Ask a Dom
- Thread starter LadyAria
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LadyAria
choke
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catalina_francisco said:That article is on one of the threads here somewhere but from memory was about 6-12 months ago, possibly longer.
Catalina
Doesn't surprise me. It is a very good article and a part of the BCP webring for lifestylers. The permission for reposting can be find there as well.
LadyAria said:I do a lot of things to bring my men & women to ectasy...the least of which is spanking
Glad to see you stop by, ShaglyAlways such a delicious poster with an eye for good photos.
It is nice to be naughty......sometimes even a little kinky.
Joe Schmoe
Just Looking
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kayte said:
Here is one for you to try.
One brand new freshly sharpened....pencil.
You might be amazed at the many ways it can be used.
sxy_bi_horny_chick
*giggle* :)
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Red flags?
Alright... I'm not sure if these are the right kinds of questions for this thread, but thought I'd try anyway... And fair warning... this will be a fairly long post so bear with me.
A little background first...
I've been talking to a Dom for a few months now. He's quite a bit older than me and says He has about 11 years experience in this lifestyle, but I'm very new and have yet to have any r/l experience in D/s. Because we're not in the same city, we talk mostly online, but have talked on the phone a couple times. Though we're not together as Master/sub, He is interested in training me and possibly owning me in the future.
Now the problems...
When we first started talking, we would talk about meeting in r/l to see how we connected and if we were compatible and stuff, but due to my situation at home, that hasn't happened yet. We still talk about meeting, however, now He's not wanting a "get to know you" meeting, but a session. He says that since we've been talking so long over the net, there's no need for our first meeting to be just talking. This makes me a little uncomfortable because though we have been talking quite a bit for a few months, He's still just words on a screen and a voice over the phone. Do I have cause to feel uncomfortable or is this just being scared over meeting a Dom and having a session for the first time?
A couple other things that have been brought to my attention recently that could be considered red flags...
#1. Because He is interested in training me, He has been helping learn things by sending me articles to read and then testing me on them. One of them was an excerpt from the SM 101 book... The Four Basic Duties of a Submissive... Now, I've never read the book and had never even heard of it until He started talking about it.
I have a friend who's wanting to learn more about the lifestyle so I sent the same thing to him. We talk again the next day and he asks me why the Dom who sent it to me left out some information that he felt was important. I will attach what is, apparently, the whole thing from the book and the parts the Dom left out will be in bold. I'm wondering if these really are as important as my friend thinks they are or what, but this also kinda leads to the other potential red flag...
#2. When the Dom and I started talking about meeting up, He told me that as a tribute to Him, He requires any sub He trains or sessions with to pay for the accommodations (hotel/food/drink/gas if He has to travel to them). The reason we haven't met in r/l yet is because in my current situation, I don't have the money to pay for all that.
I had never heard of having to pay a tribute to a Dom for meeting with them, but then again... I'm new so don't know a whole lot yet. After doing some reading just a few hours ago, it's come to my attention that apparently, a good or 'real' Dom won't ask for a tribute or will see the submission as the tribute... not making the sub pay for everything.
However, He knows my situation and offered to not make me pay anything if we were to meet at my house. Of course, I still only knew of this tribute thing from Him at the time and told Him that if I was going to serve Him, I didn't want special treatment (plus I wouldn't feel right being alone with this stranger and His current live-in sub in my house). We came to the conclusion that it would cost me around $100 for this one meeting with him. Knowing that it would take me quite some time to save that up, He said He might only make me pay Him gas money for Him to get here and He'd take care of the rest. Now... two big things concern me and I'm not sure if they are worth the concern or not.
1)After reading many, many other Doms/subs views of tribute and knowing that different Doms go about things in different ways, is this something I should worry about or take it as 'this is His way of doing things'?
2) Should I be worried about His seemingly eagerness to meet with me? He can't wait for me to save up the money to meet with Him, so He keeps coming up with compromises, hoping I'll take one so He can get His hands on me sooner?
With so much information out there and not all of it being true, I'm at a loss of how I should go about this. I'm hoping someone can give me a little help here.
Here's what, I guess, is the whole excerpt from the SM 101 with what the Dom left out in bold. Are they really as important as my friend thinks they are or not?
Alright... I'm not sure if these are the right kinds of questions for this thread, but thought I'd try anyway... And fair warning... this will be a fairly long post so bear with me.
A little background first...
I've been talking to a Dom for a few months now. He's quite a bit older than me and says He has about 11 years experience in this lifestyle, but I'm very new and have yet to have any r/l experience in D/s. Because we're not in the same city, we talk mostly online, but have talked on the phone a couple times. Though we're not together as Master/sub, He is interested in training me and possibly owning me in the future.
