Ask a Dom

[Evil_Geoff]

Id like to know what enjoyment do people get out of it??? ive never been into pain myself..bad flashbacks of spankings before in my childhood..but what pleasure is possible from being the weaker end of the dom thing???

That's kind of like asking why some people enjoy liver. Or why some people like jogging. Or why some people like to knit or crochet or do whatever it is they enjoy.

For some the pleasure is in the sensations themselves. What you or I might experience as "pain", they experience as "pleasure". Why? It could be physiological in nature, with endorphins kicking in quickly and a lot. For some, the pleasure may be emotional, to release the control they may have in other areas of their lives, to slip off the responsibility and to just "be".

For other it may be both, or it may be something else entirely that they get out of it.

Personally, I quit trying to figure out why masochists enjoy pain. While trying to figure it out might give me something to do, ultimately it's as useful as trying to figure out why my girl janey eats brussel sprouts. I can't stand 'em, she likes them. UGH! Go figure.

I'm just glad that the masochists are out there and that they do enjoy the pain, because it keeps me supplied with willing victi... uh.. er.. volunteers... yeah! Volunteers to do the deliciously wicked things I do to them. Some like needles... some like floggers, some like canes... some like spanking, some like hot wax, some like electrical shocks.... dayum, I'm getting frisky!

 

[LadyAria]

Dear Lady Aria,
i can not express as much thanks to you that is due. I have been in a "sub/dom" relationship before but it was mostly just him telling me what to do and i knew it couln't be right. Now i am talking to a new dom and i really enjoy him as a person which i think is a good thing and i mwouldn't mind being in a relationship with him as he seems to know what he is talking about and i was afriad it would be a phony like the last but thanks to your post i realized that the last one was nothing but a fake and i would be happy to enjoy another relationship with an expierenced dom and this was the push i needed i'll keep you posted....if that's okay?
Kayla

Thank you so much for reading the thread. I'm glad the my posts and others have helped you in your “becoming”. Many opportunist take advantage of the role of a Dom(me) / submissive to manipulate what should be a reciprocal relationship. It is important to always reexamine your training to make sure it is productive and beneficial. Also, I always encourage people to stay current with non-fiction literature, latest first aid training and become familiar with your local BDSM community. It’s always good to know doctors, lawyers and police officers with a shared interest on your side in the event something goes wrong.

 

[LadyAria]

Like the pic, it should be posted in my bestiality thread!

*smirks*

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

Fury

Fury, your just so much fun

 

[LadyAria]

Bump.

Pussy on the Puter...nice avatar.

 

[Shagly]

Pussy on the Puter...nice avatar.

Thanks..........

My butt stings.

 

[LadyAria]

Thanks..........

My butt stings.

Does it have marks? Can I see?

 

[Shagly]

This holiday season is getting kinky on me.

 

[kayte]

This holiday season is getting kinky on me.

And the problem with that is?

 

[Shagly]

And the problem with that is?

A stinging rear end.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Safeword

In early December I found a DVD of my favorite type. A real S/M session. The type that comes with a warning:"...these people are not actors. This video depicts acts that maybe too strong for viewing by many people...this degree of play is not recommended at home." This one contained something very interesting to me. A sub was fastened to a St Andrews cross and flogged. The flogging began seriously and increased in intensity. After some time, the sub struggling and gasping called: "Mercy"- obiviously a safeword. At that point the Dom immediately stopped and walked away. After a couple of minutes the Dom walked around the cross facing the sub.

Dom: Did you say, "Mercy?"
sub: NO
Dom: Good!

At that the flogging resumed-at a somewhat lower pace and continued for several minutes. My identification with the sub was total and instantaneous.

There is a passage in the Story of O that applies: "...she[O] liked the idea of tortue, but when she was being tortured herself she would have betrayed the whole world to escape it, and yet when it was over she was happy to have gone through it, happier still if it had been especiall cruel and prolonged."

I know, I know. No sooner do I use a safeword than I am saying, "I didn't mean it. I take it back; I take it back. Oh God, I take it back." NEVER HAS WORKED!

The idea for me is extreme pain coupled with a total loss of control. To be in such pain that I would, indeed, betray the whole world to escape and to have that willingness count for nothing. This is extreme, I know. However, I have been there once. Just once. To use a safeword was impossible, to scream was impossible. Just breathing was agony. Nevertheless, I found something there that was what I have sought for my entire life. There was a type of ecstasy that I will never forget.

The problem should be obvious. I really don't know anyone who I would trust to go to such lengths. I do use safewords. I can understand the (misplaced) confidence of the newbie who thinks that he doesn't need a safeword. At least the idea of the film - being allowed to "Take back" the safeword is new to me. (Maybe I have been living under a rock.) Anyway I am curious as to ideas on the subject.

