Can someone help me?

[EmilyMiller]

True humiliation, which is what seems to confound Em b/c she's taking it literally, is so rare as to not be statistically relevant to the discussion.

Yes, that’s it. Roleplay I get. I did DD/lg. I knew that was not Incest. It’s people talking like the himitation is what they crave. I don’t understand that.

Em

 

[Differentendeavours]

Ok. Let's level set. If you are fucking other men with or without your husband's permission, you are cuckolding him. If you want to discuss varieties after that, then fine, but let's not change the definition.

 

[Filipinawife]

Ok. Let's level set. If you are fucking other men with or without your husband's permission, you are cuckolding him. If you want to discuss varieties after that, then fine, but let's not change the definition.

So cuckolding isn’t about humiliation?

 

[SimonDoom]

Again. That’ I get. But is that cuck?

Em

Why do some people want to be submissives? To be peed on? To be tied up? To be beaten? I think it's a related thing.

Being a man goes along with certain traditional expectations involving strength and assertiveness and aggressiveness. For some men, there is erotic release and pleasure in abandoning those expectations and experiencing submission, humiliation, and subservience to another man, or to one's female partner.

I think there's also an element of a husband being turned on by the idea that his wife is so hot that he's not quite good enough for her. She needs a more masculine man. It appeals to that part of us that wants what we think is too good for us.

Obviously, not everybody feels this way. I don't. I enjoy the hot wife fantasy, like what Filipinawife is talking about, but not the humiliation fantasy. But I get it, sort of.

 

[EmilyMiller]

As I say, I’m a bit drunk. So sue me.

When I’m tied and a dragon tail lashes my breasts. It’s real. The pain is not feigned. Am I safe from any serious harm? Yes of course, otherwise I wouldn’t let the person restrain me.

When I’m saying “Daddy, I’ve been a bad girl, are you going to punish me?” Am I talking to my real father? Fuck no!

Which is cuck?

I get power-related role-play. I don’t get actual humiliation of another human being.

Am I just believing the hype?

Em

 

[Differentendeavours]

Humiliation can be a big aspect, but it does not have to be. Cuckolding means the woman has sex with other men.

 

[Filipinawife]

Why do some people want to be submissives? To be peed on? To be tied up? To be beaten? I think it's a related thing.

Being a man goes along with certain traditional expectations involving strength and assertiveness and aggressiveness. For some men, there is erotic release and pleasure in abandoning those expectations and experiencing submission, humiliation, and subservience to another man, or to one's female partner.

I think there's also an element of a husband being turned on by the idea that his wife is so hot that he's not quite good enough for her. She needs a more masculine man. It appeals to that part of us that wants what we think is too good for us.

Obviously, not everybody feels this way. I don't. I enjoy the hot wife fantasy, like what Filipinawife is talking about, but not the humiliation fantasy. But I get it, sort of.

David’s 44 I am 27 sometimes he thinks I need a younger man

 

[Euphony]

Yes, that’s it. Roleplay I get. I did DD/lg. I knew that was not Incest. It’s people talking like the himitation is what they crave. I don’t understand that.

Em

Because people are reductive and want to seem interesting?

You are struggling to wrap your head around even defining the term, let alone all the nuance and charge that comes along with the actions it can encompass.

Flip your lens. How would you explain to another in normal, casual conversation, that you like playing at humiliation but not being truly humiliated b/c you and your partner have done the long, boring relationship work to establish a foundation that can support he/she having sex with another under the GUISE of humiliating you when you are actually in the dominant position 99.99% of the time you're just "play" giving it away for an hour or so?

It's no different than people who take a persons fantasies as LITERAL desires and wants or some secret suppressed yearning so far unable to crest the persons ego.

Fuck that noise. Brains are testing goo ball fail machines that LOVE thinking insane shit that they have no interest in real world.

Imp of the perverse happens all the time but you'd cripple yourself mentally if you took it all literally. (those who do are institutionalized)

 

[djrip]

I've been finding this question so interesting myself recently.

I've been reading My Best Friend and My Wife recently, in which a black man dominates and blackmails a weak husband and a wife who's never been able to cum until he takes over. He relentlessly takes over their life, won't let husband cum inside his wife, etc etc. It's hard to read at times, I empathize with the husband and feel bad for him, but on the other hand the stuff that happens is hot to watch, for us who aren't the ones being humiliated, and for the character in the scene as well. The attraction can sometimes be empathizing with the guy who's dominating the couple instead, as well, then the kink is doing the humiliating.

