have sexual intercourse with her and he seemed happy and excited. He was glad that he got it over with I think.
Anyway don't feel pressured to do anything. I think it's admirable to wait that long for whatever reason. Make sure you're ready and you really want to lose it.
I wouldn't be worried about ''catching something'' I mean you know how to use a condom right? If not educate yourself.

About the dating thing. Maybe ask your friends to hook you up with a friend of theirs or something. Or got to parties and clubs and bars. You don't have to drink. I go out and don't drink. I still have a great time and meet nice people sometimes LOL most of the guys are douchebags but that's another story.
Don't be scared to approach girls. Nothing worse can happen than a simple ''no'' and I don't think that's so bad after all. Try to be confident and approachable and open and smile. Smiling is always a good start and a ''Hello''.

you have inspired me

 

[NorthernPole]

I've been through a very similar situation. Didn't happen for me till I was 27, for the same reasons essentially. Looking back the largest reason of them all was I simply didn't go out of my way to pursue it.

Sounds like you reached the same point I did. Instead of paying for sex I paid for online dating, probably didn't need to pay but whatever. It isn't a fast road usually by any means if you're out for anything beyond a casual fuck, I'm sure you realize. But, it's a numbers game, and eventually you will find a woman you can have a conversation with that doesn't revolve around "so.....".

The point of my rambling is thus; realize that as much as you think you miss sex having not had it, does not compare to how much you'll miss sex once you've had it.

Therefore, this might become an expensive habit for you. And if you're not independently wealthy, it may be cheaper to attempt the dating thing again, with the attitude that you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain on a first date off an internet site. For the most part if the date sucks, you never have to see that person again. And play the lotto enough, you will win, even if it's only 2nd base.

 

[OnceFuturePoly]

Gfe?

You might find someone offering a GFE - Girl Friend Experience. It's like a date with guaranteed sex. She's oriented on you, so it's really, really hard to screw anything up with her. It's also amazing how much these women know and how well they can converse with you. They'll do well from NASCAR to Opera to Soccer -- take them anywhere you want.

Obviously this takes more time, so it will cost more. They are a definitely a different class than the wham, bam, thank you ma'am "escort".

 

[Ruffian_13]

If you're comfortable with the idea, I don't think it's a bad thing either. Ask around (well, in a subtle way, you probably don't want to broadcast what you're asking about )and I'm sure you can find a clean, reputable, trustworthy kind of gal. I know nothing about the legalities of such things, so you may want to look into that as well, just to be on the safe side.

I have done the whole online dating thing too, and I hated it. It's very much image-based, and it just feels way too much like shopping. So I don't think it's just you, although I do know some couples who are happily together that met online.

Another thing to consider is, do you want sex with a girlfriend, like are you looking for a relationship? Or are you just looking for sex, period? That might affect the type of girl you're looking for.

 

[CWatson]

I have 18 months till I am 30, I really do not want to still be on my own by then.

As someone who has about 8 months until he's 30, I know exactly how you feel. But the unfortunate truth is that going to a prostitute to lose your virginity will not do a great deal, if anything, to help you be non-single. The skills that will help you get a girlfriend are your ability to socialize, play to your strengths and--most importantly--accept rejection gracefully.

As someone who was a virgin 23 months ago, I can also tell you that sex is nothing special. It's fun to have someone to kiss and wrap their arms around you, but that only matters if you're emotionally attached to the person (I too had my first time more for its own sake than because I liked the girl, or she liked me); and from a sexual standpoint it's not going to be as satisfying. You know exactly what to do to your dick to make yourself cum quickly and intensely; no first-time partner is going to know that, nor are you going to know how to use her vagina to do that.

And having your virginity gone... Yeah, it makes a difference. But not much of one. Not really a big one. And, if you'll forgive me for making predictions, the bump you'll receive will be a smaller one, because paying a woman for sex is different than "earning" your way up to it, as it were. I don't think it will kill your doubts; it didn't mine.

But you're a different person than me, so who knows. You should do what works best for you. Everything is or could be a mistake, so pick the ones you want to make and embrace them.

 

[HeyAll]

I don't see anything wrong with you losing your virginity to a prostitute either.

But a word of advice, try getting comfy with a woman's body first at a strip club. Get used to the feel so it won't be nearly as nervous or scared.

 

[pplwatching]

I am not too sure what I am asking if anything, beyond suggestions or advice I want to turn this around, I have 18 months till I am 30, I really do not want to still be on my own by then.

You began by talking about losing your virginity to a prostitute. You end with the statement that you don't want to be alone. Visiting a prostitute isn't going to help you achieve your stated goal, and could very well have the opposite affect. Think about the long term implications of having sex with a sex worker. Are you willing to truthfully answer a potential date when she asks "Have you ever paid for sex?". Answering "yes" to that question will diminish the pool of women who will consider dating you. Answering "no" if you have starts a potential relationship with a lie. Are you willing to risk communicable diseases? How does paying for sex fit into your moral and religious views?