 

[happiewhore]

Humiliation

Every once in awhile my boyfriend will ask me about my fantasy’s and when I tell him he says something about how horrible for me to want something like (fill in blank).

It might take minute for me to warm up to his wants but I don’t understands why he keeps asking and then rejecting me…

I’ve started to think it might just be about humiliation, because no matter what I think up he responds the same way.

Is there away for me to test this idea?

Thanks,
Your Whore

 

[FurryFury]

Hi Happiewhore,

Honestly, he sounds like a jerk to me.

Do you two have a D/s relationship where you would consider humiliation a part of it that turns you both on? If the answer is no, I'd be showing him the door. Unless with communication he didn't start treating you (and you fantasies that he he asks about) with more respect.

Good luck and remember that is just my two cents,

Fury

 

[indianPilot]

The whole point of safewords, and their role, is vexed. It takes a lot of focus and concentration for a submissive to channel their pain into places they handle and manage the sensations.

Submissives will for no apparent reason snap out of that place and be overwhelmed by the stimulation they are receiving, and scream their safeword.

What happens next is totally up to the sub. They may choose to resume the scene, they may wish to talk, they may wish to call it a night all together.

No matter what, a Master must always honour that word, and what it means. If the sub is using the word as an escape hatch, she will be found out. But until then he must see her as pushing herself to her physical limits for you - and sometimes those are badly misjudged by the sub.

Pilot of indianPilot

 

[FilthyCute]

LadyAria

Thank you for this thread, very open, and informative.

I'm so inexperienced at 'the lifestyle' it's almost criminal. <grin>

I have a question for you/others...do you think a person is - by their nature - more suited to either Dom or Sub role?

I ask because in general (r/l) I'm a control-taker, (Little Miss Type A), My nature typically leads me to a leading role, and I would like to explore that further, however, in contrast, the idea of giving away that control in some situations strikes me as a delicious relief. (Particularly giving away psychological control, seems to me it would be so much more difficult, and therefore potentially so much more rewarding)

I've read about *switchers* (Is that right?) But can someone who moves between taking control and being controlled really get the most out of either role? (Answers on a postcard please )

Thanks for the literature suggestions, Research is always my first start on a journey.

 

[FurryFury]

LadyAria

Thank you for this thread, very open, and informative.

I'm so inexperienced at 'the lifestyle' it's almost criminal. <grin>

I have a question for you/others...do you think a person is - by their nature - more suited to either Dom or Sub role?

I ask because in general (r/l) I'm a control-taker, (Little Miss Type A), My nature typically leads me to a leading role, and I would like to explore that further, however, in contrast, the idea of giving away that control in some situations strikes me as a delicious relief. (Particularly giving away psychological control, seems to me it would be so much more difficult, and therefore potentially so much more rewarding)

I've read about *switchers* (Is that right?) But can someone who moves between taking control and being controlled really get the most out of either role? (Answers on a postcard please )

Thanks for the literature suggestions, Research is always my first start on a journey.

Okay, first, cute av!

Second, if you are asking if it's common to be in charge in your day to day and/or business life and want to submit sexually, from what I've seen it is pretty common. That's how I feel about it.

Third, I believe more and more we are born with our orientations both in the power spectrum and on the straight/gay scale. I think we are what we are and though we can work to be better in some ways, we don't have to try to change our basic selves. Our hard wired selves are okay regardless of what less tolerant and accepting people might think even when those less tolerant and accepting people are sometimes ourselves.

That is just my two cents.

Fury

 

[gregor2001us]

I agree with Fury. I have always focused on and wanted to be the sub, as far back as I can remember. Of course, way back then I didn't know that, but thinking back on it, it all fits.

 

[LadyAria]

In early December I found a DVD of my favorite type. A real S/M session. The type that comes with a warning:"...these people are not actors. This video depicts acts that maybe too strong for viewing by many people...this degree of play is not recommended at home." This one contained something very interesting to me. A sub was fastened to a St Andrews cross and flogged. The flogging began seriously and increased in intensity. After some time, the sub struggling and gasping called: "Mercy"- obiviously a safeword. At that point the Dom immediately stopped and walked away. After a couple of minutes the Dom walked around the cross facing the sub.

Dom: Did you say, "Mercy?"
sub: NO
Dom: Good!

At that the flogging resumed-at a somewhat lower pace and continued for several minutes. My identification with the sub was total and instantaneous.

There is a passage in the Story of O that applies: "...she[O] liked the idea of tortue, but when she was being tortured herself she would have betrayed the whole world to escape it, and yet when it was over she was happy to have gone through it, happier still if it had been especiall cruel and prolonged."

