Ask a Dom

[FilthyCute]

I do believe some people are pre-dispositioned or conditioned to enjoy one role versus the other. I, also, believe everyone's sexual journey is unique. Don't feel you need to limit yourself based on the stereotypes people tend to assign to Dom(me) and subs. I know absolutes in each role and switchers who are very satisified. It is all in what you seek...Are you attracted to Bondage? Or is it the D/s relationship? Or are you more into Pain? Could it be all of the above?

I think your on the right path reading non-fiction literature. As I always say, find a local community group who embrace the life style. Finally, know the partners you choose well before you play.

Thanks to you LadyAria, FurryFury and gregor2001us for the responses, and I agree wholeheartedly, everyone's journey will be unique, and you shouldn't try to change who you are fundamentally. It's most definitely the D/s relationship which interests me initially, (Emphasis on initially!!) and I guess I was wondering how much I would be able to give myself up willingly to a submissive role. My thinking was that I wouldn't be able to explore it to the full extent, because of my natural character traits, but some advice has led me to think that this doesn't have to be a barrier with the right teacher.

I'll let you know how I get on!

Thanks again.

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks to you LadyAria, FurryFury and gregor2001us for the responses, and I agree wholeheartedly, everyone's journey will be unique, and you shouldn't try to change who you are fundamentally. It's most definitely the D/s relationship which interests me initially, (Emphasis on initially!!) and I guess I was wondering how much I would be able to give myself up willingly to a submissive role. My thinking was that I wouldn't be able to explore it to the full extent, because of my natural character traits, but some advice has led me to think that this doesn't have to be a barrier with the right teacher.

I'll let you know how I get on!

Thanks again.

You are more than welcome. I may have said this before but that is a hella cute av!

Fury

 

[LadyAria]

I am trying to translate pain to pleasure. life will go a little easier for me if i can.

I am the submissive in a D/s relationship. We live together and our dynamic is constant, not just bedroom to give you some context.

My pain threshold is low. Last night, using breathing to get through the pain, i was able to not safe word before he could see i really was at my limit at that particular time.

Im aware that my little pain threshold is low at menstruation, is highest when im sexually aroused.

my question therefor is, how can i get through the pain barrier and endure more for him?
how and even can, you turn pain into pleasure. I enjoy soft stuff. I enjoy the head space that pain play gives me, but i dont enjoy the pain.

hints? am i trying to make a purse out of a pig ear here?

I have to admit I am struggling with answering this question.

Part of me wants to tell you to do breathing exercises, use a focal point in the room and concentrate on the aderaline rush pushing the physical limits produces. Eventually, you will look forward to the pain and the conditioned response your Master will mold in you.

The other part of me says the point may not be to enjoy it. It may be to learn to feel with only the body and not the mind. It could be to learn to control your response by surrendering and accepting. Pain in many D/s relationships is not for the sake of pleasure. It is to take the sub (for lack of a better words) through the fire to burn away the rememants of your former self. The endurance exercise teaches one how to seperate mental from physical pain. It helds break down the ego that hinders growth in training. It is a form of spiritual cleansing.

Have you ever read any on Taoism? How odd my mind wanders sometimes. However, it seems appropriate right now. Maybe the only advice I have is that of old dead chinese men: accept, learn and appericate the experience.

 

[SLUT_BOX]

I want revenge

I have always been submissive when it comes to men, and in my current relationship I suit my predictable role. Although I have no Qualms in being dominated and trained, in the back of my mind I just want to strike back with a vengence. Latly I've been having dreams of me wearing a strap on, shoving it deep into my masters throat trying to make him gag showing absolutely no mercy, no time for breathing just a nice hard throat beating.
Is it bad to think these thoughts, as far as I know I'm happy being a masters cumslavebut my dreams tell me otherwise

 

[LadyAria]

I have always been submissive when it comes to men, and in my current relationship I suit my predictable role. Although I have no Qualms in being dominated and trained, in the back of my mind I just want to strike back with a vengence. Latly I've been having dreams of me wearing a strap on, shoving it deep into my masters throat trying to make him gag showing absolutely no mercy, no time for breathing just a nice hard throat beating.
Is it bad to think these thoughts, as far as I know I'm happy being a masters cumslavebut my dreams tell me otherwise

So, you are having fanatasies about queening your Master? I've read your other posts and it appears you are into hardcore BDSM. Therefore, I don't honestly feel it is resentment or "striking back" per say out of spite. You seem to enjoy the experiences you share with him. It could just be the desire to experience the power sharing with him in a different manner. He is your partner. It is natural he be the object for which you project your desire. The hunger could just feel like vengence because of the strength of the response.

