Absolutely no interest!

[MissTaken]

A spin off of other discussions on the forum:

What qualities, values, experiences, etc deter you from getting involved with someone?

What are the absolutes when deciding whether or not you are interested in engaging in a D/s relationship?

Yes, physical appearance counts as well.

We all have tastes, needs, and desires and through experience find that there are common denominators to relationships that just won't work.

A few of mine:

1. If someone tells me they have a drinking problem that is under control and they only drink once per week etc, or they have stopped drinking without the assistance of treatment or AA, I am not going to get to know them well.

2. If someone has children from another relationship that they don't see or pay child support for, I will not pursue the relationship.

3. If someone is newly separated, I may pursue the relationship with no expectations for an LTR and will not be surprised when he decides he needs to see others.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Good thread idea Miss T. I am with you on the children case and is partly due to being a single mother of 16 years, and partly from a feminist viewpoint...and years of listening to males give a list of excuses why they shouldn't have to pay, or better still, how they should be allowed to designate how the money is spent to the last cent as in not actually handing over money, but paying accounts pnly approved by them to the amount they see as reasonable....yuk.

Alcohol is another one, even reformed sends shivers up the spine as I have been there once in marriage and have an aversion to risking it again. Also think it is a bad indicator in a dominant. Same applies with illegal drug involvement, especially to substantial proportions, past or present.

Propensity to lie, or bend the truth, and then expect me to trust them. No way. Or a need to pretend to be someone they aren't. All speaks insecure and dishonest to me.

Another SO anywhere in the picture, and as in my vanilla past was not interested in the 'but she doesn't understand me', or 'her sex drive is different from mine', complaints. Just is not where I want to be. Similarly, if recently separated or divorced, my experience ahs been they need time to sort theur heads before becoming involved in a relationship, especially D/s.

Judgementalism in putting down others constantly without justification, especially when issues of racism, sexism, and homophobia are involved.

Loud and have to be seen people are also a real turn off to me in any setting.

There, think that is it...all I can say is thank the universe I found Master and we are so in tune there is often little need to explain ourselves to each other.

Catalina

 

[MissTaken]

You are very fortunate for having found your partner, catalina!



We all have tastes and preferances and I am afraid some of my other "Absolutely No Interest" issues would make me seem like a judgmental bitch.


What if I say that i have no interest in slender women or men?

Or heavy women or men?

However, that being said, I am well able to understand if someone simply doesn't find my appearance tasteful or desirable.

Someone who has no belief in God or any other Higher Power is likely not to be someone I want to become intimate with.

Or my education, lack of education, or that my two children are a package deal or even that I am divorced. For some, my being divorced may red flag some negative qualities i.e. lack of commitment.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

gr8 idea

There are quite a few things that will make me run to the nearest exit.

1. Any sort of drug/drinking problem. I DO NOT do drugs of any sort. I will not settle for someone who does them. I DON'T mind drinking but only in moderation. Someone who can not control their addictions can not be seen as good dominant material by me.

2. Prejudice..of any sort. Instant turn off and will make me run as fast as possible. Everyone has their likes and dislikes and that is understandable..HOWEVER, someone who uses one's racial, religious or sexual preference as a reason to dislike a person is just thoughtless and cruel...two things i don't want in a LTR.

3. LIES. If a person feels that they have to lie about anything...than i can't deal with them. In a lifestyle like BDSM trust is a major issue..who the hell wants to deal with a liar?

4. Someone who does not understand that I do for my children first, last and always, period. They will always be first to me..no ifs, ands or buts. I have met quite a few people who thought that they should be placed before my children...guess what? Does not happen!! And my babies are always part of the package..can't deal with that...BYE!!

I think I have covered all the things of major importance to ME. I will be glad to see the rest of the responses.

PET

 

[Netzach]

Kids. I don't want them, and I don't want anyone else's.

Extramarital doesn't always daunt me, but extramarital when the person has kids, is an immediate uh uh.

A completely inflexibly straight orientation is a dealbreaker. You're not going to understsand me fully, nor will I ever completely understand you.

Religiosity or too much going on and on about the spiritual, which is entirely personal to me.

I'm also in the dry drunk no way camp. Been there, twice, scary world. Honest to God recovered as in "haven't had a drink in 20 years" is ok.