I also recently read My Daughter Made Me Cuckold Him, in which the husband clearly got off on seeing his wife with others and encouraged her to do it. This is a lot more like the consensual sharing MrPixel and Filipinawife were mentioning, I think. Except he still had humiliation kink; there was an element of the guys making fun of him. I reacted against it but then, things ended up being exactly as he wanted. So there can be a role play kind of element, where it's pretending to humiliate and be humiliated. But I myself was thinking, what they're doing is so hot, I'd just like it better if it was without humiliation, and why is everyone else doing it but not hubby? Why wouldn't he want to join in? Apologies to the author; I understand why. To serve the humiliation kink. But I just mean, you could have similar sharing, and just not have the insults and have everyone do it because they're friends and they like each other. I'm not sure that makes for nearly as compelling reading, though.

Then there's ones where the main focus is the wife expanding her horizons, finding new pleasure, new freedom, etc. That could be a female fantasy, or a male fantasy of seeing the woman they love experience so much pleasure or happiness or whatnot... Um, My Labor Day Gang Bang, Game Night. (Actually Game Night is more about getting off on the cheating, the husband didn't know what happened. But the humiliation aspect was strong, but it was for the readers to be aware of, not the husband character.)

 

[Differentendeavours]

David’s 44 I am 27 sometimes he thinks I need a younger man

That's fantastic. I think that's really hot. If he's not with other women he's a cuckold (a cuckold who is not into humiliation, I assume)

 

[EmilyMiller]

Why do some people want to be submissives? To be peed on? To be tied up? To be beaten? I think it's a related thing.

Because I like it. Not to be humiliated,

Take being clamped, I’ve clamped guys and they have cried. But their cocks have got harder. It’s tied into our pleasure receptors.

I find being caned or paddled excruciatingly pleasureful, it’s the actual physical sensation. Not submitting to do something I don’t want to do.

Em

 

[djrip]

Because I like it. Not to be humiliated,

Take being clamped, I’ve clamped guys and they have cried. But their cocks have got harder. It’s tied into our pleasure receptors.

I find being caned or paddled excruciatingly pleasureful, it’s the actual physical sensation. Not submitting to do something I don’t want to do.

Em

There's enjoying pain, masochism? And then there's enjoying submission, D/s, they can overlap but they don't have to be paired together, they're not the same, that sound about right?

 

[SirBurnInside]

Yes, that’s it. Roleplay I get. I did DD/lg. I knew that was not Incest. It’s people talking like the himitation is what they crave. I don’t understand that.

Em

I think the problem may be unless you are a person who is sexually aroused by being humiliated, you're never going to truly understand it, just like I don't either and probably never will.

For example, I am really aroused by women wearing skimpy lingerie and glasses, but I couldn't fully and satisfactorily explain why to someone who just sees that as not sexy at all. Others may say that's strange and never see things my way no matter how much I tried to make them understand but to me it's just normal.

We all have our things, and whilst others may not understand what I get out of mine, I may not understand what they get out of theirs either... I just have a live and let live attitude

 

[EmilyMiller]

I think the problem may be unless you are a person who is sexually aroused by being humiliated, you're never going to truly understand it, just like I don't either and probably never will.

For example, I am really aroused by women wearing skimpy lingerie and glasses, but I couldn't fully and satisfactorily explain why to someone who just sees that as not sexy at all. Others may say that's strange and never see things my way no matter how much I tried to make them understand but to me it's just normal.

We all have our things, and whilst others may not understand what I get out of mine, I may not understand what they get out of theirs either... I just have a live and let live attitude

I’m just trying to understand. I guess you are saying I can’t and so don’t bother. That at least makes sense to me.

Em

 

[Euphony]

Not submitting to do something I don’t want to do.

It is not humiliation defined as you define it but as THEY define it.

Just as your "pain" is traditionally a punitive experience for most but you find pleasuring, thereby transmutating our meaning for "pain" into your language's "pleasure."

Stop using your dictionary to define other people's words. There's your confusion.

 

[SimonDoom]

I’m just trying to understand. I guess you are saying I can’t and so don’t bother. That at least makes sense to me.