Is it possible your fanatasies are tapping into another part of your personality that is longing to be released? Maybe your training has produced the desire to become the trainer? It is not uncommon for a sub to flip to Dom(me) to experience the full realm of possibilities.

I don't think thoughts are either bad or good. They just exist. It is the actions we make from them that define their nature. Your mind is your playground and your fantasies are the reflection of your soul's desire. Only you can truely know why you are having these thoughts. Learn not to judge yourself, but to just listen. You will find the answers.

If you want to talk more, feel free to PM me.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

New Av

Lady Aria:

That is a great AV.

For me:
Rubber is OK
Leather is great.
BUT: Sometimes the totally unexpected is best of all. I think it says "Soft but Cruel."

 

[LadyAria]

Lady Aria:

That is a great AV.

For me:
Rubber is OK
Leather is great.
BUT: Sometimes the totally unexpected is best of all. I think it says "Soft but Cruel."

Thank you, darling. Totally unexpected is good. Ever played the "guess what this is" game?

 

[FurryFury]

Thank you, darling. Totally unexpected is good. Ever played the "guess what this is" game?

Sounds like a game I'd LOVE!

Fury

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Guessing

Thank you, darling. Totally unexpected is good. Ever played the "guess what this is" game?

Always. Being totally off balance is the only way to fly. Also I love irony in all its forms. "This won't hurt, I promise" Then BAM--EXPLOSION!!! Being able to predict is SO BORING.

 

[LadyAria]

Sounds like a game I'd LOVE!

Fury

I know you would, Furry.

It one of my favorites. The Domme keeps applying/inserting it until the sub guesses right or calls for mercy.

 

[LadyAria]

Always. Being totally off balance is the only way to fly. Also I love irony in all its forms. "This won't hurt, I promise" Then BAM--EXPLOSION!!! Being able to predict is SO BORING.

Oh Thorkel, you just know what to say don't you.

So, when was the last time you played?

 

[FurryFury]

I know you would, Furry.

It one of my favorites. The Domme keeps applying/inserting it until the sub guesses right or calls for mercy.

*purrs*

Yes, I would LOVE that LadyAria!

The "touchy feel-ly" box at the Halloween carnivals were always my favorites! Even when it was me (usually was) making them!

Fury

 

[LadyAria]

*purrs*

Yes, I would LOVE that LadyAria!

The "touchy feel-ly" box at the Halloween carnivals were always my favorites! Even when it was me (usually was) making them!

Fury

Ow, I loved those too. Especially if something really disgusting or prickly was in there.

Halloween is always the best holiday anyways.

 

[FurryFury]

Ow, I loved those too. Especially if something really disgusting or prickly was in there.

Halloween is always the best holiday anyways.

*grins*

I did them in the summer too. Put on plays with me being a girl who drowned herself and making scare houses, charging the kids a nickel or so. LOL. I just love that stuff!

Fury

 

[LadyAria]

*grins*

I did them in the summer too. Put on plays with me being a girl who drowned herself and making scare houses, charging the kids a nickel or so. LOL. I just love that stuff!

Fury

Aren't you clever? Sure beats collecting fireflies.

Next time you hold one, I'll bring my nickel

 

[FurryFury]

Aren't you clever? Sure beats collecting fireflies.

Next time you hold one, I'll bring my nickel

LOL! Thanks! Those were the days!

This was when I'd visit my grandparents in the summer.

I also made up games. One in which this boy and I would make "drinks" for one another from old moldy olives, booze and stuff. Then the other person had to drink at least one swallow.

If not you had to drink ALL of the next drink that was made up. LOL!

Fury

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

What is it?

Sounds like a game I'd LOVE!

Fury

Funny, Lady Aria and I use the same term but to refer to somewhat different approaches. Kinda like the blind men describing an elephant.

Confession: "Always" is a little over the top. But It it something I have done many, many times. Except a little differentally. Same basic idea.