Now the problems...
When we first started talking, we would talk about meeting in r/l to see how we connected and if we were compatible and stuff, but due to my situation at home, that hasn't happened yet. We still talk about meeting, however, now He's not wanting a "get to know you" meeting, but a session. He says that since we've been talking so long over the net, there's no need for our first meeting to be just talking. This makes me a little uncomfortable because though we have been talking quite a bit for a few months, He's still just words on a screen and a voice over the phone. Do I have cause to feel uncomfortable or is this just being scared over meeting a Dom and having a session for the first time?
A couple other things that have been brought to my attention recently that could be considered red flags...
#1. Because He is interested in training me, He has been helping learn things by sending me articles to read and then testing me on them. One of them was an excerpt from the SM 101 book... The Four Basic Duties of a Submissive... Now, I've never read the book and had never even heard of it until He started talking about it.
I have a friend who's wanting to learn more about the lifestyle so I sent the same thing to him. We talk again the next day and he asks me why the Dom who sent it to me left out some information that he felt was important. I will attach what is, apparently, the whole thing from the book and the parts the Dom left out will be in bold. I'm wondering if these really are as important as my friend thinks they are or what, but this also kinda leads to the other potential red flag...
#2. When the Dom and I started talking about meeting up, He told me that as a tribute to Him, He requires any sub He trains or sessions with to pay for the accommodations (hotel/food/drink/gas if He has to travel to them). The reason we haven't met in r/l yet is because in my current situation, I don't have the money to pay for all that.
I had never heard of having to pay a tribute to a Dom for meeting with them, but then again... I'm new so don't know a whole lot yet. After doing some reading just a few hours ago, it's come to my attention that apparently, a good or 'real' Dom won't ask for a tribute or will see the submission as the tribute... not making the sub pay for everything.
However, He knows my situation and offered to not make me pay anything if we were to meet at my house. Of course, I still only knew of this tribute thing from Him at the time and told Him that if I was going to serve Him, I didn't want special treatment (plus I wouldn't feel right being alone with this stranger and His current live-in sub in my house). We came to the conclusion that it would cost me around $100 for this one meeting with him. Knowing that it would take me quite some time to save that up, He said He might only make me pay Him gas money for Him to get here and He'd take care of the rest. Now... two big things concern me and I'm not sure if they are worth the concern or not.
1)After reading many, many other Doms/subs views of tribute and knowing that different Doms go about things in different ways, is this something I should worry about or take it as 'this is His way of doing things'?
2) Should I be worried about His seemingly eagerness to meet with me? He can't wait for me to save up the money to meet with Him, so He keeps coming up with compromises, hoping I'll take one so He can get His hands on me sooner?
With so much information out there and not all of it being true, I'm at a loss of how I should go about this. I'm hoping someone can give me a little help here.
Here's what, I guess, is the whole excerpt from the SM 101 with what the Dom left out in bold. Are they really as important as my friend thinks they are or not?
alice_underneath
with malice toward none
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I urge you to read this:sxy_bi_horny_chick said:
http://www.simplyshani.com/safe.html
Please be careful.
Alice
FurryFury
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sxy_bi_horny_chick said:Alright... I'm not sure if these are the right kinds of questions for this thread, but thought I'd try anyway... And fair warning... this will be a fairly long post so bear with me.
A little background first... <snip>
Hi Sxy_bi_horny_chick!
I don't know all this much about your particular guy or your home situation but I do know this. If you are feeling that something might be off, you should trust you instincts.
I too would not want to have a scene at first RL meeting or pay his way. I too would not want to have him come to my home with yet another person who is clearly going to do his bidding. I would also be very suspicious when someone left out certain information in a document they sent me.
I think you already know all that. You are likely just looking for others to confirm it for you and validate your feelings. You don't want to see the dreams you grew with this guy in mind have to be put away. That's understandable.
*hugs*
Hang in there. There are people who do not ask for money. Who do not demand a scene at first meeting or try to make the first meeting private except for their other sub. Who do not give half truths and information to you and expect you to ask no questions. The good ones, the ones that really know what they are doing and practice safety for you both, are just a little harder to find.
Good luck in your journey,
Fury
sxy_bi_horny_chick
*giggle* :)
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alice_underneath said:
Thanks a lot for this link. It was a huge help and big eye opener for me.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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LadyAria said:
Good evening Lady Aria ~ Well those strips can be used as peppermint oil. For example, moisten the nipple, apply a strip, it does tingle.... Keep it moist and blow on it. Can be quite a tease.
