Are You Sexually Fulfilled?

[Mr.L.J.M]

simple question...

would be curious to see the answers...

explain why you are or why your not...

and how you would like the frequency if sexual engagments to change.

(shit say that 5 times fast)

cheers

 

[Munachi]

I hope I understood the question correctly...

No.

This has to do with quality wise that I guess I am still kind of young and inexpierenced and thus still trying to figure out what exactly it is I want, and quantity wise that not being in a relationship I just don't have sex very often right now.

I don't know how often I'd need sex to feel sexually fulfilled (though I guess it would be more a matter of what than of how often), I don't think I had that much yet - but this is due to the only longer relationship I ever had being long distance AND the guy having a lower sex drive than me. So, as I said, in order to say what I need frequency wise I really have to find out first, and quality wise - well there are lots of things I need to try still.

As for how I would change the situation now - there are quite a lot of things in my life going on that just keep me from that, and since I don't want to change these things, I guess I have to live with it, for the next few weeks at least... After that, well, I will see...

 

[blkmack]

simple question...

would be curious to see the answers...

explain why you are or why your not...

and how you would like the frequency if sexual engagments to change.

(shit say that 5 times)

cheers

NO !!!!!! i tend to be more open then my wife i think that she is affraid to open up due to she seems to me that she is worried about what other people think of her than me hmmm maybe thats me want hr to be somethig she isnt comfortable with or maybe i watch too much porn lol but hell i dont know system overload

 

[Bandit58]

Very much so. I'm actually having more sexual play in my life now than I've had in my previous relationships. Note I did not say actual PIV intercourse. There's masturbation, fingers(thank you Mr G!!), tongue, blowjobs, toys and D/s play. Not to mention occasional experiences with other women. I'm having a wonderful time exploring and experiencing new things with a wonderful open minded man. Bring it on!!

 

[SueJ]

Yes, totally. My husband and I have a policy that whatever/whenever one wants, the other provides, so we're both very happy.

 

[Mr.L.J.M]

Yes, totally. My husband and I have a policy that whatever/whenever one wants, the other provides, so we're both very happy.

your very luck. i like that policy!!

 

[SueJ]

......... i like that policy!!

Me too! There's one important part of it that I forgot to say, which is, "And the receiver shall be duly appreciative!" <wink> This means mutual respect, knowing your partner's limits, and great love and generosity on the part of both partners to make a policy like this work. The phrases "I'm not in the mood", "I have a headache", etc. are simply not acceptable in our relationship, and would be viewed as a very hurtful rejection.

 

[JRaven]

Very!

Happily married for 20 years. About 5 years ago, we started swinging with another couple. Because of time contraints, we don't get to play as a foursome very often. So we agreed it was okay to play seperately.

Jim and Jack are very different in bed. I love the variety, the frequency is great. Not sure of any other way to put than to say, I'm well fucked!

Jenny

 

[SweetErika]

Yes, but not because I feel like our sex life is perfect or we have everything we could ever want. I feel fulfilled because we're exploring together, working toward what we want, and building on a wonderful relationship. In general, the quality and frequency work well for both of us. If something's not working, we talk about it and tackle it together.

Me too! There's one important part of it that I forgot to say, which is, "And the receiver shall be duly appreciative!" <wink> This means mutual respect, knowing your partner's limits, and great love and generosity on the part of both partners to make a policy like this work. The phrases "I'm not in the mood", "I have a headache", etc. are simply not acceptable in our relationship, and would be viewed as a very hurtful rejection.

That's interesting, Sue. I'm curious...how do you handle it when one of you wants sex and the other really does have a headache or something?

 

[SueJ]

That's interesting, Sue. I'm curious...how do you handle it when one of you wants sex and the other really does have a headache or something?

Erika, we actually had two examples of this in the past couple of weeks---one when I was tired and one when he was tired. In the first case (me tired), I got home from work at 9pm (we get up at 5:30am) and I was exhausted. Normally, I'm supposed to be in bed before 9pm, ready and waiting for him, and he comes in after. (We both love the sweet anticipation this brings.) He beat me to it and was already in bed by then. I laid down clothed on top of the bed to rest for a minute and realized how exhausted I was. I turned to him and said, "Sweetheart, I'm just so........Never mind."

Of course, I was going to tell him I was just too tired to go through my routine of getting ready for him and having sex. Before I could even say that, my guilt took over. I asked myself how difficult it would really be to get my head in the game so that I could be there for him. Not very. I knew I could muster the energy to shower and shave for him, and that by the time that was done, I'd be mentally ready for him, so that's what I did. When I got under the covers several minutes later, I wanted him too. I was glad that I hadn't let a 'too tired' excuse separate us.

The second scene was just a few nights ago. He had a meeting that he anticipated would run very late. Before he left in the morning, he told me I could skip the nightly shave and should wear my PJs that night (which I love to do on nights when we won't be having sex for some reason). Well, maybe it was just the thought of sex being off-limits that particular night, but I was totally turned on. I showered and shaved before he got home, put on his favorite perfume, and lit some candles. Since I'd been told to wear PJs, I put on a short satin nightie that he loves instead of the warm, fuzzy flannels that I love to wear when I'm allowed to do so (which is rarely).

The poor guy didn't stand a chance. <laughing out loud> He finally got home from his meeting and climbed into bed. I asked him if it would be off-limits for me to touch him or suck on him, and he said no, that it was okay. He was disappointed in the way the meeting went, and we talked about that while I stroked him. One thing led to another and in the end he dragged me half off the bed face-down, lifted my nightie up to my back, and pinned me down there while he reached for the lube. <big smile> It turned out to be the best sex we had all week.