I am fully restrained and something is dropped on me or left lying partially on me. SHE leaves. I know that SHE will return and use it. (Usually in 20-30 minutes.-plenty of time to develope all sorts of images and fears.) Not knowing what it is is scary, knowing can be even scarier, and the big question--how is SHE going to use it.

Sometimes it is easy to figure out. A new whip. The handle is lying on my ass. It feels large and heavy. A lash curls on my thigh. Is it a single tail? A flogger? I only feel one strand but-there may be more. Is it braided? I try to wiggle. I think it is braided. Well, you get the idea.

CAUTION: Saftey first. If you leave something sharp etc place it so there is little chance of an accident. Never drop a sharp knife on someone's belly. A cough or sneeze could move the knife in unexpected ways. [I know you know play safe Fury- but a lot of other people read this thread] If you use such an object. Lift a leg or arm and slide it underneath crossways. Also makes it harded to figure out. Also the sub only has to think you have left the room. I have been told: " Its so much damn fun watching you when you think I am not around!!"

PS I will do more on the speculums as soon as I have time. I own you some explanations. I didn't forget. If you can invent a 40 hour day, let me know

 

[FurryFury]

Funny, Lady Aria and I use the same term but to refer to somewhat different approaches. Kinda like the blind men describing an elephant.

Confession: "Always" is a little over the top. But It it something I have done many, many times. Except a little differentally. Same basic idea.

I am fully restrained and something is dropped on me or left lying partially on me. SHE leaves. I know that SHE will return and use it. (Usually in 20-30 minutes.-plenty of time to develope all sorts of images and fears.) Not knowing what it is is scary, knowing can be even scarier, and the big question--how is SHE going to use it.

Sometimes it is easy to figure out. A new whip. The handle is lying on my ass. It feels large and heavy. A lash curls on my thigh. Is it a single tail? A flogger? I only feel one strand but-there may be more. Is it braided? I try to wiggle. I think it is braided. Well, you get the idea.

CAUTION: Saftey first. If you leave something sharp etc place it so there is little chance of an accident. Never drop a sharp knife on someone's belly. A cough or sneeze could move the knife in unexpected ways. [I know you know play safe Fury- but a lot of other people read this thread] If you use such an object. Lift a leg or arm and slide it underneath crossways. Also makes it harded to figure out. Also the sub only has to think you have left the room. I have been told: " Its so much damn fun watching you when you think I am not around!!"

PS I will do more on the speculums as soon as I have time. I own you some explanations. I didn't forget. If you can invent a 40 hour day, let me know

That sounds exciting and fun except for the being left part. I think I might have some pretty serious issues about that.

Fury

PS No one owes me anything but I would love to hear more.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Last time

Oh Thorkel, you just know what to say don't you.

So, when was the last time you played?

Too damn long. My current situation is, to be honest, pathetic. The last attempt at a serious partnership was bad-abusive. She wanted to just use me as an unpaid executive assistant. Really a gofer. My reward was to meet her once or twice a week for dinner. Things were really going to get hot in the future- as soon as certainl projects were finished. But there really was no future. When I said enough, she said: "I treat you like a peice of crap because that is what you are. You better not leave; without me you are nothing.

I play at an involved level and "drive thru" play is as bad as "drive thru" food. I always assume the first half dozen or so sessions are trial. We are just getting to know each other, likes, limits etc.

Funny, there are two parallel stories in my life. At around age 38 I found a mentor about 20 years older at work. When he moved to a better job he asked me to go to the new firm. It was great; the money and job were much better. So, I owed him. One day in the coffee room there was a dicussion about sex and perverts. ONe guy said women are the worst. They look innocent but as soon as you get to the bedroom they come up with really filthy ideas. MY mentor told about meeting a very attractive woman who when he went to her apt. turned out to have a closet full of leather, whips, and chains. He said he refused. She wanted him try, said she wouldn't restrain him and would stop if he said to. He thought it was outrageous and above that she said "I really want to meet someone who is into this. If you know someone nice like that ask them to call me and give you as a reference. I tried to get her name and number for months-even putting my job in jepordy. HOPELESS.