Sports/outdoors/fitness maniacs.

I would have trouble dating someone without a secondary degree, not because they'd lack intelligence, but I'd be lost without the experience of too much freaking education to relate to.

 

[niteshade]

I have to agree w/ Pet here .... my biggest no no is a liar. Also, anyone who is too possesive, or unaccepting of the fact that I WILL have friends outside of our relationship, and some of them WILL be male. I do not tolerate a person who thinks they have the right to dictate my life... they have a right to an opinion, and a right to place requests, but that is it. I am also w/ MissT and Catalina on the issue of children... I have custody of my 2 teenaged sisters, and have raised them since I was very young myself. It makes me spitting mad that their fathers ignored them, and I could never be w/ a man who found that acceptable behavior.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Ok I will be the first male to post here.

In traits:
Dishonesty is for me an absolute deal breaker.
The same can be said closed mindedness.
The biggest deal breaker though is intelligences lack of that is, I am not looking for a university degree or a certain amount of education no, just someone who knows how to use their brain.

In looks
Uncleanliness.
Baldness.
Hairy pussies.
Uncut toenails.

And I am not attracted to skinny women; I like some meat on my bones. Not that they need to be fat, I am just not attracted to a skeleton.

Francisco.

 

[s'lara]

Two big deterrents:

Inability to trust the Person.
Inability to feel safe.

i've learned without those, nothing else seems to work.

lara

 

[FungiUg]

For me, the following:

1. I can't have a conversation with them.

2. They're a doormat -- rather than submissive by choice, they are submissive to anyone.

3. They have some sort of addiction (although smoking is kinda borderline) This is about taking responsibility for oneself.

4. They have no life, and they expect me to provide one for them.

5. They have no sex drive.

6. They are close-minded, bigoted, racist, abusive

7. They have no moral sense (or at least, if they do, it differs widely from my own)

8. They play mind-games, they lie, they are unreliable

 

[Croctden]

1) They are a total pushover. I want a submissive girl, but with some spark, not someone who acts as though they've been abused.

2) Dumb. Sorry, but you have to carry a converstation.

3) No sense of humor. In my view if you can't laugh whats the point.

4) Ugly. Hey mini-Croctden as to eat too.

5) Obsessed with the dinero. I fucking hate that.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

A spin off of other discussions on the forum:

What qualities, values, experiences, etc deter you from getting involved with someone?

What are the absolutes when deciding whether or not you are interested in engaging in a D/s relationship?

Since I'm in recovery myself, addicts or alcoholics are 100% dealbreakers. I'm very astute at deciphering who has an problem with drinking or other substances and who doesn't. It's a dealbreaker. People who drink, but not to excess (non-alcoholicly) are not a problem. People in recovery are another issue entirely. It depends on length of time in recovery, and what kind of program they are working and how hard they are working it.

People with kids, or who want them. I'm done, fini. Enjoy my daughter with me when she comes to visit, or I'll enjoy your kids with you when they come to visit. But full time, in the house kids? No thanks.

Dishonest, game-playing, bullshitting, cheaters. Bottom line. You don't like the terminology, kiss my ass. Read another thread. I have had my fill in the last 20 years of dishonesty, bullshitting, lying, beating around the bush, and game-playing. Just be an honest, straight-up human being that doesn't cheat on me. It's really very simple, and we have a deal. LOL

I love a wry, sarcastic, razor-sharp, and somewhat silly sense of humor. You have to be intelligent and well-read. And a closely shorn military style haircut helps LOL.

Oh yeah. Facial hair.

ummmmm, i like geeks. A certain essential geekiness is necessary. Computer....Music.....whatever. Be a geek about what you love.

But, all this is really unecessary, because like Catalina, i too have found my Sir. Rather amazing.

~anelize

 

[le_kinklet]

I absolutely hate liars, if you can't tell me straight then don't bother me at all!!!!!

People that find it fun to bitch bhind others backs, but not able to say it to their faces, i have no time for at all!

And finally people that judge my dyslexia as a lack of education(for those that did not know). I am very well educated, i am not articulate tho, so puttting things into words and type is not my best suit.

I prolly have more, but these were the first i thought of!
~*HuGs*~

 

[catalina_francisco]

Actually if I am not wrong there is a ton of evidence that support the claim that persons having dyslexia have in general an above average intelligence.