I know, I know. No sooner do I use a safeword than I am saying, "I didn't mean it. I take it back; I take it back. Oh God, I take it back." NEVER HAS WORKED!

The idea for me is extreme pain coupled with a total loss of control. To be in such pain that I would, indeed, betray the whole world to escape and to have that willingness count for nothing. This is extreme, I know. However, I have been there once. Just once. To use a safeword was impossible, to scream was impossible. Just breathing was agony. Nevertheless, I found something there that was what I have sought for my entire life. There was a type of ecstasy that I will never forget.

The problem should be obvious. I really don't know anyone who I would trust to go to such lengths. I do use safewords. I can understand the (misplaced) confidence of the newbie who thinks that he doesn't need a safeword. At least the idea of the film - being allowed to "Take back" the safeword is new to me. (Maybe I have been living under a rock.) Anyway I am curious as to ideas on the subject.

In a club setting, the safe word should always mean the absolute END to every element of the activity.

In a new relationship, the safe word means an end to the scene and should trigger a discussion on why it was used.

In a long term relationship, it means whatever the two of you decide. If you want to take it back, then your Dom(me) should understand her sub's desire.

 

[LadyAria]

Every once in awhile my boyfriend will ask me about my fantasy’s and when I tell him he says something about how horrible for me to want something like (fill in blank).

It might take minute for me to warm up to his wants but I don’t understands why he keeps asking and then rejecting me…

I’ve started to think it might just be about humiliation, because no matter what I think up he responds the same way.

Is there away for me to test this idea?

Thanks,
Your Whore

Need more information. How do you react to his rejection? What is his sexual reaction to rejecting you? Are you in a D/s relationship or does it border on it?

 

[kayte]

Good evening {{{{{Lady Aria}}}}}}

So nice to see you. You have been missed.

 

[LadyAria]

LadyAria

Thank you for this thread, very open, and informative.

I'm so inexperienced at 'the lifestyle' it's almost criminal. <grin>

I have a question for you/others...do you think a person is - by their nature - more suited to either Dom or Sub role?

I ask because in general (r/l) I'm a control-taker, (Little Miss Type A), My nature typically leads me to a leading role, and I would like to explore that further, however, in contrast, the idea of giving away that control in some situations strikes me as a delicious relief. (Particularly giving away psychological control, seems to me it would be so much more difficult, and therefore potentially so much more rewarding)

I've read about *switchers* (Is that right?) But can someone who moves between taking control and being controlled really get the most out of either role? (Answers on a postcard please )

Thanks for the literature suggestions, Research is always my first start on a journey.

I do believe some people are pre-dispositioned or conditioned to enjoy one role versus the other. I, also, believe everyone's sexual journey is unique. Don't feel you need to limit yourself based on the stereotypes people tend to assign to Dom(me) and subs. I know absolutes in each role and switchers who are very satisified. It is all in what you seek...Are you attracted to Bondage? Or is it the D/s relationship? Or are you more into Pain? Could it be all of the above?

I think your on the right path reading non-fiction literature. As I always say, find a local community group who embrace the life style. Finally, know the partners you choose well before you play.

 

[LadyAria]

Good evening {{{{{Lady Aria}}}}}}

So nice to see you. You have been missed.

Good to see you to darling!

Love the collar. He did a wonderful job choosing your avatar.

I've been so busy. I haven't had time to post. Miss you all.

 

[kayte]

Good to see you to darling!

Love the collar. He did a wonderful job choosing your avatar.

I've been so busy. I haven't had time to post. Miss you all.

Thank you Ma'am. I will pass the compliment on to Him. He is very talented He also made the collar.

Hoping all that kept you so busy was good.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Thanks

In a club setting, the safe word should always mean the absolute END to every element of the activity.

In a new relationship, the safe word means an end to the scene and should trigger a discussion on why it was used.

In a long term relationship, it means whatever the two of you decide. If you want to take it back, then your Dom(me) should understand her sub's desire.

Thanks Short, simple, and makes good sense. I shall quote and use

 

[LadyAria]

Thanks Short, simple, and makes good sense. I shall quote and use

Your welcome, darling. Always nice chatting with you.

 

[pandoravampire]

I am trying to translate pain to pleasure. life will go a little easier for me if i can.

I am the submissive in a D/s relationship. We live together and our dynamic is constant, not just bedroom to give you some context.

My pain threshold is low. Last night, using breathing to get through the pain, i was able to not safe word before he could see i really was at my limit at that particular time.

Im aware that my little pain threshold is low at menstruation, is highest when im sexually aroused.

my question therefor is, how can i get through the pain barrier and endure more for him?
how and even can, you turn pain into pleasure. I enjoy soft stuff. I enjoy the head space that pain play gives me, but i dont enjoy the pain.

hints? am i trying to make a purse out of a pig ear here?