An old fashioned comentary? {yeah the spelling will suck, maybe}

[Todd]

I have watched friends and aquaintences online and offline fall in "love" at a drop of a hat.

It seems strange to me somehow.

I mean I watch it happen, within 6 months they are either moved in having sex or married and having sex and then in another 1-2 years divorced, broken up or borken hearted.

Maybe I am old fashioned here and about 50 years out of place, but I truely believe in the predating habit of courtship.

To me courtship is the time before dating when you and the other person are friends. when you actually get to learn about one another. You learn thier likes, dislikes, true personaility, good habits, bad habbits, etc and they learn yours vice versa et al..

I view this as a very important time in any friendship with a prospective mate.

Today we seem to fall in lust, run, and hump it with all our might never once stopping in midstroke to actually learn about the humpee. Then in the next morning we see our humpee for who they really are and begin to see things that we never saw before that maybe we didn't expect or want.

To me sex is so much more than just busting my nut. To me its an emotional, physical and spiritual bond with my partner. Busting a nut in the first pussy that comes along bypasses emotional and spiritual and fulfills only the physcial.

Is it any wonder why it feels empty the next day, week or month whenever the inevitable breakout happens.

With a severe increase in common law relationships the true numbers may never be known, but in marriage in divorce I read several places that the present divorce rate has increased to close to 50%{I stand to be corrected if someone is willing}. That is frightful to thing that out of every two rrelationships isn't going to make it.

There are a lot of kids coming out of these broken "lust" relationships, that continue this pattern. Will the numbers in the next 20-30 years increase to a 70-75% divorce rate?

Seems to me that relationships that based on some sort of courtship seem to have a lastability.

I look into the gerenatation of grandparetna nd great grand parents, sure they don't fuck like bunnies {shudders, I don't think I can eat after visualizing that} but for the most part living on thier own or in care homes the relationships are still intake. And they have seen a lot harder times than any of our modern relationships face.

Maybe courtship should be reevaulated and given another shot?

I dunno, but looking back on my short span there are times I could of had sex, but the relationship would not still be around to this day because of difference found in the form of courtship we went through prior to making any "Yes lets fuck cause it feels good" decisions.

Oh well, I guess I am just bored and got to thinking again, a dangeous combination.

 

[Problem Child]

To me sex is so much more than just busting my nut. To me its an emotional, physical and spiritual bond with my partner. Busting a nut in the first pussy that comes along bypasses emotional and spiritual and fulfills only the physcial.

How can a person who has never had sex offer a meaningful commentary on the joys of having sex?

 

[BlondeBeauty]

Boy, would I love to be courted...

 

[Todd]

Re: Re: An old fashioned comentary? {yeah the spelling will suck, maybe}

How can a person who has never had sex offer a meaningful commentary on the joys of having sex?

Did I say anywhere in there that it was meant to be a meaningful commentary?

 

[Problem Child]

Re: Re: Re: An old fashioned comentary? {yeah the spelling will suck, maybe}

Did I say anywhere in there that it was meant to be a meaningful commentary?

Silly me, I guess I should have known.

 

[BlondeBeauty]

Re: Re: An old fashioned comentary? {yeah the spelling will suck, maybe}

How can a person who has never had sex offer a meaningful commentary on the joys of having sex?

How can a person who has never written a meaningful commentary question whether that was a meaningful commentary?


I'm sorry, PC.
The devil made me do it.

 

[BlondeBeauty]

Nevermind. LOL

 

[Problem Child]

Re: Re: Re: An old fashioned comentary? {yeah the spelling will suck, maybe}

How can a person who has never written a meaningful commentary question whether that was a meaningful commentary?


I'm sorry, PC.
The devil made me do it.

I don't know. Who are you talking about?

 

[BlondeBeauty]

I wouldn't know.
Off to flirt more...

 

[morninggirl5]

That was wonderful Todd. You managed to write a complete well-thought out post that stated YOUR opinion. I actually agree with a lot of what you said. (We will not discuss grandparents and sex, I suffered that trauma already.)


Bravo!



Now, to my gripe. (This is aimed at all that do this, not just you.)

The often quoted statistic that 50% of marriages fail is a completely flawed analysis to say that 1/2 of marriages in existence will fail this year. The way that the divorce rate is calculated is to take the number of divorces in a year and divide by the number of new marriages in that year.

SO, if there are 15,000 (I'm making up the numbers, too lazy to look them up) divorces this year, there will be 30,000 marriages. There are also a couple million marriages that aren't included in either of these numbers, they're not getting divorced and have been in existance for longer than a year.