Francisco.

 

[le_kinklet]

Actually if I am not wrong there is a ton of evidence that support the claim that persons having dyslexia have in general an above average intelligence.

Francisco.

That makes me feel a whole lot better, thanx Francisco.

I have to say tho, i find that having dyselxia, makes me think logically, and i find more so than others, i also have to use mantra's to remeber things, so i suppose in my life the only way i learn is trying to make it habit(i don't make habits of things i don't like tho, i am not a doormat)!

To give you an idea of how bad it is, i have to spell check at least 4 times b4 i post and i still miss em ,,, hehehehhe!
~*HuGs*~

 

[watergirl]

These are the absolutes that I might choose to overlook for a while, but I consider them such integral aspects of a person that they'd make me immovable in my disinterest in anything long-term:

*Not having work you are passionately in love with, and having no leanings in any directions towards pursuing a carreer that you could be passionate about.
*Possessiveness of me, or jealousy of my time spent with my friends, at work, or with others.
*Serious church-going religiousness.
*Full time smoker, drinker, druggie.
*Kids, especially infants/toddlers. Whether you support them or not, nope.

I will not settle for less than someone who knows, at least as well as I do about myself, "This is who I AM, and this is what I DO, to make my life worth living for myself. This is why I get out of bed, these are the things that I value." I also want him to have a sense of what he is responsible for and loyal to... and a deep and abiding work-ethic.

Gee, I wonder why I'm still single? That's ok, though - single isn't a bad place to be.

 

[Croctden]

And finally people that judge my dyslexia as a lack of education(for those that did not know).

Dlyaisx too too you both ? got it us

 

[Desdemona]

Deal breakers for me:

Alcoholism or drug addictions... workaholics

Inability to admit when you make a mistake or unable to forgive me if I make a mistake. We're all human.

Pedophiles

Someone who is rude... if you don't have decent manners, I'm gone quickly.

Religious fanatics... I have no problem with faith. I have my own private faith. I just don't want someone trying to convert me and anyone else they bump into.

Vanilla sexuality

Humorless people. I love to laugh and play.

Doesn't like or is unable to tolerate dogs.

Someone who lacks compassion for others.

Liars


I'm lucky. My Master is a wonderful guy and we are a very good *fit*.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Addictions ... well, never mind, no need to go there.

Lack of strength in character, mind, body and soul.

 

[Ebonyfire]

1. Intelligence. I do not care if they have degrees or not . If they read and enjoy books, so much the better.

2. Self sufficiency. I ain't supporting no grown assed men.

3. Desire to serve. I do not care if he has experience or not, he has to be coachable.

4. No liars. I insist on honesty.

5. Single & available. I do not want any married subs. and some men are not available even if single.

 

[Ebonyfire]

1. Intelligence. I do not care if they have degrees or not . If they read and enjoy books, so much the better.

2. Self sufficiency. I ain't supporting no grown assed men.

3. Desire to serve. I do not care if he has experience or not, he has to be coachable.

4. No liars. I insist on honesty.

5. Single & available. I do not want any married subs. and some men are not available even if single.

6. Age - does matter to Me. I do not like them too young.

 

[dragonlace]

insecurity

lack of passion

stupidity

insincerity

egocentricity

dishonesty

lack of self respect and respect of others

 

[FungiUg]

6. Age - does matter to Me. I do not like them too young.

Out of nappies helps!

The scary thing I've heard here is about young girls picking up older guys on the 'net. Young girls being as in 12 or 13 year olds... eeeek!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Out of nappies helps!

The scary thing I've heard here is about young girls picking up older guys on the 'net. Young girls being as in 12 or 13 year olds... eeeek!

And their parents should be bitch slapped.

I have a 16 year female at home and I monitor all her online access.

I also raised another girl, and I monitored hers too.

Parents should make the time to monitor things.

My daughter is 23, so I cannot take too many subs her age seriously. I do chat with them, but it is more an advisory thing.

I just do not find very young men all that appealing. I like My men and particularly my subs with some mileage on them.

 

[Croctden]

I like My men and particularly my subs with some mileage on them.

You have non-sub men in your life?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Actaully there is a lot of software that can help monitor internet activity like there is software that can be used to block access to certain sites.

Francisco.