So, you can see why we're not inclined to say 'no' to each other! LOL Saying "no" works against us as a couple. It is a means of imposing separation and closing ourselves off from each other both mentally and physically. Saying "yes" is easy, avoids feelings of rejection by one person and guilt by the other, and enhances our feelings of love for each other. Sometimes it is a true a gift of love when one person is not quite feeling up to it and says 'yes' anyway; that far outweighs dishing out a plateful of rejection and also feeling guilty for it!

 

[Eilan]

I'd have to say that I am most definitely sexually fulfilled.

The number of times a week that we have sex tends to vary depending on what's going on with his job and the kids' activities, plus the fact that two of our four children are toddlers. (And, of course, everyone's general health, since we've all been sick within the past month.) I can't ever recall a time, other than right after I'd given birth, that we had sex less frequently than twice a week; we just don't allow it to happen. It's usually more like five times a week. Though I have to admit that I don't mark it down on a calendar or anything like that.

I see sexual fulfillment as more that just having sex as often as one can or having a boatload of orgasms. I've had sex that was unfulfilling, and if I so desire, I can have an orgasm any time I want, partner or no partner. What my husband and I do, however, is more than that. It's about knowing each others' bodies inside and out. It's about the connection between us. It's about appreciating the fact that maintaining that connection is essential to us.

I'd much rather have hot, nasty, mind-blowing sex two or three times a week than ho-hum bunny fucks (NOT to be confused with the quickie) two or three times a day.

 

[SueJ]

Eilan, for sure you're doing a lot better with the sex than my husband and I when our kids were babies/toddlers. Those were the most difficult years in so many ways---so much stress with demands of careers, kids, money, and lack of sleep. It does get easier! Congratulations on making it work out so well at the most difficult time.

 

[SweetErika]

Erika, we actually had two examples of this in the past couple of weeks---one when I was tired and one when he was tired. In the first case (me tired), I got home from work at 9pm (we get up at 5:30am) and I was exhausted. Normally, I'm supposed to be in bed before 9pm, ready and waiting for him, and he comes in after. (We both love the sweet anticipation this brings.) He beat me to it and was already in bed by then. I laid down clothed on top of the bed to rest for a minute and realized how exhausted I was. I turned to him and said, "Sweetheart, I'm just so........Never mind."

Of course, I was going to tell him I was just too tired to go through my routine of getting ready for him and having sex. Before I could even say that, my guilt took over. I asked myself how difficult it would really be to get my head in the game so that I could be there for him. Not very. I knew I could muster the energy to shower and shave for him, and that by the time that was done, I'd be mentally ready for him, so that's what I did. When I got under the covers several minutes later, I wanted him too. I was glad that I hadn't let a 'too tired' excuse separate us.

The second scene was just a few nights ago. He had a meeting that he anticipated would run very late. Before he left in the morning, he told me I could skip the nightly shave and should wear my PJs that night (which I love to do on nights when we won't be having sex for some reason). Well, maybe it was just the thought of sex being off-limits that particular night, but I was totally turned on. I showered and shaved before he got home, put on his favorite perfume, and lit some candles. Since I'd been told to wear PJs, I put on a short satin nightie that he loves instead of the warm, fuzzy flannels that I love to wear when I'm allowed to do so (which is rarely).

The poor guy didn't stand a chance. <laughing out loud> He finally got home from his meeting and climbed into bed. I asked him if it would be off-limits for me to touch him or suck on him, and he said no, that it was okay. He was disappointed in the way the meeting went, and we talked about that while I stroked him. One thing led to another and in the end he dragged me half off the bed face-down, lifted my nightie up to my back, and pinned me down there while he reached for the lube. <big smile> It turned out to be the best sex we had all week.

So, you can see why we're not inclined to say 'no' to each other! LOL Saying "no" works against us as a couple. It is a means of imposing separation and closing ourselves off from each other both mentally and physically. Saying "yes" is easy, avoids feelings of rejection by one person and guilt by the other, and enhances our feelings of love for each other. Sometimes it is a true a gift of love when one person is not quite feeling up to it and says 'yes' anyway; that far outweighs dishing out a plateful of rejection and also feeling guilty for it!

I see what you're saying, Sue, and it's great to hear how well it works for you. I think we do the same to a lesser extent...basically just trying to meet the needs of eachother and not allowing ourselves to make excuses. However, when one of us really is ill or falling-asleep tired, we just make other plans, and it's no big deal. That's where good communication and love comes in.

 

[Munachi]

it is good to read that most people do feel sexually fulfilled as this gives me hope that one day i might be in a similar situation...

 

[Eilan]

Eilan, for sure you're doing a lot better with the sex than my husband and I when our kids were babies/toddlers. Those were the most difficult years in so many ways---so much stress with demands of careers, kids, money, and lack of sleep. It does get easier! Congratulations on making it work out so well at the most difficult time.

Thanks! We've been really lucky. All of the kids were sleeping through the night within the first 2-3 months. Since they're sharing a room (two to a room, at least until we can sell our house), they're still doing well at night.

We don't really have financial worries because my husband (he's an older daddy) will be retiring this summer from the job that he's had for the past 27+ years. He's old enough to retire, but he's young enough that he plans to find something else to do. I have a job that I can go back to, but I won't be doing it anytime soon. I missed out on some of my older daughters' babyhood because I had to teach extra classes to make ends meet; I kinda like being around the house.