DevilishTexan
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2003
- Posts
- 71,963
1. When she says yes, she means yes; when she says no, she means yes; when she says maybe, she means yes; when she's silent, she means yes; when she answers the door to a total stranger, she means yes; when she's peering out the window at the pool boy, she means yes; when she's accidentally wandering down the wrong street trying to find her boyfriend, she means yes; and when she's an your math teacher, she means yes.
2. The innocent school girl is not so innocent, the naïve cheerleader is not so naïve and the uptight house wife just needs a well hung black man to calm her down.
3. College professors, janitors and cable guys get a lot more tail than they're letting on.
4. Not all men are circumcised (something I was completely unaware of until recently, mainly because it's not the sort of thing that comes up in conversation).
5. All girls like "it," want "it," and need "it" real bad (although "it" can range from a little pickle tickle to 19 guys turning her into a human pin cushion.
6. You'd be surprised how many nurses got into their profession in order to take advantage of their patients.
7. Every girl fantasizes about being with another girl, two guys, eight guys, three girls, their next door neighbor, a goat and their boyfriend, eight angry black guys in a mechanic's shop, and their gym teacher (be the teacher a he, she, heshe, shehe or mule).
8. When 18 year old girls in cheerleader outfits show up to sell girl scouts cookies to help raise money for new uniforms, it's always polite to drop one's towel and say "It's only fair to show you your since you've seen mine."
9. All Asian women, no matter what their nationality, ancestry or heritage, are Vietnamese hookers waiting to happen.
10. Shouting in pain and disgust is actually a sign or erotic joy, not borderline rape.
11. Paying a girl to have sex in a motel is called prostitution and is punishable by jail time; however, filming a girl having sex in a motel and titling the picture "New Wave Hookers 69" is profitable and is protected as free speech under the Constitution of the United States of America.
12. Girls and women alike enjoy eating substances that the good Lord never intended to be placed anywhere north of the waist.
13. Bars aren't the best place to pick up loose women, parks and girl's locker rooms are.
14. Some guys like big fake boobies, some guys like big real boobies, but they all agree they need to be big (and not just big, so humongous that the women attached to the aforementioned boobies will have back problems in a couple of decades).
15. While involved in intercourse, women are to look in the direction of the camera and men are to stare straight up while cursing profusely.
16. Farting during love making isn't sexy at all, but urinating is very sexy.
17. Ugly girls can be tramps too, so long as they're willing to take a good punch to the face every now and then.
18. Incest is wrong, unless you're both Asian and of the same gender, then it's perfectly okay.
19. Skirts were meant to be worn without underwear, shorts were meant without underwear, pants were meant to be worn without underwear and underwear was meant to be worn without pants, a skirt or shorts.
20. The mother of your best friend is a much more likely candidate for a good shag than your girlfriend.
21. A school bus driver can indeed take advantage of one of the students riding the school bus, provided she is over 18, is doing something naughty and is flexible enough to balance on those funny chairs buses have.
22. Thousands of women in California are willing to have sex on camera, but only about three guys (I mean seriously, can't they get a new guy once in a while?).
23. All women are named Tina, Tiffany, Sharon, Angel, Eva, Candy, Jade, or somehow manage to have a sexual innuendo (as in the case of "Mia Sohorny").
24. Very petite young girls like gigantic men, voluptuous girls like 12 men, and Asian girls will take it however you give it to them.
25. Finally, the internet was created so that if at 3:00 a.m. I want to see two Asian girls in catholic schoolgirls go at it like their life depended on it, I can without even having to pay for it. Although I do believe pornography is evil, wrong and borderline illegal, I'm glad that I have all of these lessons that I can now bring with me into my relationship with whatever woman I marry. Thank you pornography!
2. The innocent school girl is not so innocent, the naïve cheerleader is not so naïve and the uptight house wife just needs a well hung black man to calm her down.
3. College professors, janitors and cable guys get a lot more tail than they're letting on.
4. Not all men are circumcised (something I was completely unaware of until recently, mainly because it's not the sort of thing that comes up in conversation).
5. All girls like "it," want "it," and need "it" real bad (although "it" can range from a little pickle tickle to 19 guys turning her into a human pin cushion.
6. You'd be surprised how many nurses got into their profession in order to take advantage of their patients.
7. Every girl fantasizes about being with another girl, two guys, eight guys, three girls, their next door neighbor, a goat and their boyfriend, eight angry black guys in a mechanic's shop, and their gym teacher (be the teacher a he, she, heshe, shehe or mule).
8. When 18 year old girls in cheerleader outfits show up to sell girl scouts cookies to help raise money for new uniforms, it's always polite to drop one's towel and say "It's only fair to show you your since you've seen mine."
9. All Asian women, no matter what their nationality, ancestry or heritage, are Vietnamese hookers waiting to happen.
10. Shouting in pain and disgust is actually a sign or erotic joy, not borderline rape.
11. Paying a girl to have sex in a motel is called prostitution and is punishable by jail time; however, filming a girl having sex in a motel and titling the picture "New Wave Hookers 69" is profitable and is protected as free speech under the Constitution of the United States of America.
12. Girls and women alike enjoy eating substances that the good Lord never intended to be placed anywhere north of the waist.
13. Bars aren't the best place to pick up loose women, parks and girl's locker rooms are.
14. Some guys like big fake boobies, some guys like big real boobies, but they all agree they need to be big (and not just big, so humongous that the women attached to the aforementioned boobies will have back problems in a couple of decades).
15. While involved in intercourse, women are to look in the direction of the camera and men are to stare straight up while cursing profusely.
16. Farting during love making isn't sexy at all, but urinating is very sexy.
17. Ugly girls can be tramps too, so long as they're willing to take a good punch to the face every now and then.
18. Incest is wrong, unless you're both Asian and of the same gender, then it's perfectly okay.
19. Skirts were meant to be worn without underwear, shorts were meant without underwear, pants were meant to be worn without underwear and underwear was meant to be worn without pants, a skirt or shorts.
20. The mother of your best friend is a much more likely candidate for a good shag than your girlfriend.
21. A school bus driver can indeed take advantage of one of the students riding the school bus, provided she is over 18, is doing something naughty and is flexible enough to balance on those funny chairs buses have.
22. Thousands of women in California are willing to have sex on camera, but only about three guys (I mean seriously, can't they get a new guy once in a while?).
23. All women are named Tina, Tiffany, Sharon, Angel, Eva, Candy, Jade, or somehow manage to have a sexual innuendo (as in the case of "Mia Sohorny").
24. Very petite young girls like gigantic men, voluptuous girls like 12 men, and Asian girls will take it however you give it to them.
25. Finally, the internet was created so that if at 3:00 a.m. I want to see two Asian girls in catholic schoolgirls go at it like their life depended on it, I can without even having to pay for it. Although I do believe pornography is evil, wrong and borderline illegal, I'm glad that I have all of these lessons that I can now bring with me into my relationship with whatever woman I marry. Thank you pornography!