Em

Some people like chocolate and some people like vanilla. I don't think you need to understand more than that. I'm not sure it's POSSIBLE to understand more than that. You could have several psychologists run through all the issues but at the end of the day it comes down to just accepting that it's different strokes for different folks. That's true of every kink and preference here, and elsewhere.

 

[EmilyMiller]

It is not humiliation defined as you define it but as THEY define it.

Just as your "pain" is traditionally a punitive experience for most but you find pleasuring, thereby transmutating our meaning for "pain" into your language's "pleasure."

Stop using your dictionary to define other people's words. There's your confusion.

My issue is that I listen to what they say. Maybe I take it too literally. That’s a problem I have. Perhaps I believe what people say, when - as you suggest - they may mean something else.

It would be very me to misinterpret things that way.

Em

 

[alohadave]

I get power-related role-play. I don’t get actual humiliation of another human being.

It's roleplay. Like you say, you aren't in actual physical danger.

You aren't being flogged in the public square, and the humiliated men are doing so in controlled situations that isn't real life.

They aren't doing this in public, it's with sexual partners that are playing their own roles.

 

[Euphony]

My issue is that I listen to what they say. Maybe I take it too literally. That’s a problem I have. Perhaps I believe what people say, when - as you suggest - they may mean something else.

It would be very me to misinterpret things that way.

Em

"I'm seriously craving a biscuit right now. Literally kill for one. "

"Here ya go."

"What is this flaky, dry, bready thing? This absolutely will not do."

"A biscuit."

"No. That's a sweet hand sized treat to tame my sweet tooth."

Dictionaries matter.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I guess I should weigh in on this since everyone else is.

Anyway, everyone here is comparing kinks with some degree of humiliation to cucking. Cucking is not one of my things. You seem surprised that there are so many people into that kink, most of them males, but I haven't done a survey. I'm surprised too; I barely heard of it before joining Lit. (Than you Laurel and Manu for your very educational site!)

Since few of us are psychologists, we can't explain it. In fact, psychology itself can't explain much of human behavior. Religion attempts not an explanation, but a "solution" to redeem oneself. I won't get into all of that here.

So it just exists. It's relatively, not quite harmless, but not as bad as some other things humans do.

 

[Duleigh]

Cuck originally included impregnation. The world Cuck comes from Cuckoo, a bird that will lay its eggs in the next of another bird and the other bird will raise the cuckoo's young. The hatchling cuckoos are generally larger than other woodland birds and it will overpower the other chicks and get the most food. Historical cuckoldry included carrying another man's baby, the woman would deny sex to her husband and prefer her lover.

You can say there's no humiliation in cuckoldry but you can also say your pickup truck can fly. There's a huge difference between hotwife sex play and cuckoldry just as there is a difference between an F-150 and an F-111

 

[alohadave]

It's relatively, not quite harmless, but not as bad as some other things humans do.

Like anything else, as long as it doesn't negatively affect your life, it's probably not harmful. If it does, then it is. It's why I can't drink, when others can.

 

[lc69hunter]

In my younger days, I spent roughly seven years in the "lifestyle". I fucked many wives in front of their husbands, and did more than a few of the husbands (mostly, but not all, blowjobs), as it was their wife's fantasy to see them take a cock. I saw very little of the humiliation aspect, and I really consider that as a fetish, that just happens to have cuckolding as part of it.

Many of the "cucks" are really voyeurs, or just want to see their wife in the throes of pleasure. I personally never denigrated the husband, as I considered that was their game, and I was just an accessory

 

[Filipinawife]

M

In my younger days, I spent roughly seven years in the "lifestyle". I fucked many wives in front of their husbands, and did more than a few of the husbands (mostly, but not all, blowjobs), as it was their wife's fantasy to see them take a cock. I saw very little of the humiliation aspect, and I really consider that as a fetish, that just happens to have cuckolding as part of it.

Many of the "cucks" are really voyeurs, or just want to see their wife in the throes of pleasure. I personally never denigrated the husband, as I considered that was their game, and I was just an accessory

My husband is like that too

 

[SimonDoom]

Emily, to quote a saying you used recently in another post, "It's turtles all the way down."

There's a great 7 minute video of famous physicist Richard Feynman explaining the limits of asking "why?" when discussing physics. Each time you get to an explanation, you're faced with more "why" questions. At some point you have to accept the irreducible weirdness of the universe.

I think that's never more true than when dealing with people's sexual preferences and fantasies.

Here's the Feynman video link:

.