 

[Todd]

That was wonderful Todd. You managed to write a complete well-thought out post that stated YOUR opinion. I actually agree with a lot of what you said.


Cool, scary though if someone normal like you agree with me in any way


(We will not discuss grandparents and sex, I suffered that trauma already.)


Ten-Four hear you loud and clear


Bravo!


Thanks


Now, to my gripe. (This is aimed at all that do this, not just you.)


Ok


The often quoted statistic that 50% of marriages fail is a completely flawed analysis to say that 1/2 of marriages in existence will fail this year. The way that the divorce rate is calculated is to take the number of divorces in a year and divide by the number of new marriages in that year.


Cool Thanks for the math lesson


SO, if there are 15,000 (I'm making up the numbers, too lazy to look them up) divorces this year, there will be 30,000 marriages. There are also a couple million marriages that aren't included in either of these numbers, they're not getting divorced and have been in existance for longer than a year.

I got my numbers from Readers Digest and Time. talkking to a few Pastor friends and other minister they say thier numbers so far are closer on average of 4 out of every 10 marriages they performed not working out.

 

[MissTaken]

I am a bit confused by your commentary Todd. How did we get from internet relationships to generalizations about real life relationships.

As for me, my husb and I courted for eight months, lived together for three years and were married for seven....almost divorced now. Courtship isn't the end all, be all that one might think.

Also, you elude to the children from these reckless engagements growing up to follow in their parent's patterns. I cannot agree with that statement as I know too many who want and try to do things differently than their parents i.e. raising children, education and yes, marriage/divorce. Is there sufficient research to back up a statement concerning the propensity of children from single parent homes becoming divorced as adults.

Also, in terms of the divorce "rate". Well a large number of those successful marraiges are in their second marriage. Hence, it isn't likely to be that 1 of every 2 people will end up divorced. Some of those statistics end up in solid marraiges. So, to my way of thinking, that sort of muddies up the stats and any sociological assumptions one might draw.

In terms of generations, our grandmothers were not expected to work out of the home and raise children and be good wives. I am not suggesting their lives were easier, I am simply suggesting that the idea of the working mom could be a huge factor in terms of marraige and life long committment. I know that it was in my case. My working 60 hours per week placed an enormous, unresolvable stress on our marriage. Hmm too much info, I guess!

and blah blah blah.......


I am starting to run off at the mouth. Sorry!

 

[Meow4U]

I love your thread! This is exactly how i feel, even though it didnt work out for me. The guy i was getting to know slowy decided he wanted something more. He dumped me for someone he had known for two days and after two weeks they have decided they want to get married someday....All i can say to them is, sure goodluck with that.

 

[Todd]

Online lusts can turn to real life lusts, I have seen it happen. So thats why the combination of the the two.

Courted for eight months or date for eight months the terms can be interchangable although they are not the same in mind.

I didn't mean to generalize that all children of divorce lead to more divorce. Might even be a small number that do, I just have seen many more that do than don't {again I'll blame that on me just being in the wrong place at the wrong time and seeing these more than most}

Successful second mariages yes, but at what cost a failure 1st marriage. They weren't prepared the first time and had to learn for the 2nd. Some would argue that the most successful marriages out there are the third marriage couple. Why can't it be done right the first time?

Wroking parents could be resolved in a courtship of learning and understanding before the risk are found out in the field.

But again as Problem Child pointed out, I suck, I am wrong cause I am single and I am virgin, so what else is new.

 

[MissTaken]

Awwwwwww Todd, sweetie!!!!


Get over it! I am just in a bit of a spicey mood tonight!




Seriously, I believe that a real factor in terms of the divorce rate is the ever changing outside stressors on a relationship. If I could stay home and take care of my kids, my home and my husband, How could a marriage be lost? All of energy would be going into that relationship and it's tenticles. I know that this is not an unusual situation.

I went to a seminar several years ago led by a wonderful PHD who began with "Women of the 90's , applaud yourselves!" Not only have you gained equal rights in terms of employment and responsibility, you maintain all those responsibilities from yesteryear!

How can that NOT effect relationships and marraiges?

Well I have said enough. Meet me on a fun thread, Todd! We can both use some lightening up!

 

[Shelby]

I suppose that I'm not really replying to Todd's thread...sorry Todd (Maybe I am)

I can't put a finger on WTF is going on. All, and I do mean ALL, of my girlfriends are either divorced, newly splitting or terribly unhappy. This is a huge cross section of women, those I've known since grade 1, and college; those I've met professionally, and those I've met at the corner store. Rich, poor, younger & older.