And of course if used in other areas...
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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sxy_bi_horny_chick said:Alright... I'm not sure if these are the right kinds of questions for this thread, but thought I'd try anyway... And fair warning... this will be a fairly long post so bear with me.
A little background first...
~Snip
sxy bi horny chick ~ If your little voice tells you to run! Listen to it and do so!!
I have met people online and entered D/s relationships. Always safely. Remember you need to watch out for you!!!
What you are telling us he has said to you is outrageous.
He sounds like a "wanna be" to me.
I am so glad you saw the red flag!!!
You will find the right one for you.
sxy_bi_horny_chick
*giggle* :)
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FurryFury said:Hi Sxy_bi_horny_chick!
I don't know all this much about your particular guy or your home situation but I do know this. If you are feeling that something might be off, you should trust you instincts.
I too would not want to have a scene at first RL meeting or pay his way. I too would not want to have him come to my home with yet another person who is clearly going to do his bidding. I would also be very suspicious when someone left out certain information in a document they sent me.
I think you already know all that. You are likely just looking for others to confirm it for you and validate your feelings. You don't want to see the dreams you grew with this guy in mind have to be put away. That's understandable.
*hugs*
Hang in there. There are people who do not ask for money. Who do not demand a scene at first meeting or try to make the first meeting private except for their other sub. Who do not give half truths and information to you and expect you to ask no questions. The good ones, the ones that really know what they are doing and practice safety for you both, are just a little harder to find.
Good luck in your journey,
Fury
Hey Fury... Thanks for the advice. In the few months we've been talking, I never had any concerns. Not until last night, that is... My friend I talked about in my first post sent me a bunch of links to articles, threads on different sites, etc... I've not read through all of them yet, but the ones I have read, plus the one alice posted here made me think twice about giving myself to this "Dom".
I just got done talking to him. I wanted to test him a little and he failed. I started asking questions... why he left out some of the article he sent me, why he requires a sub he's just met to address him as 'Sir' when they've clearly not agreed to submit to him (I read somewhere that's a red flag) and if it's required that we session on our first meeting. For the most part, he never really gave me a straight answer. Then he tells me "I don't have time for this... the last thing I need is someone questioning My experience when they should know better."
Course, I wasn't questioning his experience. After that last statement, I told him he gave me all the answers I needed right there. I'm SO glad I realized what an ass he is before meeting him in r/l. I know I still have a lot to learn, but I have much more knowledge now that will help me in making the right decisions.
LadyAria, thank you so much for starting this thread. It just saved me a lot of grief (and possibly my life). Who knows what could've happened if I chose to meet up with this creep.
{{{Hugs}}} for everyone!
sxy_bi_horny_chick
*giggle* :)
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~Snip
sxy bi horny chick ~ If your little voice tells you to run! Listen to it and do so!!
I have met people online and entered D/s relationships. Always safely. Remember you need to watch out for you!!!
What you are telling us he has said to you is outrageous.
He sounds like a "wanna be" to me.
I am so glad you saw the red flag!!!
You will find the right one for you.
Thanks kayte... In all honesty, I don't think he is a "wannabe", but that doesn't take away from him possibly being very dangerous. Also, it's not just my safety I have to be concerned about, by my childs as well. I'm usually very cautious when talking about meeting someone I've met online and have only met one person in r/l. Now I know I have to be even more careful when the person I'm thinking of meeting claims to be a Dom.
At any rate... I explained it all in my last post.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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sxy_bi_horny_chick said:Thanks kayte... In all honesty, I don't think he is a "wannabe", but that doesn't take away from him possibly being very dangerous. Also, it's not just my safety I have to be concerned about, by my childs as well. I'm usually very cautious when talking about meeting someone I've met online and have only met one person in r/l. Now I know I have to be even more careful when the person I'm thinking of meeting claims to be a Dom.
At any rate... I explained it all in my last post.
I am so very glad to see that post of yours where you have decided not to see him.
You may be right, I may have been too strong when I referred to him as I did. As you said, he could be very dangerous though.
Yes, Lady Aria did a very good thing by starting this thread, and making it a forum for all to raise their questions and to provide feedback.
Lit does have a lot of people willing to help.
alice_underneath
with malice toward none
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Go pour yourself a glass of wine/beer/soda/water. Walk up to any mirror in your home, lift your glass, and say: "Here's to me."sxy_bi_horny_chick said:
You had the common sense to know something was wrong, the courage to come here and ask for help, and the wisdom to heed good advice.
I am impressed.
Alice