The same thing happened my freshman year in college. In September My roommate got engaged and started telling his girl was telling all sort of things about how girls talked about guys---INCLUDING one girl who said she lived to tortue guys. She swore that she could have any gup on his knees and crying by the second date. I tried for the entire year to get her name. NO luck
Sophmore year first days of classes Thur and Fri - Fri 1pm last class. This unbeliveabe creature with dark red hair and green eyes that would melt polar caps walks into class , takes a seat at the next desk, smiles and says my name is----------THANK YOU JEEZEZ. It was DEAMON GIRL. I spent the next year and a half undergoing the most exquisite tortue of my life. Before Christmas of my junior she simply said "I'm laeving you." I cried and begged. Did no good. She said lots of people need me. I repleied' "You said I was special." She replied, "You are, You're the only one to ever make it past the third date." WOW

Fond memories. HOWEVER, it shows that just when things seem really bad lightening can strike. The next hour, the next day, soon it WILL happen and be worth the wait.

Hope I didn't bore you will all this, Lady Aria.

 

[LadyAria]

That sounds exciting and fun except for the being left part. I think I might have some pretty serious issues about that.

Fury

PS No one owes me anything but I would love to hear more.

Oh Furry, no one would leave someone like you hanging.

 

[FurryFury]

Oh Furry, no one would leave someone like you hanging.

*perks and grins*

Oh Lady Aria!

Thank you!

Fury

 

[LadyAria]

Too damn long. My current situation is, to be honest, pathetic. The last attempt at a serious partnership was bad-abusive. She wanted to just use me as an unpaid executive assistant. Really a gofer. My reward was to meet her once or twice a week for dinner. Things were really going to get hot in the future- as soon as certainl projects were finished. But there really was no future. When I said enough, she said: "I treat you like a peice of crap because that is what you are. You better not leave; without me you are nothing.

I play at an involved level and "drive thru" play is as bad as "drive thru" food. I always assume the first half dozen or so sessions are trial. We are just getting to know each other, likes, limits etc.

Funny, there are two parallel stories in my life. At around age 38 I found a mentor about 20 years older at work. When he moved to a better job he asked me to go to the new firm. It was great; the money and job were much better. So, I owed him. One day in the coffee room there was a dicussion about sex and perverts. ONe guy said women are the worst. They look innocent but as soon as you get to the bedroom they come up with really filthy ideas. MY mentor told about meeting a very attractive woman who when he went to her apt. turned out to have a closet full of leather, whips, and chains. He said he refused. She wanted him try, said she wouldn't restrain him and would stop if he said to. He thought it was outrageous and above that she said "I really want to meet someone who is into this. If you know someone nice like that ask them to call me and give you as a reference. I tried to get her name and number for months-even putting my job in jepordy. HOPELESS.

The same thing happened my freshman year in college. In September My roommate got engaged and started telling his girl was telling all sort of things about how girls talked about guys---INCLUDING one girl who said she lived to tortue guys. She swore that she could have any gup on his knees and crying by the second date. I tried for the entire year to get her name. NO luck
Sophmore year first days of classes Thur and Fri - Fri 1pm last class. This unbeliveabe creature with dark red hair and green eyes that would melt polar caps walks into class , takes a seat at the next desk, smiles and says my name is----------THANK YOU JEEZEZ. It was DEAMON GIRL. I spent the next year and a half undergoing the most exquisite tortue of my life. Before Christmas of my junior she simply said "I'm laeving you." I cried and begged. Did no good. She said lots of people need me. I repleied' "You said I was special." She replied, "You are, You're the only one to ever make it past the third date." WOW

Fond memories. HOWEVER, it shows that just when things seem really bad lightening can strike. The next hour, the next day, soon it WILL happen and be worth the wait.

Hope I didn't bore you will all this, Lady Aria.

You never bore me. I'd love to hear more about the red head.

Sounds like you really have issues finding good partners. Also, everyone has a different perspective on what makes a good Dom(me) and what level of bondage or pain they do or don't want. It can be very difficult to find your match.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

I Appreciate That-Lady Aria

You never bore me. I'd love to hear more about the red head.

Sounds like you really have issues finding good partners. Also, everyone has a different perspective on what makes a good Dom(me) and what level of bondage or pain they do or don't want. It can be very difficult to find your match.

Your AV; Your AV. You have a real sense of irony. It is indeed "Heart Pounding." Love it!!!!

 

[LadyAria]

Your AV; Your AV. You have a real sense of irony. It is indeed "Heart Pounding." Love it!!!!

*Laughing*

Thank you. Most people don't notice the pig heart.

 

[gregor2001us]

That is a nice and unique avatar!