I think that the first thing you need to do is figure out what your priorities are. What do you hope to get out of a relationship? Marriage (eventually)? Someone to pass the time with without a deep commitment? What qualities do you want in a woman? Religious or not (and how deeply)? Family oriented or not? Culture? You may not find what you are looking for with the first, second, or any woman that you date but at least you'll know how to put yourself out there and can let women know what you are looking for in a date and in a long term relationship.

Sitting in front of a computer doesn't give you any of the advantages of face to face interactions with the opposite sex. You need to connect, and it needs to include eye contact. In my humble and limited experience women are attracted to passion and commitment (among other things). At 30 years old, women are looking for a different kind of man than they were at 20. Find something that you like to do and are passionate about, and then get out and do it in an environment that includes women. Be interesting and show that you are stable and can handle a commitment. Volunteer. Join a club. Take a class. Talk to people. If religion is your thing, then take a class at church and see who turns up. Don't be disingenuous, though.

Finally, show that you care. Women are watching, trust me. Please realize that I am not picking on you here, but I am going to use this post as an example of the kinds of things that can turn women off right away. I realize that English may not be your first language, and that spelling varies between English speaking countries, but learn to use a spelling and grammar checker. If your online ad has the kinds of errors that this post does, it shows women that you don't care about how you present yourself. "NameIJustMadeUp" is probably alright for a quick question, but it shows that you didn't bother to put any thought into a user name that reflects anything about you as a person. Present yourself as an interesting person. Otherwise, you're just a plain white shirt hanging on a rack. If you do the same thing while online dating, women are going to pick up on it. If you don't care enough to put in any effort, why should they?

Join online discussion groups, including here at Lit. Be thoughtful, be eloquent, be considerate, and take time to present yourself in the most favorable way that you can. Show that you have some pride in yourself and your appearance, even if it is virtual. If you do decide to date online, ask someone to proof read your personal ads. Make yourself interesting.

I hope that helps.

All the best,

 

[Lord Pmann]

What are your expectations? That's what you need to consider. If you expect to no longer be a virgin, then I suppose this is a good choice. If you are looking for that experience to be indicative of actual sex in a relationship, then you're most likely going to wind up feeling soft. (See what I did there with the word soft?)

Losing your virginity to a hooker probably won't give you that pep in your step that you seek. It wouldn't for me.

I'm pretty angelic and I've only had sex with one person, my wife. I know, I'm such a good boy. For me, it was a good route. I can't say that there aren't parts of it where I wish I had been with others. Or other. But my point is, for some people, they want that first time to mean something. For others, it's like losing that first tooth. Meh. No biggie. My advice is to really examine what you are looking to get out of it.

 

[Lord Pmann]

pplwatching gives great advice by the way.

 

[Christopher2012]

I'm in the same boat as you OP, but I agree with pptwatching. I don't think the act of sex will do anything other than make you feel like scum for delving so low.

If you do actually find a chick later, you'll kill to have that one opportunity back again.

If you're 50 and haven't had sex, pay away!

 

[imemkay]

If you do actually find a chick later, you'll kill to have that one opportunity back again.

You're right, you won't regret waiting.

I was one month shy of 30 my first time and I'm glad I waited.

 

[Christopher2012]

You're right, you won't regret waiting.

I was one month shy of 30 my first time and I'm glad I waited.

Here's crossing my fingers that I won't have to wait much longer... maybe auburn-colored hair, blue-eyed girl?

 

[imemkay]

Here's crossing my fingers that I won't have to wait much longer... maybe auburn-colored hair, blue-eyed girl?

I hope so! It sounds promising!!

 

[Christopher2012]

I hope so! It sounds promising!!

Do you think she'll let me fuck her in the ass?

Because after all, that's the best method of birth control.

 

[imemkay]

Do you think she'll let me fuck her in the ass?

Because after all, that's the best method of birth control.

You know, your comment about waiting seemed really sweet. I thought to myself "ah look at young Christopher, growing up". I was so proud.....and then you had to ruin it! Christopher, you know I love you, but that really made me shake my head.

 

[pplwatching]

Never mind. I didn't realize this was a thread jacking in progress.

 

[Christopher2012]

Jeez... can't make a joke around here...

 

[imemkay]

Jeez... can't make a joke around here...

HAHAHA maybe its you who cant take the joke! I know you were kidding, as was I...don't you know me at all by now???

 

[Christopher2012]

HAHAHA maybe its you who cant take the joke! I know you were kidding, as was I...don't you know me at all by now???

So I have your blessing to give her an anal prolapse?

 

[imemkay]

So I have your blessing to give her an anal prolapse?

As long as she doesnt come to my hospital to have it treated....live it up!

 

[Christopher2012]

As long as she doesnt come to my hospital to have it treated....live it up!

How do I explain to her that I have no money? Because she's probably a gold digger.

 

[imemkay]

How do I explain to her that?

$6,000 per month
- $3000
-$1500
-$500

= I have no money? Because she's probably a gold digger.

I am in a dark dark place right now....i am dangerously close to claiming your negative attitude as my own......please say something positive to save us both fron the abyss! Something, anything!!